Lightbulb joke thread...

[CanuckAmok]

post your faves... no matter how obscure.

Here are some lightbulbs, by department, on a film set:

How many Teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nine. You godda fuckin' problem wid dat?!

...Directors...?
None. That lightbulb was there when we started this project, and it'll be there when we wrap. Nobody changes the lightbulb, or I walk.

...Producers...?
Does it have to be a lightbulb?

...Production Managers...?
Why does it have to be a lightbulb?

...Propsmasters...?
Lightbulb? What lightbulb? The draft I got distinctly says 'loaf of bread'.

...Assistant Directors/Production Assistants...?
Uh, uh...I'm not sure...but I'll find out and get right back to you.

...Actors...?
One. He holds the lightbulb, and the rest of the world revolves around him.

...Extras...?
One, but he's only changing lightbulbs while he's waiting to get his demo CD back from the duplicators.

...Camera Assistants...?
Hey, that's our lightbulb. Don't touch it. Are you Camera? Then don't touch the Camera Lightbulb.

...Script writers...?
The lightbulb? No, you can't change the lightbulb--the lightbulb is the best part. You can't change the lightbulb. Seriously. If you change the lightbulb, I'm walking. I don't need this, I'm a creator. I may not have much, but I still have my integrity...

Grips?
"SMASH!"

[moof]

1. How many Jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Only one but he has to have at least three lightbulbs.

[ParanoidPat]

2. How many Freepers does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question, they can't see the light! :evilgrin:

[7th_Sephiroth]

3. how does bush change a lightbuub?

he has carl rove do it while dick cheney talks him into signing a blank check made out to halliburton

[CarlBallard]

4. Good one

[qwertyMike]

5. How many Californians?

10
One to change the bulb
9 to share the experience

[qwertyMike]

6. Englishmen?

2
One to call the electrician
One to mix the gin & tonics

[qwertyMike]

7. Oxycontin addicts

One - but the lightbulb has to WANT to change

[VelmaD]

24. I always heard that one...

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Californians screw in hot tubs.

[7th_Sephiroth]

9. and

true, too

[VOX]

8. Republicans?

Two -- one to do it and one to hold the chandelier steady.

:toast:

[7th_Sephiroth]

10. Republicans

What? do manual labor?
another republican
1 one to make the mexican slave do it.

[MissMillie]

11. Harvard Business School Students

It takes only one. S/he holds the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him/her.

[MaineDem]

12. I thought that was a lead guitarist

:D

[SOteric]

13. How many sweet little Italian Mama's does it take....?

None at all.

"Don't mind me, I'll just sit here in the dark..."

[WoodrowFan]

14. Radical Feminists?

A: That's Not Funny!

(grabbing helmet, heading for foxhole!)

[WoodrowFan]

15. Freepers?

A: how ever many Jim Rob says it takes!

A: none, we like the dim bulb!

A: COMMIE FAG!

[mac56]

16. How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it, and one to complain because it's electric.

[WoodrowFan]

17. Repukes

A: three, one to turn on Rush, one to call for the help to change it, one to bitch about how much better the old one was.

[WoodrowFan]

18. Libertarians

A: NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

[mac56]

19. How many Republican Congress members does it take to change a light bulb?

One, to steal a light bulb from the Social Security Administration.

[WoodrowFan]

20. Faux News Reporters

A: There is no burned out bulb, and if there was, it burned out when Clinton was President!

[mac56]

21. Poets?

Two. One to light a candle, and one to curse the darkness.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

22. Right-to-lifers?

Four. Two to put in the new bulb, and two to argue that it was lit the moment they began screwing.

[mac56]

23. Managed care providers?

Sorry. You don’t get a light bulb till you try this candle first.

[CanuckAmok]

25. 'Nam Vets...?

A: YOU DON'T KNOW, MAN, 'CAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE!

[undergroundpanther]

26. How many

how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?





2

[mac56]

27. Social workers?

None. The bulb shouldn’t have to change for society to accept it.

[MissMarple]

28. How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

(My family lets me tell this about once a year.)


It depends on what you want to change it into.

[mac56]

29. Soviet leaders?

None. The old bulb is just suffering from a cold.

[Blue-Jay]

30. Sax-players?

11. One to do it, and 10 to argue over how they would've done it better than Kenny G.

(we hate Kenny G)

[catzies]

31. How does Bill Gates change a lightbulb?

He doesn't.

He just declares MSDark™ to be the new industry standard.

[mac56]

32. Germans?

Ve vill ask ze qvestions here.

[Aristus]

33. How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight. One to change it, and seven to say "Fabulous!"

My apologies to my gay friends here.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. Psychologists?

A: Only one...but it has to really want to change.

[VelmaD]

35. How many sex therapists...

does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2

One to screw it and a the other to tell them they're screwing it wrong. ;-)

[Beer Snob-50]

36. Blondes?

One. She holds it in place and it screws in automatically because the world revolves around her.

[htuttle]

37. Heavy Metal Lead Guitarists?

A: Ten.
One to screw it in, and nine to say, "I could do that..."

[mac56]

38. Bass players?

None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.

[Snow]

39. Epidemiologists (or medical research scientists if you prefer)

One to change it,
and an entire NIH grant proposal review group to criticize the methods.

[mac56]

40. Marxists?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.