I need advice about a sticky situation

[erinlough]

This take some explanation. I just lost my sister to cancer in December. On top of that I have both of my parents in their 80's who need help and are obviously grieving for the loss of their daughter. When I was talking to a good friend about this and the loss of my 14 year old Labrador Retriever he was sympathetic. Long story short he has a puppy for me.....that I'm not supposed to know about. Someone who knows me very well gave me a heads up about it so that I could prepare.

I know this friend is really thinking of me and wants to help and to be honest I could use something to take my mind off some of this. I have never had a small dog though and I wouldn't even know how to raise one. This one is supposed to be a cross of a pekingese, a Chi and Pomeranian. I have had lots of dogs in 52 years, but the little ones seem so fussy.

Add to this my husband who only likes big dogs who are sturdy. I love this friend and I don't want to hurt him by refusing the dog. I have actually lost sleep over this! Any suggestions are welcome or any info on this type of dog.

Thanks in advance

[gristy]

1. That's a tough one.

In the end, you'll have to do what's best for you and your husband. How to do this while minimizing hurt feelings is the challenge.

[mike_c]

2. take the dog....

Do you seriously think that you or your husband cannot love the puppy, and the dog it will grow into, regardless of its breed? Your friend is trying to help, and the puppy needs a loving home. What's not to like?

That's my $0.02.

[erinlough]

5. Loving the puppy will not be the problem

I have never given an animal up...ever. Even if they had physical problems or were pains in the ass. I will have whatever I get until it dies a natural death. I guess I just don't know if I will be the right type of owner for a little one.

[liberalhistorian]

6. I agree totally.

I really think you'll love the puppy and the dog it'll grow into, regardless of size, and it's a wonderful, thoughtful gift.

[Fridays Child]

3. Advice from a lifelong big dog person: A little dog is a joy. My...

...husband, who has also always had big dogs is a fool for our daughter's toy poodle. It's hysterical to see a fifty-something biker-looking dude go all loopy over a little fluffball.

Also, little dogs are very good travelers, in case that's a consideration for you.

[ashmanonar]

9. yea, that's how my dad is.

he's not an old biker, but he was never very gentle when we were growing up (no, he never beat us or anything...his bark was WAY worse than his bite). but when we got two kitties that they found stray in michigan, he turned into a man of jello. it's HILARIOUS! he's such a pushover.

take the dog. i'm sure your husband will totally fall for it.

[texas1928]

4. Take it from someone who has had big dogs

we had them all my life, and now my parents have a fox terrier. and they prefer it over a big dog. She can go anywhere with them and does not take up to much room. Take the dog, it will change your mind about little vs. big dogs.

[intheflow]

7. My best friend bred big dogs.

Her husband only liked big dogs. Her main job was dog groomer, so she loved all dogs already, but about 6 years ago she started really getting into toy breeds. Her husband admantly objected--big dogs or no dogs! But one day she found a toy doberman and brought it home. Her husband sulked for a few days, but now... now that little dog is his best buddy, they lay togther on the couch every chance they get. LOL!

[erinlough]

8. My husband is cool

he hated cats when he met me, now he comes in and gets our cats to come out with him in the shop while he's working. He would probably become attached to any dog. But, for a while there would be pouting.

[mikita]

10. sounds like you're already in love...

take the dog!

:hi:

[erinlough]

12. very perceptive of you

I have to admit I have been online looking for pictures of what this dog might look like. I am worried about leaving that small of a dog in a crate for 7 and a half hours while I'm at work. I won't be able to come home to visit during the day. I also found a lot of information about them being real barkers.

Actually most of the info from dog sites made me question whether or not I could meet a small dog's needs.

[Sporadicus]

11. My 2¢

Despite all your friend's good intentions, it seems a bit presumptuous to give you a puppy without checking it out with you first. This isn't in any way an indictment of your friend or his motives, but taking on a new pet is an enormous responsibility - one that needs preparation and discussion - as well as finding the right fit between the owners and the dog. I feel that giving someone a dog - unsolicited - is just not done.

[Nite Owl]

13. So sorry about your sister.

I have a little one and she was inherited whem my mom passed. I never liked them. They always seemed to be so yappie and snippy and I preferred the big ones. Well she is just so full of personality and such a little clown she just wormed her way into our hearts. She isn't yappie or snippy. I was surprised too that she is more independent than the big guys. They always followed every move I made but she is rather calm about being left alone for a little while or just taking her beauty nap on the couch. This little pup may be just what you need to bring some sunshine into your life at this difficult time. She was more difficult to train but my mom let her get away with things so it was like starting over. We have another dog too so she isn't an only.

[auntAgonist]

14. It sounds to me like ..

you really want a dog, but you have doubts about you! Is there perhaps a little bit of guilt in getting a new dog? You're not done grieving all of your losses, I understand that.

give yourself a chance, open up for some puppy licks and love, surprise yourself. You're worth it. AND you'll be a good puppy-mommy.

best wishes.

auntAgonist.
aka
kesha.

[The empressof all]

15. Think this over very carefully

No friend would want you to accept an animal that may not be right for you. I have owned big dogs and small dogs. If you have had Labs in the past a small dog could be a major eye opener. I currently have a large lab/Dalmatian mix and a small Australian Terrier (think Toto). The Small dog has been far more of a challenge to train. They frequently have smaller bladders and need more "outs". Don't get me wrong we love both our dogs--but for ease of care and training you'd be hard pressed to find a smaller dog that can compare to a Lab.

I think that if you have any doubts and with your life in such upheaval tell your friend that this isn't a good time for a new addition to your family. It's OK to wait until you decide you are ready-and then you can decide what kind of dog you want to join your family.

Personally, I would have problems with a friend foisting a dog on me and telling me what's good for me. It's presumptuous.

[Floogeldy]

16. If you do not want the dog, tell your friend, "No thank you."

That is not the kind of gift you give to someone without consulting their friends or family to find out if they want it.

Also, if your friend is worth his salt, he will offer the puppy to you with the option of you turning down, and with his understanding that might happen.

[Sapphire Blue]

17. Share your concerns with your friend

... and perhaps you & your husband can arrange to meet the puppy before making a decision?

[erinlough]

18. some great advice here

I really appreciate it and thanks. I never considered much of this and since he has told me he has a surprise for me in two weeks, that gives me some time to consider things carefully. Your advice is very helpful in that consideration.

[welshTerrier2]

19. my two cents ...

while it is a very nice gesture by your friend, buying a puppy for someone is probably a bad idea in most circumstances ... i mean, it wouldn't be OK for your friend to leave a baby in a basket on your doorstep ... getting a dog is nothing short of adding a new family member ...

i'm sure that you and your husband would learn to love any dog if you gave it a good home and trained it properly ... i don't think small dogs are necessarily "barky" ... it all comes down to training ... if you do get a puppy, large or small, take the dog to puppy kindergarten at around 3 months and then again at around maybe 9 months ... that's what we did and our dog is extremely well behaved ... training is not about tricks; it's about developing communication with your dog and teaching him good citizenship ...

if i were in your situation, i wouldn't hesitate to approach my friend as soon as possible and tell him the truth ... if you would prefer to wait to get a dog or would prefer to select your own dog, tell your friend ... you can let your friend know how much you appreciate his consideration without having to accept the gift he planned ... he meant well ...

[InvisibleTouch]

20. Small dogs are just as big as big dogs...

...just in a smaller package. It's all in the attitude!

I've had toy breeds all my life, and only recently added a large breed. I love them both, and there are distinct advantages and disadvantages to both. Major upsides to a small breed: you can take them almost anywhere, without a lot of inconvenience. They don't need a great big tall fence (though you do have to make sure they can't slip through or escape underneath). They don't eat much. They can be trained to use a litterbox indoors (a possible solution to your worries about leaving the dog in a crate all day). They are, for the most part, excellent watch dogs, more so than many larger breeds; even a small dog barking frantically, will deter many a thief. It's not the size that matters, it's the level of noise that calls attention to itself.

These aren't frail and otherworldly creatures - they're usually very self-confident and couragous. You have to take into account that they are, of course, physically smaller and lighter than the breeds you may be used to, and you have to watch them around playful larger dogs or roughhousing kids - because they sure don't seem to know they're just little guys. They think they're huge!

I'd say go for it. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

[UTUSN]

21. Resist This If You Can

I've always had mid-sizers. Over the past 15 yrs, I've had a pair plus one of their offspring, and swore these would be my last dogs for life. The two died of old age in the past two years, and the kid ain't a spring chicken, 12 yrs old. So this friend brought this little guy, and I said no-no-no-no-no-no-YES. The old dog and I had a tough time adjusting for a couple of weeks: We're old and serious and don't want to PLAY. Well, he has brought us around to an extent. He's way easy to bathe and runs circles around us and plays with squeaky toys. We had forgotten what it was like to be young.

[gristy]

22. :)

:)

[erinlough]

23. Thats the other part of the problem

if I see a baby animal I always want it! I know if I see it I will not be able to say no. I am thinking of taking the advice of asking if we can try things out for a week to see how we feel. I think my friend will probably suggest that himself, he is very sweet and considerate, he is actually like a son to me.