What would you do if you ran into Ann Coulter in a restaurant?

[Clete]

Poll question: What would you do if you ran into Ann Coulter in a restaurant?

[terrya]

1. This might be tacky, but...

I'd kick her in the balls.

[MinnFats]

70. well, i hate to wish ill on anyone, but remember...

...there are a couple of famous fotos from the end of wwII in Holland and France, where women who collaborated with the Nazis are taunted, roughed up and then have their heads shaved in the town square. (hmmm...I just had a great idea for photoshop)....
perhaps that's what Annie Hell (apologies to woody allen) deserves....i don't wish violence on anyone but....hey, when you collaborate with the nazis...

[JVS]

2. Walk by the table and fart

[Kathy in Cambridge]

26. You can fart on demand?

Impressive...

[JVS]

28. I am a man of many talents.

[dorktv]

3. I would walk right up to her and start ragging on her until

she ran away or started crying.

[athos1126]

11. I don't think she cries

that's a sign of weakness, just like pissy weak ass liberals! Duh!

[dorktv]

23. Anyone cries if you hit them in the right spot.

[Birthmark]

4. I'd buy her a sandwich

I think that most of her crankiness is due to malnutrition. Who knows? If she ate something, she might stop having hallucinations!

[arcane1]

5. I'm afraid I would go with "ignore"

and pretend I never heard of her. To do otherwise will just inflate her sense of self-importance.

IMHO :)

[TrogL]

6. Why can't people behave themselves in public?

[athos1126]

7. I'd simply

get out my samuri sword and go Xena on her ass.

What? I see no problems here.

[thebeaglehaslanded]

8. I'd throw up!

[qwertyMike]

9. I'd hit on her

and seduce her to the Left with my Masterful James Bond Seduction Skills.
Then I'd become a suicider after I discovered where the term "jumpiing bones" originated.

[Systematic Chaos]

10. Since I'm a really big dude,

I would be sure I was moving really fast so that I'd not just tip her off balance, but send her through a wall!

:evilgrin:

Well, you did say "ran into", didn't ya?

[Dookus]

12. finish eating

then use her as a toothpick.

[zonmoy]

13. vanquish her to hell where she belongs

then again I figure a devil will rise out of a hole and put her back on earth saying "isnt it bad enough down there"

[Padraig18]

14. Run up to her table and shout...

..."Hey, aren't you Phyllis Diller?" :P

[Name removed]

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[Name removed]

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[dawgman]

24. I'd seduce her too and take pics to post on Freerepublic

to show what a bastion of morality she REALLY is.

[liberalhistorian]

31. ROFLMAO!

Can you just imagine the freeper brain cells that would be exploding all over the place? OMG, I can just see it now!

[Name removed]

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[The Lone Liberal]

16. I would apologize to the owners...

...for running my car into their restaurant.


Then I would back my car out of the restaurant, which would by necessity require backing over Ms Coulter. That is what I would do if I ran into Ms. Coulter in a restaurant.

[SmileyBoy]

17. I'd ask the waiter for a wine glass...

...then piss in it, and go over and tell her to try this awesome new white grape chablis.

[PapaClay]

19. Nothing

I don't get in other people's faces unless provoked.

[LTR]

20. Tell her

to clear the dishes and fill my water.

[Mr. McD]

21. I probably wouldn’t recognize her

I don’t really pay much attention to right wing morons or listen to their propaganda. Life is to short. I have never seen her talk. All I know about her is what I have learned here at DU.

[geniph]

22. Leave. Who could eat with that creature near them?

I mean, she looks like Starvin' Marvin - the last place I'd expect to find her is anywhere food was served.

[FloridaJudy]

72. Amen!

She's enough to ruin anyone's appetite

[Rashind]

25. Send her a plate of food

I'd send her a plate of food, on me. Who knows, maybe if she ate something for once she could think clearly.

[leftofthedial]

27. puke all over her

while shouting


"Slanderous Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!" and "Traitorous Wreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch!"

[DS1]

29. wonder why I was driving my car through a restaurant

?

[populistmom]

30. I'd ignore her, but secretly

I'd look down at my chest, catch a glimpse of my female sized Adam's apple in some way (a spoon or cosmetic mirror perhaps) and smile contently to myself because I am so happy to have actually been born a female.

[earthman dave]

32. Reverse, and do it again. =)

[MSchreader]

68. Damnit!

That's what I was thinking! :evilgrin:

Martin

[JackSwift]

33. Throw holy water on her and drive a wooden steak

through her heart, cut off her head and put holy wafers in the mouth of her decapitated head.

Geez, didn't any of you guys ever see a vampire movie or play Dungeons & Dragons?

[JVS]

34. Umm, you aren't supposed to use the host in that manner.

[JackSwift]

38. I'm not Catholic

and with the undead, Bram Stoker was really clear, yes you are supposed to use it that way.

And while engaged in the destructino of the undead shout, so all the patrons of the restaurant can hear you:

"OFF THE AIRWAVES!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!" Repeat as necessary.

[JVS]

41. Neither am I. But we still don't do that with the host where I come from.

[JackSwift]

46. I'm open to other ways to dispose of the

blood sucker. What do you guys do with vampire where you come from? I've already told you what we do, and it's really quite effective.

[JVS]

47. Stake through heart, bury at crossroads

[JackSwift]

50. We tried that with Willie Brown

and I assure you that it doesn't work. We fed him a filet mignon at the North Beach Restaurant and tried to bury him in Washington Sq (Columbus and Hyde), but he got the steak stains off his shirt next morning at Wilkes Bashford and bought a whole new Brioni suit to boot.

I definitely recommend the stale crackers.

[zonmoy]

39. can you

actually get rid of she demons the same way you get rid of vampires or do you have to do something different.

[JackSwift]

48. Depends, minor demon or major demon?

It's been a long time since I've been a 29th level D & D wizard, but my recollection is that demons are somewhat susceptible to regular +2 weaponry and spells, although you can never permanently kill them. I seem to recall a "spiritwrack" spell in which you find out the demon's true name, you speak the spell, it glues them to the spot and then you read the rest of the spell, which is a truthful list of their crimes and that really tortures them, and then they are barred from that plane of existence for 100 years or some such.

"The Power of Christ compels you, Dan Coulter, to listen to this reading of Al Franken and Joe Consonan's listing of your lies..."

[Hawkeye-X]

35. Go to the bathroom on her food

and force her to eat it. Since she talks shit, she should eat it too.

Hawkeye-X

[Blue-Jay]

36. I'd shake her hand!

Mallrats-Style. Kevin Smith fans will know what I'm talking about.

[Kat45]

62. I'd say that's quite appropriate for her.

LOLOL

[bluestateguy]

37. I picked the cheesecake option

But only if I was sure I could get away with it. She's not worth going to jail over: I'd pay the bill first in cash--lest I be accused of pulling a "dine and dash" and in cash so there was no name trail--map out an escape route and then do the old pie in the face routine, and then bolt.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

75. Why would you waste perfectly good cheesecake on Annthrax?

God, there are better things to do with a little piece of heaven like Cheesecake.
Duckie

[KG]

40. punch her in the stomach to send a mesage that

conservatives traitors like her can be intimidated be physical violence, too. :)

[frank frankly]

42. I would explain how terrible she was, and how wrong

and keep talking until escorted away. I would never physically threaten anyone, but I don't back down easy and I would hopefully remained composed and devasting. I hope to have the chance someday.

[flamingyouth]

43. Point and laugh obnoxiously

Frankly, I'd probably send her some of our bread and butter from our table. Goddess-gee, that woman could stand to eat something other than cigarettes and wine.

[Shakespeare]

44. Call the health department IMMEDIATELY

And report the obvious infestation of giant vermin.

[LTR]

45. Upon further review

I'd go stand next to her, fart REALLY LOUD, and point at her and cuss her out.

Heh heh!

[proud patriot]

49. i'd approach her as an adoring fan

Shake her hand and say "Wow I never shook the hand
of anyone who wanted me dead before"

[zbdent]

51. I'd try a different tact - catch which waiter/waitress and bus person

was handling her table.

Then I would tell them that there's a person who has some interesting ideas about affordable health care and a living wage. Not giving any clues, but I would suggest to them to ask in a non-committal way.

Also remind them to watch what kind of tip the TV/rich Author likes to give to a working-class member of society.

[roguevalley]

52. pour salt on her

[JVS]

53. Put smegma in her food!

[zbdent]

54. Ask her if she likes Santorum

Just mention to all your buddies first what the non-congressman definition means.

Then laugh your ass off.

[rppper]

57. smegma...or spit...i almost went with the cheesecake option, but...

...that might be a waste of good cheesecake.....

i would first drink a large glass of milk, snort a few times and hack up a huge luggy...all of this while she watched me....then spit it into her soup, sandwich or whatever it was she was nibbling on at the time, shoot her the bird a'la stone cold steve austin, and walk out of the restaraunt.....

[Catshrink]

55. Call her a traitorous bitch.

It's true, dammit!

[name not needed]

56. barf

then id go get me some caveman hookers.

[Nlighten1]

58. I would kick his ass.

and just for fun I would grab his/her crotch just to see what really is there.

[Spirochete]

59. offer her some french fries

I ndon't have a clown suit, though...

[MrSoundAndVision]

60. SEDUCE HER OF COURSE!!!!

Not that she's attractive, but THINK OF THE POWER!!

[Pert_UK]

61. Ask her what the hell she was doing in a restaurant, as she never eats.

At least judging by the look of her/him/herm.

:evilgrin:

P.

[Ellen Forradalom]

63. Send a plate of french fries to her table!

A Bartcop running joke. He always jokes that she blows Ronald McDonald for free fries. Don't know the origin of that one.

[ForrestGump]

71. Ann and Ronald - a love story

This is the famous portrait:



But he has strayed - one woman is just not enough for this freak:



And that's not all there is to this clown's sordid behavior:




And he allegedly walks both sides of the street:



And then...well...any explanation I might offer could be misconstrued as appallingly bad taste:



But I've never been a fan of Ronald's. Frankly, I won't be sad when his time comes:

[lpbk2713]

64. I'd observe very closely

just to see if it uses the men's room or the ladies' room.

Or maybe tell the head waiter "I've seen that skinny lady with the sourpuss look over there skip out on a check in another restaurant before" just to see what develops.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

65. I'd say, "Wow! A nice place like this serves baloney?"

:evilgrin:

[travisleit01]

66. Why would ANNthrax be in a restaurant?!? n/t

[kyrasdad]

67. My evil side takes over...

Think of the court scene in Serial Mom and there ya go... I would sit facing her, glaring in my most menacing look, silently mouthing the words fu****g wh*re, guttersl*t, crackwh*re, etc., etc. until she got really really ticked off, came over and started screaming at me, at which point I would feign complete ignorance about what she was saying, demand an apology, then sue the hell out of her for verablly assaulting me in public, causing undue embarassment and emotional trauma. Then I would make sure I hit all of the talking head shows, cry a little, and tearfully explain that I had no idea why she was so nasty to me, after all I was just sitting there minding my own business eating my dinner. The only thing I could figure is that she is really unbalanced...

[sistersofmercy]

69. Other. I would not be able to resist asking her about the McCarthy thing.

In one breath she says liberals are traitors and in another she thinks McCarthy was a hero? What sort of strange gene mutation produces such thinking? "She's a super freak, super freak, she's super freaky, yowaaaa!"

[arwalden]

73. Walk By And FART LOUDLY In Her General Direction

... too much? Too crude?

So is she.

-- Allen