I don't care if it rains or freezes, 'Long as I got my plastic Jesus

[seito]

I don't care if it rains or freezes
'Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I'm afraid He'll have to go
His magnets ruin my radio
And if I have a wreck He'll leave a scar

Riding down a thoroughfare
With His nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind
Trouble coming He don't see
He just keeps His eye on me
And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sunshine on His back
Make Him peel, chip and crack
A little patching keeps Him up to par

When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say "damn"
I can let all my curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
'Cause he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once His robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

If I weave around at night
And policemen think I'm tight
They never find my bottle, though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me
For His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar

[NVMojo]

1. how cute! I want one!!

[merh]

2. I don't care if she's long and hairy, long as I've got my plastic

Mary, riding on the dashboard of my car.

Plastic Mary she's the most, got knocked up by the Holy Ghost, Oh Lord you've got to know.

[seito]

3. I don't care if it bumps or jostles

Long as I got the twelve apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

[merh]

4. and another version....

Plastic Jesus

(1)
Today I learned a special secret, Now all I got to do is keep it
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
It's a little special statue, to look over and protect me
Sitting on the dashboard of my car

(Chorus)
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Sitting on the dashboard of my car... Hallelujah
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Sitting on the dashboard of my car

(2)
Now I'm feeling quite contrary, cos I got the Virgin Mary
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
There's no room for imperfection, in my Catholic collection
Which sits upon the dashboard of my car

(3)
Jesus, Mary and St. Patrick, now I've got the holy hat-trick
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
One more statue I've got to get is the plastic Bernadette
Sitting on the dashboard of my car

(4)
Plastic Jesus, you've got to go, your magnet's burst my radio
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
But I, won't loose faith and I won't loose hope
cos, now I've got a pope on a rope
Swinging from the dashboard of my car

(5)
Once as I drove to Knock, at a petrol station I got a shock
at the special offers available to me
20 more points and I can barter for a Jesus with stigmata
to sit upon the dashboard of my car

[seito]

5. When I'm goin' fornicatin'

I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of car
The guys all know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car

[Seabiscuit]

6. I seem to recall...

"I don't care if it rains or freezes
'Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car
I don't care if it hails or snows
He's with me wherever I goes
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car."

Also:

"I don't care if the wind's a surgin'
'Long as I got my plastic virgin
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car..."