Is reading a romance novel cheating? Eating chocolate?

[RPM]

I mean, if your wife looks to romance novels to fulfill desires for stories of unbridled romance, instead of getting that from her husband, is that cheating. She would seem to be seeking gratification traditionally associated with the marriage from an extra marital source.

What about chocolates - some studies have associated the female sensations resulting form chocolate consumption with those women experience after sex. If the wife eschews sex and seeks such gratifying feelings from chocolate, is she cheating on her man?

Thoughts? Comments? Flames?

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Personally I define cheating as it involves another REAL person.. includin

fantasies. If hubby wants to secretly lust over startlets that's fine.. but if he starts lusting over the gal down the street. that's dangerous. It's too close to home.

[RPM]

2. Starlets aren't real people?

or don't people on TV or in Books count?

I wish that were the case - then BUsh wouldnt exist (he's only on TV...)

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. No they aren't real people you can tryst with. I do wish ** wasn't real

[RPM]

4. the people may not be accessable, but the feelings are

as i see it, the larger issue is, if you seek gratification in a way that deprives a spouse of the role of providing that gratification, one is on thin ice; whether it is looking at porn or eating bon-bons...

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. There is a line. Some is healthy some is not. Only a couple can decide

for themselves what is all right and what is not. For example, what if the spouse does not feel like (s)he is being deprived.. but rather spared? Not everyone has the same sex drive.

And sometimes this sort of thing isn't necessarily sexual. I myself sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to be involved with a liberal minister *lol* Why? Because I married into a conservative evangelical family. Do my mental wanderings mean I don't love my husband? No. But it does show that I do wish sometimes that we were more similiar in nature where politics and religion are concerned.

No one is ever 100% satisfied with their mates. It is impossible to be so since we are all human and have failings and flaws. The trick is to recognize that and love each other anyway. And to be happy for what is good in them.

[RPM]

6. Agreed - Couldn't have said it better.

In the end, it is a matter for each couple to establish for themselves.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. Yep. I had to cut back on my romance novels after we first married

because they hurt hubby's feelings that I would rather read than be with him (these days it's more likely to be DU that is distracting me *lol*), and he had to give up the porn, which he never really did much of (that I know) anyway.

But we have left ourselves the little fantasies and we dont' discuss them, because when we do feelings get hurt. Some things are better left private. Like that liberal minister thing. *l*

[tjdee]

8. Are you seriously comparing eating chocolate to boobs in your face?

Really?

[RPM]

9. yes - in the sense that each is being used to satisfy an internal desire..

...a desire that would most healthily be fulfilled by the other partner.

[sendero]

10. Come on..

.... everyone need food for their fantasies. "Cheating" has to involve physical contact.

Well, really it doesn't. IMHO, there is a such thing as emotional intimacy - and either partner seeking it outside of marriage is also cheating.

But reading a book, looking at erotica, stuff like that I think is healthy.

But what do I know :)