Some advice needed

[Exultant Democracy]

I went over to my friend’s apartment tonight to walk her dog for her. When I got to her apartment it had been broken into (the only thing of note taken was her laptop) So I called the police and did that whole thing for her. Right now she is on a train back from NYC and she has asked me to spend the night with her “and hold her.”
This is where it gets a little sticky, long story short we had a physical thing, very hot, but I have no interest in continuing that part of our relationship. She on the other hand is not on the same page as me on that and the last few times I have been around her alone she has been pretty aggressive (and successful.) So I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. She had her apartment broken into and wants me there, but she also made it pretty clear on the phone that wasn’t all she wanted, I know myself well enough to know I’ll give in, but I don’t want to do this and I have kind of started seeing someone new as of last weekend. So I have a half hour till she gets in, what do I do?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. Tell her you would be glad to stay on the couch if it makes her feel safe

but that you have real bad diarrhea and your stomach is too crampy to get physical...that always works...

BTW I AM SERIOUS I AM NOT JOKING!

[Exultant Democracy]

2. not bad, see women can think of these things

us guys are far too simple, maybe "I think I have pink eye."

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. No ..it's gotta be diarrhea

women hate body functions and she can't prove you don't have it..got to the bathroom a couple times and holler out...DO YOU HAVE ANY SPRAY????

[Exultant Democracy]

5. Ah ok, runny butt it is

Its funny, I really would have never thought of the whole being sick thing. The question now is if all the girls that have had diarrhea when they/I have been over just didn't want to sleep with me?

[HEyHEY]

6. ah, the backdoor trots

Good call, but could wreck dinner.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. Yes they just didn't want to sleep with you

If they were romantically interested in you, they would never tell you they had diarrhea...they wouldn't even want you to believe they shit brown.

[SOteric]

10. Right. Women don't crap.

We just explode when we turn 60.

;-)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

15. ROFLPIMP

I got stuck in the picture again! :freak:

[HEyHEY]

18. wha...is that true?

[Exultant Democracy]

13. well poop (hehe)

[Dookus]

8. good god,

you're an evil genius, NSMA....

Promise to use your powers for good.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

9. HEY!!! I could easily be a Repulican

but I took the high road! :D

[HEyHEY]

4. Dude you're in there! Go for it!

Just kidding...rent a boring movie..... get uber drunk and pass out...or invite another friend over...tell her you're scared to stay in the apartment....or...uh..... fix the window and tell her you lied and it was all a joke, and her apartment is fine.

Just make it clear...all night that you aren't interested...distractions are key...the roberry with the the cops will take time....find a backed up sinkl..that kinda hting

[ClintonTyree]

11. Uhhhhhhhhhhh...............

maybe you should try the.....truth? Get a backbone son (I'm not being condescending, I'm probably old enough to be your father). A serious heart to heart is in order, especially if you're dating someone else. End the physical relationship once and for all. The emotional relationship will soon follow. Be a man, a good man.

[HEyHEY]

12. Yeah and the last thing any real man wants is an emotional relationship

I'm feeling goofy tonight!

[Exultant Democracy]

16. I have been blunt about it to her

But this is before I was seeing this other girl. I have no fear of any emotional attachment with this woman; she was a TA in a class I took as a frosh, and has just finished her divorce, I was just rather convenient for her over the last few months. I think I will talk to her about it again now that I am seeing this other girl, but tonight is not the night for that.

[zelda7743]

14. Tell her the truth

It's bad karma to lie to people.

[Booberdawg]

17. Here's a novel idea

Especially since this is a friend that you apparently have a history with. How about being honest? I frankly think lying to "friends" is bad advice. This looks like something that is going to crop up again if not handled.

My .02

Good Luck

Linda

[HEyHEY]

19. That's why I say

Create a diversion...a fire...a flood..a break in :think:

[Booberdawg]

24. Still dishonest

Why not just deal with it? This is supposed to be a friend. :shrug:

[HEyHEY]

26. Maybe the fear of hurting another's feelings....

I don't know the gent at all, but I think thing that would be most people's reason...road to hell etc...

[Exultant Democracy]

20. Ok, she is back, thanks all, and goodnight.

[HEyHEY]

21. So what do you guys think will happen?

;-)
Now that our subject is gone

[Booberdawg]

22. He will lie

[HEyHEY]

23. oooo.....a pecimist

Well, lying is always the easy way out....plus this one sounds so funny, it may be worth it for the laugh when he gets busted.

[Booberdawg]

25. No, a realist

And basically what he decided before he left - not a guess on my part.

[HEyHEY]

27. I should run odds on this

hmmmm 4/1 says he lies!

[sandnsea]

28. Well if he had to ASK

what he should do, not much doubt what's going to happen!

Am I too cynical about the male species?

[Booberdawg]

29. I'm sure

he really just didn't want to hurt her feelings. I have no reason to believe he is a jerk and I don't mean to suggest that at all.

I also think that with some support he might have been encouraged to be honest with her about putting an end to their physical relationship. I know how I feel about people lying to me, and there doesn't have to be a physical or romantic relationship involved. My friends and family that know me best know not to give me a sugar coated version even if the truth will hurt my feelings and I love them for it. I am the same way with others even though it's harder on me. Honesty is best in the long run - deal with it or it will come back to bite you in the ass.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

30. I think he wanted to show support for his friend but feels he is being

manipulated by her in a weak moment. She was just robbed and wants him for comfort and security and he wants to be a good friend but knows he would have trouble resisting the physical aspect.

The fact that he shows up and walks her dog and does things a friend would do indicates that he isn't being a creep.

I think due to the urgency and her having just been robbed, he felt put on the spot this evening.

It was after midnight in New YOrk and I can't blame him if he wants to show up to support her in her fear but doesn't want to have to either A) stay up all night explaining himself and make her day worse after she has been robbed B) feel like he is being manipulated into an action he'd rather not take under the guise of comforting a friend who has just been robbed.

[Booberdawg]

31. Let me make it clear again that

I do NOT think he is being a creep. As I said, I have no reason to believe that and felt he just didn't want to hurt her feelings.

My feeling is that her USING this robbery to manipulate him into intimacy and sex that he does not want MAKES this the right time to be honest about his needing to end the physical aspect of their relationship. He has another romantic interest - it is not unreasonable on his side and is not something that need reflect in a hurtful way on her and could easily be put tactfully.

I just don't feel comfortable lying to a friend in this case. I feel like honesty is even better for her, believe it or not, and better for both of them in the long run. We just disagree on this one, NSMA. I guess we might disagree on something out of your next 25K too, ya think? :D :hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

32. Quite possibly and while I think honesty is in most circumstances

a good policy, sometimes one does not know what will escalate another after a bad day.

In the long run, of course it is better for both of them but sometimes that course runs on the schedule of someone other than the manipulater...whcih means when he is comfortable setting the record straight and not having to stay up all night to explain himself to someone who is requesting his assistance.

Deep down inside, I would venture to guess she already knows where he is at about this which is why she'd rather manipulate.

[Booberdawg]

33. We don't know that he would have to stay up all night explaining himself

You assume facts not in evidence, counselor. :D

I appreciate the point you are making. I really do. Understand that I'm not suggesting that you are advocating deliberate dishonesty for the sake of expediency for a DU pal and I realize you simply hold a view that different timing for the honesty conversation is warranted under these circumstances. A reasonable point of view. I just have a different take on this is all and feel just as sincere about it.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

34. A pretty reasonable assumption though based on the rest of his

description.

When people resort to manipulation to get their way, they should not count on the ordinary conventions of social structure. They broke those conventions by manipulating.

I do feel strongly that people can't expect one set of rules for their friends when their own intentions are not entirely on the level.

[Booberdawg]

35. LOL! Okay!

You are a stinker! :evilgrin:

[northzax]

38. how does she know he doesn't want it?

every other time she's tried, it's worked. He may SAY that he doesn't want it, but then he goes ahead and does it.

[Booberdawg]

39. That's a good point

I was having second thoughts about that myself, that maybe it wasn't so much manipulation on her part in a negative sense as it was using sex for comfort and security. Like you said, he's never turned her down before so it's possible she didn't feel like she had to go to any special lengths to get sex. I don't see anywhere in the original message of this thread where he said no, just that she made her intentions clear.

[Exultant Democracy]

36. Thanks for last night everyone

I decided to go with the plan C. What is plan C you ask?
Well my mother and my “friend” happen to be pretty close friends. They met a few years ago at one of my school functions and became fast friends. In fact it is the main reason that I stayed in contact with my “friend” after she finished her graduate work.
So when she got home I told her that were going to go to my mothers house, that way my mom could drive her around today to do all the police stuff, while I went to school.
I’m pretty sure my mom knows what has been going on with us, but my friend feels a little bit uncomfortable with it. So when we got to my mom’s place she slept in the guest room (used to be mine) and I hit the couch.
I decided that playing the whole sick thing wouldn’t work that well. My friend is about 10 times as smart as me, and I’m pretty terrible at lying, so she would see right through me and probably be insulted by the whole thing.
The only bad thing to come out of it is that coming home last night managed to lead into on of the most messed up morning I have ever had, but that is for another thread.

[Booberdawg]

37. I'm glad it worked out for last night

:thumbsup: