Dr. KittenHearts is IN...............

[Darth_Kitten]

:)
to offer advice with just the right touch of whimsy, wisdom, and of course, compassion, to those troubled by love problems. :grouphug: :)

[KG]

1. missed ya, Dr KittenHeart!

:hi: :hug: :loveya: :pals: :bounce: :party:

[childslibrarian]

2. Welcome back!

Kittens are the best!

[Darth_Kitten]

3. My sister means well...

her style takes getting used to. :)

[KG]

5. i think your sister just needs a nice cock-

atiel, too. :)

you know, something to shower her love on. might make her less cranky.

[Darth_Kitten]

7. Maybe you should get into the advice business, too, KG

;) :evilgrin:

[FarLeftRage]

4. I hope you can help me...

I just signed on to one of those internet dating sevices and took one of their compatiblity tests.
They started sending me profiles of women who were most like me in personality, compatibilty and overall love interests.
I am a guy who lives in upstate New York, about 50 miles from the U.S. - Canada border.
Most of the women who fit my "matches" are Canadian women.
What does this mean?
Could I find true love north of the border?
Thanks in advance for your wisdom-filled answers...

[Darth_Kitten]

6. YES!!!

Love knows no borders. You took a bold step in your search for love, I applaud you for it. :hug:
Keeping an open mind about the possibilities of finding love in places you just wouldn't expect will help you on your search. :thumbsup:

Canadian women are warm, witty, sexy, and overwhelmingly think George W. Bush is a d*ckwad. :) Where can you go wrong? :loveya:

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. But, never overlook the possibilities of love right where you are, too. ;)

[FarLeftRage]

10. Thank you for your heart-felt response!

The sad fact is, that I've lived in the same locality for 12 years and have had only two dates with the local ladies.
The first one being an old family friend who "thought she liked me", but didn't.
The next and last local lady to date me, came from a CONservative reich-wing nut church and wanted to "covert me" to freeperism...
So, maybe the dating service is right...Hmmmm....

Thanks again!

[Darth_Kitten]

12. Finding that special someone is not impossible.....

I wish you the best of luck!!! :hug: You are on the right track! :bounce: :thumbsup:

[Padraig18]

8. Dear Dr. Kitten Heart,

My cat is actively ignoring me because I refused to let him keep splashing the water while I was reading a book in the bathtub a moment ago. What must I do to be forgiven my hubris?

---Crushed in Illinois

[Darth_Kitten]

9. Don't give in to emotional "blackmail".......

(who is still paying for giving her cockatiel a "shower")

YOU are entitled to relaxing in the bath. Boundaries must be set, NO, kitty, this is MY time, and your time will be later. A pat, a little scratch under the chin AFTER bath time is all that is needed. :hug:
Kitties are hard-wired not to like water, so I doubt she will hold a grudge for long. Remember, Y.O.U. time alone makes a better, more relaxed Y.O.U. and a better behaved kitty.

let me know what happens! :bounce: :thumbsup:

[Loyal]

11. Yo

I asked this girl out to bowling a couple days ago, and she completely blew me off. The next thing I know, she is bitching about how bored she is, and on the weekend, too. What do I do?

[Darth_Kitten]

14. Don't make HER boredom YOUR problem!!!

She had her chance. Why are you so quick to believe you had to remedy H.E.R. choice to be bored? :cry: :(

Look at yourself, you are a unique and wonderful human being.:) I say go bowling and meet up with people ready to put the "I am bored so it is Y.O.U.R. responsibility to alleviate that" self-pitying negative-nelly thinking caps in the attic where they belong, and have some F.U.N.!!!! :bounce: :party: :beer:


let me know how things go!! ;) :party:

[Loyal]

22. Hehe thanks kitten

:)

[KG]

13. Dr KittenHeart....

how can get Darth_Kitten to realize that love, and a great tan, await her in FL?

signed,

a sniveling sentimental dude. :)

[Darth_Kitten]

15. tee hee........

you relentless flirt you. :) :evilgrin: :loveya: :bounce:

Are donuts at all involved? ;)

[KG]

16. yes, donuts are involved.

ahem. :)

[KG]

17. Dr KittenHeart

i recall DarthKitten talking about cutting her hair. how did that go?. is she ab fab? does she have fab abs?

signed,
a sniveling sentimental flirt.

PS - i'm not flirting - i want her BAD! :evilgrin:

[Darth_Kitten]

21. haha..

hair went fine.....fab abs? I wish..... :)

you are really too sweet. :hi: ;)

[dawg]

18. Dr. Kittenheart ...

I want to say some sexy things to my lady when we're, well you know when! But I don't want to say anything that will make either of us laugh. Any suggestions?

[Darth_Kitten]

19. Just, uh, youknow, ummm......

say whatever comes to your mind, after all isn't you know when the time to laugh out loud? :hug: :bounce:

uh, I mean, what's wrong with a little humour? ;)

Let me know, uh, what happens. I mean, how it goes....ummm..

well, you know. :)

[dawg]

20. You can't just say what comes to mind!

Crazy-ass stuff sometimes comes to mind :)

But it is fun to laugh in bed. As long as she's laughing with me and not at me.

[7th_Sephiroth]

23. how can i get

tickets to the lord of the rings trilogy, they were sold out just as i got to the ticket lady

[Padraig18]

24. Dear Dr. Kitten Heart

My husband just refused to eat my liver-rutabaga casserole with pickled eel sauce for the first time in 40 years of marriage. He said it was because 'that stuff is gross', but I worry that there may be another woman. Please advise.

---Edna Snodgrass
Yonkers, NY

[Darth_Kitten]

30. I wouldn't worry.......

the fact that he would eat something like that tells me this guy is definitely a keeper. He ate this stuff for 40 years just to make YOU happy

The fact is, every marriage needs new "recipes" ;) :loveya:

Experiment and have some fun!!! He needs different chow, is all. :thumbsup:

Tell me how it goes!!!

[KG]

25. Dr KittenHeart

with a long cold canadian winter coming on, how hard should it be to convince Darth Kitten that love, and a great tan, await her in St Pete, FL?

signed,

Smitten over Kitten :)

[Darth_Kitten]

31. Do you have the airline tickets......

and a good job awaiting her? ;) Sounds great, to be warm in the florida sun, but, alas....cooler heads must prevail here. ;) We hear nothing whatsoever about donuts.


The kitten, of course, is touched by all the loving attention paid to her. :evilgrin:

[KG]

33. think how much cooler that head will be when that artic wind

sweeps across those plains.

and the donuts are part of a ritual i won't go into in detail here! :evilgrin:

[Darth_Kitten]

35. That's so pervy....

the kitten may just agree to it! ;) hehehe.... :hug:

[Skittles]

26. Dear Dr.KittenHearts

there's just so many asses I need to kick but I just don't have the time. What's an ass-kicking gal to do???

[7th_Sephiroth]

27. i can field that

what you need to do is schedual meetings with them in secluded areas individually and kicl ass one by one

[Skittles]

28. it's that damn GOPisEvil

he schedules himself five freaking times a day. :O

[GOPisEvil]

29. I CAN'T HELP IT - I HAVE A SICKNESS!!!!

I MUST HAVE MY ASS KICKED!!!! :D

[Darth_Kitten]

34. Mentally do it!!

The power of the mind is ASTONISHING!! Why exert the physical effort (because let's face it, actually kicking behinds gets tiring once you get to say, 15 or 25!!!)

plus it's illegal (yeah, I know, like, DUH, don't police have anything else to do than arrest innocents???)

Imagine your worst enemies with like these GIGANTIC arses.

Go ahead, it's perfectly O.K.A.Y. :)

Now, take a deep breath, and start mentally kicking away!!!!!


Are you feeling better???? :thumbsup:

The power of the M.I.N.D. is amazing. Let me know how everything goes!

[Padraig18]

32. Dear Dr. Kitten Heart

I am currently holding this small creature at gunpoint. He alleges that he entered my window strictly out of curiousity, but I suspect he may have another purpose in mind. Should I call the police, or what? Please advise.

--Herbert Schimmelpfennig
Lake Doofus, Indiana

[Darth_Kitten]

36. Put the gun DOWN!!!

Unarmed kitty, I would say her story pans out. :)

Why the suspicious mind?
What is it about furry little creatures that would lead you to believe they have some ulterior motive? Maybe a little pat on the head, or a tiny bowl of tender vittles is ALL that is needed. Maybe she looks to Y.O.U. for reassurance and guidance.

Go that extra mile and C.A.R.E.

Give that scared, innocent little being a REASON for trusting again. :cry: :hug:

You'll B.O.T.H. be happier. Trust me.

Let me know how it goes!! :)

[Padraig18]

37. Dear Doc

I look at the pic in your sig line, and you ask ME why I'm holding a gun on the kitten? :P

Respectfully,

Herbert Schimmelpfennig
Lake Doofus, Indiana

[Darth_Kitten]

38. A kitten.....

is a trusting yet utterless defenseless creature. :( Nothing wrong with a kitten packing heat. :evilgrin:

[Padraig18]

42. LOL!

:P

[Elidor]

39. Dear Dr. Kittenheart

I've been corresponding with a lady from out of state, and I'm not sure how to proceed. My Lula May is due to get out the penima-tenchemary in 2010, on account a she hurt a couple people and they didn't...ummm...live to tell about it. Anyway, she's a real nice gal, real purdy, and a good cook, and it wasn't really Lula's fault that the wood chipper was down there at the bottom of the stairs. And anyway, they didn't suffer too long, her mom and dad. And she's real sorry she done it. I mean, she didn't do it, but she's real sorry anyway.

Should I wait for Lula? Only reason I ask is on account of there's this nice lady at the church, she's kinda big, but Ah lahk thu wayy she tawks. And she sez she wants to take care of me if I can come up with $800 a month.

Whut shood Ah dew?

[Darth_Kitten]

40. Get involved with a whole new social set.......

Stay AWAY from these ladies.

They can do nothing but keep you in your current state of "feel sorry for me cause I's a cant thaink for maself" kind of negative thainking, er, thinking. :)


Why are you defeating yourself by thinking that there's only a choice between these ladies? :(
Believe it or not, not every woman out there is a criminal. You don't have to make their problems Y.O.U.R.S.


Believe in yourself, and go to new and interesting places where nice women hang out. Try a new club, or a pottery class, or a hot new restaurant. Please stay away from penitentaries.



let me know how it goes... :loveya:

[7th_Sephiroth]

41. Dr. KittenHeart

can i borrow that sniper kitty for a bit, i heard jeb bush is coming to my town and i dont want him stealing my car