Talk me out of mudering my husband or at least putting a

[Clete]

big band of duct tape over his mouth. He gave up driving a month ago because of medical problems and old age. He turned in his driver's license and I do commend him for it. It's all over for him and that means I get to drive him everywhere. Well when I say he gave up driving that was only the mechanical part.

HE IS THE WORST BACK SEAT DRIVE IN CREATION!!! He has almost caused me to get into accidents because he has confused me yelling about traffic coming, pedestrians, lane changes and other things I am aware of. The worst part of it he yells at me to go right when I need to left and he means left but says right.

I have begged him not to backseat drive. I have had to explain to him we drive differently. (I am the better and safer driver, incidentally.):-) I don't know if I will get used to this and will be able to tune him out in the future. Right now, I am pissed. :nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. How about putting the duct tape over his eyes?

Good luck, that has got to be a tough adjustment.

[Dookus]

2. lol....

sorry, can't talk you out of it. I think you'll have to kill him. Backseat driving is ingrained and immutable.

Try not to kill him in a car wreck though - it'd just give him too much satisfaction. ;)

[Cha]

3. LOl!

;-)

[MuseRider]

4. He sounds like

my grandmother. She actually wore a hole through the floor of their old car braking for him in the passenger seat! My grandfather was too kind to say anything, he just kept turning over curbs and learned to stop a half a block away to calm her down first before they got to the light. Good luck, I am not my grandfather and I would kill him!

[patdem]

5. Hell, I say murder away....I could NEVER let anyone drive for me

I am such a control freak....murder him....put duct tape over his mouth AND nose..and just ignore his gasps for air.... LOL....

You will over time be able to tune him out completely when driving...except the occasional YELP because a car is about 100 yards away and moving up....that will never change!!! (Back to the murder scenario)...LOL

[Occulus]

6. You could

give him a coronary by intentionally driving like crap when it's safe to do so, say, driving in the wrong lane on a loooong stretch with no other cars on the road, swerving for nothing, braking for nothing, etc. If he's smart he'll figure out that you're just doing it to piss him off :D

Act like you're driving in Detroit or Atlanta... during rush hour. Please, only when it's safe to do so.

[Clete]

9. LOL. That's the way he used to drive.

I did manage to say nothing most of the time unless I thought we really were going to buy the farm.

[peekaloo]

7. use him as a hood ornament!

you'll need more duct tape!

:P

[Clete]

14. Lots and lots.

He could watch the road and I wouldn't have to listen. Sounds like a plan.

[alcuno]

8. I pretty much cured my dad of this a few years ago on the way

to church. He was nagging something fierce so I found a safe place to pull the car over right there on the side of the road and told him I wasn't driving further unless he stopped.

I had to repeat the process two or three more times and still have to do it on occasion, but it's a LOT better.

[Wickerman]

10. I suggest medication

Valium would be nice. Oxycontin, but that might be too much and its a tad addictive, so Pig Boy sez. You might try a little whiskey or even vodka or gin - perhaps even a beer if that is choice or a nice glass of wine before travel.

If none of that works, then try giving the drugs to him or have him drink.

best of luck, it can't be pleasant.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

11. I say kill him. Unless he is worth more alive for some reason

then just have Zena rip out his vocal cords.

Then, send her my way for a night of pure love. She is my kind of girl.

[Clete]

12. Oooh, good luck champ. I hope your her type. That's a lot of woman with

deadly warrior skills.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

13. She don't scare me... she would look good on the back of

my bike though.

When people mess with us, she can skewer them through the eyeballs.

[roughsatori]

15. My mother tortures my father when they drive anywhere

She does what you describe your husband of doing. I would make your husband and my mother take para-transit if I were their driver.:)

[Clete]

16. If only.

I live in the boonies beyond those urban ammenities.

[Mz Pip]

17. Try this

Everytime he annoys you. Pull off the road. Wait.

Tell him you'll drive when he puts a sock in it.

Do this EVERYTIME he is annoying.

It will stop if he wants to get anywhere. Give it a month.

Conditioning works. Ask Pavlov. Ask Skinner.

MzPip
:dem:

[Clete]

18. True. Ask the GOP. Good point.