Do you have any sexual jokes?

[La_Serpiente]

Do you have any sexual jokes?

[HEyHEY]

1. Besides my current sex life?

[La_Serpiente]

2. lolololol

[JohnKleeb]

4. lol me too thats me

ok
Audit think about that word
You can make it sexual very easily.

[Wonk]

6. You mean to say, when it comes to your current sex life, that you're

"holding your own"?

O8)

[HEyHEY]

15. I'm doing more than holding it! n/t

[NightTrain]

18. In my case, "infidelity" means...

...using my left hand! :eyes:

[dorktv]

3. Ack! No sex! I have not had any for two weeks!

hee hee.

[Lady Freedom]

5. Try since Aug. baby!

***

[dorktv]

7. Well I did have sex with a Democrat at least.

[Rashind]

8. Once again...

Feburary. And it was really bad! =(

[dorktv]

11. Sucks...why is sex so hard to find?

[scarlet_owl]

38. Hell, I'm married

and I don't have sex unless I'm ovulating, and it's non-romantic baby making sex at that. I think the romance and passion is gone.

[La_Serpiente]

9. Why did Cinderella get kicked out of the Playpen?

Because she sat on Pinocchios face and said "Lie to me, LIe to Me!!!"

[La_Serpiente]

13. Anyone up for some porkin'?

Dick Cheney and Donald Assfield seem to want some. Perhaps they could add a Bush and a Colon in there also for an orgy.

[JohnKleeb]

10. try your whole life

:cry: and I have never had a girlfriend :cry: :cry:.

[dorktv]

14. Sucks dude...Why not?

[JohnKleeb]

16. ummm I am 16 and very very shy

:cry:

[dorktv]

17. Start an Identity 21 Group at your school. Then you can

meet nice young ladies.

[JohnKleeb]

19. shrug

:shrug: I dont know. Maybe I should take my friend's suggestion and go to church :evilgrin: but that was a Lutheran church and I am.........Catholic but hey with Catholic girls lol you get Irish, Germans, Italians, Slavic girls of all kind, etc. I am fine really, I am not really that disappointed although I could be better. Actually at homecoming I had a fairly good time.

[dorktv]

20. There you go...and sex is not something one should

rush...You will get laid someday...

[JohnKleeb]

22. exactly :)

[Skittles]

23. YOU GUYS NEED TO SHUT UP & TELL SOME F***ING JOKES

HEY - WAS THAT A PUN ???

[JohnKleeb]

29. heh I got fucking jokes so FUCK

Besides I cant explain the audit joke that well but its funny. I think we know why Ken Lay liked Arthur Andersen so much, old Arthur was one hell of an auditor so Ken got money and was..................happy.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Throckmorton]

31. Um John, you are only 16.

Don't sweat the girlfriend thing, really, don't. I never dated a girl in High School either. True story, I wanted to ask the future Mrs. Throckmorton to the Senior Prom, she was a junior at another High School at the time. I asked her best friend, my friend’s sister, if she thought she would go with me. Her reply was that the future Mrs. Throckmorton was already dating someone else. Being shy and lacking all self image, I never asked her.

Fast forward 10 years. I am working at my volunteer job at a local cemetery, who drives in but the future Mrs., whom I haven’t seen in almost 10 years. We start talking, blah, blah, blah. and then she asks me, bolt out of the Blue "Why didn't you ask me to the Senior Prom?” I was floored and told her that mutual friend said you were already dating some guy. Well, it turns out that mutual friends ulterior motive was to get my mind off of the future Mrs. and onto her. Seems, she wanted me to ask her to the prom, which I never did BTW, and ended up no going at all.

Looking back over 25 years, it is all so obvious now. But, being shy, innocent, and of low self-esteem, it wasn't obvious in 1978. Actually, the big hint should have been when our mutual friend walked out of her bedroom topless, ‘By accident” a few days later. Unfortunately, all it did we make me beet red, and when she realized her brother was right behind me, she ran for the room at a sprint. Boy, was I clueless at 17.

Well, 18 months after our chance meeting we were married, today, October 12, is our 13th wedding anniversary. Which, unfortunately for us, has her once again hospitalized in the local hospital’s cancer ward. I wouldn’t trade the last 15 years for anything.

[NightTrain]

24. Amateurs...

I've been celibate so damned long, I get horny from squeezing into a tight parking space!

[ewagner]

37. LOL

That's good..........I'll use it often!

:yourock:

[never cry wolf]

39. It's been so long that

the crack of dawn is looking good.

[SmileyBoy]

27. Try all the 21 years in my life, baby!!!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Booberdawg]

40. Try - August of what year, Lady Freedom??

[claude raines]

12. Rush!

Rush Limbaugh is a sexual joke!

[Skittles]

21. I worked with this gay guy once

and I badgered him to tell me a "straight" joke. He claimed he didn't know any but I kept pressing him until he told me this:

A guy with with a woman and she goes "PUT YOUR HAND IN THERE"

So he puts his hand in there

she then goes "PUT YOUR OTHER HAND IN THERE"

So he puts his other hand in there

then she goes "NOW CLAP"

he says "I CAN'T"

and she goes "TIGHT, HUH"



this led to us arguing, me saying HEY, WOMEN AREN'T AS BIG AS BREADBOXES and him claiming ignorance because he'd never been with a woman. . . . ..

:O

[JackDragna]

25. A sex joke for you all.

Sex during marriage happens in three stages.

Room sex. When couples are first married, they have sex in every room of the house.

Bedroom sex - Couples then move to just having sex in the bedroom.

Hall sex - Once they've been married for a while, the couple just passes each other in the hall and says "Fuck you."

[TankLV]

26. bush*, cheney, their families and most repukes

are sexual jokes.

But that's just sad.

[lynndew2]

28. This is not for the light hearted

A docter tells a guy he has only 2 hours to live..He is away from his home town so he decides to go to a whore house. He then realizes he only has 10$ and asks what he can get for that.

The person says only one thing and sends him to the attic.

He knocks and hers an old ladys voice say come on in. She is rocking in her rocking chair and pops out her eye.

She pops out her eye and says please go ahead. He knows he is gonna die and goes ahead. She rocks and rocks and he eventually comes to fruition!!!

He says he wont be back but he will tell all his friends before he dies.

She replys, Great I will keep an eye open for em.

[MinnFats]

30. Do I have to rescue this thread or what?

Q.) How did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?
A.) His hand caught fire.

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all weekend.

[Throckmorton]

32. Here is my favorite, not for the squeamish,

This duck walks into a bar, hops up on the Bar Stool and asks the Bartender. “You got any corn?”

To which the bartender replies, “This is a bar, not a feed store, now drink or get out.

Next day, same duck, same, question, same response.

After a week of this, the bartender finally yells at the duck, ‘Look, I’m sick of this, if you come in here one more time, I’ll nail your bill to this countertop.”

The next day, the duck walks back in, hops up on the bar stool and asks, “You got any nails”?

The bar tender replies “No”.

Duck asks, “You got any corn”?

[JitterbugPerfume]

33. Sexual joke?

did you hear about the girl that tucked a dollar bill in the waist band of her jeans? The sign said "all you can eat,under a dollar"


sexual joke? I married one once

[Throckmorton]

36. I guess if your a duck you think its racy.

Get it, nails, duck is actually looking for a hooker./sarcasm

[Wcross]

34. OK- heres one

One night, an escaped convict breaks into a young couples home. He ties the wife to the bed, and hog ties the husband over a chair. The husband sees the convict whispering in his wifes ear, and then going into the bathroom. He manages to break free of his ropes, and rushes to his wifes side. He is very afraid of the convict and knows he can't take him on. He says "Honey, I know it will be hard but you will just have to submit to him and maybe he will go away". The wife calmley agrees which surprises and upsets the husband. She then explains to him- The convict said you were cuter than his old cellmate and wanted to know where we keep the vasoline.

[jenm]

35. How can you tell you got your vascectomy at Sears?

Every time you jerk off, the garage door opens.

[NicoleM]

41. courtesy of my dad

Wanna hear a dirty joke?




Pig fell in the mud. HA!

[Wolfman 11]

42. how come Barbie never got pregnant?

because Ken came in a different box.