Accidental emails.. hilarious

[SoCalDem]

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Onoseconds - stuff you'd rather you hadn't sent

Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.

Last week we asked you for the inappropriate
things you'd accidentally emailed and texted:
http://b3ta.com/questions/onoseconds/

a few samples:

* "After spending what can only be described
as an extremely sordid night with a sexy
and utterly filthy young lady named Gemma,
I decided to cheer her up by texting her,
detailing everything I was intent on doing
to her the next time. Graphically. Grandma
was not amused to receive this. Not fully
understanding it and seeking guidance as to
the meaning of some of the content, neither
was my mother. My gran won't sit next to me
at family events any more." (dan j)

* "My friend teaches Judo to young kids.
During a drunken night out, someone got
hold of his phone and did the usual thing
of sending sexually explicit messages,
this time to his girlfriend. Except
his girlfriend was in his phone as 'Babe',
not 'Emma'. Emma was a 12 year old from
his Judo class. Next morning he had to
phone Emma's parents and explain that their
12 year old daughter may have received a
text message saying her judo teacher
wanted to shag her up the ass." (dr-kill)

* "After a major system crash and several
hours running round swearing, Boss sticks
his head round the door and says, 'Do us a
favour - send an on-screen message to all
users to let 'em know the computer's no
longer fucked.' So I did: 'ALL USERS:
COMPUTER NO LONGER FUCKED' We laughed.
Then, I dropped my coffee mug. It landed
on the Enter key. Our network had several
hundred users in many varied locations
round the world. I was no longer one of
them." (scaryduck)


We'd like to send our condolences to Hazey's
mate who managed to get "I've an arse-hole like
the back of Batman's car" to pop up over a
friend's presentation to his directors, and we
are slightly scared by Spastic Lequee's
admission that he "tends not to wank in
office stationery anymore."

[lildreamer316]

1. Love This! Here's my fave so far:

Fun with poetry
I'm kind of stretching this to its natural limits, but here goes...

English class, year 11, posh grammar school. Very nice, butter-wouldn't-melt English teacher sets, for Valentine's Day, a poem on the theme of love and vegetables.

Cue my epic in the form of:

My love
I give you a cucumber
You'll need it
Because you're dumped

This being a heinous crime against nature, I was swiftly dragged up to the office of the Head of English, told that what I had written was offensive to all women and given a detention. Another guy also got a detention, for his poem which apparently contained the lines "Take a stick of celery/Rub it on my bum".
To be fair, what did my teacher expect, giving a subject like "Love and Vegetables" to a class of teenage boys? It's like giving matches, petrol and copies of the Daily Mail to left wing arsonists.

[evlbstrd]

2. Once again, Zappa was prophetic.

Call any vegetable. Call it by name. And the vegetable will resond to you!

[Atlas Mugged]

3. Wicked fun:

I was writing a report about the military dangers of a certain country, which I had to email off to 'the boss'. No sooner than I had pressed send than I realised that I had written 45 minutes instead of 45 days! Well, it was too late to sort it out so I had to sit and wait.

Needless to say a big cock up ensued and a lot of money was spent on something which was ultimatley pointless.

[In_The_Wind]

4. OK ... so now I'm really awake!

This makes some of my mistakes look very insignificant:puffpiece::blush:

Thanks for my Saturday morning laugh!


:donut:

[Vitruvius]

5. My favorite -- it explains some recent history...

"I was writing a report about the military dangers of a certain country, which I had to email off to 'the boss'. No sooner than I had pressed send than I realised that I had written 45 minutes instead of 45 days! Well, it was too late to sort it out so I had to sit and wait.

"Needless to say a big cock up ensued and a lot of money was spent on something which was ultimately pointless.

-- Lightguy