Internalized Homophobia stinks!

[elshiva]

;(

[AlienGirl]

1. Internalized prejudice of all kinds does. n/t

[elshiva]

2. So true! Hi, AlienGirl! How are you?

[AlienGirl]

4. Hangin' in there

Kids will be here in a couple days, parents a day after that, graduate the day after THAT, just found out my credit score is 500 and almost jumped from the 11th floor because of it, the usual...

How's things by you?

Tucker

[elshiva]

7. Kids? Who's Kids? Did you graduate, from where?

It's ok here...

[AlienGirl]

9. My kids!

Riley, age 9, and Lark, age 7. (Not their real names--like me they have pen names, lol.)

I graduate from The Evergreen State College on June 10 with a long-delayed BA! The bad news is then I need to start paying on my student loans, which means I need a Real Job, which is gonna be hard to find in this economy...

Tucker

[elshiva]

10. Wow did not know about your kids...

Now I am unemployed too. It is hard... :cry:

[AlienGirl]

13. The kids live with their dad during the school year (2000 miles away)

When their dad left I was extremely ill--recovering from cancer--and unable to care for them. So they live in his hometown, where he moved after leaving me. I get them for the summers. I have to pay for half their plane ticket, even though my ex makes ten times what I make. (Literally, almost exactly ten times.)

I'm afraid as they get older they'll hate coming to stay with me because I'm not upper-middle-class like their dad and I can't afford all the fun he can.

Tucker

[elshiva]

28. Sorry about that!

:cry: :hug:

[evlbstrd]

11. Congrats on the BA!

And I think the credit score is stacked against us all.

[AlienGirl]

15. Thanks!

I am OK with never being able to own a house or buy a new car but lately *employers* are looking at credit score, and I fear mine will keep me from ever getting a good job. :scared:

Note to lurking you-know-whats: my ex ran up a good portion of that bad debt, and the rest was the result of cancer. I know, I should have "made better choices" like not marrying a douchebag and not getting cancer...but I was young and naieve...

Tucker

[evlbstrd]

17. We all make bad choices,

but, unless you smoke like a chimney as I do, or some other optional risk factor, you did not choose cancer. I wish you and your children all of the best the universe can provide for you.

[AlienGirl]

18. Eh, I was parodying the freeptards/CUmstains

I know my cancer was a one-in-a-million bit of bad genetic luck. Seriously, it was a kind I have no risk factors for, and the doctors wouldn't even biopsy the lesion till I *insisted* because I wasn't in a risk group...

Tucker

[evlbstrd]

21. OK, I've fucked up twice so far.

Man, what's wrong with me?

[AlienGirl]

22. Nothing's wrong!

:hug:

[Behind the Aegis]

24. CONGRATS!!!

Congratulations on your graduation!!! :party:

As for the credit thing, do the best that you can, it is all that anyone can do. There are a few tricks to getting it to jump quickly though, you can contact a FREE counseling service or call that odd woman, Suze Orman, who knows, it may help! :)

[LoZoccolo]

3. Which thread is this about? n/t

[AlienGirl]

6. I'm not sure, I just replied...

[elshiva]

8. I am a lesbian and internally homophobic that is it.

[Behind the Aegis]

23. If not too personal...

Do you know why? Are you getting counseling? If that is too personal, don't divulge. But, I have seen a NUMBER of your posts and they are usually so caring and empathetic, so I was surprised to see this statement.

[elshiva]

29. Getting Counseling.

:cry:

[Behind the Aegis]

30. Don't cry!

You are doing the right thing! Hopefully, your self-hate will end soon, and think of all that you will learn from the experience. Sometimes, we learn more from our set-backs and tragedies, than we learn from our accomplishments and triumphs!!!

You ever want to vent..PM me!!!!

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[elshiva]

32. THANK YOU!

:hug: Find it hard to live myself being a total failure and all...
:hug:

[Behind the Aegis]

34. I have been there.

I have been unemployed for 2 years now, as of this month. So, I COMPLETELY understand questioning one's self worth. When you start getting down, call someone, or come see us. It seems you have quite a few friends here that can remind you why you are not a total failure. If we can see you are not a failure, maybe we can help you see it!!! :)

[elshiva]

38. Thanks, hon!

I've been unemployed for several months... :hug:

[Misunderestimator]

31. May I ask why? And... how does it manifest itself?

Is it entirely personal, or does it extend to other gay people?

[elshiva]

33. Just towards myself really. I support gay rights.

Gay is good, but I myself am awful.

[Misunderestimator]

35. Is there a reason you think you are?

[elshiva]

36. Why I am gay? Just attracted to other women....

[Misunderestimator]

37. No, I meant why you think you're "awful"

[elshiva]

39. Just because I fell in love with a straight, single mom with two kids

[Misunderestimator]

40. I still don't understand what that has to do with internal homophobia.

Unfortunate, yes... if she's straight. But why would that be any different than falling in love with ANYONE who doesn't reciprocate (man, woman, straight or gay)? Has nothing to do with being gay.

[Floogeldy]

5. That's true.

B-)

[evlbstrd]

12. Hey, girl.

You got a self-hatin' thing goin' on? From what little I know of you, you shouldn't. Stop it! You are loved.

[AlienGirl]

14. She is loved but she's a Dep like me

so of course there's some self-hate. It comes with the brain chemistry. The trick is not letting it matter. (Easier said than done.)

Tucker

[evlbstrd]

16. No matter the "orientation,"

it can be so very hard to find comfort in one's own skin. It took me into my late thirties. And now I'm almost fifty, and not quite there.

[AlienGirl]

19. Dep(ression) isn't related to orientation, just to serotonin and dopamine.

[evlbstrd]

20. Oh, sorry.

I'm thick as a brick sometimes.
The thread title was a wee bit misleading in that regard.
But my daughter has the same issues, and I really do feel for you.

[BlueIris]

25. Kick. It sucks snake nuts. n/t

[iconoclastic cat]

26. Please eloborate.

I'm confused.

[Orsino]

27. Sure, but...

...I have to applaud anyone who keeps that sh-t to himself.