Dating (or not dating) sucks ass...

[Shananigans]

So I have been getting the urge lately to get out into the world and do a little dating. The problem is, though, that I am definately not the type of girl that guys are looking for. Don't get me wrong, I am not a freak, but generally men aren't looking for a 26 year old woman who is 60+ pounds overweight.

I have been trying to make some healthy changes in my life lately by joining a volleyball team, joining a gym and working out, but it has been 5 months and I have lost 4.5 pounds. I feel much better and don't regret doing it, but it's still discouraging.

Anyways, I met this guy a few weeks ago and although we haven't talked in person too much (he is on my intramural team) we seemed to have great email chemistry. We are both fairly witty and have a great banter going. Well, through a series of events we got on the topic of dating and he asks a few questions, which I answer. His questions were pretty harmless, but I was entertaining the notion of if I actually liked him besides through email. He pretty much squashed that by telling me that he has dated some incredibly good looking women but is on the rebound and I should tell the hotties on the team to watch out. (yeah, I'm kind of assuming I'm not included in that). Now this guy is like 8 years older than all of us, not incredibly good looking and for the most part...average. So I am thinking...if I can't even get an average guy who I am not even sure if I am attracted to to like me...is there hope?

Seriously...why do these little setbacks have to make me feel so crappy? I just don't understand how those other than the "beautiful people" of the world meet and date. Is it possible for a chunky girl to date? Any light shed on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

Not so hot photo of me pre-haircut about a month ago:



Photo of me in Vegas a few weeks ago, I am the one in the middle:

[JimmyJazz]

1. Darling, you are TOTALLY beautiful!

If I had any answers for you, I'd be a wealthy woman. Keep up the good work with the gym and the active lifestyle and for pete's sake - throw that fuggin' scale in the trash can :D

I :loveya: to pieces! I know I'm not really what you had in mind, but I count for something, don't I?

[Shananigans]

11. You count for something...

but on nights like these I will have to admit it doesn't always help :|

[mac56]

2. You look great, Shan.

Enjoy the quest. The right one is out there, I promise.

[KG]

3. relationships are over-rated, self-love is where it's at!

actually, that's my own lame justification for my lack of a love life.

[Lannes]

4. Dont sell yourself short

You are very pretty,and dont buy into that "Ive dated alot of beautiful women line" He is just trying to build himself up.If you like him go for it and if it doesnt work out at least you are making an effort.Better that then sitting at home wondering what might have been.Good luck!

[Shananigans]

12. Honestly, that is only about 10% of it...

I wasn't really into this guy in the first place. But I thought his email was just stupid. It's not him, as I had no emotional connection to him, but what he represents...all the other men out there.

[Lannes]

13. "All the other men out there"

Well Shananigans,a man(me)was one of the first to give you some encouragement and compliment you so we arent all ogres.

I hope you find someone out there that will change your opinion of us.There alot of jerks out there of both sexes but it doesnt mean one or the other is all bad.

[orleans]

14. gee--when he told you to tell the "hotties" he is on the rebound

that would have been the perfect moment for you to tell him to go rebound himself! (heeheehee)

gee, shananigans, he really doesn't represent all the other men out there. (thank god for that!) they're not all stupid, or arrogant, or self-centered.

now you can just be assured that his "type" is exactly not the type you're looking for. but they're not all like that. some are actually really nice guys. keep going--keep looking (if you're so inclined)

(did you sign the letter?
here's the link)

[Shananigans]

15. I know, I know!

But the principal is that I really don't care about THIS guy. I care about what he represents. I feel like the world can claim over and over again that I am not bad looking and that one day some man will come by and love me for me...but my point is that I don't think it's going to happen. I'm beyond feeling sorry for myself. I just truly want to come to terms with it all...

[Shoeempress]

5. You are a lovely woman who is being far too critical of herself.

Why are you basing your opinion of all men on some guy who sounds like he is chasing women as some sort of trophy. There a lots of really nice guys who would be thrilled to have someone as witty, interesting and as gorgeous as you are.

[RPM]

6. One Piece of Advice - Leave the Crown at Home

It scares guys away - royalty is expensive to provide for.
;-)

Have fun and best of luck on the scene!

[Shananigans]

17. Good call!

Perhaps that is why I am so dateless! :)

[skygazer]

7. Well, I really believe the best way to meet and date

is almost always by accident or when you're not really looking for it. You meet someone in class or at the park or the gym and you start talking and become friends. And it blossoms. That's a hard thing to really look for.

Who do you notice in a crowd of people? A crowd of people just blends together - it's hard to pick out one person. So people tend to notice the totally hot chick or the really buff guy (or the drunk making a fool of himself). You don't really see the real people.

You're gorgeous. You have a beautiful bright smile and great eyes. Enjoy being you and don't worry too much about finding someone because they'll find you. You kind of find each other. At least that's how the best relationships for me have always happened. When I was least expecting it.

[tjdee]

8. Men bashing herein:

Just kidding. ;)

It doesn't take all the men in the world, it just takes the right one. Apparently, he is otherwise engaged. So try not to worry about all these wrong guys. They're actually helping you by not making you waste a one/two/three years with them to discover they're not right for you. Saves a lot of heartache.

Dating really does suck ass though.

[Jara sang]

9. Relax, you look great!

I wouldn't worry about it, just be yourself and the right one will come around for you. The key is definitely to network, joining a team or a club like you said is a good way to meet people who you can be somewhat certain have the same interests as you. Cheer up kid, you're gorgeous!:loveya:

[notadmblnd]

10. you can always try what I do......

carry a matress and a box of condoms with you everywhere you go. It hasn't worked for me yet, but I am losing weight by lugging the crap around.

[FreedomAngel82]

16. Aw I know how you feel

I'm the same way with guys. Plus it doesn't help I'm short (think Barbara Boxer short). I don't have much luck with men either but I'm starting to try not to worry about it. I think you're pretty and you have good fashion and seem to keep yourself up like in the photo's. I know how hard it is though. It can suck ass being the only one of your friends to be single and have bad luck with men.

[MissMillie]

18. You're beautiful

Please trust me about this: you don't want to be w/ someone who doesn't want to be with you. And you already know this. You know that you are better off alone than with someone who doesn't really want to make an effort for you and with you for something special.

Make your life full without a partner, and be really happy with who you are. After you achieve this a partner is just gravy.

[Samurai_Writer]

19. Sounds like you are looking for the wrong type of guy...

There are LOTS of men who ADORE larger women! And honey, you're NOT that big. If you were to join a BBW social group, you would see women MUCH larger than you getting lots of attention from the guys. The guy you have been emailing sounds like a class A jerk.

Also, confidence is what attracts most men to women. You have to like yourself before someone else will like you. Weight is just a number, and you shouldn't worry about it. Eat healthy, exercise, be active. Maybe you will lose weight, maybe you won't. But you'll be happy and confident and suddenly find yourself surrounded with men wanting to date you -- I guarantee it!

Peace,
Bella

[Modem Butterfly]

20. You have to have confidence

A friend of mine is significatnly overweight and has never suffered for male companionship because she exudes confidence. She dresses to the nines and keeps herself up as well (hair, nails, make-up, etc.) and says that all this helps. Look good, you'll feel good is her mantra.