I confess: I AM Tom Cruise!

[valis]

Discuss. :P

[tuvor]

1. You're overrated.

But I liked you in Taps.

[Lannes]

2. What was the deal with Cocktail?

[undeterred]

3. What makes the Cruise missle fly?

:shrug: :shrug:

[tuvor]

5. These days, it's Katie Holmes.

[El Fuego]

4. What was the deal with Penelope Cruz?

[chickenscratching]

6. Does Katie post here too? n/t

[valis]

9. It's over with Katie. OK?

:) Hi cs!

[chickenscratching]

15. aloha, valis!

how are things?

[valis]

19. Not bad... I'm in LA today

:)

[chickenscratching]

21. How's the weather?

Work travel? Or recreation of some sorts?

[valis]

24. Work work work... Lousy hotel, did not even peek outside...

[chickenscratching]

26. That's too bad your hotel is lousy

Hopefully your work is going well though

[valis]

28. Done! Back tomorrow morning.

Just one stupid dinner left...

[chickenscratching]

29. What

kind of work do you do?

[valis]

32. An actor, of course!

:P

[chickenscratching]

33. ha!

of course, i forgot, sorry, mr cruise.

[valis]

37. I do miss Nicole. It was a mistake to leave her...

I'm a fucking idiot.

[chickenscratching]

39. shit happens

believe in yourself and good stuff will follow

[valis]

40. Yeah.. Hubbard taught me that. I got his book right here on my desk...

You gotta believe!

[chickenscratching]

42. ha

i try not to take my ideology too seriously.

so tom, how does it feel to be you?

[valis]

44. It's strange... It felt grat until i was 30 or so. After that it became

routine. And I'm getting bored with everything. That's why I go "crazy" on shows. I'm trying to feel alive again. I believed it was all Nicole's fault. But now that she is not with me I feel the same as before. So it's something inside me. Therapists are worth shit. And I'm not getting meds, they impair my acting...

[chickenscratching]

45. Hopefully you'll find your way to work through things

[swag]

7. I am Damo Suzuki

[PATRICK]

8. The Anti-Cruise?

[El Fuego]

10. Why did you suck so bad in Vanilla Sky, which also sucked?

[Swede]

11. Why do we call Scientologists "clams"?

Like "That Cruise guy sure is a clueless clam."

[JimmyJazz]

12. You just love getting flamed, don't you?

:P

[Wickerman]

13. When are we going to see a Days of Thunder sequel?

:rofl:

and do you miss your oh so much more talented ex-wife?

:nopity:

[valis]

16. That's why it did not work out, man. She made me feel bad...

[undeterred]

20. Same thing happened to Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball

Sonny and Cher too.

[Wickerman]

23. so, even though Vanilla Sky was line for line ripped from Open Your Eyes

and you even had the same female lead, why why do ya suppose your version was not near as compelling?

[valis]

30. In short: because I'm an idiot. GUYS< I need help! Scientology is

killing me!!!

[Wickerman]

31. I suggest prescription drugs

screw the healthy diet, just get some PharCo. chemicals and leave the driving to the docs. Oh, and lay off the BoTox.

[valis]

34. BoTox... Let me have at least that, please...

[Wickerman]

41. Can't do it, man, you have a hard enough time with range of emotion

the way it is. Did ya happen to see yourself on Oprah? Dude, when you have to resort to that to display how you feel; when ya can't do it with voice or facial expression, ya've had too much of the 'Tox.

[valis]

46. My face is my job... I have to preserve it as much as possible...

Everybody in the biz uses it...

[Wickerman]

51. Now Tom, if everyone in the biz joined the same club

say some weird kind of religion, would you do that, too? Of course not - you are your own man! Remember how you stood up for yourself in, uh, uh, well, anyway, you are your own man.

[valis]

14. I'm the greatest! Please bow, now.

:P

[Beware the Beast Man]

17. I'm somehow not surpirsed.

[mark414]

18. that explains a lot

[chickenscratching]

22. Kick!

[jandrok]

25. How the hell could you possibly kick NICOLE KIDMAN to the....

....curb? What the hell were you thinkin', man? You are most assuredly gay.

[Name removed]

27. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Susang]

56. Did you mean to post that gays are narcissists?

If you did, that's pretty damned offensive, don't you think?

[Blue-Jay]

57. An incredibly rude narcissist at that.

sheesh

[Zuni]

58. I didn't realize trolls were so stuck on themselves

[MissB]

35. Say "hi" to my brother for me, m'kay?

[HysteryDiagnosis]

36. Impossible.... he is washing my other car right

at this moment.... you must be mistaken. I let him drive it when he is through... it's only fair....

[valis]

38. Being famous is a curse...

[Shrubhater]

43. Yeah, and I'm John Travolta!

:sarcasm:

[Name removed]

47. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

50. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[valis]

48. Ok, bye DUers!

Nice talking to regular people from time to time.
-Tom

All Rights Reserved. Any similarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. With exception of artwork used for review purposes, none of the contents of this spoof may be reprinted without the permission of Valis. :P

[chickenscratching]

49. see ya later valis!

:hi:

[undeterred]

52. Kick for TC!

[Name removed]

53. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

54. .

:spray:

[In_The_Wind]

55. with a brain

amazing

:hi:

[Redstone]

59. So, how them aliens in the volcanoes doing lately?

Redstone