Ha, Ha. Very funny, Muthafucka

[MrScorpio]

Egg Honeymoon:

These two eggs had just been married and were on their honeymoon.

While they were sitting on the bed making out, the female egg pushed the male egg away and said "I just have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." and off she went.

Five minutes later the male egg saw his sexy wife walk out in a slinky egglige, wiping her hands up and down her smooth, ovally body.

Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. The female egg looked at him and asked what he was doing.

He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon!"

[MrScorpio]

1. Better than death

Umba Momba:

There were three explorers who where walking through the
forest of Africa, when suddenly they were caught by
tribesmen.

After being held captive for a week, the male chief comes up
to the first explorer and says, "You have two choices to get
out of here," "death or five minutes of umba momba." The
explorer thinks that umba momba has to be better than death,
so he says, "I'll take umba momba." The chief smiles at him,
and then starts having sex with him for five minutes. After
boning him, he lets the explorer go.

Then he proceeds to the next explorer. "You have two
choices: death or 30 minutes of umba momba." The explorer,
not wanting to die, picks half an hour of umba momba. The
chief then has sex with him for 30 minutes, then lets him go.

Finally, he says to the last explorer, "Two choices: death
or 1 hour of umba momba." The explorer thinks that this is
absurd. After all, he was so rough on the other to while
having sex with them that he gave them bruises. He thought
that he might as well die.

"I want to die." he says. Then the chief says, "Okay. You
will die."

"By umba momba."

[dmr]

4. LOL, Years ago I had a co-worker who loved to tell that joke

so that joke makes me smile remembering Freddie cracking up and telling his story.

"Death by momba!"

[MrScorpio]

2. Uh Oh

Working At the Factory:

There were these three guys. They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they notice that their boss leaves work a little early.

So one day they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they. The first guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start.

The second guy goes home and cooks dinner.
The third guy goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss so he shuts the door and leaves.

The next day the first and second guys are talking and plan to go home early again. They ask the third guy if he wants to leave early again and he says,
"No."

They ask him why not and he said, "Because yesterday I almost got caught!"

[Catch22Dem]

3. The Chief and the General

There was a Chief Master Sergeant and a General getting a shave at the same time at the base barber shop.

As they were finishing, their barbers both put aftershave on their hands. The general shouts, "Don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse."

The Chief looks at his own barber and says, "You can go ahead. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

[mykpart]

5. OK, you asked for it.

A guy comes to work with a black eye. When asked about it, he said, "I had a fight with my wife and I called her a two-bit whore." "Wow," said his friend, "and then she slugged you?"

"No," said the man. "She hit me with a bag of quarters!"

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

6. While we are in the same, er... vein...

A doctor was walking around with a rectal thermometer stuck behind his ear. The old grizzled nurse stopped him, saying "Dr. that is disgusting. You have a rectal thermometer behind your ear."

"Really," the doctor replied angrilly, pulling the thermometer from hehind his ear, "Damnit, some asshole has my pen!"