*'s Resume... can't remember if it was here before... funny

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

Subject: Resume


George W. Bush
The White House, USA



Records and References:
I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine.


My Texas driving record has been erased and is not available.


I was AWOL from the National Guard.


I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug
use.


All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.


All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.


All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.


Past Work Experience:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.


I produced a Hollywood slasher B-movie.


I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the
company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.


I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer's money.


With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.


Accomplishments as Governor:
I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and
made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.


I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in
America.


I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.


I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American
history.


I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to
the Supreme Court.





Accomplishments as President:
I attacked and overtook two countries.


I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.


I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.


I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.


I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.



I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year
period.



I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S.
president.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.


I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.


I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
president in U.S. history.


I set the record for fewest press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.


I signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or
ignoring the Constitution than any president in history.


I have cut health care benefits for war veterans while telling our active
troops how much I appreciate them.


I've dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S.
history.



I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,
more than any president in history.


I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.


I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.


I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.


I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
(detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.


I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).


I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.


My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
(Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest
corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history.


My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision.

[nini]

1. I don't know whether to laugh or cry every time I see this..

good thing he's part of the BFEE or he'd be living in a trailor somewhere.

[7th_Sephiroth]

2. I produced a Hollywood slasher B-movie.

he also produced Captain Ron