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These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
YOU learn to work the entire mechanism-- that includes a lid which is supposed to be DOWN when not in use (and according to feng shui, leaving the lid up is flushing all the good luck down the drain each time)
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
sunday = party time.. hate to tell you, but sports is NOT a natural phenomenon, no matter who you are trying to convince.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
I don't recall anybody calling shopping a sport. but then, paintball isn't a sport, either, yet it gets covered on espn.
1. Crying is blackmail.
crying is cathartic and therapeutic, you just can't handle it
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
being totally clueless is not something about which to boast
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
or the mentally challenged, perhaps
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
unless, of course, you are the problem.
1.Sympathy is what your girlfriends give you.
goddess forfend you should have any kind of emotional empathy
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
or get a new lover, since everyone knows that GOOD sex relieves headaches.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
total and complete BS. ever heard of consistency? or can't you keep your lies straight?
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
you have a hang-up about underage females? that is your problem, not ours.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
don't ask if your dick is too small, then. it is
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
suuuuuuuure you did
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
remind us not to ask you to do anything.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
why bother talking to you at all?
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
and he had no idea where he was going, or where he was when he got there
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, forexample, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
sorry you are colour-blind, because none of the men I know are
1.. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
no self-control, or anti-itch powders?
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
gee, such caring and concern for your partner. get over yourselves already
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.\
gee, how many women actually do this? none of the women I know do.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
who said we would ask your opinion anyway. given that you can't get your minds off sports, what would you know?
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
goddess forfend you should have thoughts other than sports in your pointy little heads
1. You have enough clothes.
according to whom? 1. You have too many shoes.
I don't recall asking you for your opinion
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
I hope your good buddies don't mind you camping out on their couch
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