This will make you pee a little bit

[WilliamPitt]

http://forum.truthout.org/blog/story/2005/2/25/8294/19084

[Misunderestimator]

1. Damn.... that just makes me want to turn into a straight right-wing "lady"

and find me one of those manly men. :eyes:

[Glenda]

2. I like that Gary guy...

He's my soulmate! I don't think I meet his qualifications though

:cry:

[Pirate Smile]

4. Too many black teeth, huh? Oh, well. Better luck next time.

Here is Gary:

"I am weight proportionate to height. Some find me hot, some not. You decide...I have all my teeth and brush them...I am not looking for “just friends”. If I was, I would go to my buddy’s house and hang out there and drink beer...What I am looking for: Someone with a good job, no fast food workers, pizza deliver drivers, cashiers. I am not into high maintenance women. Someone who is simple, but has class. Someone with good credit and low debt. I am not paying off someone’s charge card debt where they bought some fly lookin rims and stereo for pimpin out her ex-boyfriends ride. Good personal hygiene and has all their teeth and no rotten black teeth. I see this way too much and I find it a turn off. I’m not into women who get into sports. I don’t care for sports except NASCAR."

[Lavender Brown]

5. He had me at "I have all my teeth and brush them."

:loveya:

[dolo amber]

15. But are they in your mouth, Gary?

:D

[Glenda]

7. Yeah... and I can't just have all my black teeth

yanked, because he doesn't like that either!

Some people's standards are WAAAAAAY too high!!

[Pirate Smile]

10. Don't blame yourself, he has contradictory requirements - NO high

maintenance women AND no black teeth.

Hey buddy, pick one or the other but not both.

[Glenda]

14. Yeah, btw, this is me

[Misunderestimator]

11. Oh, look, I found his pic:

Yep... he's got all his teeth. :)

[Green Mountain Dem]

3. Thanks Will.....

I really needed that this morning...and DO NOT hurt the dogs!!!

[SarahB]

6. I shudder at the thought of men like that..

:scared:

[Dogmudgeon]

8. Yep ... a few drops, all right

Not quite as good as a couple of diuretic pills, but that's serious stuff, and not for fun. Unless you're into that kind of thing.

As funny as the Hannity personals are, there are some real gems -- political, too -- on Match.com and the other big personals sites. It takes much longer to fish through them, but when you get a good one, it can be enough to keep you laughing for weeks.

I was sorry to hear about Andy Stephenson, too. Pancreatic cancer is nasty, but it's not a guaranteed death sentence any more; I hope he beats it.

--p!

[flamingyouth]

9. I love this part:

This person must have a level head on their shoulders and can make good decisions.

A good decision would mean not hooking up with this guy. :eyes:

[johnnie]

12. The one I liked was

..The woman who wrote books on relationships, and she was at hannidate looking for a relationship. That one cracked me up.

[Willy Lee]

13. No tattoos? Darn, I guess I'll have to keep looking. (nt)

[blue neen]

16. I dig Neanderthal men.

That Gary makes me swoon! I think I'll send him a case of toothpaste as a get-to-know-you gift.

[HamstersFromHell]

17. Love letters like Ronnie and Nancy wrote?

I didn't read that book, but I'm assuming that it didn't include some of the very early ones, the ones that went like:

"Dear Nancy,

You're WHAT?"


or:

"Nancy,

Give me time to ditch the wife..."


Hammies!

[yvr girl]

18. Gary is the man of my dreams

...and I do have good teeth



but I enjoy hockey, tennis and many other sports, except NASCAR. I guess I'm out....I'll just have to keep looking.

Hey Will. You're allergic to dogs but not cats? That's odd.

[WilliamPitt]

20. No, I'm allergic to cats

But the cats don't jump all over me and try to chew my ears off.

These cats I've known for years, and my body has gotten used to them. One of the dogs is a new edition, and my nose still needs time to adjust.

[yvr girl]

21. I thought you owned an attack cat?

Could be wrong...but I've heard stories.

I didn't figure out that I was allergic to cats until my cat died and my cold got better. Really on the ball, yes, I know.

Oh, and thanks for letting us ladies know about all these prime catches.

[WilliamPitt]

23. Yes, I own an attack cat

but prolonged exposure to one animal dissipates the allergy reaction. By now, I can have the little furry bastard sleeping on my face without even having a sniffle.

[yvr girl]

24. You might suffocate, but I guess you know what you're doing

...you are still with us.

Will he attack on command, or just randomly? For instance, if matcom came to your house, would the cat respond to your command and attack.

(I hear matcom is nothing but trouble.)

[WilliamPitt]

25. He's funny

I always warn my guests that they are in mortal peril upon entering my apartment. Sometimes, the cat will roll over on his back and do the cutsie thing. Sometimes he will run and hide. And sometimes he will become a whirling dervish of intense violence. There is no predicting; he is a force of nature.

[yvr girl]

26. It's always an adventure I guess

Is he...unstable? Maybe he has kitty issues...unresolved anger...poor self-image...that kind of thing.

Note to self: always wear armour and bring kitty treats to Will Pitt's house.

[WilliamPitt]

27. Nah

He was a partially-outside cat before I got him. I live in downtown Boston, in an apartment building, so kitty is now required to be 100% indoors. I think it still wigs him out a little bit. He's also still basically a kitten. A huge kitten, to be sure, but a kitten.

[yvr girl]

28. You could take him out for a walk on a leash

Cats LOVE that. Really. And it looks very manly. I would not lead you astray, trust me. I think you'd cut quite a dashing figure in your 'hood.

[FourStarDemocrat]

19. Darn. Gary won't pay off my credit card debt?

And I was gonna be able to fix up ma teeth, go to that darn der dentist and make em all pearly white fer him. Now my dream is shot to hell!

[Elidor]

22. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

[liberalhistorian]

29. "Gary is waiting

for us ladies"? Yikes, I think I'm very happy to remain single, thank you very much! :scared: But hey, at least he has all his teeth and actually brushes them! :evilgrin:

[WilliamPitt]

30. .

[Ediacara]

31. Gary doesn't care about sports besides NASCAR

Maybe I missed the memo, but when did NASCAR become a sport? How is driving a car involve athleticism? I understand it takes skill, but then you could call clarinet playing, video game playing, and bowling sports too because they also require skill....

[HamstersFromHell]

32. All forms of racing are sports...

It takes incredible concentration to drive any vehicle at it's absolute limit (even if it's "only turning left"). Add to that it's damned hot in there (typically 130-140 deg.) and you bake for a few good hours. Most drivers lose from 5-10 lbs. during a race.

Even during "rest" (yellow flags) there's so much to be done in communicating what the car needs as far as setup changes, etc. and strategy.

I'll agree with the quote allegedly attributed to Hemingway on this one: "There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games."

And my apologies to the rest of the thread for being off topic.

[Ediacara]

33. But concentration doesn't require athleticism

Which is what I was saying to begin with. It takes extreme concentration to play a clarinet too, but clarinet playing is not a sport. I don't see the difference between NASCAR and video-gaming.

[HamstersFromHell]

37. Missing one note after playing the clarinet 3 straight hours...

in 130 degree heat won't get you killed, either.

I think that was what the alleged Hemingway quote was getting at...what he listed were sports in that failure could equal death.

A lot of people work in 90-100 degree places. 130+ is MUCH different, and very physically taxing. I used to work in a boot manufacturing plant. I was lucky, I handled computer sewing and had air conditioning. Over on the "other side", (non-air conditioned) where the heels and soles were put on using heated adhesives, they measured 132 deg. on summer days...and that part of the plant went on split shifts...come in at 8am, work till noon, go home and come back at 5pm and work till 9pm. Otherwise the employees were just passing out in the aisles from the heat. And they were not doing "taxing" work, the environment was the factor.

I'd say it requires much more of an "athlete" to remain mentally and physically sharp under those kinds of conditions. Yes, you've got power steering, but the car still weighs 3600 lbs. and you're fighting g-forces from cornering - you're constantly trying to hold your head upright while wearing a few pounds of helmet.

As someone who has driven competitively (although by no means on the "pro" level), it does take a lot out of you physically.

Once again, my apologies to the thread, and if you'd like to carry on this discussion, I'd suggest we make a new one.

[Goldmund]

34. Unfortunately, none seem into golden showers,

at least not according to their ads.

[PittPoliSci]

35. i like how he wants someone not lazy...

but they can't like sports. I guess the only thing he wants women to do is to cook for him. I about died when I read that, so funny... :-)

[FuzzySlippers]

36. I think I'm in love with Gary

but I doubt if I meet his high personal hygiene standards.:cry:

[orleans]

38. ...oooohhhhhh gaaarrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

hey hot date! i saw your picture and what a little stud muffin you are! can i call you gar? or how bout if i just call you g as in "g-dog--you're my swinginest honey thing"?

my perfect first date with you would be to wear my mid-length pink frilly dress and attend church. then we could go to the ice cream parlor (just to cool down a bit) and i would let you lick my vanilla ice cream (but only if you asked politely). then it would be off to your parents house so i could meet them and maybe have a little chat with your sister.

you'd have to get me home by 10 because i need plenty of sleep so i can get up and go to work at my high-powered, great-paying, executive secretarial position.

next friday i will invite you over to my house (yes, g, i own my own house--and the mortgage has been paid off!) and you can meet my invalid mother who lives with me and i will cook you up some of the best chicken and biscuits you've ever had. i'll show you a picture of my father that sits on the mantle over the fireplace: dr. delbert botts, d.d.s., and mama will nod (and maybe drool a bit) when you tell her it was nice to meet.

i can just imagine how wonderful it will all be after that.

[mordarlar]

39. (lady and not liberal kind of go hand in hand, don't they?) Yeah Ann is...

a REAL lady. :puke: