anger management

[NicoleM]

I have a family member, to whom I am not close, who has serious anger management issues. When she gets mad, she's mad at everybody. Right now she's mad at everybody. She is apparently not talking to any family members, not answering her phone, not returning messages, etc.

She is on medication and seeing a counselor, and has been off and on for years. She has had this problem almost her whole life. There is at least one other member of our extended family with similar issues, and depression runs strongly in our family, which leads me to believe that it is at least in part a chemical problem.

I'm having a hard time understanding why it is so hard for her not to manage her anger better. I've been on the receiving end of it too many times to count, which is most of the reason why we are not close. It also affects my attitude toward her situation, which right now is "just GET OVER IT." Not very helpful (although I haven't actually said that to her).

So does anybody have any insight into this? Anybody ever been or dealt with a "rageaholic"? I would appreciate a different perspective on this.

[trigz]

1. It's a symptom that something else is wrong in her life

I think you might want to look beyond just the anger issue as an isolated thing. In my experience people who get these issues are more often than not seriously dissatisfied with other aspects of their lives and use such "blow-outs" to relieve some of that frustration. Although it could be, of course, that there is something more pathological causing it. I have known a person with a bad case of borderline syndrom, and the symptoms were some of the same.

[NicoleM]

4. It's probably the latter.

This has been going on since she was a little kid.

[Warren Stuart]

2. It's the nature of the illness

She has a problem, probably a disability, on the outside she looks normal but on the inside she is suffering. This is not to excuse her behavior, we are all responsible for our actions. But you are the healthy one, you are better equipped to handle the situation.

When she goes off, let her, when she comes back, be there for her. If you can't handle that (I've been there myself) do what you can to ameliorate the situation.

The worst thing you can say is "Get over it".

[Bruce McAuley]

3. I agree

If this woman isn't on meds she should be, IMO. I have seen many kinds of mental disability, but I'm no doctor, so I'm just guessing sociopathic personality disorder plus depression and possibly psychopathic tendencies, dunno for sure but you might do some reading about mental disorders and see which symptoms fit best, then about which drugs are commonly prescribed for that disorder, then maybe a talk with the counselor?
Good luck, it's hard to interact with people like that.

Bruce

[NicoleM]

5. We don't really

speak very often. She has used me for a punching bag for so long that last year I made it clear that I was no longer going to take it any more. I'm not really in a position to ameliorate the situation, I'm just looking to understand it a little better.

[Jokerman]

6. My Sister

She takes any disagreement from me on anything as an attack on her person. She usually responds by spewing the most hateful things she can at me. Over the years she has said deliberately hurtful things to me that no apology could ever make up for, not that she would ever apologize to me for anything.

She thinks all psychiatrists are quacks and medication is for people with “character flaws”.

You can’t force someone else to change; you can only change the way you choose to deal with them. When I finally recognized this, I cut off all contact with her. I know that’s not always possible but sometimes it is the only way to maintain your own mental health.