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SAYINGS OF ZEN
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me,for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
the hell
alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car
payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If someone borrows $20.00 from you and you never see them again its
probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are a windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
from
bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it
back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,
and
it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our
ass...then
things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on
the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make
a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them
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