I just found out someone I know is homophobic

[Droopy]

I've been talking to a woman via e-mail for quite some time now. Since January I think. She lives pretty far away from me, but she is coming to my state to see the sights and visit me later this summer.

She wrote me an e-mail recently that said that a woman had hit on her and it creeped her out. I wrote back saying that if a guy hit on me I would tell him that I was flattered, but I'm not into men. The next e-mail she went on a little homophobic rant saying that lesbians were immature, unnatural, and walked around like they had a penis. I wrote back telling her about a friend of the family who is a lesbian and she's been in a loving relationship for the last 15 years. She is both mature and feminine. Not that there's anything wrong with not being feminine, it's just that my friend did not fit the stereotype that this woman was painting. She came back with a really hateful little rant about homosexuality that I will not pass along here.

I really thought that this woman was a good person before she revealed her homophobia. I sometimes fantasized about having a relationship with her. But I see now that can never happen. She is so blinded by her hatred that she could not see the points that I was making. I need a hug.

[KitchenWitch]

1. Here you go

:hug:

:loveya:

[Droopy]

3. Thank you. I needed that.

[Jade Fox]

2. Disappointing.....

The amazing thing about people like this is that they know and like gay
people, they just don't realize it.

It has long been estimated that ten percent of the population is gay.
That means EVERYONE knows gay people, and most likely is fond of at
least a couple of them. Those gays just don't feel safe coming out to
homophobes.

Anyway....:hug:

[Droopy]

6. I told her something like that

I told her that she probably met several gay people in her life who she liked, but didn't know they were gay. That point went unadressed.

[Left Is Write]

4. I'm sorry.

:hug:

I suppose it's better to find out now than before becoming more involved with her.

[Droopy]

5. Yes. That's true.

[Lex]

7. Sorry Droopy.

Wonder where she is picking up this homophobic crap from? Some churches really spew that stuff.

Also, I do think that people who are seriously freaked out by gay people are sometimes struggling with their own issues about attraction to the same sex. They talk about and vilify homosexuals to convince THEMSELVES that they aren't "like that."

[Droopy]

12. Yes

I wondered if maybe she had some issues with her own sexuality.

[Floogeldy]

8. You pushed the issue. She is not homosexual.

It kind of looks like you sabotaged your relationship with her over something that was not really relevant between the two of you.

:shrug:

[Droopy]

9. I'm sorry

But I cannot be in a relationship with a bigot.

[Floogeldy]

15. There is just a chance that you could have talked and worked it out.

That's all I'm saying.



B-)

[Droopy]

17. See post #16

[Floogeldy]

23. Maybe she has never met anyone like you?

Maybe she needs an alternate point of view presented to her, so she can better understand? Maybe that is what she wants. Maybe she is testing you.

Maybe you shouldn't give up so easy? :)

[Droopy]

25. I guess that's a possibility

But I doubt it.

[foreigncorrespondent]

19. Sorry...

...but when someone is a bigot, it is usually pretty damn hard to try and work things out with them. I should know, I work with several bigots and the result is, I am in the closet at work.

[orleans]

18. i think it is relevant--because if she thinks like this

regarding gay issues, there are probably other issues she is equally closed-minded over. and i find that the older i get the more intolerant i become with other people's intolerance. (sounds kinda weird--but it's true.)

years ago i remember reading about racial discrimination and someone had said that when a white person is around someone who is talking like a bigot and you remain silent it is almost as if you are giving them the go-ahead to talk that way. and that made sense. and i started speaking up after that--telling people i found what they were saying completely offensive and i didn't want to hear it.

same thing goes with the gay issue as with the race issue. and i really think bigotry would permeate an individual's personality--there is a rigidity and ignorance and a lack of open-mindedness.

sorry you had a let-down but it's better to know now then later.


(did you sign the letter?
here's the link)

[Droopy]

21. Thank you, orleans

And I think you are right.

[Bouncy Ball]

10. Wow, I'm sorry.

That's just.....sad. That's she's so closed-off.

But in the end, are you glad you found this out now?

Heck, sometimes *I* wish I had a penis and I'm not even a lesbian! :rofl:

[Droopy]

11. Yes I guess I am glad that I found out now

And I understand that penis thing. Seems like life can be easier if you have one.

[Bouncy Ball]

14. I want to go around FEELING THE POWER

of having a penis.

You know like "Hey, serve me now, I've GOT A PENIS!"

I know it's not really like that. I'd be a horrible guy. I'd be power-tripping all the time and get drinks poured on me and slapped and stuff.

:rofl:

[EstimatedProphet]

13. Sorry to hear that, man

Maybe she is just scared. You might be able to help her deal with her fear by talking it out with her more.

However, I think your statement about not being in a relationship with a bigot is admirable. Stick by what you believe is right.

[Droopy]

16. I don't think there is any talking about it to be done

In her last e-mail she said that she considered the issue closed pretty much after going off on her rant. She is completely closed to the alternative point of view. I'll still write to her, though. But my interest in her as anything other than a friend is out the window.

[khashka]

20. Big huge sloppy hug

for Droopy.

I'm sorry she isn't the woman for you but DU has taught me there are some amazingly cool girls out there. Just keep looking :)


I would also very much like to say thank you. It's incredibly wonderful to know there are straight guys like you. That when I get tired fighting the fight there is a straight brother who will watch my back. So thanks, it means a lot.


And meanwhile if you wanna meet some nice straight girls, I'm your man. There are some gorgeous single women here looking for a man with principles..... and I can introduce you to them :)

Khash.

[Droopy]

22. Thanks, man

I will have to migrate to Texas if I want to meet some of those wonderful women, though. But it could be worth the move if I can find love. I'll look you up if I ever get down that way again.

[Heidi]

24. Here's your hug.

I'm sorry about your disappointment, Droopy, but even more sorry that your friend is denying herself the friendship of 10 percent or more of the population. :hug:

[Droopy]

27. Thank you

She is a somewhat lonely person, too. She lives away from her family and by herself. You'd think she'd be wanting all the friends she could get.

[Heidi]

28. Fear is an enormous limiter of human potential . . .

I have no way of knowing why she would limit herself in this way, but I would bet that her homophobia is driven by fear of the unknown. Sad. Can you continue your friendship with her, knowing that she just doesn't yet understand that our gay friends aren't a threat to her?

[Droopy]

29. Yes

I will continue to write to her and I will welcome her to Ohio when she gets here.

[Heidi]

30. You're a good guy.

She will one day appreciate that, and even if she doesn't, you will have done the right thing. :pals:

[Neoma]

26. OUch.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

31. Wow, Droopy, what a story. You always tell them so very well...

I am more than happy to offer you a hug...I could use one myself, tonight...

:hug: :loveya:

I have nothing to add to what everyone else has said here...I'm not eloquent tonight...they've all said what I'm thinking much better than I could...Hope you feel better very soon!

[Droopy]

33. Thank you, Peggy

Here's a :hug: for you.

[yewberry]

32. Oh, man. I'm so sorry.

I really wish that I knew what to say.

I'm a daughter of a dyke (or two)...we're just people, all of us. I'm really sorry that your friend doesn't get that.

Great big hugs to you, buddy.

Be safe and well.

Wish I could be there to give you a real hug, Droopy. :pals:

[Droopy]

34. Thank you.

[roguevalley]

35. hug, love. I am sorry for this. what a wanker she is.

[TheProphetess]

36. Damn, that sucks!

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's always a shock when you find out that someone isn't what you thought they were. Here's a double-hug:
:hug::hug:

[NMMNG]

37. I'm sorry to hear that Droopy

I hate when somebody turns out to be something other than what I thought--it's very disappointing.


I can safely reassure you, although I'm sure you already know, that we don't walk around as if we had penises ;) (we like women...what would we want with penises?)


BTW..:hug:

[enigmatic]

38. Sorry bro...

Look at it this way; at least you found out about this now instead of later; some people aren't so lucky.

That sucks, though...