Morning "news" programs make me surly

[Beearewhyain]

And sarcastic. I spent the morning watching the drivel they pass off as news and was going a little wacky. So instead of putting a knitting needle up my nose to ease the pain or shooting the TV I shot off this email reply to my wife who asked me how my morning was. She suggested I post it.


Oh everything is just peachy. Been watching the news so here is a breakdown of those events that are important.




The Michael Jackson trial or “Trial of the Century of the Week”. Lots of stuff going on with ample analysis and speculation that all seems to leave me feeling like I know nothing about the legal system. Apparently, some people say that Jackson is a sicko and some say that his accuser is a sicko. Go figure!?



Also on the latest breaking info… a blond haired blue eyed reasonably attractive young woman from America has gone missing in Aruba. That is some island somewhere where, I guess, young attractive white people can afford to go on a vacation. Well, it seems that two dark skinned people have been arrested for some reason related to the case but the reasons are not forth coming. I can tell you that I am sitting here with rapt attention to find out what happened to this dear girl and related arrests. Do you think there is an age limit for an “Amber Alert” because other than her age she seems to fit the bill. (Developing)



Ohhhh, this is good, Russell Crowe was arrested in New York for hitting an employee with a phone. SCANDELOUS!!!!!!!!



They also mentioned something happening in the “Middle East”. I didn’t catch it all but I guess they mean Virginia or Tennessee or something cause they are in the middle east aren’t they. Well anywho, they said there are some problems and people are fighting or something but they didn’t have any pictures of that so it can’t be all that bad. The video they did show had a lot of Mexican looking people so maybe there is a farm nearby? I just don’t know but it was all rather boring.



How’s your day?

B

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. I've decided to stick to BBC News.

Closest thing to real news left.

[Deja Q]

2. How many 'trial of the century' trials did we have last century?

And how many more are to come?!