So, he really has been busy.... he wasn't just feeding me a line

[MissMillie]

The boyfriend saga continues. Jay, the man who seemed to be wooing me, re-emerged Tuesday from his busy work schedule to ask me if I'm busy Friday. I don't have any plans, I say. He says he's got tickets to a show and would I like to go.... Well, who is it?

BUFFET!!!!!!!


I'm going to see Buffet!


Now.... I need more opinions from you all.

We were out and about Tuesday, having a simple dinner and a few drinks, and just enjoying each other's company. We drove around town and I sat close to him w/ his arm around me and he said, "It doesn't get any better than this." And I agreed. Then he said, "unless.... maybe..... a weekend in Maine."

A weekend in Maine does sound nice, but.... If I say yes, does this mean that he'll be expecting me to sleep with him? I don't know that I'm ready for that yet. I mean, I think we're going to get there eventually, but I'm just not there yet.

I'm not too uncomfortable talking to him about it, so I will ask him, but I wanted to know what you all think.

Forgive me for seeming so naive. It's just that I've never had a relationship with an "adult" before. (Well, you know, they've all been adults physically and chronologically, and maybe even mentally, but emotionally they've all been little boys.)

[tjdee]

1. Was Tuesday the first date?

If so, LOL, wow that's fast!

I think you should definitely clarify that a weekend in Maine does *not* mean sex all weekend. I think you can just have a discussion about that with him...

[MissMillie]

20. No, we've been seeing each other since April

but lately he's been really busy (he's been installing swimming pools now that the weather has warmed up) and his son came home from college so he's been spending time with him.

[Theres-a]

2. Better ask Progmom

Didn't Progmom get nominated for Dear Abby last week?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. Well that or put the weekend in Maine off til you ARE ready

to sleep with him. I hope I am not inappropriate in saying, you'll have a much more memorable romantic weekend if you go when you are ready to do the nasty :evilgrin:

[sui generis]

4. You are responsible for yourself

If he's a good guy and you decide that you aren't ready yet, he'll be fine to wait.

If the only reason he's interested in you is a hop in the sack - that will become evident pretty quickly. And you can still say no, regardless.

Expecting you to sleep with him is not enough reason to do it; but focusing on it too much on your part could make your trip to Maine uncomfortable even if nothing happens.

Loosen up a bit, set reasonable ground rules for yourself and then enjoy where the day will take you. You're an "adult" now, and you have to be in charge of you.

[MessiahRp]

5. Warren Buffet

Seems like a good guy but kind of a boring date if you ask me.:crazy:

Rp

[alarimer]

23. Hey, didn't he do Margaritaville???

I'd like to see Warren Buffett sing Margaritaville. Might be funny

[MissMillie]

24. Wouldn't you rather see him sing

"Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?"

[alarimer]

25. That would be funnier

But a little icky.

[SarahB]

6. You have to do what's right for you.

I understand a lot (especially about the emotionally mature man part). If you want to sleep with him, then go for it (be careful and all that fun stuff), but if you're not ready, be honest about that too. If he likes you, he'll be happy to wait until you are. My biggest problem is that I don't know if I am ready, but I fail to trust myself in the heat of the moment. I was used to being married for a long time and doing what I wanted when I wanted. That "should I or shouldn't I?" or "if so, when?" is entirely new territory for me (or really old territory). It's confusing. :crazy:

[Lisa0825]

11. I remember feeling like that after my divorce!

It was as if I'd forget I was out with someone new for a moment, and my comfort level would shift to "long term" status. It took quite a while for me to be able to feel like I was following a "normal" pattern.

I had some funny moments... patting a guy on his ass on a first date!LOL! Putting my hand on a guy's upper thigh, suddenly realizing it, and wondering, do I suddenly pull back and make him aware that I didn't mean to do that, or pretend I meant to?LOL!

[SarahB]

13. So it's not just me.

:silly:

Maybe that's why I seem to work best with men in the same situation as me. We understand each other's weirdness and inner conflicts. :D

[tigereye]

16. oh that's so funny!

I understand what you mean about the "ling familiarity" part. That's very good. That's probably how I would be if I were to be single again....

How did the guy react?

[Lisa0825]

18. I think they both liked it!LOL

The one whose butt I smacked jumped and turned around. He laughed real big and smacked mine back!LOL

The one I put my hand on the thigh of put his hand on my hand and patted it. We were at dinner, waiting for our meals. Luckily, they came right about then, so I had a perfect excuse not to linger there too long!

I never talked to either of them about the "incidents," so neither knew I didn't really *mean* to be so forward!

[MissMillie]

12. I'm ok w/ controlling my behavior

I was just curious about what his expection might be about a weekend away. I'm sure that only he can answer that, but I wanted to get a sense of what you all might think.

When he mentioned it, he said he wouldn't be able to even go for another month, and by then I may very well be ready... I dunno. But if he's looking to go away, he's thinking we're going to sleep together, right?

[SarahB]

14. I would suspect he's thinking that.

Probably most guys would. Just be honest and confront it directly in a nice way, "I find you tremendously attractive, but.... I'm not ready just yet." Make sure he knows you do think of him like that (if he thinks you never will, he may move back into the "friend zone") but it's just too soon for you.

[Rowdyboy]

7. I've followed your story and am glad things seem to be working out

Its really cool that you're comfortable asking him to clarify his intentions. Much, much better than waiting until after reservations/plans have been made.

Just make sure you're both on the same page-a major misunderstanding at this stage could ruin the relationship for either or both of you.

Congrats and just keep things comfortable for yourself....he seems to be a classy enough guy to respect your feelings.

[Lisa0825]

8. Personally, I would think

that going away for a weekend would most likely imply sex. Two choices: talk to him about it if you aren't ready for that, or put off the trip until you ARE ready for it.

My personal way of handling situations like that is that I don't travel with, to, or have someone travel to see me if I am not ready for the idea of sleeping together. Otherwise, I'd feel pressure, whether it was real or not. If I am ready for it myself, then there is no pressure and no need to have an awkward, difficult conversation.

[Shell Beau]

9. Well, going away for the weekend in a guy's

mind may mean that he thinks y'all will sleep together, but he may not necessarily expect it from you. If he is worth anything, he will understand that you may not be ready. Communication is key. Talk to him about it. And if you are ready, then what the hell, go for it!

[Ready4Change]

10. Be honest.

If it's too soon for that at this point, say so.

If he's a good guy then he wants that honesty. If he's NOT a good guy, better to find out sooner than later.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

15. I just want to thank you, MissMillie, for including all of us in your

very beautiful story. For it is beautiful...

As for your weekend in Maine, I agree with the other posters: talk to him about it and his expectations. Communication and trust are key to any good relationship. It does sound to me, from what you've said, that he would wait if you're not ready to sleep with him when you do go for your weekend. I think he has his eyes on the long view, and he may very well want you for the long haul.

Courtship is such a beautiful, delicate dance. And it's fun as well. Enjoy the ride!

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[radwriter0555]

17. I wouldn't get all hung up on the sex thing. If there is genuine passion

and attraction don't let arcane "rules" get in the way of the relationship progressing.

And, by the way, I'm sure he held back so he didn't appear too eager; he sounds like a real gentleman who is genuinely interested in you.

Get physical! Enjoy it, and let yourself and your heart plunge RIGHT in! It's SO much fun, SO enjoyable to just fling your heart wide open to love! I've had my heart broken hundreds of times... and learned eventually that we recover; we learn, we grow and we learn to trust ourselves and our final instincts. I just married for the first time at age 44... and we are having genuine fun and pleasure within our relationship.

Just go for it. Knock it on. Say what you want, express what you feel and shed all your fears. It's amazingly liberating! GOOD LUCK, go to Maine, have great sex and have FUN.

[MissMillie]

19. It's not about rules

it's about my comfort level.

I've had nothing but heartbreak when it comes to relationships, and yeah, I heal, but that doesn't mean that I overlook the lessons I can take away from each heartbreak. One of the lessons I've learned is that I'm a lousy judge of character, and that there's no reason not to take something slow and make sure that I'm having sex for the right reason.

I'm 41 and I've never been married. No one ever stays. Maybe this one is different... I'd like to think so, but to be honest, I'd like my next lover to be my last lover, so I'm taking my time.

[MadHound]

21. Well don't waste time talking to us about it, talk to him about it.

;)

I mean, we're all in your corner here, but the real business is between him and you. If you're not comfortable with the proposed trip, tell him, and tell him why. Be upfront and direct about it, he'll appreciate it, and if he is as emotionally mature as you say he is, he will be happy to wait. It is, after all, one of the signs of being emotionally mature.

That being said, it will be up to you to initiate the move towards more intimacy. Otherwise he will be waiting for permission from you to get closer, while you're waiting for him to make a move, and around in a circle you'll go.

That all said, it sounds like you folks are getting along swimmingly, and best of luck in your relationship.

[otohara]

22. Here's A Solultion

Heavy drinking is a must at a Jimmy Buffett Concert. Get drunk, very drunk - pass out, avoiding the whole "sleeping with him" thing.

He'll understand, after all it's a Jimmy Buffet Concert.

[xmas74]

26. Tell him that you would love a weekend in Maine

but that you want to wait until the time is right. Don't discourage him-tell him that you are sure that it will be soon but that you want to make sure that everything is perfect for that weekend. Just let him know that you are not the type of person to jump into anything and that you want to know that everything is lined up perfectly (make it also sound like maybe something w/ work, kids, etc-just don't pin it all on the relationship).
And always keep it positive. Maybe tell him that you are an old-fashioned type of girl and that you love to plan the perfect moment instead of just jumping into it. You enjoy the idea of romance and want a weekend like this to be full of romance instead of just a weekend.
If done properly, not only will he wait for you to be ready (because you are not dismissing him-instead you are giving him hope) but he will also knock himself out to plan the perfect weekend for the two of you.