Now for my 3rd Post!

[Momma Kef]

Okay guys, as a mother something has become quite apparent to me. Well as a SINGLE, LIBERAL WOMAN, something has become quite apparent to me.

After I joined eharmony in December and crossing off quite a few prospects because it became apparent they were REPUBLICANS, Scott suggested that I try Democraticmatch.com.

Well I did. Do you know what I found. In profile after profile, the men were wonderful at donating time, money and careers for liberal causes but a high percentage had no children!!!

These were men in their 50s. The largest generation ever!

I realize that this world is less than we would choose it to be, but unless we bring children into this world to enact change, it is never going to happen. We need to teach them to be loving, caring, LIBERALS; or what hope do we ever have of changing this world?

You all tell me I raised such a sweetheart with a kind, gentle soul. Well, that had to be nurtured and lessons in life about not looking down on anyone and extending not only your hand to another but to give of yourself are lessons that must be taught at home. The schools are not going to do it for us.

As we are well aware of, society is now led by people who have forgotten the Golden Rule.

As Scott once told me, this administration believes that if you are not rich your must be morally bankrupt and that is the cause of your downfall. That God only besses those that he favors with money, things, etc.

It is time we all realize that the future of this country and quite possibly the world rests on people whose character has been nurtured to be the type of leaders we only dream (and curse) about now.

I fostered in Scott since he was old enough to really communicate, to THINK for himself. We did not always agree, but I always respected what he had to say. Quite frankly, more often than not, I would think about what he had to say and see his agrument as being valid and I told him that. Everyone needs to know that they are valued and I hope that is one lesson that Scott learned very well.

[Jack Rabbit]

1. I used to do my online dating on Match.com

There is a question on the info sheet about your political views and how strongly you feel about them. You can filter out anybody who might not be compatable with you that way.

I used another website, Friendfinder, which I don't think as nearly as good as Match. However, I mention it because I met MaryBear on Friendfinder. After two years, we got married just before Christmas.

[never cry wolf]

2. I agree with you Momma Kef

I have 2 kids, my son was old enough to vote in his first election and went straight ticket Dem. My daughter is only 15 and not into politics, but is a free thinker, very intelligent, compassionate and helpful.

I believe eharmony has fundy christian ownership. It may also possibly be explained by progressives being more open to the non-traditional life paths rather than the "married, 2.5 kids, mini van and a dog" lifestyle. hahaha, altho except for 1/2 a kid, that describes me.

Good to see you here! Please don't be a stranger!

:hi:

edited to add link to a google search for "eharmony christian", (nothing against christians, just pushy RW xtians): http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=eharmony+christian&btnG=Google+Search

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. This belongs in GD. And I agree. When I see my daughter wanting

to wear a think Blue! bracelet to her Catholic school, it makes me proud. I am trying to foster a sense of self along with a sense of caring for others...I am trying to do what you did so very well.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. My daughter wears her Not Me bracelet to school.

and constantly tells her friends why * is so bad for children and other living things. She is 8.

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. Good for her! We need to pass the activism along.

:hi:

[Midlodemocrat]

15. Trying my best in this red state.

I almost exclusively wear my DU shirts, or my anti bush shirts just to stir shit. My kids are very well informed and very liberal even at their tender ages, mainly I invoke their Nana, my mom, who devoted her life to social justice and lived and died a Roosevelt Dem.

Hoping to meet another DUer at some point, maybe in the grocery store.

[whatelseisnew]

If we had more parents like you

we'd have a healthier society. Congratulations on your 3rd post and success as a mother - you obviously score big points on nurturing! I suspect you can trust that your lesson was indeed learned well. Long live the Golden Rule.

(spelling edit)

[Mich Otter]

4. God only blesses those that he favors with money

Where does this belief come from? Is there some part of the bible that says this sort of thing?

[Anarcho-Socialist]

10. In no part of the Bible does it say that (reply to Mich Otter)

It was a belief that sprung up amongst Calvinist philosophers in the 16th Century and became an attractive proposition to hardline protestants, born-again and evangelicals. It is a very convenient belief for those who are rich. Despite the fact the Bible contradicts this view.

EDIT: for some reason DU, wouldn't let me reply to Mich Otter directly.

[HamstersFromHell]

20. I always thought that the rich...

spent an outrageous amount of money trying in vain to enlarge eyes of needles or shrink camels.

[Anarcho-Socialist]

28. Hehehehe n/t

[MaryBear]

32. About needles and camels and friends

1. I learned recently that the reference to needles and camels is geographical, and relates to getting a camel through a specific place, the "eye of a needle" pass. (Just an aside I found interesting.)

2. FriendFinder is the greatest - because it brought Jack Rabbit to me! :hug:

[KurtNYC]

38. I love that

it's like an Onion headline: "Have-Mores researching larger eyes of needles and smaller camels."

[BrklynLiberal]

24. Basic puritanical belief.

[BrklynLiberal]

25. The Three Rules of Calvinism

<snip>
ALTHOUGH CALVINISM WAS central to the faith of the Pilgrim Fathers, and its tenets remain embedded in more than one form of modern Protestant Christianity, few Americans consciously believe in Calvinist doctrines in a religious sense. Yet a great many, of all religions and none, who may know nothing at all about Calvinism as such, nevertheless act in accordance with its principles. How it came about that an almost forgotten religion has left such a powerful non-religious residue is a question that has been much studied and debated. What is beyond debate is the enduring authority of Calvinist values. However often overlaid by transient moods, however often proclaimed dead and buried, they remain vigorously strong just below the surface of American life, invisibly shaping everyday choices and fundamental attitudes.
<snip>
The Calvinist rules are simple, and binding. Rule Number One is for high-earning winners. Rule Number Two is for the great mass of working stiffs of varying affluence or poverty but all losers in their own eyes. Rule Number Three is for the non-Calvinists among the losers, most of them poor, who refuse to accept Rule Number Two.
<snip>
Rule Number One states that earned wealth is no impediment to virtue. That this rule contradicts the reported remarks of Jesus has been ignored. Likewise, the underlying Calvinist doctrine, which states that wealth is actually a sign of divine favor for the predestined, has long been forgotten. Yet this rule induces Americans to view the desire to become rich as most praiseworthy, and success in doing so as a moral achievement as well, for earned wealth is seen as the result of both sacrificial exertion in earning money, and self-denying restraint in spending it. Far from being viewed as self-seeking materialists, those who accumulate wealth are respected in rough proportion to the amount, so long as it is the fruit of their own individual efforts. As for the super-winners who earn the most fabulous amounts, they are greatly admired, more so than all other Americans, including the most famous war heroes.
<snip>
Rule Number Two: failure is not the result of misfortune or injustice, but of divine disfavor. Just as the ability to become very rich is next to sanctity, an inability to do so is next to sin, indeed almost sinful in itself.
<snip>
Many Americans who may be affluent but who cannot earn whatever amount of money they consider adequate and proper, are oppressed by a powerful sense of guilt. In a country that so greatly respects and admires high-earning winners, losers find it hard to preserve their self-esteem. A great many merely lead lives of quiet desperation, searching for distractions, eager to immerse themselves in whatever will take their minds off their failure, from vehement religion to televised sports. Others remedy despair with addiction to drink, to drugs, and above all to food -- the only fully legal, hence most widespread, addiction. Rule Number Two has powerful political consequences. It explains why the United States has never had a significant socialist party: losers blame themselves rather than the system, hating themselves instead of resenting the winners. It explains why no major presidential candidate has even tried to challenge the sharp inequalities of turbo-capitalism.
<snip>
The result is that in a country that is literally of the winners, by the winners, for the winners, the losers have no political expression of their own. Nobody denies it to them--it is the losers themselves who want so much to identify with winners that they deny their votes to any candidate who tries to represent their interests. So, many losers vote for one or another of the winners' candidates; others prefer not to vote at all, not only because of lethargy or ignorance, as the winners always say, but because they have nobody to vote for. In recent national elections, almost half of all the eligible voters of the United States did not bother to cast their votes.
<snip>
There are plenty of non-Calvinists among the losers, and mostly they are actually poor rather than just under-achievers by their own estimate. For them there is Rule Number Three: those who do not accept Rule Number Two, who are not paralyzed by guilt, and who are too uneducated to express their resentment in legally approved venues, are destined to end up behind bars. Rule Number Three is implemented very effectively in strict laws that prohibit many things which are allowed or tolerated in other countries, in strict law enforcement, and in long prison sentences including an abundance of 40, 50, or 60-year terms as well as mandatory life sentences without parole. Only the sadly impoverished and chaotic Russian Federation has as great a proportion of its citizens in prison as the affluent and well-governed United States. There were over 1.8 million Americans in prison at last count.
<snip>

more....
http://www.inequality.org/threerules.html

[AwakeAtLast]

5. Very interesting, MK

I hope you were able to send this from your own computer, which means it is back up and running. :bounce:

I do believe I have heard countless fundies talk about just this kind of thing, but of course to their favor. If what you say is proved to be a measurable trend, then what we are seeing here is the result of Republicans overpopulating our country with clones of themselves. :scared:


I'm glad you are posting. Thank you for being so gracious to me at Scott's funeral. I hope you are strengthened by your new DU friends. :hi:

[Seabiscuit]

6. Welcome aboard, Momma Kef!

And take heart - some of us men in our 50's have finally settled down and are now raising families - my first son was born 5 months ago, and I'm 59!

[havocmom]

7. Amazing what we can learn from our kids, isn't it

If we do it right, the more we see of how they think/act, the more faith we can have in ourselves.

Some of my pals and I look at the grown kids and marvel that we must've done something right.

[bigwillq]

8. Glad you're here Momma Kef!

Welcome!:hi:

[Misunderestimator]

9. What a beautiful post, Momma Kef!

[Shananigans]

11. Momma Kef!

It is SO nice to see you here! Although I didn't know Scott very well, I know how much he meant to DU. Thanks for coming!

As for the dating thing...dating just sucks all around! I wish you the best of luck!

[Cadence]

13. I agree with you and you make a good point

That's why I intend to have three or four! Well, no that's not the whole reason.. it's more because I love children and family, and want to nurture and help grow little souls to be whatever they want to be. But they will be raised in a liberal household that's for sure! Now if I can just find the dad!

[ralps]

16. Thanks for your post Momma Kef.

It's good to have you here.:hi: :hug:

[crikkett]

17. In defense of responsible childlessness.

Hi Momma Kef,

I respectfully disagree with your statement "unless we bring children into this world to enact change, it is never going to happen."

I'm a childless 'wierd aunt' who serves as an alternative role model for my nieces, nephews and neighborhood teens who are being raised by (otherwise respectable) conservatives -- people who happen to be my and my husband's siblings, people raised under the same parental influences and in the same environments as us.

Children rebel against their parents, so there's no guarantee that an increased birthrate among liberals translates into an increased market share. Furthermore, children are influenced by adults other than their parents. I, my husband, our childless friends, and my own wierd aunts, as we work, live and participate in our families and communities, are proof that it is not only possible but likely that a childless liberal will positively influence the next generation and change the world for the better.

Please keep your wierd aunts and uncles in mind before criticizing a person's childlessness -- especially before actually finding out the reason. (It could be that they're not willing to disclose that information because of privacy concerns.) People decide not to have children, or find themselves childless, for many reasons.

Respectfully,
Crikkett

[xmas74]

19. By being the "weird aunt"

you are helping to bring children into this world with a sense of social consciousness and moral decency.
Bringing children into the world does not have to literally mean giving birth to a child. Any positive contact with a child will do.

[Momma Kef]

36. Childlessness

I meant no disrespect for couples, for whatever reason, do not have children.

Making a difference in a child's life, whether you are a weird aunt, uncle, friend or mentor i.e. Big Brother, Big Sister etc. is exactly what will make the world a better place and bring about thinking, caring young people.

We must present our views to others outside of DU for any change to ever be brought about.

As long as the press and this administration's filtering of our information is continued, young people are not getting the full truth.

I applaud you in striving to make a difference in the presentation of "the other side" to the young people in your life.

Keep up the good work.

Nancy

[stevedeshazer]

18. I have raised my two kids in the same spirit as you

My daughter is 25 and my son is 17. My parenting experience is the same as yours. I don't always agree with them, but I've always encouraged them to think for themselves, and sometimes have challenged their ideas, even ones I agreed with just so another side may be presented.

We are leaving this world in their care, the least we can do for the future is to provide kids who can think!

[GreenPartyVoter]

21. Hi Momma Kef *hugs*

[skids]

22. Why I don't have children.

First: Welcome to DU!

Here's why I don't have children, in a nutshell: I believe strongly that a couple should live together for two to three years before making that committment, and none of my X's could wait that long. All of them left after about a year, promptly got married to someone they had only known for 6 months, and popped out a kid or two. I wish them luck, but consider their actions ill advised.

I'm not griping, because I know I prevented myself an unhappy marriage by sticking to this belief. Unless/until I meet a woman who has the forsight and care to take this decision very seriously, I won't be a parent. Either way, it is just fine with me.

[BrklynLiberal]

23. Well, I see where Scott got his eloquence.

Welcome aboard Momma Kheph. Hope to see a lot of your posts.
I admire your child-rearing philosophy.

I had heard that eHarmony was a front for a rightwing fundie leaning group.

[joeybee12]

26. Great post Momma Kef...but I'm waiting for you to start your posts with...

...."Only # posts til my 1,000th post--ask me anything!"

[dave29]

27. There is great wisdom here

and also says alot about how boys are raised in this society. Men, ?(especially white ones like myself) tend to vote Republican - regardless of age - which has always been confounding to me.

I think a lot of this boils down to gender issues and men often having a built in need to "seem strong". Bush "seems strong", so says the media, therefore men relate to that positively, and vote their insecurity.

Almost to a person, every guy I talk to that voted Republican makes statements like "kicking Saddam's ass", or "he's tough, and going after the terrorists". NONE of them were educated about the nuances of the situation, or any matters of import - they were all going with their gut.

Then, when trying to debate their position, they site dubious claims made by Limbaugh or one of the other angry, (but tough seeming) talking heads out there. They will not listen to you, and will never admit you have a point because of pride - a characteristic men in general have serious issues with.

Except...

The most effective way I have found to communicate with other men of the conservative slant, as a proud liberal, is in their terms - and with ferocity. Simple, and incisive. Men respect "toughness" and lucky for me, I'm mad as hell. They tend to concede when you "shock and awe" them with your position, and never give an inch.

[sundog]

29. welcome

glad you came :)

:hi:

[SarahB]

30. Welcome, Momma Kef!

That was a wonderful tribute to your son and it speaks volumes of the kind of mother you are. It's good to see you here. :hug:

[YankeyMCC]

31. Welcome

You've just reaffirmed what I like about DU. Thoughtful posts like this provoking me to consider my own positions and decisions.

My wife and I have a single child and I've been comfortable with the decision to raise him as an only child for years. But I must admit your post is the first time someone has said something that made me pause and think again about it.

thanks for exercising my brain. ;)

[VolcanoJen]

33. Hi, Momma Kef!! Hug-Kiss-Smooch-Hug!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[BlackVelvetElvis]

34. Welcome to DU!

I hope to see you around alot.
I like the way you think. While I am in my late 30's and have no children I agree with you. However never negate the impact an "outsider" can have on a child.
My 16 year old niece (who seemed to fit the freeper model of humanity) told me yesterday that she is no longer a republican and Bush is an idiot. She has finally learned this from learning on her own and because of many.
It takes a village.

[TahitiNut]

35. For a guy, having kids isn't a do-it-yourself project.

I was married twice. The first, married a month before leaving after over a year being engaged, ended while I was in Vietnam, as I discovered on my return. If she'd had kids, they probably wouldn't have had my DNA. The marriage was annulled.

The second apparently ended before I got the divorce in the 12th year ... also due to incompatible sleeping habits. It took me a couple of years to find out. That's not fun - when even 'friends' knew.

I figured I'm too clueless to try a third time. :shrug:

[sonias]

37. Hi Momma Kef

Great post. I'll echo that we need to keep contributing to the education of our children whether we have them physically or not. I'm childless by choice, but I helped raise many nieces and nephews. I agree that even as weird Aunts and Uncles, we all can do our part to help kids be free and independent thinkers. So far so good on my side of the family 12 nieces and nephews and none of them right-wingers. Yeah!

I am worried about two on my husband's side. His brother-in-law is a repuke, through and through. Even his sister who I still think of as a very intelligent and strong woman, voted bu$h. I guess to keep peace in the house. Pretty sad there.

Sonia