How can we profit off of the stupidity of fundies?*

[kittenpants]

This is inspired by the fundies dropping mass cash to drill for oil in Isreal because the Bible says it's there. I'm thinking of painting pictures of Jesus in full U.S. military gear. Could I sell those on ebay you think?

*I'm not bashing Christians, just the ones who worship salt stains that look like the 'virgin Mary'

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

1. I have some really outlandish ideas

Most of them would require more chutzpah than I have, though.

[Archae]

2. How about...

I find an old-looking white piece of cloth, wipe my sweat off it, seal it into something and claim it's a "geunine cloth that wiped the sweat of Jesus?" :-)

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. All you have to do is write a book on the Bible, or a devotional,

or something stupidly moronic like that, and even if it's an "academic" type book, it's easy, because fundies neither require nor ever bother with, footnotes or citations.

When you're a fundy, your opinion is fact, so you can just say stuff like "this is what this Bible passage means" and you can make all the historical claims you want, and attribute whatever sayings to whatever famous figures you want.

And a devotional - that's so easy as to be laughable. I bet I could hammer one out in a week, with a devotional for every day of the year, that the fundy fucks would buy in droves.

I could so easily write books for the fundies and the Jesus Crispies.

But for the real Christians, writing books is hard - they expect footnotes, and good theology, and actual thinking.

Like Dan Ackroyd said in Ghostbusters: "You don't know what it's like in the real world. They expect results."

[kittenpants]

4. but do fundies actually read?

Maybe I could put some devotionals on the back of a bag of cheetos or somewhere that they might actually see it. I get the impression they don't open a lot of books.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. They read a shitload!

The Christian Book market is HUGE.

They open lots and lots of books. The problem is that they only open Christian books, and the Christian books they open aren't the good ones, they're the fundy ones. The Super Christians also tend to shy away from anything secular. So, they very well do read a lot, but I would never consider them well-read.

The serious and well-thought real-Christian book market is, sadly, quite small. It exists, but it isn't very big, because the intelligent thoughtful Christians also find a lot of meaning in reading great literature, accurately-footnoted non-fiction books, novels, biographies that are truthful and not just full of Christian devotional spin, etc.

[Deja Q]

21. Unwilling... or unable to read?

:evilgrin:

[asthmaticeog]

6. Become a televangelist.

Fat cash in that. If you can pull off the faith-healer scam, all the better.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. Yup...

Foulwell, Robberson, and all those PTL moguls are bilking their folowers for everything they can.

[catmandu57]

7. Sell burial plots for the unborn

Since cells take up small space you can partion off a part of your yard and devote it as consecrated ground for the burial of aborted fetuses.
You'll have to hack into dobson's, fartwells, robbersons, and other whackjobs mailing lists, but a plea for funds to bury aborted fetuses should have one rolling in it in no time at all.

[kittenpants]

8. omg!!! that is brilliant! n/t

[forgethell]

9. Just for your

information: the Christians who worship salt stains that look like the Virgin Mary are not fundamentalists. Fundies don't worship Mary at all. And fundametalists have a very specific set of beliefs. It's not a catch-all term for believers who really believe.

[kittenpants]

10. actually--I AM just using 'fundie' as a catch-all sort of phrase.

Kind of like whack-job. Pharisee might be more precise, but it's not very funny. Like I said in the original post, I don't mean to mock actual believers, just the ones that make religion look bad. Can you suggest a better term for these people?

[mcscajun]

11. I use "religious extremists"

That way, no fundamentalists who aren't right-wing whackjobs will be offended.

[forgethell]

13. An excellent suggestion. n/t

[forgethell]

12. Yes, I suggest

that you don't actually lump all Christians that you disagree with into one group, then assign your beliefs about one particular subset of them to them all. I suggest you call them Catholics, or, Jehovah's Witnesses, or Baptists, or Church of God, or whichever one you are disagreeing with. There are enormous differences in these churches, and in their practitioners, which few people on DU seem to be aware of. Fundamentalists, well if you actually want to know what they believe, try here http://www.xmission.com/~fidelis/

But not even all conservative, evangelical Baptists are fundamentalists. Probably not even most of them. Catholics, no matter how intensely they believe in the ancient doctrines of the Church, are not fundies. Not even Mel Gibson. And, of course, not being Christian at all, Orthodox Jews and Muslims cannot be Fundamentalists. Extremists, yes, fundies, no.

[Left Is Write]

15. I would consider anyone who believes the Bible is the literal, inerrant

word of God to be a religious fundamentalist. Not all Bible literalists are extremists, but I would consider them fundamentalists.

[Zenlitened]

25. I would also consider anyone who believes the bible is the literal...

... inerrant word of god to be bat-shit crazy, too.

Even a casual reading of that book reveals such a maze of contradictions, that no reasoning person can consider it an inerrant source of knowledge or guidance.

[Hugin]

14. Two words... Creationist Museum.

[Felix Mala]

20. Already done... too bad...

http://www.answersingenesis.org/museum/

Example of their "learning:" "The usual secular story is that Sue lived 65 million years ago. But the Bible states that all land creatures and man were created on Day 6 of creation week."

I know, my Grandpa killed a dinosaur in his pajamas one day. How it got in his pajamas, we'll never know.

[maveric]

16. A "Rapture - Ready" clothing line..

So you can look pure respectable when pulled up to the Lord!

[Felix Mala]

19. Pat Robertson is ready to go live from Jerusalem with just a

few minutes notice. I'm sure his flock will want to be dressed appropriately.

[grace0418]

17. It would be great if you could take the profits and donate them

to groups who fight for religious freedom and progressive religious organizations.

When I was in college the KKK was schedule to hold a rally nearby. They claimed they had first amendment rights to speak. So various groups got together and did a pledge drive: for every minute the KKK spoke, people would pledge $X to groups that fight for social justice and work to end racism. So the longer these assholes bellowed, the more money was raised for causes they hate. Lemonade from lemons.

[Felix Mala]

18. I'm actually thinking of doing this...

If you get a log with a knot near the top, there's a way to slice it such that you end up with two or even three passes of wood that conceivable looks like a robed woman, preferably bowing her had. The image is caused by the oblique cuts of the varying grains. Get another knot to the side, further down, and perhaps you have a mother and child! I was going to give them a good finish and a cross-shaped base and sell them for mucho dollars... With some kind of story about the wood from the cross and how trees were "forgiven" for being cut into crosses for crucifixion...

[KurtNYC]

22. Set up a non-profit to "make gay people disappear"

Just don't tell them that means giving gay people free vacations.

They will back anything as long as it is vague and hateful sounding.
:evilgrin:

[Patiod]

24. Ads for hypnotherapy, male performance enhancement,

programs for becoming a millionaire...oh wait, that's already on Air America!

(Do the advertisers think we're as dumb as the listeners to Christian stations, who get ads for "work from home", gold as an investment, hair re-growth, and many many "miracle" supplements)

[dben88]

26. maybe...

crackers that look like the eucharist? could be served at the next bible study group with dip.

(some might find that offensive or blasphemous, but i don't think the hardcore fundies care about that. remember jesus on the trailer hitch?)