One of life's little mysteries

[Lydia Leftcoast]

After having spent almost two years in Minneapolis and played out my talent for landing in environments where all the men are married/paired, gay, or young enough to be my son, I signed up for two local personals sites.

I stated that I wanted someone who could share my cultural and political interests and that I like men who are masculine but whose definition of masculinity does not include aggressiveness, a desire for suburban trophy houses, trophy cars, and trophy boats; or right-wing politics. My profile clearly says that I'm "very liberal."

So, who has responded so far? One man, who seemed fine on paper and by e-mail, turned out to have a really odd affect in person and kept asking off-the-wall questions. (No, he didn't have Asperger's Syndrome. I know what that's like. This was something unique.)

Another was an engineer who was willing to let me talk on and on but had nothing to say himself, except about his engineering projects.

The rest write brief notes that say something like, "I like your picture. Please write to me." Then I check their profiles, and they're the Typical Middle American Suburban Guys that I don't get along with. They can't even describe themselves except to say that they "like to fish and watch sports" or they're "homeowners." The clincher is that they list themselves as "conservative."

I wonder if they can't read or don't bother to read. :shrug:

[China_cat]

This is not surprising.

The man I'm married to took almost 20 years to finally hear me that I DO NOT LIKE blueberry yogurt, which he would buy me at least once a week and then get pissy because I wouldn't eat it.

If they're that dense when they're that close, what can you expect from strangers?

[OldLeftieLawyer]

2. That's not dense

That's a case of passive-aggressive for the books.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

1. Obviously........

......... you need to write a different kind of personal ad.

Let's see. What would I do, if I were in your position (you and I share a similiar perspective on the world, I think)?

"Are you man enough not to be a flaming, testosterone-driven, right-wing loony whose idea of serious fun is a good session of Road Rage?

Does the idea of a good movie and a nice dinner seem like something you'd enjoy, or does the movie have to star Arnold/Steven/Vin and does the dinner have to be served through the driver's side window?

Do you enjoy football/basketball/baseball games without shedding your shirt and using body paints to show what a big fan you are?

Are you man enough to be a great cook?

Does the idea of loud, extended laughter appeal to you?

Does the world of ideas and left-wing politics interest you?

If pushed, will you admit to loving long, slow walks on the beach at sunset, cuddly kittens, roaring fires on cold nights, and wearing a thong?

OK, that last question was a joke. Are you laughing? If so ..........."

How's that?

[Droopy]

4. That sounds good to me

I fit the profile, but I'm 32. Might be a little young. I don't know.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

9. No such thing as too young, sweetie,

but my husband says I can't date any more.

He's such a grumpy old bastard.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

5. LOL!

Actually, my real profile is not far from that.

"I'm an easy-going, intellectual but non-snobbish former academic now self-employed as a translator.

I'm initially shy, but when inspired by a gentleman with the proper chemistry, I'm witty and affectionate.

My definition of "chemistry" includes wide-ranging intelligence and whimsical wit, a kind heart, knowledge of how to be masculine without being consumed by sports, cars, violence, or rightwing politics; knowledge of how to be affectionate and sexual without being clingy or pathologically jealous, an appreciation for the arts (I subscribe to several series and am a lifelong choral singer, but I also like to dance to the oldies or world beat), a concern about what is happening to this country, and above all, wicked glints in the eyes.

In the past, I've been attracted to academics, non-nerdy scientists, musicians, Brits, Antipodeans, and several combinations of the above, but the wicked glints are an absolute requirement!"

You'd think that an ad like that would be infallible freeper repellent, wouldn't you?

[OldLeftieLawyer]

8. No wonder you're getting those guys

It's so DRY. And I'm sure you're not.

Why start with something so daunting? Why define yourself, right from the start, by your career? Wouldn't you be put off by a man who did that? I know I would.

Instead of waxing pedantic on your definition of "chemistry," why not avoid that whole cliche and throw down some stuff that goes at the person you'd like to meet, instead of giving away so much about yourself in such a systematic and organized manner?

Part of the fun of meeting new people is not knowing specifics about them, so why not hold onto some of your mystery?

Why not state what you WANT instead of what you ARE? Meet the man who is interested in knowing more about you, and then let him get to know about you - if you want him to.

Ah, mystery. American women get so little training in how to be mysterious, and it's such an essential.

Good luck, kiddo. Get out there and start singeing eyebrows and breaking hearts.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

12. Hmmm, thanks for the advice

It's worth considering.

But revising my profile won't necessarily make the men actually read it. :-)

[OldLeftieLawyer]

15. Well, jeez..............

You gotta believe that you're going to post something so spectacular, men won't be able to resist reading on and on.

Look at DU - never underestimate the power of the properly written and placed word.

Plus, you could tell them that you put out on the first date if you get drunk enough .............

[xmas74]

22. That's what my friend tells them.

She gets replies from all ranges of the political spectrum. Actually, that's the only thing in her personal message.

"I put out on the first date."

It's really kind of funny.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

27. See?

Nothing succeeds like humor..........

Unless, of course, she's really putting out on .......... naw.......

[xmas74]

33. She really does put out on the first date

if she likes the way that he looks.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

38. Awwwwwww

An old-fashioned girl........... :hippie:

[radwriter0555]

44. Her momma raised her RIGHT.

If he's hot, why not?

:)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

26. Actually, I try not to get drunk enough on the first date.

Is that a problem? :-)

[OldLeftieLawyer]

28. Ah, Grasshopper.............

OldLeftieLawyer had MrOldLeftieLawyer between the sheets within hours of meeting him.

We got drunk later.

Seriously, do you drink on these first dates? I think I'd be too nervous to drink.

But, if the guy were a real dud, I guess I'd drink a lot and then disappear, come to think of it.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

30. Wow, lust at first sight!

:-)

[OldLeftieLawyer]

31. I put out on first dates

So does he.

Our actual first date involved finding a therapist. We both arrived between those sheets with a lot of baggage, and we decided we'd see if there was any possibility for us before we got carried away. That was a lot of years ago. So far, so good.

But, the old bastard won't let me date, and I'm seeing some real Potential on this (wonderful) thread you started.

Damn.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

41. Ya see, the thing is, I get such massive, intensive hangovers

that I try very hard not to get beyond slightly giddy.

If I get a hangover, the entire next day is lost, which is why I haven't been really drunk for about twenty years now.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

42. I know that one

That's the only thing about getting older that pisses me off. The capacity and endurance for serious drinking just aren't there any more.

[radwriter0555]

45. *siding with leftie* yeah, lighten up the profile, and girl, why do you

expect men to READ? They're immediate gratification monsters. And we love them for it.

I mean the right one MIGHT, but that's awful high expectations of them.

Shorten it up a lot, less about you, more about fun, be concise on the important parts, i.e., no massive belly flab, must be employed, liberal, sense of humor, etc.

And have FUN with it. If you can't have fun, what's the point, right?

Do you have Craigslist.org in your city? Great site. I accidentally met my husband on there.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

47. Actually, ladies, I did lighten up the profile

listing what I was looking for in a light but slightly edgy tone.

It starts with "You are blessed with such wide-ranging intelligence, subtle wit, and verbal adeptness that no one can believe you're straight..."

and ends with, "So, if you meet most of these qualifications and have not yet been claimed by some other lucky woman, and if you're wondering who has the effrontery to make demands like these, drop me a note. I don't warm to everyone, but I'll glow with passion if you're my match."

I'll try this one for a couple of weeks. :-)

Oh, and thanks for the hint about craigslist. I had heard of it but didn't know what it was, and yes, there is one for Minneapolis.

Actually, personals aside, I've thought of another use for it, but I have to run off and get ready for morning choir rehearsal.

[RC]

13. Man enough?

Let's see. What would I do, if I were in your position (you and I share a similiar perspective on the world, I think)?

"Are you man enough not to be a flaming, testosterone-driven, right-wing loony whose idea of serious fun is a good session of Road Rage? Testosterone driven anything turns me off.

Does the idea of a good movie and a nice dinner seem like something you'd enjoy, or does the movie have to star Arnold/Steven/Vin and does the dinner have to be served through the driver's side window? A quiet place to eat and a mutually agreed on movie.

Do you enjoy football/basketball/baseball games without shedding your shirt and using body paints to show what a big fan you are? Nope. I do not care for sports.

Are you man enough to be a great cook? yes. In fact I like to help cook the meal. I usually pitch in.

Does the idea of loud, extended laughter appeal to you? Depends. This is a little opened ended

Does the world of ideas and left-wing politics interest you? Yes. And they had better have an idea of what is really happening.

If pushed, will you admit to loving long, slow walks on the beach at sunset, cuddly kittens, roaring fires on cold nights, and wearing a thong? Yes. Maybe. Not really. No.

OK, that last question was a joke. Are you laughing? If so ..........."

How's that?

[OldLeftieLawyer]

18. It's a start, but ...........

you really have to do more than "pitch in" with the dinner thing. You have to bring the wine, pour it, clean up after her, light the candles (hey, bringing the candles isn't a bad idea, come to think of it!), and make sure you hold her chair for her before you're seated.

Rethink your answer to the "... loud, extended laughter" question, and then think about the best laughs you've had in bed with someone you cared for so much your hair hurt.

You've GOT to get a thong. Then hang it on the wall.

Say, do you live in Minneapolis??????

[RC]

23. Oh, that kind of laughter!

It's been a long long time. I forgot.

My thing includes procuring small gadgets that she does not have and I see a need for. Things like a Foil Cutter/Wax Remover tool. Good wine bottle openers. Flowers.
Pitching in does include the cleanup afterwords. Any excuse to pass or stand close... :evilgrin:

[OldLeftieLawyer]

29. If I give my husband a big dose of Xanax,

will you meet me later?

(Hey, this one has Keeper potential, ladies!!!)

[RC]

36. I know a quiet little lounge a couple of miles from here.

On a serous note, I keep hearing what you say. Why can't I find anyone then.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

39. Lord, almighty, honey ............

I've seen so many otherwise sane and sensible women flip off great guys in favor of knuckledragging assholes who have absolutely nothing to offer except, perhaps, the opportunity to (1) post bond, (2) pay their child support, or (3) maybe catch a punch.

If I could answer your sweet, touching query, I bet you I could win the Nobel Peace Prize.

All I can tell you is that the good woman who will wholly appreciate a smart, thoughtful, aware man like you is somewhere in your future, and she just hasn't found you yet.

You'll see.............

[Left Is Write]

3. I vote for "don't bother to read."

I belonged to a dating service (in Minneapolis, actually) when I was 24. My profile CLEARLY stated that I was the single mother of a preschooler. I got tons of notes indicating interest, but when I went to look at the profiles of the men who had chosen me, nearly every single one said they would not date a woman with children. So why the hell did they pick me?

(My membership itself was stupid. I had allegedly "won" a three month membership, but it turned out later that the drawing was rigged, and that only young women were chosen for free memberships. Apparently they didn't have enough young women on their rolls to entice the men in.)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

6. My impression is that there are a lot of guys on those sites who

are still stuck in the 1950s and think that simply being employed and lacking a criminal record makes them a good catch.

When the women of today react negatively to their lack of intelligence and humor and their emotional immaturity, they rage against "feminists" and then sign up for one of those picture bride services.

[RC]

7. Why do you think they are single?

The good ones are taken. That leaves the rest of us.
20 years in a not so good to very bad marriage is detrimental to the Psyche.
We males have the same problem as the women. The most prevalent one for me is the woman who has not let go of her ex. Loves slamming and knocking the ex. They have no clue to the damage they are doing to themselves, their kids and the relationship they keep trying to be in. To say nothing of changing the outlook of their current partner to the negative about women in general after a few relationships.

And no it is not necessarily always the fault of whoever can't find someone.
It may be there is no one available that is emotionally healthy enough to make a relationship work in the long term. It is a two way street. Communications is a must. Both must truthfully vocalize what they expect, want and will tolerate.
Women and some men may talk a lot, but that does not mean they are saying anything important or that communications is taking place.
Communications by definition is two way exchange of information, pertinent to the subject being discussed.

There does seems to be a comprehension problem out there. I met a women on a left wing dating site. She started sending me rightwing religious propaganda. (My ad clearly stated Agnostic.) I took one of the emails and added my own responses to it and returned it. Apparently she did not recognize it as something she had sent me because she responded "How very true." I had to tell her. Things kinda fell apart after that. A shame really. I was otherwise starting to like her.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

10. People don't listen

That's something I watched during my legal years - people do not listen to what other people are saying. Without that, no one's ever gonna get anywhere.

You sound like you listen. I hope you find a woman who will listen to you.

HEY, do you live in Minnesota? (See original post)

[RC]

14. Fargo

We've checked each other out already.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

16. This is hysterical

God, I love DU ............................!

[uppityperson]

21. north or south or way south?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

11. There is no doubt in my mind that women can be clueless, too

:-)

Wasting one's conversations with a potential new love in slamming one's ex is pretty counter-productive, and yet, men and women do it all the time, even in the company of their own gender.

I have a relative who never tires of telling me how badly her husband treated her--even though he's been dead for years.

Such people are indulging in what one of the priests at my former church called, "Trying to have a better past."

[xmas74]

17. I deleted all of my profiles.

I only had conservative men reply to me. Usually they asked me if my hair was really red or if I dyed it.
Idiots!

[RC]

19. And I suppose you aren't going to tell us either

are you? :P

[xmas74]

20. What? Am I a real redhead?

Yes I am.

[RC]

24. My mother was a red head.

[xmas74]

25. Is that good or bad?

Just asking.

[RC]

34. Just stating a fact.

Another fact. Both my parents and myself are left handed.

[xmas74]

35. Cool.

I can use both and my daughter is a lefty. My daughter is also a redhead.

[RC]

37. My mother was ambidextrous

She could write two different things at the same time - both legible

[tanyev]

32. Oh, Lydia.

You know once you get some of that conservative lovin', you'll leave us and never come back. That's what they think anyway.

Know any Canadian men? My Canuck hubby is a sweetheart!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

40. No, does your Canadian hubby have any

presentable middle-aged friends who are running around loose? :-)

[tanyev]

43. Sorry, I think all his friends are paired up.

But if you are in Minneapolis, maybe you should head north as often as you can for recreational activities, eh?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

46. But it's 400 miles, and all that's directly north of me is

forests and lakes!