Ok, it's bad puns time!

[Archae]

Don't jump into a colander, you'll end up straining yourself.
When it comes to talking about condiments, I relish speaking of them.

:rofl:

[edbermac]

1. Engergizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery...

A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

:rofl:

[BOSSHOG]

2. Two Nuns were in a carwreck

the garage mechanic sent them to a fruitstand because he heard Nuns traveled in "Pears."

Guess what I "heard?" SHEEP! Go ahead laugh, I know you want to.

[mac56]

3. A friend of mine said, "If you tell one more bad pun..."

"...I'll jump from the top of a skyscraper."

I replied, "Do you realize the gravity of that statement?"

[Archae]

4. It's raining cats and dogs here...

I just stepped in a poodle. :D

[mac56]

5. If it wasn't for venetian blinds...

it would be curtains for all of us.

[tk2kewl]

6. Two tv antennas fell in love on the roof and married

the ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent

[punpirate]

7. Umm...

... okay:

I knew someone who had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered.

[Archae]

8. What music did cavemen play?

Rock music.

[mac56]

9. A kid with no jacket was selling newspapers in -50 wind chill.

A passerby shouted out, "You're going to freeze to death!"

"Naw!" replied the kid. "It's good for the circulation!"

[yellowdogintexas]

10. "Ham is not among the judicious"

[Dukkha]

11. Now stay with me on this one...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[Floogeldy]

12. In the Taser thread on GD, people were using the word "electrocute" . . .

. . . for shock value. :)

THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I'LL BE HERE ALL HOUR!

}(

[Left Is Write]

13. They say the pun is mightier than the sword.

My soup is as good as gold. It has 24 carrots.

I decided to sell my homemade bread because I knead the dough.

[Floogeldy]

14. Those are not puns

You can't create a true pun by misspelling words.

Sorry.

[Left Is Write]

15. Those most certainly are puns.

They are plays on words, not misspelled words. There isn't a misspelled word in any of them.