Women (and men): I have a Third Date tomorrow

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

I assume many are familiar with the "Third Date Rule" at least for urban singles like myself. Is this a good rule, or a bad rule? Do you lean more for a first or second date rule, or is three not enough?

If I don't "go for it" and at least *try* am I going to get written off as not confident enough? If I don't *try* is she going to think I'm not interested? If she *tries* and I don't go for it, is she going to feel rejected?

(Edited to be more specific.)

[jobycom]

1. Rules bad

Do what's right. You'll feel it, or not, first, third or tenth. Bad to start off feeling obligated.

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

5. Oh, I've already felt it

The (mutual) attraction is there, in spades. Now just physical either but personality wise she is super-cool.

[xultar]

2. Third date Ahe...Congratulations

That's 3 more than I've had in the past year and a half :nopity:

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

18. move to New York City

It's just like on TV. I swear my life could be right out of Sex and the City, but not nearly as rich and about one generation younger.

No one has problems getting dates here :) I love NYC!

[bearfan454]

3. If everything looks like maybe it could work out

then go for it.

[trof]

4. First date for me & Miz t.

34 years ago.
Don't tell her I told.
;-)

[bearfan454]

6. For me and Mrs. bearfan454 it was 2-14-91 at a dance.

I knew immediately. Here we are today.

[prolesunited]

7. What are your plans for your date?

I don't think you should feel like you have to follow "rules" on this. Why don't you follow your heart instead?

How much kissing, touching, etc. have you done on your previous dates? Perhaps you could just sizzle things up a bit and see how she reacts. If you get into some heavy foreplay, she'll let you know how far she wants things to go.

I don't get hung up on rules. Sometimes it's been the first date (gasp, shocked I tell you) and sometimes it was months. Depends on the person and each situation has its pros and cons.

Good luck!

[Kamika]

8. GO FOR IT

we do NOT like shy or insecure guys

[bearfan454]

9. Some of us guys know that

uh huh.

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

12. So, I should try

And she'll decide how far it goes ... and if she just goes for it, I'll go along :)

That seems to be the way it usually works, so I guess you're right.

[Kamika]

13. You're correct

Just go for it , I'm sure you'll notice if she really doesnt want it :)

[patdem]

26. A kiss on a third date is not beyond the question...and that is where

it goes from...NOT ...GO FOR IT...WHAT IS IT???? Kiss her let your lips linger on her lips and if the passion is there it will occur....NO ONE NEEDS TO GO FOR IT...WHATEVER IT IS???

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

27. we've already made out

The kissing was good, very good. This is all a theoretical exercise if she invites me up tomorrow.

Let's say we have a great time tomorrow, I walk her home, and she invites me up. If I say no or have some excuse, the conventional wisdom says she will feel reject or that I'm insecure and I will have blown my chance.

I'm basically obligated don't you think, otherwise she won't like me?

[Guaranteed]

31. Dude, if you've kissed her, you're in

We're all adults here, right? ;)

[Kamika]

32. Not me!

Never! I'm never growing up :)

[patdem]

35. If you are considering NOT going up to her place...then don't

DO NOT FORCE SOMETHING just because she's cute or you think your 'time has come' or some other FALSE PRETENSE.

If you feel for ANY reason uncormfortable about 'doing it' then let it go...and have a fourth and fifth and sixth date....DO NOT BETRAY YOURSELF FOR ANY REASON!!!

[last_texas_dem]

25. Being pretty shy myself...

...I think I can speak on behalf of a lot of shy guys and say that sometimes behaving that way may certainly not be something one tries to do, but it is truly just a part of one's nature. Sure, you can fight the extent to which it controls you, but at the end of the day your nature is still a part of you. I don't consider myself to be a defeatist, but I think a lot of people who aren't shy don't know just what hell those of us who are can go through. People just assume we're antisocial and don't like people.

Anyway, I just think women (or men) who exclude possible dates based on them coming across as shy are missing out on a lot of great people. I certainly don't think all women feel that way. I think shy people can be fascinating to know. Of course, being as shy as I am myself, that can take a while. :-)

Hope I didn't seem too defensive here. It's just, if all women don't like shy guys I'm destined to be forever single, so that prospect got me a little worried...

[Cat Atomic]

10. Just say, "baby, the Man Train has arrived!" and make toot toot

noises. Then throw your clothes in the corner (but keep your white socks on- women love that).

That works EVERY time.

Or wait... no... that's not quite right. It NEVER works. Right- that's it.

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

11. how did you know? That's what I always do!

thanks for the biggest belly-laugh I've had all week!

[prolesunited]

15. LOL!

I would RUN naked and screaming out the door if some guy ever did that! Please tell me you've never had that experience.

[GOPisEvil]

19. OK - that's the funniest thing I've read in ages!

:thumbsup:

[Cheswick2.0]

14. here's an idea

talk to her about it.

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

16. that's a terrible idea!

Really it is. If I say, "Wow, this is our third date. If I don't make a move on you, are you going to think I'm not confident?" Or worse yet, "If you want to have sex with me, don't be shy, make a move and I'm up for it!"

Okay, I'm just kidding, but only a little. As I man I must be ready and willing for sex whenever she wants, otherwise she will feel rejected and that's never good. Maybe that's not a good attitude for me to have, but it's probably all academic anyway because she is really sexy:)

[Guaranteed]

33. Right, it ain't like the movies n/t

[Kamika]

17. noononono

Do NOT, i repeat do NOT "talk to her about it"

[Cheswick2.0]

21. you must be right, when it comes to sex, bullshit games are much better

:shrug:

[Kamika]

24. dude

If a guy i dated would "talk to me" about us having sex instead of trying to seduce me, I'd see him as some insecure weirdo.

[amazona]

20. well, whatever

I come from an older generation, and I would not accept even a first date with someone I wasn't interested in having sex with. I have to admit that if someone didn't try after three dates, I would assume that they just wanted a friendship and I would be looking elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. I guess I'm a romantic. :-) But, seriously, I don't think it's a good idea to allow feelings of love to develop when you don't even know if you're sexually compatible yet.


it probably works fine your way if you have more mainstream sexual interests that you can just assume "everyone" enjoys, i dunno, but i'm a little different

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

22. mainstream sexual interests

Do you have to interview people to make sure they are into certain non-mainsteam sexual interests before you will date them? That seems rather high-maintenance don't you think? :)

[Armstead]

23. Be subtle

Show up at her door naked with a condom in your hand. That'll convey the message.

Okay, okay, I don't really advise that. But from my experience such things arise (no pun intended) spontaneously out of small gestures. A hand held out is taken, a squeeze on the hand is recroprocated, a head is turned towards you in response to a run on the neck as you're walking or sitting...etc. That's when it's most exciting too. Ooooo it just gives me tingles thinking about it.

(Can you tell it's been a while for yours truly? Maybe I should move to New York. These trees and rural scenery around here are great but....)

[Mr. Brown of MD]

28. The Third Date is the deadline?

Damn, I never knew. Maybe that explains some things.

-CollegeDude
Doesn't quite know what those things are

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

30. yes, you must try to have sex on the third date

It's the rule, and if you don't, she will either not respect you or think you're not interested. That's the rule. I didn't make it up, don't blame me!

I'm half-kidding of course.

[Mr. Brown of MD]

34. Natch

Then again, I'm not an urban single, so I guess that changes the dynamic a bit.

Of course, so would living in a dorm...

Well, good luck, either way. It probably never hurts to try something, as long as you listen to what she says or pay attention to what she does in response, heh.

-CollegeDude
Would not really know, but it seems like a good idea

[soupkitchen]

29. Let her read this thread

She'll probably think your out of your head
And then want to discuss the issue further in bed

[alwynsw]

36. Thankfully, I grew up on a farm

No femmes near my age for miles.

O.K., run with that, you freaks.

[HEyHEY]

37. You best give it up!

Just kiddin' if you aren't comfortable then it isn't meant to happen right? DOn't feel like you should go for it just cause its the third date.