Are lap dances cheating ?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

Ladies , if your husband , boyfriend or SO got a lapdance , would you consider a form of cheating ? If not , would it piss you off . And how would you feel if he told you that he liked it . Would it make you wanna lose your mind ?

[truthbetold]

1. Naaah.

As long as I got a lap dance too, it'd all be cool.
Hey, I like to join in on the fun!

[GirlinContempt]

2. No

I wouldn't consider it cheating. I might feel a lil hurt he didn't ask me to give him one, but meh :shrug:

[MissMillie]

3. Yeah, it's cheating

when you love your spouse, and desire you spouse, you don't seek any kind of sexual excitement elsewhere.

[enigami]

36. You are dead?

[MissMillie]

51. That went right over my head

What do you mean by that?

(Actually, I just got it... and the answer is no, you're not dead to your spouse, but yes, you are dead to everyone else. That's what you sign up for when you get married.)

[arwalden]

87. Does That Mean That Porn Is Cheating Too?

It can be exciting... and more satisfying than a lap dance.

[MissMillie]

96. No... I don't like porn for other reasons

Specifically the underground porn issues. For every respectable source of porn (Penthouse, Playboy, etc) there are many more who kidnap the women, and rape them.

Mind you, I don't think it should be illegal.

Here's a true story:

I live about 3 miles from a strip club. When we moved here, I never mentioned to my 12 year old (he was 12 at the time) that the building was a strip club.

One day we were driving his cousin to our house for a visit, and she said, "Is that a real strip club? Are there really naked women in there?"

I told her the truth. My son said nothing.

About a month later, my son and I were driving by the place and he said, "Mom, that parking lot is always full."

I said, "yes, I guess a lot of people enjoy that sort of thing."

He was quiet for a bit and then said, "I won't ever go to a place like that."

I tried to make a reasonable response. "There's no reason," I said, "that you should feel bad about being curious or excited by the naked body." (I was even careful not to say 'naked female body', that's how careful I was being.)

My son responded, "yeah, but those women are someone's daughter, someone's sister... maybe even someone's mother. I'd feel terrible to think that you had to do that to make money."

I think I raised a pretty sensitive kid, don't you?

[redqueen]

187. Oh my God...

I'm tearing up right now... what a wonderful man he's going to be.

[mongo]

196. Where do you get these ideas?

For every respectable source of porn (Penthouse, Playboy, etc) there are many more who kidnap the women, and rape them.

Of the over 1000 adult videos produced in the US and released into the adult distribution system every month, exactly ZERO of them are the filming of an actual rape, and ALL of them have model releases and age verification documents for EVERY perfomer.

[redqueen]

204. The key words are *released into the ...*

The bad stuff isn't put out there on the shelves... it's swapped online... or God knows how else it's traded... but it's out there.

[mongo]

209. Yes, bad porn exists

Child porn, bestiality, rape, etc., but it is traded in small underground networks, compared to the vast majority of legal porn produced.

For every respectable source of porn (Penthouse, Playboy, etc) there are many more who kidnap the women, and rape them.

This statement is blatantly untrue, and only leads to assumptions about what you are going to find in stores like mine - and the vast majority of legal adult websites, for that matter. It is a regurgitation of propaganda, meant to cast doubt on ALL adult producers - or even a majority of adult producers, when the truth is the people who put this stuff out there are not even part of the industry - they are CRIMINALS.

[redqueen]

210. Oh yeah well that is untrue, yes.

WAY more sane, legal porn than sick shit out there.

Point taken. :)

[mongo]

211. Thank you

I've been in some really nasty fights here on DU lately... It's been a really strange few days.

I've really needed to see all the sex-positive viewpoints in general in this thread, but particularly from the ladies.

Thanks to all of you.

Which is not to say to any of you that have a problem with lap dances, that I don't respect that, as long as you and your partner share the same boundries, it's a good thing. :hug:

[redqueen]

212. My pleasure!

I'm always happy to admit a mistake... that was obviously a big one.

I'd say it's been a strange year... I'm not sure why... but the rape tape thread... and ones like these... *sigh*

[redqueen]

207. I think porn CAN be cheating... if it's hidden. n/t

[MrSlayer]

90. Well you are obviously not a man.

I love my wife dearly and would never cheat on her but she knows the minute I stop looking to call the mortician. It's just the way men are built. A lot of women too I'm sure. If your guy is telling you he never looks at anyone else, he's simply lying.

[MissMillie]

99. There's looking

and then there's "looking"

I hope that if my man were to look at a beautiful woman, his first thought would be "she's pretty, but she doesn't hold a candle to my wife."

[enigmatic]

110. Why?

Honestly?

My wife thinks that thing this wrestler in the WWE is incredibly hot; she has her eyes peeled on him everytime he's on the screen. I kniw she's not going to jump on a plane and stalk him, and she's not going to drop me for him, and her ogling over him doesn't bother me in the least because I know it's a fantasy. It shows that she's a living, breathing sexual being.

I have a huge crush on Salma Hayek; my wife teases me about it, just as I tease her about her "crush". When we go out I see her looking at good-looking guys; it doesn't bother me, because I know she's coming home w/ me; same w/ me to her. It's looking; it means she's alive.

I'm not trying to rag on you about this, but I've seen this before, and I'm at a loss as to why this is..

[MissMillie]

115. There is a huge difference

between finding a famous person hot, and fantasizing about someone who might actually be a possibility.

Like I said somewhere else... It's one thing for my guy to look, but I would hope that his thoughts would be "Sure she's hot, but she can't hold a candle to my wife."

Is that too much to ask?

[greatauntoftriplets]

117. No, MissMillie, it isn't.

And I was past 50 when I found the man who thinks that way about me. Good luck to you.

:hi:

[AngryAmish]

157. Yes it is

Some women are prettier than others. The really pretty one tend to get on TV, etc. One can accept that one's SO is not as good looking than other people, but you stay because of a connection, family things, friendship etc.

[MissMillie]

158. connection, family things, friendship

are what make your wife more beautiful.

[MrSlayer]

116. Hope is the denial of reality.

What he's thinking is "Man, I'd like to hit that" but that's all. He doesn't want to live his life with the hot chick or marry her or live with her or share his dreams with her, he just wants to nail her for that minute and then goes about his life. That's how men think, it's no offense against you, it's just a natural instinct. I don't cheat on my wife and never would out of love and respect for her and because I would never want it done to me but I don't have any illusions about pure physical attractiveness. She does not have a stripper's body after two kids. The fact that other women do not "hold a candle" to my wife in any other respect, the things that are really important, is what I find as attractive and maybe even more so than her looks which are still nice but not in the realm of strippers. I'm sure that's how your husband feels too. (Unless you do have a stripper's body. heh.) You don't screw up years of a good thing with a good person for a scant minute of lust no matter how hot a woman is but you do think about it for that said minute.


Sorry guys for giving away trade secrets.

[northzax]

167. that's it, you're out of the club

Please leave your ID card and keys at the front desk on your way out.

[gollygee]

112. Yes, dry humping is cheating

Period.

And I would be furious.

[MrScorpio]

4. No way

Especially if my wife pays for them

[tk2kewl]

5. the occasional trip to a strip club doesn't bother my wife

she has gone along a couple of times too

[tjdee]

6. I wouldn't consider it cheating, but it would still piss me off.

I dunno, maybe I'm a freak, but when I'm in a relationship with a man and I want to get my jollies, I go to the man I'm in a relationship with--not some guy I have to pay to see/dance on my lap.

I wonder how men would feel if the situation were reversed. If some guy was sticking his package in your girlfriend/wife's face and rubbing up against her, how would you feel?

But generally, I've yet to see a male stripper that I find attractive in any way.

[Left Is Write]

16. I dated two male strippers. (Not at the same time!)

Both were extremely good looking men; one was an arrogant asshole, and the other was a genuinely nice guy. He moved to New York, and we corresponded via mail for years before finally losing touch.

But I have to say, I have seen some REALLY unattractive male strippers! Really. Really really.

I never actually saw performances by either of the dancers I dated.

[mongo]

197. Actually, seeing their partner with another man is a very common

fantasy for married males. I think this leads more couples into the swing lifestyle than any other factor/desire.

I get a lot of questions about it at the store - and this is the story that keeps popping up (no pun intended).

[Catch22Dem]

7. No

That's ridiculous.

[Left Is Write]

18. I don't think it's ridiculous.

It depends on the parameters set by the couple involved. Some would consider it cheating, others wouldn't.

[YankeyMCC]

8. Do women get lap dances

from male strippers? Or is that just a guy thing (or a woman with a woman stripper thing).

I wouldn't consider it cheating if my wife got one from a male stripper.

[fleabert]

133. you have no idea.

I have been to men's strip clubs, the men just sit there for the most part. strict rules about what the men can and can't do. the women can touch and tease, but the men can't do shit. (mexico is a different story, btw)

not at a women's strip club. WOMEN GO INSANE. there are practically no rules, it's loud, the men are righttherewiththeirpackageinyourface. Kissing is not uncommon. Women are standing up and dancing, humping really, at the table, pulling the thong out to put the dollar in (not the back, the front, and they look, and they pat)

I just about died, and scurried to the back of the room away from my friends when I saw what was happening. The guys were icky, but the women, omg. insane.

[Mutley]

171. I've been to a women's strip club

Once. I was so embarrassed, and I couldn't let those guys get anywhere near me. I was giving them dollars to stay away. And I don't consider myself a prude or anything either.

As far as lap dances go, I don't consider it cheating, and I wouldn't be mad either if it were just something my SO did once in awhile with his buddies. But if it became a regular thing he did instead of getting his sexual fulfillment from me, I'd be pissed.

[SOteric]

9. I will grant that over time I have discovered

my position on this is not really the norm, but no, I wouldn't be bothered by an SO getting a lapdance and enjoying the heck out of it. I know he loves pretty women, he's a talented and incorigible flirt. The connection we share is profound and embued with a great deal of substance. A lapdance is a superficial thing that doesn't quite compare.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. Thanks for your insight .

[jonnyblitz]

23. sounds like you have a damn good relationship to me!

;) :hi:

[sniffa]

30. i thought it was amy writing that

:o

[jonnyblitz]

41. aah..so you are allowed lap dances?

:P

[sniffa]

49. yeah

she may wanna watch/take pix. :D

[swag]

11. "Is Cheating cheating? "

Ladies, if your husband , boyfriend or SO was enjoying some extra-curricular backbacon in the nineteen most basic and filthy fluid-swapping ways, would you consider it a form of cheating? If not, would it piss you off . And how would you feel if he told you that he liked it. Would it make you wanna lose your mind?

[GirlinContempt]

14. Would depend

on who it was with. I might want to hit it too.

[swag]

50. Your rationality is greatly appreciated.

[GirlinContempt]

52. Is that

sarcasm I detect?

[swag]

58. Not at all.

Entirely sincere.

Sincerely yours,

s

[GirlinContempt]

60. Not sure

if I believe you but I'll let it go ;)

Warmest regards,
A

[swag]

64. No sarcasm at all.

Your rationality was greatly appreciated.

I wish I could approximate it.

Sincerely,

s

[GirlinContempt]

69. Ok ok

I believe you

xxoo
-A

[sniffa]

56. hey

as Long as you come home to me, and didn't bring anything back with you (nonhuman), we're cooL.

[GirlinContempt]

59. Is that what

your partner says? :P

[sniffa]

62. no

you gotta come home too. :evilgrin:

[GirlinContempt]

63. Yeow!

*fans self* I'm on my way ;)

[Rick Myers]

12. It's not cheating, it's just...

...desparate!!!

[sniffa]

38. snicker

i think i feeL the onset of the 'stripcLub wars'

[Hugin]

151. My thoughts exactly...

I doubt now that I'm married if I'll ever engage
in that stuff again.

[LoZoccolo]

13. Women should realize this...

Your man loves you for way more than just the physical stuff. You might think enforcing a strict monopoly on that aspect of the thing you've got going might make him more attached to you, but I don't think it's really true. Matter of fact if you let him do things like go to strippers, he'll like you even more for understanding him.

[MissMillie]

20. It's not about "making him more attached"

He placed an order for a meal.... he's no longer eligible to pick from the buffet.

[LoZoccolo]

35. OK...and why would that be?

You make my argument for me.

I'm just giving advice; people can take or leave it.

[MissMillie]

48. I think you and I have different ideas of attachment

but my thought is that if you're not going to save that stuff for the one person you've taken vows with (and I'm assuming that these vows were taken voluntarily) then why bother taking the vows?

If someone is going to marry me, I'm hoping that he's saying that I'm all the sexual excitement he wants.

If that's not what he's saying... he can stay single.

[LoZoccolo]

66. Because, like I said...

...men like women for hundreds of other reasons...companionship, mutual support, cuddling, intelligence, having a family together...you're basically saying that sex is like prime factor or something, and that marraige is first and foremost a long-term prostitution contract equal in stature and importance to what a man gets when he gets a lapdance...I would hope not!

[greatauntoftriplets]

70. Uh....

women like sex, too. Guess you haven't discovered that.

:shrug:

[LoZoccolo]

74. I know that.

I would expect every married man to have sex with his wife pretty much as often as she likes under normal circumstances.

[greatauntoftriplets]

77. Please define....

"as she likes under normal circumstances".

Also define... "pretty much as often".

Are you inferring that men have a stronger sex drive than women?

[LoZoccolo]

86. Let me ask you this.

Is a woman obligated to have sex with her husband every single time he wants it? I don't. You know, in some states, men can't be charged with raping their wives - I think that's wrong. So likewise with men; that's what I'm saying.

[greatauntoftriplets]

92. So if my SO is not in the mood or too tired from the hours he works.....

Does that mean it's okay for me to head out the door and find someone else to satisfy my very real urges? There ARE some bad diseases out there....

Would you want your wife/girlfriend to be getting some strange?

It's called partnership.

I notice you didn't provide the requested definitions.

[LoZoccolo]

98. Oh no oh no...

...you're so taking this to a level that I'm not.

We're talking about strippers. No, I would not mind my wife or girlfriend seeing a male stripper who has a better body than me and that she'd probably rather look at than me...and you know why? Because I exceed that stripper in lots of other ways.

And to tell you the truth, I don't know if women have more of a sex drive or not because I've never been a woman.

[greatauntoftriplets]

104. You left yourself WIDE open....

n/t

[LoZoccolo]

101. And as far as the definition goes...

...I don't know how else to put it. I'm sorry. I don't know how to say it other than there are circumstances under which I think a man should be able to refuse sex just like I think there are circumstances under which a woman should, as happens from time to time. I wasn't trying to emphasize that or make a point out of it.

[greatauntoftriplets]

108. Of course it is!

But it doesn't justify the man going and getting a lapdance. Or the woman getting out to get some strange!

Scenario:

Me: Me dearest, I am sick. I have a temperature, am puking my guts out. Will you please hold my head?

He: Nah, I'm horny, heading out the door to get a lapdance.

Or vice versa.

It is about partnership. You put the interests of the partner ahead of the self...because you are in the relationship together. It is a wonderful feeling....love.

[LoZoccolo]

111. That's not the point I'm making.

It actually doesn't fit, either; I was actually saying the inverse or converse or something. But it doesn't matter because it wasn't the point.

[greatauntoftriplets]

114. So what was the point?

:shrug:

[LoZoccolo]

119. I didn't want to say a man should have to have sex with his wife...

...absolutely every time she wants it (and neither should a woman have to have sex with her husband every time). I have no idea what the big deal is that I said that. It seems like common sense to me.

[greatauntoftriplets]

122. Well, from what you have said....

you do not know women.

We are only half as complex as men.

But...at least my man understands me completely. And that is one of the great things about him.

[MissMillie]

100. physiologically speaking

maybe not "stronger" but certainly more frequent.

Testosterone creates sex drive. Men create testosterone every day. Women create testosterone once a month.

[fleabert]

134. not even close, lol!

most women i know bitch about not getting enough. ;-)

[MissMillie]

73. Are you suggesting that there is something wrong w/ a woman

who wants to be a man's one and only?

The sex is only a part of it, but it is part of it. The biggest part is about making a commitment, and being able to trust that the commitment is more important than 5 minutes w/ a stripper in your lap.

[LoZoccolo]

79. I just don't understand it.

I can understand it from a historical-anthropological standpoint, but I don't understand why women don't think about why they feel that way. I shouldn't say that actually, because I know more and more women who are more tolerant at least about porn. Like twenty years ago, porn was considered weird, now most women I know don't mind that men look at it, probably because they realize they gain more by just letting it go and they don't really have to worry about it anyways.

[MissMillie]

88. Maybe I'm just getting old

and the longer I have waited for commitment, the higher my standards have gotten. The irony is that as my standards have risen, the pool of available men has shrunk, thereby finding a man to clear my hurdles is pretty unlikely.

Fortunately for me, I've done just fine w/o a man thus far, and don't anticipate any problems with staying this way as long as I need to.

My perfect man may look at porn, but when it comes to hands-on, he only wants me.

[LoZoccolo]

91. I'm sure most men would accept that.

I'm just saying, guys would still like a committed relationship even if they got to go get a lapdance every now and then. A guy would still love you for tons of other reasons.

[MissMillie]

105. I want the whole "commitment" package

not just part of it.

[tjdee]

21. It's not about a strict monopoly, IMO it'd be about his desire to do that.

I would imagine it's more of a "why can't I do a lapdance for you?" thing rather than forbidding a man to do things.

Though, I am kind of irked by the idea that a man is just SO sex driven that he HAS to get a lapdance/watch porn and that women should just shut up and deal with it if we want to keep the man happy. God forbid he exercise some self control, or something. Not saying you're saying that, LoZoccolo....just a thought I had.

[MissMillie]

22. It's a good thought (n/t)

.

[sniffa]

24. what i wanna know

is why can't women Loosen up and watch porno, and go to strip cLubs, and stop being tight asses. :shrug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

27. We do .

I watch porn , I would go with him . I would even do a lap dance for him . Why did he have to get it from somebody else ? Damn .

[MissMillie]

28. some of us just don't like that sort of thing

I'm not a prude.... it's just a matter of personal preference.

[sniffa]

32. fair enough but..

stating men are sex driven, no seLf controL, yada yada ... begs the response i gave. ;)

[MissMillie]

34. I don't think the response was that all men have no self control

I think the statement was that just because that sort of thing may turn a man on, that doesn't mean that man has to act on it--or maybe they can save it for their S.O.

[tjdee]

43. Yes, that's the point I was making.

:thumbsup:

[tjdee]

37. It's so not cool with me to see another woman putting their hands on

a man I sleep with. I'm very much a prude in this area.

Porn is slightly different for me--it irritates me slightly, but not a really big deal.

Another woman actually gyrating on his lap in real time? And watching his face? Oh yeah, big problem. I'm not saying it's rational. :shrug:

[LoZoccolo]

53. Have you ever thought about why that is?

I think it's a thing about losing a man's attachment. I'm not saying it isn't real, I guess - it's probably adaptive. In lots of cultures for thousands of years women weren't allowed to provide for themselves and had to depend on men for all this stuff; I could imagine there would be an advantage in wanting a man attached to only you if that were the case. But it isn't as much the case these days.

[Left Is Write]

78. I'm not afraid of losing "attachment" to my husband.

And I wouldn't consider a lap dance to be cheating, per se. But I certainly would have a problem with him having an intimate moment with another woman or making some kind of intimate connection with another woman.

It has nothing to do with fear of losing him. It has to do with respect for each other and the bond we have together. Looking at other women doesn't faze me in the slightest. Sexual touching and intimate contact with other women is not part of the bargain.

I can guaran-damn-tee you that my husband would feel exactly the same way if the roles were reversed.

[LynzM]

75. Some of us can

Just like any other aspect of humanity, we come in a wide variety of sexual openness and desires, etc.

I know you know that, though :)

[sniffa]

93. :)

i had my suspicions. :loveya:

[LynzM]

95. They're probably right

Or at least, many of them, since I'm not 100% sure what you're dreaming up over there... :evilgrin:

[sniffa]

97. oh i'm quite creative

:evilgrin:

[LynzM]

109. LOL, I'll bet

I saw your purity test score :P

[sniffa]

113. i hope that's a good thing

i can aLways work on Lowering it. :P

[SarahB]

146. What she said.

:thumbsup:

[xmas74]

135. I used to all the time.

I've watched porn and have had friends who were dancers. I've been to the clubs to watch them. I've given them fives while dancing-it's no different than if she were to have gone to a restaurant that I was waitressing at and left me a tip. I've also bought lapdances for boyfriends in the past. We just always thought that it was funny.
And the truth is-I'm not worried about most strippers. Most of them are not out to take your man away from you. They're out to take his money but not him. I would be much more worried about the cute little girl at work who gives him puppy dog eyes everytime he enters the room. If he's the type to cheat he's much more likely to go for her than for a stripper.

[redqueen]

206. I watch porno... have been to 2 strip clubs... am NOT hung up at all...

however I draw the line at actual contact... sure, flirt your heart out... even playful kissing and touching...

But lots of tongue? lots of touching (e.g. lapdances)?

If that's involved, I want equal rights to go fool around. Most guys wake up real quick when that kind of equality is required. Suddenly they see very clearly why it makes most women very uncomfortable.

If it doesn't, that's great... two sexually compatible people have found each other and should do well. That's usually not the case, though. Most times the guy wants to have his cake at home and go lick icing off other people's cupcakes on the side. Okay yeah I know that was the WORST ANALOGY EVER but I hope you see my point. :)

[LoZoccolo]

40. Because men like to look at lots of other women.

I'm sure the same is true for women looking at men. I don't understand the jealousy, I guess, because there are tons of other reasons he likes you more than other women.

[MissMillie]

55. Actually, it's not as true for women as it is for men

Most porn is purchased by men. There's a huge disparity in the amount of porn purchased by men and the amount of porn purchased by women.

[LoZoccolo]

72. So when you expect that a man will only fantasize about you...

...you admit you're talking from a position where you don't really understand what it's like to be him?

[MissMillie]

82. I'm not sure that your statement is what I'm admitting

Can a married man fantasize without it being a hands-on experience? Is that really so difficult?

[LoZoccolo]

89. Of course.

I'm not saying that it's impossible; I'm just saying that all other things being equal, a man will probably like a woman more who lets him get a lapdance or something every now and then. It's not an imperitive, because other people's marraiges aren't my business, it's just some advice for anyone who wishes to take it and benefit from it.

[MissMillie]

107. I appreciate the advice

and the very civil and thoughtful discussion we're having.

I just don't want to be w/ someone who wants their cake and someone else's cake too.

[fleabert]

137. only because most porn is written and produced by men.

if it's made by women, for women, women buy it. and, statistically, we control most of the finances in a married home, so if it was there, we would out-purchase men.

[MissMillie]

154. You think if there wasn't a market for it

more porn wouldn't be made for women?

[fleabert]

191. I think it's like any other business in the US, harder for women to

get into positions of real authority. When women write and direct, it usually appeals to women. The selling process is geared towards men as well, I don't know very many women who want to be watched while they peruse the porn aisle at the porn store. If the store is classy, women will go. I went to a shop in Austin that was geared to women, it was awesome. very clean very classy. it was doing some amazing business and there were always women shopping, women working, and women's items only.

[MissMillie]

217. But also

it has been shown (scientifically) that men are more often aroused by visual stimulation, compared to women. Women tend to need much more than just visuals to be aroused.

[fleabert]

219. they didn't study me. nt

[Skittles]

149. speak for yourself Miss Millie

we women like looking; it's just that the mysogynistic erotica typically available does not appeal to us

[MissMillie]

153. I know that some women like to look

but women do not buy anywhere near as much porn as men--and there are more women than there are men.

[Skittles]

184. and as has been mentioned

porn is very misogynistic and GEARED towards men - of COURSE they buy more

[fleabert]

192. and...I know when I was young and more shy, I just read my dad's stuff

or sent my boyfriend to buy it for me. Just like my tampons! lol!

[MissMillie]

216. Like I said,

If there were more of a market for porn geared towards women, then people would make more porn geared towards women.

[mongo]

201. There is a huge couples market for adult entertainment

That the largest, most successfull companies are catering to now.

I have many, many couple that come in to pick out movies together, men who come in to get a movie to watch with their wife, and a few wives who come in because the husband doesn't want to be "seen" in my store.

[amazona]

126. oh please the man who goes to strippers, whores, and mistresses...

...does not like you "even more" for understanding him. He disrespects you and soon considers you the maid, the cook, and the baby-minder, but he no longer thinks of you as a sexual and passionate person. And he's right. You've abdicated that role to the other women you tolerate in order to keep his paycheck coming in.

You have made yourself the whore. And that ain't pretty.

I make an exception for the rare man who can handle a true open marriage -- where the woman can "hit it" -- and I don't mean just putting on fake lesbian performances for his enjoyment but doing it with other men as he does with other women -- but such men are a very very rare breed indeed.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[LoZoccolo]

128. Um, I'm not a woman.

And I'll be the one to comment on how I think about who, thank you.

But while we're talking, I find that these two things may not jibe:

He disrespects you and soon considers you the maid, the cook, and the baby-minder, but he no longer thinks of you as a sexual and passionate person.

You have made yourself the whore. And that ain't pretty.

Which is it?

[redqueen]

188. It's a metaphor.

I call "journalists" whores all the time...

[mongo]

202. The most important thing is to be coupled with a partner who shares

similar boundries. That goes for both men and women.

Personally, I wouldn't really want to go to a strip club without my wife. I'd rather buy her a lap dance and watch than get one myself.

[redqueen]

205. I demand respect. Honesty above all else.

If he asks me to, fine.

I would say no to lapdances, unless he allowed me to go gyrate on any willing man I found attractive.

Based on the way this thread was started, I'm betting the OP was NOT consulted before he decided to pay a woman to sit in his lap and squirm around on his boner...

[Left Is Write]

15. No, I would not consider it cheating, but I wouldn't be thrilled about it.

[sniffa]

17. ms sniffa said

no, no, and no. and giggLed about it.

she gets better Lap dances than me anyhow. x(

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

29. Yes, they're 'friendlier' with women...

... not that *I* would know.

[sniffa]

33. yeah it is

:D

Last time we went was a pLace in montreaL caLLed 'teasers'

OMFG! that pLace put every fLesh bar to shame.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

44. There's a place...

in WI Dells... again, not that *I* would know.

[MidwestTransplant]

19. No, even if those girls are married you have to think their sig. others

know what they are up to!

;)

[last_texas_dem]

25. I'd consider it cheating

I'm a male and would never do that to a woman if I were in a relationship with her. (I don't do that stuff as a single person, but still...) I just figure not fooling around with someone else is part of being in a serious relationship.

Then again, I guess the question is really something for the two people in a relationship to decide for themselves. I just think that if a woman is hurt by her spouse/significant other doing that kinda stuff that he should have enough respect for her feelings to not do it.

[swag]

26. Does it make a difference if he experiences release during the lapdance?

(to put it in the parlance of the "massage and release" culture.)

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

31. Well sometimes I forget , some are just horny like that .

[swag]

68. There's very little to be done about it all.

[SarahB]

39. No, but I'd probably like to go with him.

As the case would probably be, she'd ignore him and give me the lapdance. :P Even if I weren't there, I'd probably ask for details from him and make into a lovely little scenario and then well, you figure it out. :D

As long as my needs were being met, I'm not much for jealousy in this regard. How could I blame a man for getting turned on by a beautiful woman? It happens anyway. We're human and men are extremely visual.

[sniffa]

46. jeaLousy

that's the one thing that's been absent from my Life for 9 years. it's wonderfuL!

btw.. wanna catch a show Later? :D

[SarahB]

57. I'd love to.

Jealousy sucks. I had 14 years of shit like being yelled if I even looked at another man (sometimes even if another man looked at me). I kid you not.

I am so happy to be single. So very happy. :bounce:

[sniffa]

61. woot!

your happiness is apparent.
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

we'LL pLan a trip then.

[SarahB]

143. ....

:7

[enigmatic]

102. SarahBelle, you really sound like a together person...

I really hope you find a guy worthy of you, because you deserve it..

[SarahB]

142. Thanks, wow.

What a nice thing to say. I'm getting more and more together as time moves on. I suppose in terms of my sexuality, it's something I've always just been able to enjoy for the most part.

I'm not even sure where I'm at. I think I'm just at a place of wanting to "date" and maybe do some of the things other women my age already did in their early 20's (at that age, I was married with a a child, etc.) and just experiment a bit and get to know myself more. Already did a little of that and came to a few interesting conclusions of where I'm at and what I want and what I don't want. As for the men I like, it's only the good ones. :)

[Beware the Beast Man]

42. If it's a sanctioned lapdance, then no.

My wife was not upset when she found out my friends bought me a lapdance for my bachelor party. I would do the same if she went to an all-male revue or something with her friends for a bachelorette weekend.

Funny thing- I actually saw a good deal of couples at the club we went to, which I found interesting. It was just like being at any bar, except there were naked women dancing every couple minutes or so.

[MrSlayer]

45. No, it's not cheating.

But a lot of women have no sense of humor about these things. If your husband or whatever is telling you about it you should be happy he's secure enough to do so. I personally haven't frequented any titty bars since I've been with my wife except for a couple of bachelor parties because I can't take the girls home anymore. I see no point in going and torturing yourself. But that's all it is, self inflicted torture, not cheating. If I would be mad about any part of it, it would be that it costs so much. The amount of money guys throw away at these bars just to be teased is amazing.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

54. Good points that I needed to hear .

[I Have A Dream]

47. To me, yes.

I'm very jealous and couldn't forgive it. I know it makes me sound small, but it's the truth.

Also, it's that slippery slope thing...

[redqueen]

189. No, it does not make you sound small.

Please don't listen to all the crap about jealousy and control... those people are missing the point.

If the lap dance is not sanctioned it is cheating, because the trust is broken.

:hi:

[Ariana Celeste]

65. The only way it would piss me off,

is if he lied to me about it, "No honey we were just at so-and-so's playing cards"; or if he just straight said nothing about it.

However, with the type of relationship we have and the type of woman I am.... chances are I'd just be pissed that I didn't get my lap dance first! ;).

[iconoclastic cat]

67. It depends on how big the lap is.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

71. That actually made me laugh .

After all it was while they were training to go to Iraq . I sort of understand .

[Deep13]

199. Your cat still looks like Santa Claus.

[Redstone]

76. I don't know if it's cheating, but it's kinda sleazy...

Sorry, but I consider getting a groin rub from a stranger, in return for paying her, to be a really low-rent sort of entertainment, and one that doesn't appeal to me at all.

Call me old-fashioned, or repressed, or whatever, I just think it's tacky.

I've always found going to strip clubs to be pretty boring, which, I suppose (in a Murphy's Law kind of way) must be the reason people insist on taking me to them now and again. I prefer a bar with live music and a pool table any day.

I know you asked the ladies for an opinion, but I'm throwing in one guy's view anyway, just in case you're interested in hearing it.

Redstone

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

83. Yes I am interested in hearing it from a guy's view .

I should have put asked for everyone's view as well . And I agree totally from where you are coming from .

[greatauntoftriplets]

85. Bingo!!!!

We have a winner here!!!!!

[Redstone]

124. But don't give me TOO much credit here;

it's kind of Virtue Made Easy on my part, because Mrs R. is a whole bunch more attractive than any titty-bar bimbo I've ever seen...my usual reaction when seeing one of them is "well, OK, I'm not impressed. I have better at home."

Am I a lucky son of a bitch, or what?

Redstone

[greatauntoftriplets]

127. Yes, you are lucky.

The fact that you find Mrs. R more attractive than any titty bar bimbo gives proof to the strength of your relationship. That is damn important.

And well worth the effort.

[Left Is Write]

94. I'm interested in your point of view.

And I'll take the bar with live music and a pool table too.

[deutsey]

170. My one and only time at a strip club was a couple years ago

I was on a business trip and a co-worker/friend persuaded me to go to one with him.

One of the dumbest choices I've ever made in my life. It was also one of the most BORING and STUPID things I've ever seen in my life. The guys getting lap dances came across to me as socially retarded morans, frankly...stuck back in high school fantasizing about the pretty girls who wouldn't give them the time of day, but now the girls had to pay attention to them because now they had money. :puke:

I sat there bored out of my mind and nursed a couple overpriced beers the entire time we were there, just wanting to leave (my friend drove). I didn't really want to go there in the first place but curiosity got the better of me. I know that will never happen again...I'm no prude by a long shot, but that experience contained not even a hint of erotic interest for me. Like you, if I go to a bar, just have a good band and affordable drinks and I'll be happy.

At least my friend paid for the beer, since he saw how bored I was and he felt bad for cajoling me into going.

[redqueen]

190. Sleazy and low-rent.

:applause:

I hope you have sons... or if not, that you mentor some.

[Zuni]

80. NO

NO NO NO

No more questions. I plead the fifth

[GreenPartyVoter]

81. Yes, to me it would be cheating.

[Dastard Stepchild]

84. I don't think I'll have to address this issue in my lifetime...

I am not comfortable dating a man that that desires lap dances from an exotic dancer or stripper. I feel rather conflicted when it comes to my thoughts on stripping - best for me to be with a man disinterested in stripping to avoid the whole scenario all together.I'm not judging the men that do it... just saying that said man would not be for me. :)


To answer your question, though, it's not necessarily an indication of cheating. But then again, maybe it is. Depends on the significant other, I suppose.

[Enraged_Ape]

103. If your wife/girlfriend/S.O. knows about it, no.

I think "cheating" comes into play when you try to hide something.

I organized a bachelor party for a buddy of mine at a popular local "gentleman's club". The Mrs. told me she didn't mind if there were lap dances, because she knew that there was no way that I would see anything better there than what I had at home. And she was absolutely right.

[RhodaGrits]

106. No, No and No.

I asked for ALL the details. The loveliest was that one girl asked him to come home with her as a freebie, just for her, becaused he was such a nice guy and most of the guys were groping arrogant assholes. He turned her down saying he was involved with someone and she said your girlfriend/wife is one lucky woman - there aren't a thousand guys that come through here that would do that. If the guys he was with had known that she'd made that offer, he'd never have survived the rest of that fishing trip VBG

[LeftyMom]

118. I would hope it would be discussed before hand

If a guy were to take off to the strip joint without discussing if that would bother me, I'd be irritated because that implies a certain disrespect for my feelings. That said I'd happily agree and send him on his merry way if I was asked first. Heck, I've gone along and had a great time, I even got a lap dance once (more for the benefit of the gents with me, I talked to the lady about her skin care regimen and how she liked her job while she was writhing on me.) :)

It's not cheating, but not talking to the other partner about it first (in the context of a serious relationship, not casual dating) would be rude as hell and probably start a fight.

[xmas74]

138. I've talked to the dancers before while getting lap dances too.

We've discussed things like who does the best wax jobs in town, who had the biggest grocery sales this week, etc.
The guys think that it's hot. We just thought that it was a decent conversation.

[CanuckAmok]

120. Depends on the terms of the marriage/partnership.

I know some people who don't approve of their spouse's "extracurricular" activities, and others who don't mind.

I can think of one couple I know where he would be sleeping on the couch for a week if her were to even casually comment on the attractiveness of a passing woman, and anotheer couple where casual sex with other people is acceptible within the marriage, but literally sleeping with/spending the night with someone else is considered cheating because of the imtimacy involved.

So much of the answer to your question is based on individual choice and on an agreement made between two consenting adults.

[blue neen]

121. Maybe it's not cheating, per se.

But it could be threatening to a relationship.

Going to a strip club is one thing. Having a stripper have "simulated" sex in your lap is another. There's a line of demarcation there, at least in my eyes.

[amazona]

123. absolutely it's cheating -- it is sexual contact w another woman

If a woman rubbed off your SO with her naked ass for no payment, it would be legal grounds for divorce. Just because he pays for it doesn't suddenly make it a doctor's appointment. It wouldn't make me crazy, however, it would be the end of the relationship unless it was open for me to have similar contacts with other men. Fair is fair. An open marriage has to be open for the woman as well as the man or it is just the same old stomping on the woman's feelings while the man does whatever he likes.

I would also lose respect for any man who has to pay to get rubbed off in a society this sexual where it seems like it is just too easy to pick up someone for free who is actually attracted to you, instead of being paid to be there. It may be a prejudice of mine, but you asked me how I really felt, not how I should feel. I would feel "lap dance husband" is a loser, and it is time to find a winner.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[gardenista]

125. Well, ask yerself this, if you did a lapdance on some guy, would your

boyfriend think you were cheating?

The answer is yes.

[I Have A Dream]

130. Yeah, would the SO think that it's OK if someone fondled her breasts? n/t

[I Have A Dream]

144. Yeah, would the man think that it's OK if someone fondled...

his partner's breasts?

[Madrone]

129. No, no, as...

...long as hanging out at the titty bars stuffing some skank's t-bar with the milk money didn't become commonplace - or even a regularly scheduled event I'd feel fine and no.

[xmas74]

131. nope.

Let him have the fantasy. As long as it's just a lapdance it's not a big deal. He's still coming home to you afterwards w/ possibly some new ideas to make your sex life even more fun.
Then again, I think that women should also go see what they want to see. Fantasies are healthy. And if you are really worried about what happens at a strip club-go with him! Hell, pay for the lapdance. Dancers have no problem w/ this-a few of them will actually slow it down for a minute and explain what they are doing while they are doing it! Then you know what you can do at home, if you like.

[fleabert]

132. if it's behind my back, it's cheating.

now if I got one at the same time...that's entertainment. ;-)

we've never been, btw. he's just not into it, thank the stars. I find it demeaning to women and men, for the most part.

[BlondieK143]

136. If he's honest about it, no.

I realize that men are human and like to look. I've been to a strip club with two of my boyfriends in the past, and neither one of them cheated on me. However, the same standard should be expected from me. If I want to go out with the girls and (hypothetically) we wanted to see some men bouncing around, that should be perfectly fine. I think a lot of it has to deal with how comfortable you are in your relationship with your SO. Everyone needs a little variety, they just have to know who they're going home with. :D

[Omphaloskepsis]

139. Yes..

I typed for miles trying to justify why I did it. It was hard, so I must admit I fucked up.

P.S.: I never got a lap thing, just went to a strip club while in love.

[Old_Fart]

140. The stiletto heels would be painful

Ouch :cry:

[terrya]

141. What if your boyfriend buys you a lap dance?

:evilgrin:

[eyesroll]

145. Nah.

Don't care.Never cared. Wouldn't piss me off unless he said he was going to be at home with his kid all night or something. And I hope, if he paid good money for it, that he enjoyed the heck out of it.

Then again, I think I lost a good 75% of my sexual jealousy years ago (the remaining 25% is reserved for the lying/behind my back/flat-out cheating). Thankfully, my SO is similar...which also accounts for why both of us have been able to hang with the other's exes (we're both friends with our respective exes) and it not be too weird. But anyway.

[unsavedtrash]

147. no. I don't believe in monogamy .

[Skittles]

148. having a skank grinding in his lap? hell yes I'd consider that cheating

f*** that and I doubt a guy would care much for his girlfriend grinding on a strange man's boner for money

[Heidi]

155. Everybody's gotta make a livin', Skittles.

And those "skanks" wouldn't be making a living doing lapdances if there were no demand for it. :shrug:

[sniffa]

173. that's not nice

if anything, the guy is the skank.

[Trigger Hippie]

150. I don't consider it cheating

as long as the SO knows about it and is OK with it. I would be OK with it if I knew my SO was getting them.


:hi:

[ProfessorGAC]

152. I'd Never Get One. I'd Consider It Cheating

And, that is something that's NEVER gonna happen.

You've gone beyond the "look don't touch" rule of fidelity with a lapdance.
The Professor

[Debbi801]

156. Wouldn't bother me...

I'd be curious enough to want to watch, but that is about it.

Now, if it suddenly became something he was being super secretive about and hiding them, or if he was going to get them several times a day, I might be a little concerned that there was something lacking in the relationship.

Debbi

[AngryAmish]

159. Women who ban their SO from strip clubs are into control

They like to feel the that their SO is submissive and that they can control their every minute. It is a form of abuse.

[MissMillie]

162. sure.... blame the victim

Obviously I think that people should know how their partner stands on these sort of things before they make a commitment. But I don't think it's unreasonable for a woman to want to be with a man who won't patronize such establishments.

That's like saying a woman who won't date a man who smokes is into control and is an abusive woman.

That argument doesn't fly.

(blame the victim isn't the right language I wanted for the subject, but I don't seem to be able to articulate what I want to say... so I'll leave it rest.)

[sniffa]

175. i was gonna say..

'bLame the victim!?'

it's not much to ask (what you're saying) - i just hope you both are on the same page with that.

but i wouLd agree that that is controLLing behavior - whether it be smoking, or strip cLubs.

i'm not saying it's a bad thing (to be controLLing), just not my thing.

some peopLe need to be controLLed, and some peopLe need to be the dominant type.

[MissMillie]

215. I think the only person I'm controlling is me

I wouldn't assume that I had the capability to control anyone else.

Someone wants to go to strip clubs and get lap dances... that's fine by me.

But that's not the kind of person I want to be with. My staying away from that has to do with making my own decisions about what I find acceptable in a mate. It's not about getting someone to behave the way I want to. If I don't like how someone behaves, I can choose to stay w/ them, or not. It's about controlling ME.

[gollygee]

165. Who said anything about banning SOs from strip clubs

I don't want my husband being dry humped by anyone. I don't care if he goes to a strip club so long as there's no touching.

[AngryAmish]

183. If you like a submissive husband that is your business

I certainly will not flame you for that. However, I would not like to be in that kind of relationship. I like to be able to think for myself.

[gollygee]

198. There's nothing submissive about my husband. He is respectful though

"that kind of relationship" is called a healthy relationship in which partners respect each other.

[redqueen]

193. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:rofl:

Oh, my... that's the best joke I've heard all week!

Oh, wait... were you being serious?! :o

[Redstone]

208. Wait a minute. Let me see if I understand this:

For a wife to tell her husband she doesn't want him to go to a strip club is "so they can control their very minute?"

Sounds like you got yourself some, ah, domestic issues there, pard. The club she won't let you go to must be a hellluva place, if you consider it abuse that she won't let you go there.

Redstone

[Guy Fawkes]

160. No- but only if he asks permission.

If you said "No, I won't give you a lap dance, why don't you go pay for one at ______ bar..." It would be ok. If he just walks up one day and tells you he got a lap dance... slap him.

[jswordy]

161. Cheating, schmeating... Lap dances are DUMB!

The whole "lookie lookie but no nookie" thing is too strange for me. The only thing the guy getting the dance receives is an emptier wallet and maybe a case of blue ball.

:shrug:

I prefer to actually have a chance in the game, if I am going to get that close to the ballpark! LOL.

[SarahB]

164. That's how most of the guys I've been close with feel.

My ex-husband went to a few in his 20's before we were together and said it was just torturous (I tried to get him with go with me, but he never did). I can't imagine why a man without a partner would want to do this. If it gets him excited and was honest about it (or we would go and get excited together) and then he'd come home or we'd go home together and go at it like rabbits then that's fun. Excuse me for my crassness, but I can't imagine driving home with blue balls to a hand would be. :shrug:

[jswordy]

166. SarahBelle, I'd just as soon get excited with each other, ya know?

No third party who will never be a part of the game need apply.

:shrug:

My friends are always asking me to go "to the titty bars." I never do. I just don't get it, you know, spending a high cover charge, buying each beer for the price of a six-pack, and -- OH WOW! -- I get to see pairs of breasts NEKKID!

LOL...seems to me I'm the poor schmuck out of my money that way. I'd rather do the seduction ritual, and then if I get turned down, at least I had a CHANCE to be in the game. LOL.

[SarahB]

168. Most definitely.

One man and one woman just alone can pretty much have all they need most of the time, but we all have different tastes and sometimes some of us might need a little extra "kick" in a sense (some don't and ideally partners will be on the same wavelength. I guess my view is that anything that's honest in terms of consenting adults can be fun sometimes.

[jswordy]

169. anything that's honest in terms of consenting adults can be fun sometimes.

Yep.

[NewJeffCT]

172. It was good therapy for me...

After my ex filed for divorce, I went several times (ok, more like several times a month) to a certain gentleman's club in Hartford... and, no, not the place actually called "The Gentleman's Club" on the Berlin Turnpike.

But, having an attractive young woman grind her butt into my crotch for 2, 3 or 4 songs was helpful to me mentally in dealing with the stress & frustration at the time. And, it also taught me how to say "no" to a woman, something I was terrible at before. But, if you have a bunch of attractive women offering you lap dances, you have to learn to say "no" or you'll go broke quickly.

And, after you get a couple of lap dances, the dancer is usually nice to you for a little while... and, then they start telling you all their problems. And, when many are that age (male or female), they think their personal problems are the biggest thing since the fall of the Roman Empire. So, listening to them complain for a little while helped me put things in perspective.

Looking back, I don't know how I did it all. I had my regular full-time job, took a part time job to help with the debt my soon to be ex had run up, went out to gentleman's clubs regularly and also dated like crazy at the time. Heck, I even still managed to get in a weekly game of D&D, too.

[SarahB]

179. I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I'm so not with this stuff. I most definitely understand that super busy, newly divorced, but finally exploring stuff thing. Yes sirree, Bob Jeff. :D

[NewJeffCT]

181. no problem

I didn't say you were judgemental or anything... just wanted to explain why somebody would enjoy an occasional lap dance.

However, I do look back sometimes & think, what the heck was I thinking? Added all up over several months, I could have spent the lap dance money on getting my old master bedroom re-carpeted. Heck, if I wanted something more than a lap dance, I could have flown to Vegas, stayed in a nice hotel and legally paid a woman to do it for me, because even though I was dating like crazy, I still wasn't the type to use a woman for a one-nighter.

[sniffa]

177. we're just not cLose yet

:P

i don't feeL that way at aLL.

i'd Like to be frank, but i don't want Locked threads and/or warnings.

[SarahB]

178. You have to tell me what you mean.

PM me. I don't judge anything with this stuff. I guess I just know that for me personally, there's nothing more frustrating than to get all hotted out and ultimately not get the goods and I imagine (wait, I know) it's more than the same way for men. To me this whole thing (like porn, erotica, or whatever) can make a nice build-up though.

[sniffa]

180. i pm'ed

[foreigncorrespondent]

163. It all depends on the situation.

If it happened at a strip joint where there was no intimacy involved, then no, I do not consider it a form of cheating. However, if my lover received it in more intimate surroundings, then yes, I would consider it to be a form of cheating. Simply because I do consider phone sex and cyber sex a form of cheating, because of the intimacy involved.

I wouldn't lose my mind over it, because I know in my heart how I feel for my lover. What it would make me do is communicate with her to find out why she felt she needed to receive intimacy from another person. Then we would work through this together and get back on track.

One thing true love has taught me is to forgive my partner for all mistakes. If that mistake was cheating, then the forgiveness would come as we work through the problems.

[elfrangel]

174. Here's my spin....

My DH and I have been together 7 years this July, but we almost didn't make it. Why??? Exactly what you are talking about. DH was so wrapped up in this "fantasy world" that he missed out on the real woman in front of him. Happy to say that we have worked things out and doing well.

Bottom line is that you have to be aware of what makes your partner comfortable and UNcomfortable. There are lines, and when they get crossed, there are problems. Each person, relationship, is different.

Personally, I think it's all cheating. Simply because that's my comfort level. I look at my DH and see all I would ever need or want.

As for men being "wired" to be looking all the time. I might agree except that you have a WILL and can CHOOSE a course of action. Animals react to instincts. I would like to think that we, as a race, have progressed somewhat from there. Of course, I could be wrong.

[benburch]

176. Only if your partner says they aren't.

You can orgasm from a lap dance. Therefore it is a form of sex.

[kwassa]

182. Who wants a lap dance in the first place? Talk about unfulfilling!

some comedian talked about "why pay a woman lots of money not to have sex with me, when I can get a woman not to have sex with me for free?"

[ernstbass]

185. Yes it's cheating

[luvLLB]

186. No, I don't care who pumps the tires, as long as I get to ride the bike.

[redqueen]

194. Yes, it's cheating if he did not clear it with his partner beforehand.

And yes, it would piss me off.

It wouldn't make me wanna lose my mind, it would however make me wanna lose him!

:hi:

Oh and about all this blue balls stuf... lots of guys cum in their pants during lapdances... so please don't fool yourself thinking it's all frustration going on in those places.

[SarahB]

213. I think that's the key.

Different relationships set different boundaries. What one person might consider cheating, another may not. People have to really look, understand, and negotiate this stuff before marriage or cohabitating especially. One has got to be on the same wavelength as their partner because people are who they are. Hopefully, people with the same views hook up in every respect (speaking from hard-learned experience in that department).

[Deep13]

195. Matter of opinion.

For my single self, watching is alright, even if its watching really close. Contact, lap dancing, kissing, taking the $1 out of a dude's mouth with her tits, that's too much. Still, if others disagree, I don't think it is inviting the wrath of God.

[silverpatronus]

200. no way...

as far as i'm concerned 'cheating' is emotional betrayal. to betray me, you'd have to be carrying on behind my back. hiding or lying is the cheating to me. it shows that there are deeper emotions there. the more i learn about myself, the more i think i'd be happy in an open marriage if i ever get married at all. love and sex can be mutually exclusive. if i married somebody, it would be because i loved them, because they were the one i wanted to be the father of my children, the person i trusted with my heart, the person i could talk to about anything. my heart is not tied to my loins. if he wanted to sleep with somebody else, or i did...no biggie. as long as we aren't sharing our hearts with others in secret, we can share our bodies with others in the open.

[plcdude]

203. yes

I think it is cheating another person is getting you off who is not your spouse.

[Withywindle]

214. Not to me, no...

...I'd laugh at him for wasting all that money, though.

I totally agree with the posters who have said the most important thing in a relationship is that the partners have compatible boundaries for this kind of thing and can discuss them openly--that matters more than what the boundaries happen to be.

My guy's not into the stripper thing. Doesn't find it sexy. I know he does look at porn, though, and enjoys all sorts of unattainable fantasies. No biggie -- so do I, except the kind of porn I like isn't commercial, it's writing and reading weird erotic fantasy fiction on the internet (in writers' groups that are mostly women writing stuff for other women to read). Although I have been in actual non-monogamous relationships in the past and I like them a lot in principle, currently my guy and I are in practice exclusive. We each have our own rich fantasy lives, though, as well as our sex life together. I would not willingly give that up, nor would I ever ask a partner to give it up.

Just don't flush money down the toilet for it, dude. :) Your brain's always better than anything you can buy.

[bridgit]

218. lap dances are 'a form of' cheating...

in the parthenon of human interplay? not like some other forms. actually had a business meeting at a 'hooters' on the wharf last night, boyfriend understands with a quickness what he calls 'the kitty kat game', they all play he plays but all hands stay on the table. its fun. at least it can be.

but looking around the room we were having fun filling in the blanks as tables filled with men drool @ the antics. some with bored wife/girlfriends sitting right there as 'the deal goes down'.

for they with a predisposition, lap dances are a form of cheating without doubt imo consider it a 'gateway' activity to the harder addictions if easier for you to do so