Funny, CLEAN Limericks thread.

[Aristus]

I love dirty limericks as much as anyone, but clean limericks can be fun if they are funny or clever enough. Here's my clean favorite:

A girl from the Isle of Wight
Used to travel much faster than light
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Let's hear yours. Clean, please. If you have good dirty limericks, start a thread for them, or PM them to me. ;-):-)

[Blue-Jay]

1. I don't think I know any clean limericks.

<scratches head>

[RaulGroom]

2. This one's borderline

There once was a boy king named Bush
Whose head was stuck way up his tush
He balked at the cure
Since he wasn't quite sure
Which was which, when shove came to push.

[tg]

8. Well, as long as we're doing "borderline"

A lady geometer sans gent
Cried out in tones that were plangent
"I've tried all I can
To make love to a man
But I only get off on a tangent."

[mac56]

3. There was a young poet named Dan

Whose limericks rambled and ran.
When they said it was so,
He replied, "Yes, I know,
But I always try to fit as many syllables into that last line as I possibly can."

[FauxNewsBlues]

4. A limerick

There was this guy who was Dick Cheney's flunky
He was related to a species of monkey
His mom was full of chagrin
When he polished off her gin
From dad's liquor cabinet in Kennebunky

[mac56]

5. There was a young man from the Rhine

Whose limericks repeated a line.
Though this was redundant,
Though this was redundant,
His limericks repeated a line.

[Richardo]

7. That's one of the funniest limericks I've ever read...

...as a fan of all things self-referential.

thx mac56! :D

For example, a chapter title in Mike Nelson's book Mind Matters: "Think you're wrong? Think again!"

[mac56]

14. Thanks, Richardo!

I got a million of 'em -

There once was a poet named Bix
Whose limericks went to line six.
He never did know
How far they should go,
And never did bother to fix
Them at all.

[tg]

6. Anything to avoid thinking about politics

Two with a fantasy theme:

Talking sandwiches once were in vogue
And a fine one was owned by a rogue
Two slabs of whole wheat
Grown in rich Irish peat
And spread with a very thick brogue.

The flames of a dragon would flare
When protecting his treasure so rare
Not jewels or a chest
As you probably guessed
'Twas parchment, the deed to his lair.

[emad]

9. Clean-ish

There was a young man from Kent
Whose penis was terribly bent
But there was more trouble
When he bent it up double
Cos instead of coming he went

[On the Road]

10. OK, This Isn't Exactly a Limerick

but it's clean and it's in the spirit of things:

Big fleas have little fleas
Upon their back to bite 'em.
And little fleas have lesser fleas
And so ad infinitum.

Jonathan Swift

[On the Road]

11. Another Clean Non-Limerick I

"The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella;
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella."
Sam Ervin (09/27/1896 – 04/23/1985); US Senator (NC)

[Aristus]

12. I thought of a couple more:

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor:
"is it harder to toot,
Or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called the hen a most elegant creature
The hen, pleased with that
Laid an egg in his hat
And thus did the hen reward Beecher

And a bonus:

There was a young lady from Worcester
Who use-est to crow like a roo-cester
She use-est to climb
Seven trees at a time,
But her sis-ester use-est to boo-cester

[Rowdyboy]

13. Clean and political...

There's an evil group known as PNAC
Who decided to plunder Iraq
They convinced Little Bush
That Iraq could be smooshed
So, Dubya said, "Heck, yeah! Attack!


Absolutely loved "and thus did the hen reward Beecher!" Kudos...

[Aristus]

15. Thanks, Rowdyboy.

It wasn't original with me, though. Wish I could claim credit.

[mac56]

16. put this in the wrong place!

put this in the wrong place!

[mac56]

17. A healthy young man in his prime

Wrote limericks just some of the time.
He wrote just a bit,
But they sounded like sh*t
‘Cause he never could get them to come out right.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

18. An amoeba named Sam and his brother

Were having a drink with each other
In the midst of their quaffing
They split their sides laughing
So now each of them is a mother.