Why do people want to have children?

[johnnie]

Serious question. I'm just wondering what the opinions are here about why people decide to have children.
I'm not anti-children in no way. I have none yet, but I like them.
So...why :shrug:

[Missy M]

1. There is nothing more fulfilling than having children..

..and then to make it even greater having grandchildren.

[johnnie]

2. But how do you know that

...before you have them?

[Missy M]

5. True...

but isn't that like most things in life - how do you know anything until you try it.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

3. I have no idea

It's a pure biological urge that comes deep from within. I never wanted kids, but then, there they were, and it brought out things in me I'd never known about.

When it's time for you to have kids - if that time ever comes - you won't think about it. You'll just have them.

Unless, of course, you become one of those crazed types, obsessed with pregnancy and birth and thrusting their clearly inferior genes into the next generation and beyond. Then, all I can ask you is WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

Oh, sorry. That last part just slipped out........

[Deja Q]

4. The need the feel to care for something.

Those in power know how to manipulate the concept very well.
That's one reason why the hippie revolution failed. Too many people wanting to breed; the time to fight for social justice stopped being important. Especially when they needed jobs to support mommy and Junioretta, Junior, and the remaining .3 of the other.

[notadmblnd]

6. We didn't plan to have any

we were together for 10 years nothing ever happened and we just never figured it would. Then when my husband was in the hospital having his first heart surgery, I found out I was pregnant. I was 34 my husband was 44 and as soon as our son was born he ran off to the urologist for the snip cut and burn. I love my son but if I ever had an inkling that world events would have taken the course it has, I would have aborted him. I fear for his future and regret bringing a child into this world.

[johnnie]

7. I think all generations thought like that at one time

Yes, the world sucks right now, but it has before. I hope for the best of the future generations and I'm glad you kept your son. We will need good libs in the future to fix this mess.

[jmm]

32. I'm not a parent but

if everyone with the good sense to realized how messed up this world is decided not to have kids imagine how much worse this planet will be a few generations from now. I've never had a desire to give birth but I would like to be a mom someday and if I do my job right there will be a few less intolerant hateful self-centered people in the world.

[progmom]

48. how old is your son?

mine is three, and while i do worry a bit about what the future holds in store for all of us, i see my son more as a potential for great hope. if we raise our kids to fight for justice, and to always react with kindness, there's a lot of reason to be optimistic.

i have never in my life looked at my kid and wished he wasn't there. not for his sake, not for mine... to me he's a miracle.

[notadmblnd]

53. mine is 12

he's a great human being, but when I think of what this country is becoming, I get very afraid for him. I didn't bring him into this world to go off and die for the likes of this current regeime.

I didn't say I wish I'd never brought him into this world, I just said if I knew how things would be I wouldn't have done it.

[yellowdogintexas]

8. I NEVER wanted children until I became involved with my 2nd

husband. In fact, it was the realization that this relationship made me want to have a child with him that sealed the deal on marrying him.

Twenty years later, my daughter is and has been just the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

We rejoice every day that this wonderful creature ended up with us. And that we are together too.

Not in an overly religious way, just plain gladness

[gkhouston]

29. similar situation for me

By the time I got to my mid-thirties, still single and childless, it seemed to me that the marriage-and-kids thing just wasn't going to pan out for me and I didn't mind. I was happy with my life and I'd seen enough dysfunctional relationships to know that there are worse things than being solitary in a world full of pairs. Then I fell in love unexpectedly, and married, and I wanted to have a child with my husband and he wanted a child, too, so poof! I became a mommy at 40. I've thought about having another child but the way the world is going right now -- no, I kind of wish I hadn't had my daughter. Not because I don't want her, but because I fear for her future.

[yellowdogintexas]

36. mommy at 36. didn't have another because that

pregnancy was so perfect, and she was so healthy and I did not want my kids stacked back to back...I was afraid to press my luck so to speak with a second pregnancy.

[El Fuego]

9. Beats me

It seem like the desire for children is in people's genes, because some seem more naturally driven to reproduce than others.

I never wanted them, don't understand why anyone would, but I respect that most people want them.

[stevedeshazer]

10. It's OBVIOUS! If I didn't have children,

Who would inherit my Bushco™ Double-Plus Good Private Social Security Account™?

I'll tip over just packing away all the extra cash.

[Onlooker]

11. What do you mean by "have"?

:)

[Left Is Write]

12. I can't explain why I wanted children.

I just "knew." I know that doesn't make any sense and there's no logic to it. I had a happy childhood; I don't know - maybe I wanted to pass that along. I also have a strong connection to family, history, and roots. Maybe I wanted to see that reflected in the eyes of my own children.

I'm also one of those loonies who enjoyed pregnancy and childbirth. ;)

I really don't know, though, because I would have wanted children even if they didn't come from my DNA.

[undeterred]

13. Theres the tax deductions

that's why my parents did it.

[KaliTracy]

14. we both didn't want children, but after 11 yrs of marriage unexpectedly

pregnant at 35. Major adjustments, but son is 5 years old and I can't imagine life without him.

[TNDemo]

15. Somebody to wipe your butt when you are old?

I have three and wish I had had another one but we were strapped with parents with Alzheimer's and I can understand why we stopped. I just love them because they are such fantastic people. I love their company and they have turned out to be caring, generous, funny, beautiful people and the world is better off because of them! When they are born those hormones take over and I completely understand laying down my life for them if needed.

One other thing - I don't think there is anything quite so attractive as seeing your mate truly love and enjoy your children. That is a true turn-on. Also having a supportive spouse would make or break having kids.

[kedrys]

16. Utterly no idea

Seems good for other people, but as far back as I remember, I never wanted kids. The s.o. feels the same way, so it worked out. I guess we're both missing the parental gene, but the cats have no complaints so far.

[Dukkha]

17. some oddball reasons

Their God demands it
To spite an Ex
Don't want to use protection
Tax deduction
compensate for career failure
house/farm aide
elderly nanny
blood sacrifice

[gollygee]

18. I didn't want them for a long time

but then some instinctive thing kicked in and I knew if I didn't have one I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Having my daughter is the best decision I ever made.

[johnnie]

28. Awwww

She is a cutie.

[BlueStateGirl]

19. Biological imperative? n/t

[Arugula Latte]

20. You get to remember what childhood is like.

You get little people around who make you laugh several times a day.

You get to live through the most amazing experience of your life.

You get to feel like your life has taken on a deeper, truer dimension.

It's wonderful. I recommend it highly.

[Skittles]

42. remember what childhood was like?

that is one thing I don't f***ing need. Please don't think that EVERYONE experienced what YOU experienced. If it is true, how do you account for all the child abuse?

[Arugula Latte]

49. Sorry to offend you.

I didn't think all the scenarios through when I wrote that. I did have a happy childhood (not perfect), but I do realize many people had bad to horrific ones.

I know that child abuse leads to child abuse leads to child abuse.

I was just thinking about the simple pleasures like picking a Halloween pumpkin or running out to the ice cream man or making "bug houses" in the yard like my youngest likes to do. It's nice to go through that kind of stuff again.

Again, I do realize not everybody got to experience such things.

[Skittles]

62. no no, not offended

it's just when good parents paint an idyllic portrait of child-raising, they don't take into account that many people should never, EVER have children. No INDEED.

[Phentex]

68. The cycle can be broken....

I'm not saying it's a reason for having children. But it doesn't have to be the reason for not having children. My family right now is everything my childhood was not.

[name not needed]

21. Replacement organs

:D

[deutsey]

22. I have twins and a singlet

I love my kids and would not want my reality to be any different now that they are here; however, I have to be honest: if my wife and I had not been able to conceive, I personally would not have been upset by it.

So I can't say why some people feel compelled to have kids. For me, my wife wanted children, I was ok with that, and, voila, here we are.

[liontamer]

23. a friends mother told me it gave her purpose

rather than wondering what to do with herself, once she had kids she knew everything she did had to be what would benefit them. She saw her contribution to the world as raising good people who would help improve it.

[CanuckAmok]

24. Food.

Either for eating them if you're an air crash survivor trapped in the Andes, or in the less unlikely event you need care as a senior, and require someone to buy/bring/feed your food.

No other reason. Anything beyond what I have outline is strictly fantasy.

[nytemare]

25. You are bad!

I think my nieces are good to borrow, and return. I like kids, but wouldn't want my own.

And you are bad!!

:)

[ofrfxsk]

59. LOL!!!!!

[CornField]

26. For the same reason some feel the need to write, dance, run, etc.

Enjoyment, challenge, purpose and more. Above all else, children are a chance at immortality -- about keeping a piece of yourself alive forever.

[AngryAmish]

27. I needed someone to fetch my beer.

[SmokingJacket]

30. Inexplicable urge.

Starting around 24, I started wanting to touch and hold other people's babies.

Then when I had to give them back, I'd cry.

Weird! This went on for about four years, then I got married, and my husband I decided we'd wait awhile before having kids.

We were pregnant almost immediately. It was great!

Though really, sometimes I wish I had an alternate life so I could try out being childless -- I'm pretty ambitious career-wise and it would be interesting to be devote *everything* to the career, instead of devoting all my leftover energy to it.

[Left Is Write]

37. I often wonder what my life would have been like

if I hadn't had my first child nine days shy of age 21. However, I did have her, and for many years I didn't think I'd have any others, and was so glad to have her. I'm still glad to have her, and her brother and sister as well.

Still, though, I think it's human to wonder "what if", even if you're happy with what you've got.

[Bouncy Ball]

31. My husband begged me.

No seriously, he did. He was ready, I wasn't, but I knew I probably wanted at least one.

So I figured, well this COULD take a while. I mean, it doesn't always happen right away!

It happened right away.

And I couldn't be happier. But we stopped at one, we love having one kid. It's the perfect sized family for us!

I guess you just want a child to love and raise. That's a good reason.

[China_cat]

33. There is nothing more selfish than having children

It's not done for the child's sake, it's done for the sake of the adults who decide to do it.

That's NOT to say that the child won't have a good life or that the adults won't be happy but the only way to have a child for the child's sake is to adopt.

[SmokingJacket]

38. Eating food is also selfish.

It continues the species.

[China_cat]

39. No it doesn't.

Eating food continues the individual. The loss of any one individual does nothing to the species unless it is the last one left.

[ofrfxsk]

57. Try to explain that to the majority of the population

Their heads will explode. The only reason people have children is to try to perpetuate themselves. Arrogance. No matter how functionally stupid or willfully ignorant their precious Lola or Jacob is, they think they've got an Einstein on their hands.
JMO

[SW FL Dem]

58. This adoptive mom has to respectfully disagree

Families are made in many different ways and none are better than others. I adopted because I couldn't have a child and I wanted to be a mother. My motives were no different than women who conceive because they want to be mothers.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

34. So they can become a burden to them in their old age

[LeftyMom]

35. People want to screw

No really, it's fulfilling in a strange way. I never was very good with small kids, and was somewhat worried how I'd do as a mother since I'd never been able to hold a baby without it crying. The weird thing is that when my son was born it just opened the door to all these instincts I never knew I had. The morning after he was born, when he was about sixteen hours old, the nurses came into the room and I had him under my arm nursing while I was standing at a mirror straightening my hair up and tidying my room a bit. They seemed a bit surprised, like I was supposed to be laying around in bed miserable and sore, but I felt energized and capable and it was an awesome feeling. (The mother of two in the next bed was the exact opposite, she was whining and miserable and her older kid was a brat. When she got wheeled out to go get her tubes tied I barely restrained the urge to applaud.)

I'd really like to have another, both because I'd like to have a playmate for my son and because I think I could handle and would enjoy raising a second kid.

[shawn703]

40. With the top-notch DNA that I'm made of

The world would suffer if I didn't pass it on! :smoke:

[skygazer]

41. Children give us immortality

It's really the only way for us to attain that. The continuity of your self. Perhaps people don't consciously think about that when they're making that decision but I think at its most basic, that is the reason.

Or maybe I'm just full of shit. :silly:

[Skittles]

43. with all due respect sg, I vote for the latter

:D

[skygazer]

46. LOL

I don't know as it's due any respect at all, actually! I'm just talking out my ass! :P

[shanti]

52. you're funny!

:rofl: but in a primal way, i think you're right. procreation spreds the dna around, getting it on just makes it fun!

[Zhade]

44. Because the planet doesn't have enough people on it!

Wait, no, that's not right...

[xmas74]

45. I got knocked up.

It wasn't in the plans. But I am glad that I had her. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has changed my entire perspective on life. My life is no longer about me-it's about her and what is best for her.
I think that my daughter has taught me to be a little more selfless and alot less self-involved.

[Arugula Latte]

50. I agree with that.

It's a relief to get out of your own head and your own obsessions about yourself.

[xmas74]

56. Absolutely.

It is a complete and total relief to realize that the world does not revolve around you. I think that having a child made me look at everything on a different level. It gave me a further sense of compassion for others.

[NV Whino]

47. Damned if I know. n/t

[Guy Fawkes]

51. cheap labour

[SW FL Dem]

54. It's a personal choice for everyone

Some people grow up knowing they want kids. Others know they don't. Some of us make a decision at some point that we are ready and want to be parents. Others don't make that choice and then find out that they are going to be parents anyway.

For me, the choice wasn't clear until I had been married for a few years and had a career. I had the chance to travel and experience many different places. I had a wonderful hubby and was ready to start a family. I didn't want kids until I was 30 and then I found out it wasn't as easy as I expected.

[cleofus1]

55. people have children

becouse they have a love to share...



it's called a family...if you have to ask you'll never understand...

[ofrfxsk]

60. You have a beautiful family but don't define me

My happiness is not something you or anyone else will understand. Because I have not bred does not negate my life or my doings. Because you did, does not make your life greater.

Your children are great. We have billions of them. I'm glad your's are loved.

[cleofus1]

61. who the heck said i was talking about you

self absorbed much?

[Robeson]

63. I've never wanted any, so I don't think I can answer your question...

...nor has my wife ever wanted any. Thats one of the reasons we bonded. We both feel the same on that issue, among many others. I'm sure others feel different...and thats, OK.

[SarahB]

64. I've just always known.

I'm one of those people that truly loves children. I don't mean in the phony "oh my gosh, they're so cute" sense, but in a way that I find them fascinating as human beings. I've always known I wanted children. Always. 3 or 4 of them I used to say growing up. My first pregnancy was an accident. I was 19 years old, my boyfriend and I just got engaged (that night in fact) and I threw caution to the wind that night and viola! I was very unsure at first, but I came to the conclusion that I loved this man and since he's older and ready himself, we could definitely handle it. I had a rough pregnancy (hyperemesis- i.e. severe nausea and vomiting), but everything was fine medically. My daughter was wonderful and I was a natural right from the start. It wasn't easy being a mom at 20, but I was done with that whole party-thing by then anyway and did a Hell of a job (at 13 she's not only an honor student, amazing saxophone and basketball player, but a fine human being of character and strength beyond her years).

It changed my life. I was in college and changed my major from marketing to early childhood education/development. I loved it. Shortly before my daughter turned 4, I had my oldest son. Again, just a great kid. Then 2&1/2 years later, I had my second son. When I was pregnant with him though, lots of problems began with my (now ex-)husband. I did the best I could and he was still a responsible dad, so I just tried to be good and supportive and stuffed all my feelings inside for the most part. He continued with certain things that made me cringe, but what was I to do? I already had three little kids with the man and as he always pointed out was always responsible about his work stuff. Then the inevitable happened, oh my, I'm pregnant again. While I could have not had him, a (probably naive) part of me thought maybe things could get better between us with this. It didn't. It was harder and whatever thoughts I had of leaving the marriage became impossible for a few more years, so I sucked it up, stuffed my feelings down, and made the best of life again. I never thought it would get any better.

So here I am now with 4 kids who I love immensely (I even work with kids in pediatric medicine). I thought I'd be married forever and I hate that they have to deal with what they have to deal with now, but what was I to do- be miserable forever with a man that ultimately became hostile, emotionally ebusive toward me, and in utter denial about his own past behaviors? I also know that the reality of it is that likely I'll probably be by myself for a long time. I mean, not that I won't "date", but even with sharing custody with my ex 50-50, 4 kids are a lot to deal with for someone coming into a situation like that, and I don't anticipate anyone wanting to get too involved with me because of that. I'm nothing if not a realist. I can't expect anyone to feel about them how their father and I feel.

So anyway, as usual I'm going on and on venting about stuff. I guess what it boils down to is that I love children. They are real and it's so amazing to see these pieces of yourself grow and develop. It's worth every hard thing I've had to go through because of it. The long labor. The working of crappy hours so I can still be with my youngest son most days. Everything. I can't imagine my life without them. They are my heart and my everything.

[shesemsmom]

65. They can be the biggest joy in your life and

they can also cause you the most heartache. They love you back. They are awesome in so many ways and they can give you the biggest surprises, both good and bad. I love mine... now.... but she is a teenager. That is subject to change without notice. LOL. There are days when we cant stand each other

[kodi]

66. ego

they want to live forever.

[cleofus1]

69. i hear that a lot...

but as much as i love my kids...technically speaking i will not live forever thru them...i will die and eventually people will forget me...

live forever thru your kids?
maybe some people do...but i have never had that reasonably vocalized by any parents...

i think anyone that anyone that
wants to live forever is shit out of luck...

[B Calm]

67. Have children and you'll discover the meaning of life..