Why are some people winners and other losers?

[jiacinto]

A question that I always have on my mind. Why does it always seem that thare are some people who always succeed and some who always fail?

[PinkTiger]

1. You are not a loser.

Losers have no clue that they are losers. That is what makes them a loser.
You and me, now we are different. We know when we are down and work to get back up.
So we are winners.
Also, I have found that so-called "lucky" people also usually have deep, deep sorrows and problems that are not their making that I wouldn't trade them for all their "luck."

[roughsatori]

2. "Losers divide the world into winners and losers"

"Winners are to busy winning to make that distinction." A friend of mine used to say that whenever others talked of winners and losers. I don't agree with him, but I always remember his quote when I start dividing the winners and losers of the world.

[SOteric]

3. I believe, ultimately, it's a matter of what we tell ourselves

about ourselves.

Regardless of one's outward appearance, negative self-talk results in greater than average failures. While positive, self-affirming inner voices result in greater than average success.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

4. Winning and losing:

A matter of perspective and not a permanent state of existance.

C'mon, Carlos. Your time will come. Stay the course.

[Don_G]

5. You're Either Positive Or Negative

Some people go out with positive outlook on life trying to conquer the world. They generally forget the pain and effort it takes to get there.

Others can't and remember each and every stumbling block on the way.

[Maple]

6. Attitude

.

[ant]

7. reminds me of a Lou Barlow song

It's been a while, but if I remember correctly there's a verse that says something like:

A winner doesn't care if it loses
A loser always tries to win
A loser wastes life
Trying to prove it's right
A winner wouldn't even begin to wonder why


Not an answer to your question, necessarily, but a good song...

[jobycom]

8. That's our secret

If we just posted it on the Internet, then even losers would know.

(Yeah right, like if I were not a loser I'd be here on a Sunday night!)

[Nikia]

9. You don't know how things will turn out

Your luck might change for the better soon or in months or years. My friend has been been convinced that he was never going to get a good job and would be stuck at a job that he grew to hate. He recently accepted a job that pays 1/3 more than his current job with very good benefits. Now he is referring to his last few days at his current job as his last few days in purgatory. He felt that his job that he hated taught him a lot and made him appreciate things more than if he didn't have to suffer through that. Maybe, there's things that you are learning too. I know that I have learned many things in less than ideal situations. Things will get better and you will know that you are fortunate. People that have everything go well for them all the time sometimes take it all for granted and become selfish jerks. Fate or God (depending on your beliefs) may be preventing you from that outcome.

[dmr]

10. What is your definition of a winner or a loser?

It's a matter of perspective and attitude.

There's someone squating in the White House who has money and power and he's the biggest loser I know.

Having bad luck and tough times does not make you a loser, Carlos.

[jiacinto]

11. But

All my friends seem to have good jobs, money, and expensive cars.

[dmr]

15. Is that your measurement, Carlos?

A roof over your head, food in your belly, reliable transportation and integrity sounds like a winner to me - anything over that is luxury.

Take one day at a time. Remain focused and keep your perspective. Many times, we are our own worse enemy. Find some kind of work to sustain you while you pursue your goals. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, but we learn and grow. It's rough out there for many Americans.

[jiacinto]

16. It's been rough my whole life

Just for once I want something to break my way.

[VermontDem2004]

30. Oh please

I know people who are MUCH worse then you are, hell you are on a computer with internet access, lots of people can't even afford a computer.

[mrbill]

26. they are probably living on credit

n/t

[jiacinto]

29. Yeah

That's probably the case. But still I wish I had stuff like that.

[JanMichael]

12. Are you talking Money? Because you're nuts if you're still using...

...that as a measurement of "self worth".

[jiacinto]

14. Things come easier for my friends

Good jobs, money, expensive cars. For once why can't I have any of that?

I really feel like this right now.

[Misinformed01]

17. I edited this before I hit "post."

Carlos, why don't you go on some sort of retreat and find yourself?

In all honesty, you might very well find yourself a "conservative."

If you do, just be the best Republican you can be-

[Nikia]

18. Maybe that 's what you have to learn

You graduated from nice colleges. Everything was supposed to be great. You were suppose to get a good job, expensive car, and lots of money. You deserved it. I am not saying that you don't deserve this, but are you learning anything. I had been getting rather arrogant myself when I graduated from college and if I had gotten a great job, I might have been a lost cause in that and even voted for Bush (I hope not that bad). My friend with the job that barely paid the bills said that what he learned was that there are more important things than money in this world. I know that you didn't grow up rich so you think that you already know that. Do you? Did you forget? I don't mean to be hard on you. I'm still learning myself. My friend gets to leave puratory, but I don't. Alright, maybe you'll get a good job without learning anything or maybe you won't after you've learned everything. Maybe, I'm full of shit. It helps me to think of things as learning experiences though.

[jiacinto]

20. It's just frustration

I see all my friends around me in good jobs, making good money. I just don't know why that can be me.

[corarose]

13. Some people might think that I am a loser

Each time you fall you have to pick yourself back up.

A winner to me is someone who is good person at heart and it has nothing to do with money.

People use to call my ex fiancé a loser and why are you dating a loser. Well I lost in the end on that one but I was a winner for losing him.

[Skittles]

19. are you insinuating you are a loser

stop it. You've hit a rough patch - you'll survive and you will be better for it.

[Guaranteed]

41. No, he's insinuating I'M a loser.

:)

[corarose]

21. Your not a loser!

Stop thinking that way!

You are one of the brightest people on this board and you need to drop that thought from your head.

[Clete]

22. Dear Carlos,

those are just words. Judgement as a winner or a loser isn't important. It's really how you think of yourself and how willing you are to forgive those who are jealous of you.

[jiacinto]

23. I just need a break

nt

[mac56]

24. Perseverence is the key, Carlos.

Not to sound like some office motivational poster, but in my experience perseverence and persistence are what distinguishes "winners" from "losers".

Take a day or so, heal up from whatever's making this hit home for you right now, then go out and hit it again.

[Ellen Forradalom]

25. Are you perchance depressed?

Or showing symptoms of depression? I always ponder questions like these, and in these terms, when I am experiencing depression.

If you think you might be depressed, all the threads in DU can't help. Go see a doctor.

[pdx_prog]

27. You get back what you put out

People are like tuning forks....you attract poeple and things that operate on the same frequency as you do. Kharma is real.....you get back what ever it is you put out. Tithing is the basis for all of this. You give 10% of yourself, and you receive it back ten fold.

If you put out a winning attitude, you will be a winner. If you put out gloom and dispair you are destined to become that.

[kodi]

28. oh that's easy, winners pray to jesus more.

at least calvin thought so.

[Name removed]

31. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[jiacinto]

32. What a truly rude, snide, and arrogant post

nt

[E_Zapata]

35. And you are looking in the mirror.

If in person you are anything like you are on here, of course you aren't getting hired after interviews.

You just described yourself to a T. Sorry dude.

I think you need to spend more time looking in the mirror instead of looking out at what everyone else has that you don't.

[Forkboy]

46. Yes...but all true.

[kodi]

34. way outta' line dude, self-absorption is a commonality here.

your target appears young, not stupid or unsalvagable.

[E_Zapata]

36. If I thought he was unsalvagable I would pass over this thread

But he's got some attitude problems and society is sending him a pretty strong message. Granted, the job market sucks and there is that factor. But all these whining posts about almost getting hired.....and then, boom, they reject him. It's him they are rejecting. He should look to see what the employers are seeing.....and address that.

And you guys can just enable him till he goes homeless and hungry.

If he can get over the hit to his pride, maybe I am doing him a favor. But apparently, he isn't going to ever look at himself.

[jiacinto]

40. I don't bring in a snide attitude when I interview

nt

[Guaranteed]

42. Hey man!

Don't compromise your principles for friends! Don't sell out! Protect your integrity at all costs! Even if people call you a polemicist!
Keep up the good fight!

On edit: By the way, for the most part I've agreed with your posts. I don't think you're a conservative, you're just not a militant leftist. You're dead on, keep up the good work.

[jiacinto]

44. No I'm not a militant leftitst

nt

[E_Zapata]

43. Oh, so you think you are able to turn it off and on like some master?

People pick up on vibes.

But, hey, sounds like you just admitted that you do have a very snide attitude, and that's a start.

Look, you have been whining and crying on here......and getting no where. I don't know you personally, so I could be way off base. But you give an awfully strong impression of arrogance on here in my mind.

And the only reason it stands out to me is because of your extremely heart-felt and kind responses to Ductape's homeless story. When I read what you wrote, I was dumbstruck wondering, "who is signing onto DU with this guy's handle?!" cause it wasn't you.

Then the barrage of pity-pot posts about your situation started to hit. And it dawned on me, the ONLY reason you could feel anything soft in regard to the homeless plight is only because that could be you. So...not really empathy, just more 'me, myself and I.'

And that's the ONLY reason I am responding to this thread or would have even had an opinion.

[jiacinto]

45. I do have empathy for the homeless

I am not selfish. At least I don't think I am.

[kodi]

49. what a treat. a leftie liberal preaching tough love.

the next time a conservative comes at you with..."those bastards are on welfare because they wont change their ways or want to be" remember your words here.

[Shakespeare]

53. I agree with you to a degree, though it could be phrased more kindly.

Carlos has posted at least twice on being given personality tests by different potential employers, and having the interview process stop abruptly after that.

There is a pattern, and one that he needs to explore for his own good.

Carlos--and I honestly wish the best for you when I say this--I think you need serious therapy. You have a very unusual outlook on life--one centered around a noticeable lack of self-awareness--and are way, WAY too focused on material acquisition.

There is something that potential employers see in you that they don't like. It is in your own best interest to try and discern what that something is, and how you can overcome it. And I don't think that's something you can do by yourself.

Good luck to you.

[KG]

33. depends on your definition of 'winner'

but my kind of winner has overcome, they improvise, they make do. they fall down, they get up again, sometimes many times. they bust ass, go the extra mile, they take the blame, they stand up for what's right, they help others others succeed.

mostly winners don't whine. they persevere.

[regularguy]

37. Winners and Losers and Slogers

I would guess that maybe 1- 2% of people have everything fall right into their laps. Probably the same % just seem to have nothing go right. Everyone else, which probably includes me and you, just tries to deal with the ups and downs. It's important to maintain some modicum of fun and dignity. Forget winners and losers and just slog through like the rest of us. Good luck to ya!

[meti57b]

38. three factors to being a winner in today's job market ....

1. You have to be hard-working, enthusiastic with positive outlook,

2. You have to be prepared with the qualifications for the job,

3. You have to be doggoned LUCKY or have some CONNECTIONS.

You can have all the right stuff till the cows come home but if you don't have that third factor, well ......

I say that as someone who considers themself fortunate enough to have paid employment, because I got my job before the current era.

Until we can stop the exodus of technical and manufacturing jobs overseas (and maybe even bring those jobs back here), and stop huge corporations from forcing down pay for the remaining jobs, ... I can not say anything optimistic about the current job situation.

There may be some that can start up their own business but I don't believe that everyone currently out of work can reasonably be expected to start up their own business.

jiacinto, I wish you all the best in finding a great job. I'll send you positive thoughts.

[NicoleM]

39. If we're speaking economically

often, winners are willing to do what "losers" aren't. I fall into the "loser" category on this one. I'm not cut out to kiss up to bosses and work 80 hour work weeks, or to cut people open and dig around in their guts, or to focus on making money to the exclusion of all else. People who are willing to do those things (and I don't feel superior or inferior to them, I'm just different) make more money than those of us who aren't.

I look at people with McMansions and Beemers and ask myself, "but are they really happy? Do they have families that they actually get to see? Is there more to their lives than just work and money?" For some of them, the answer is no. Maybe a lot of them, I don't know.

It all depends on how you define your terms and what you want out of life. If you're a penniless painter living in a shack on a beach somewhere and you love it, are you a loser just because you don't have a great job?

[Kamika]

56. true post

My dad and my mom became millionairs from absolutely NOTHING after they moved to the US, but they sacrificed so much it's not funny.

I dont think I saw dad until I was 11 (ok well not literally) or so he was ALWAYS at work. My mom came home to fix food for me and my sis, othervise me and my sis mostly hang out at our friends or at church or something. I think Dad lost alot because of that. And it's not over im currently working with Dad now and I will never get to go to College, my social life is non existant, I work 7 days a week..

I have money but not much else.

[Name removed]

47. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[ulysses]

48. And there's winners, and there's losers

But they ain't no big deal
'Cuz the simple man baby pays for the thrills,
The bills and the pills that kill...

[davsand]

50. You get back what you put out.

Pure and simple. If you THINK you will not win that is how it will play out. If you go into anything with the attitude that you will do as much as you can and be as good as you can--well, it does work out in the end. It maybe isn't all you dreamed for--but that elusive dream is there for everyone. Maybe it'd feel better to simply seek ENOUGH--enough competence to do well in your job and enough payback from that job to feel it is worth showing up for. (and by payback I mean emotional satisfaction not necessarily cash.)

We ALL deal with some type of adversity. For some it is quiet personal stuff that never manifests on the outside and for some of us it is right up front to be seen by everybody. When you seek the things those around you have do you ever wonder if maybe you really need that same laundry list?

I learned a long time ago that whatever I was gonna attain in life was gonna come due to me busting my butt--not because I was pretty enough to have it handed to me or not due to some obscure blessing conferred at birth. Luckily, I was gifted with enough intelligence to do what I need to do in life--to identify what is enough for me.

What is enough? Only you can decide that. Just be sure that when you define enough you are using a yardstick you can live with...

Pax to you. I hope your path brightens soon.

Laura

[Heddi]

51. it's not 'winning' and 'losing'

Look---

My husband has 2 sisters, both older than him.

One owned her first house at 24-ish. She's on her 2nd house now in a very chi-chi neighborhood. Has a relatively high-paying job. Has a kid with one of those "cool" names-du-jour. Her cars are never more than 18 months old b/c she trades them in (who would DARE be seen driving around in a 2 year old car!?!?!?). She has everything. Eats out at fancy restaurants several times a week....vacations all the time....

Other sister lives in DC, is a scientist, makes beaucoup dollars, travels around the world.

Then there's me and Mr. Heddi. He's 30, and I"m fast approaching. We rent, drive a 5-year old car. Have 2 credit cards between the both of us. He's in a dead-end job, and I'm still in school. Because I"m in school, I don't work, so the 2 of us live off of less than $30k a year (after taxes). We go on maybe one vacation a year. The last time I bought new underwear was 2 years ago.

So it would seem that THEY are the 'winners' and we are the "losers".

But I don't think so.

We have nearly $25k in the bank of pure, 100% savings. THey have no savings. They are slaves to their jobs. They OWN nothing---the banks, the credit card co's, the mortgage company, the leasing company owns EVERYTHING of theirs.

THey each paid upwards of $400k for a house that's just a wee bit bigger than my mom's house which is valued at $97k.

We don't own alot of stuff, but everything we have is OURS. No car payment. We're not tied down b/c of mortgage or jobs. We have freedom to do whatever we want whenever we want. WE're prudent with our spending and save more than we spend. We sacrifice. We make hard decisions. When we eat out, it's at Taco Bell or Jack in the Box. For anniversaries or birthday's, we may go to Spaghetti Factory or Ye Olde CHeescake Factory, but I can't think of the last time we've spent more than $50 for dinner for the both of us.

We're not interested in material things. I could give a crap how new my undies are---as long as they stay up, they're fine. I don't buy new clothes at a whim. We don't spend our money on crap.

So who's winning and who's losing? Does it matter?

Being happy in your life is the sign of winning. Being unhappy is a sign of not winning (not necessarily losing).

Look at your life and what would make YOU happy. Do you want a fancy car and nice house, or do you want finanical freedom, or do you want everything you 'own' to actually be owned by a financing company?

Carlos---you have things that 90% of the world's population don't have. You have a master's degree. Most people don't even have basic mathematical and grammar skills. You have your health. You have life. You have running water and a roof over your head and the ability to go online and spend countless hours on an internet discussion board.

You are far, far luckier than most people born on this world will ever be.

You are set for failure if you constanly compare yourself to others, and compare what they have to what you don't have.

We're all different.

Some people make millions of dollars in a year, other people make barely $10,000 a year.

Some people have nice houses, some people are homeless.

Be happy that you're not in poverty, that you have a roof over your head, and that you have an education.

There will ALWAYS be someone who has something you don't have, or who has a job better than you, or who makes more money than you do, or who has a nicer car, or a better relationship, or bigger boobs, or a swankier penis, or a fuller head of hair, or a smaller shoe size.

These things in life don't matter. What YOU do and how YOU live YOUR life is what matters.

Be happy with what you have. Don't be unhappy over what you don't have that others do. It's a losing game that you'll never win because you can never be AS good (or better), or AS smart (or smarter), or AS rich (or richer) than everyone else in the country. It's just not possible.

How long have you been without a job---a few months?

There are people I know who have been out of work for a few YEARS. But they're not down. THey've sold off everything they own--their house, their car, their clothes---they now live in an 800sf apartment when they used to live in a 2500sf house. THey take the bus. They eat Budget Gourmet instead of haute cuisine. They're dealing with their situation and not getting down about it because they STILL have a roof over their head, they STILL are in good health, and they STILL have people who love them, and most importantly, they still LOVE themselves, despite their setbacks and personal financial situations.

Look---I'm out of work due to school. We need extra $$. I have experience in many things...but I'm not being hired b/c of the mass influx of other people who are out of work. Know where I"m applying? Grocery stores. McDonalds. Target.

$7.00 an hour is better than $0.00 an hour, and my pride isn't so large that I'm willing to go homeless because I'm "too good" to flip burgers, or ring up people's gas purchases.

If you're in a bad situation, do what you can to get out of it. SO the temp agencies aren't calling you back----apply at Publix or whatever grocery stores are down there. Apply at McD's. Apply at a car-wash. So what if it's not what you went to grad-school for. If you're not making enough $$ to survive, then make at least SOME money....Don't let ego get in the way of taking ANY job you can, regardless of whether it's your "ideal" job.

[NicoleM]

54. Well said.

:)

[Kamika]

52. I think it has to do with your confidence

If you go around thinking you suck, and youll never become anything etc etc, ofcourse youre gonna be a loser... Then there are ppl that sacrifices ALOT to obtain their goal, they never give up nomatter how hard it is.


Social darwinism all the way

[Iverson]

55. We pour examples into the concepts.

Also they are heavily dependent upon context.

I argue that money has nothing to do with your question. Winning and losing is more of a spiritual state than anything else. Unfortunately, we are surrounded by images that reinforce a very shallow message of crass materialism and a political culture that tells us that only predatory mercantilism is an acceptable social model. No wonder that many, many people feel burdened by the same notion that you do.

I do not think that you are a loser, jiacinto. I think that you are scornful, presumptuous, stubborn, and irritating, but you also have an intellect and a willingness to work, and maybe one day a clearer perception of the difference between your friends and your enemies. Those are not qualities of a loser.