editing story, need sex-related question answered

[grasswire]

This one's for the guys.

I'm editing a short story about a post-middle-aged man and woman. I need to know something, and I hope it doesn't sound ignorant. If a man is impotent, is the libido still strong? Here's the scenario: the man meets a woman he loved two decades earlier, one of those things where they were both married to other people and therefore didn't act on their impulses. Now they run into each other. Or perhaps I should say that she makes a way for their paths to cross. But for recent medical reasons, he's impotent. Would he still want very much to have sex of some kind? Or would he avoid it? What would be going through his mind? Would the impotence affect any feelings of love?

Any insight you can provide will be appreciated. I know no DU-ers have this kind of trouble, but perhaps you know someone who did or perhaps guys talk about this kind of stuff.

[Kenneth ken]

1. I'm not a Doctor

and I don't play one on tv. Nor do I know if I'm middle-aged, but all the grey hair makes me suspicious that I might be nearing it.

Would he want to have sex? I would say YES. I would hope he would be wise enough to know there are many ways other than intercourse to make love, and that making love is more about expressing one's feelings than it is about orgasms. Anything worng with his hands, or mouth?

[Old and In the Way]

2. Sort of a moot question today, I think.

Guy would probably head to his Dr. and get himself Viagara'd up. Or he has penile implants....

[REP]

3. "The Sun Also Rises"

Would he still want very much to have sex of some kind?

Yes

Or would he avoid it?

He might want to and avoid it.

Would the impotence affect any feelings of love?

Only if she made fun of it or rejected him because of it.

[punpirate]

4. Sounds very much like a story told to me...

... recently about a friend of a friend. But, simply put, one can have urges and nothing happens, for psychological or medical reasons. Prostate surgery can produce impotence, but may have nothing to do with testosterone levels, or level of affection, for that matter.

I suspect with regard to your question about love, though, that the principal difficulty would be in the man wondering if the woman might feel distanced or alienated because that love weren't displayed via passion, so to speak, and would that change their relationship.

In the real world, that usually means a trip to the doctor for implants, or perhaps a prescription for alprostadil.

Cheers.

[Dogmudgeon]

5. Impotence and the Libido

Yes, a man can be as horny as a teenager and not be able to get an erection. That's one of the things that makes it such a "painful" experience for the man.

It's especially bad when the impotence comes from nerve damage, which the new vascular anti-impotence drugs (Viagra, Levitra) don't address. You wanna, but youcan't. It's got to be frustrating as hell.

Actually, at least one DU-er has experience with it. I've had a few bouts of medically-related impotence, and it makes you feel crazed when it happens. My good fortune is that each time, I was with a partner who understood what was going on. But men who experience a power failure when they're with a short-tempered disco diva usually get blamed for wanting to "punish" the woman by "withholding" sex (an idea that pre-dates Freud, who usually is blamed for the explanation).

Also, while many people (especially women) may think of impotence as an on/off thing, it is a continuum, starting at mild delayed ejaculation, ranging to complete inability to achieve arousal. Plus, a lot of impotence is caused by not being comfortable with one's partner -- or anything else.

Room too cold? Impotence. Gang-bangers blasting music outside? Impotence. Worries about the stock market? Impotence.

There's a lot of information about "the Big I" on the internet, but unfortunately most of the search engine links will bring you to ads for magic penis pills, willy-lengthening courses and seduction hormone perfume.

Good luck!

--bkl
Down but not Out in Sexville

[TreasonousBastard]

6. The libido may or may not...

be as strong as it was in youth, depending on a lot of things. What caused the impotence would be important, and libido tends to be reduced somewhat in many men as they age, regardless of potency. Male libido is not uniform even in youth either, and there are a lot of young guys who just don't care. Of course, there are a lot more horndogs.

The individual will very likely tend to avoid situations that may lead to sex for what should be obvious reasons. Actual intercourse may or may not be possible with the right woman, medical or mechanical aids, and etc. but the guy isn't going out for one-night stands at this point. Too complicated dealing with the chances of her sneering or getting pissed because she's not satisfied.

Ejaculation and orgasm are possible with a flaccid penis in many cases-- it's just the erection that's missing. This can lead to interesting options if both accept the lack of actual intercourse.

In this particular case, the story works if he either goes for it hoping they'll be able to deal with it, or if he runs off thinking there's no point to it now. Either scenario is possible in real life.

His relationship with this woman is not entirely sexual, I would assume. There are a lot of other things they could share, including each other's company.

A lot of options in a story like this.

[grasswire]

7. all very useful, thanks so much

The irony of the story is, of course, that the people who loved each other years ago are now meeting, free of former encumbrances that kept them from having sex then, but faced with what are probably common doubts about their aging bodies. Gravity has taken its toll on her, and he's got this dysfunction.

So thanks. I needed to make sure the dialogue sounded authentic.