To Long-term Singles By Choice™

[neebob]

Did you ever meet someone and, over a few hours, click so strongly in so many ways that you just knew it was once in a lifetime, and it was a total surprise, and you knew it wasn't just you, but the situation wasn't right to act on it? So you both went your separate ways, and at least one of you knew you'd just met someone you could and probably should have been with - a soul mate - maybe even "the one," if you were less cynical and more inclined to believe that stuff.

So then you start questioning your life choices and thinking shoot, if that could happen once in, say, 30 years, it could happen again - so maybe you should keep your eyes open, maybe even start looking. But you know it won't happen again - not like that - and if you start wanting it, you'll just end up disappointed or go around feeling like something is missing.

That happened to me yesterday.

[youngdem]

1. Hello,

You need to go find that person. Never, ever let something like that go, even if it does not work, you still have to give it a try. Life is way too short.

[neebob]

5. I'll be talking to him again

but like I said, the situation's not right - for one thing, it's professional. And the dude's got a girlfriend. I could guess why he volunteered this information, and I don't think it was because I was coming onto him. I was trying hard to be professional and not put out vibes. So that's it. If I want what I think I could have with this person, I have to look elsewhere.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. About fifteen years ago, I had one of those

"our eyes met" moments. Unfortunately, the gentleman was (and still is) married.

[Longgrain]

3. I'm not single by choice...

Therefore I cannot answer your question.

Sorry...

[neebob]

7. I didn't mean to exclude anyone

It's just that my having been single for a long time and finally getting comfortable with it and planning to stay that way helped to make what happened yesterday a big deal.

[RevCheesehead]

4. Yes.

I let my true love get away while in college. I still dream about him. I have many, many regrets at not having told him how much I loved him. He left, and married the class tramp.

But then, years later, along came another. He was married, and I said "NO WAY", but we remained close friends, often had lunch dates together, and shared our love of music with each other. When I graduated, he went kind of ballistic, and started lashing out at me. It completely ruined a great friendship, but we both knew what was going on. He married the wrong person - and we both knew it.

At the same time came another, who was like the male counterpart to my personality. Person A was completely jealous of Person B, and tried to interfere whenever he could (that's the married guy). I completely adored Person B. In fact, we adored each other, but the romantic thing never clicked with him. He is now married with three kids.

I don't hold out a lot of hope of finding that again - but you just never know what will happen, so I keep myself open to new possibilities. (there's a romantic within me that just won't give up.)

[neebob]

6. Oh, the tragedy.

I hear ya about the one you let get away. I sometimes still kick myself for breaking up with this one boyfriend I had as a teenager. He loved me, and I didn't recognize or appreciate it. I think about him sometimes and wonder if he could have been the love of my life.

[RevCheesehead]

8. Yeah - I sometimes wonder that, myself.

But then I look at my life and say "Wow - I wouldn't be here, doing what I'm doing if I had married Rob." And I do love what I'm doing. It's just that it gets lonely sometimes. :(

[neebob]

9. Hear that, too.

My life's fine. I have a wonderful son and a great career that I can devote more of my energies to in a few years, when my son's on his own. Then I'll be an old lady with 40 cats. This is the vision I have for myself. While I can't say I don't harbor some vague, Gloria-Steinemlike fantasy of finding my life partner in my sixties, until the other day I was pretty thoroughy convinced it would never happen.

So here I am in my forties, and I meet this amazing scientist and catch a glimpse of something that is still very attractive to me. It bugs me to admit it's attractive, and I know it would deteriorate and possibly become just as boring and stifling as any relationship I've ever been in. I really enjoy having my own space, doing what I want to do whenever I want to do it, and generally not being burdened with someone else's expectations.

But for a moment - even if it was just my imagination - it seemed possible to have the lover-partner-friend thing without the other stuff, and I'm back to feeling like something's missing. I find myself thinking, "Hmmm ... I have access to lots of scientists and engineers and other really smart dudes I could click with ...."