Masonite introduces line of dungeon doors

[jmowreader]

A couple of weeks ago, I called Masonite and asked them to send me a box of brochures for their steel and fiberglass doors. Yesterday a box arrived from Masonite.

I figured I was going to get a dozen packs of steel entry door brochures, a dozen packs of steel patio door brochures, and a dozen packs of Feather River Fiberglass Entry Door brochures. You know, what I asked them to send.

I got zero packs of those three brochures and 20 packs of brochures for their new line of Distressed Mahogany Entry Doors with optional openable speakeasy doors (the little door-in-a-door the gin joint doorman in those old gangster movies opened so you could tell him the password to get in).

And I'm not shitting: this thing looks like a friggin' dungeon door--something that you expect to open to find guys singing about being given lines that are quite unsingable.

I'm not quite certain how to evaluate this new product. Is it a sop to the Society for Creative Anachronism crowd? I mean, a couple who would spend thousands of dollars on a knight's uniform and a serving-wench's gown and tens of thousands going to tournaments would love to part with the not-inconsiderable sum of only $1365 to have a front door that looks like it came off King Arthur's castle.

Is it a door for freepers? Lots of freepers think Lynndie was a good patriotic American who gave those greasy rag-heads just what they deserved; these people would buy a Masonite dungeon door and use it on their game rooms. (Well, the ones who could scrape up $1400 to buy one door would.)

Is it a door for rabid talibornagains? Most of those folks want to go back to the 13th Century, when 'Murika was pure and free from un-Christian influences like Rock and Roll Music and Food Stamps. Well...how are you gonna live in the 13th Century if you've got a steel door on your house? Next thing you know, they'll be bustin' the glass out of their windows and replacing it with oiled paper like the Christian Pioneers used to do.

Or is it a door to put on an actual torture chamber? I mean, you're kicking the shit out of someone, they get away, you want 'em to not run very far. So they run so fast they slam right into your solid mahogany door...hey, bonus hit!

We'll probably sell one all year.