Help me create the archetypal, quintessential Freeper

[DisgustipatedinCA]

I started another thread with high-minded ideals. In brief, I was looking for websites that would stimulate me culturally, etc. It went to hell in a hurry. One poster suggested I try townhall.com. Another went straight for the throat and suggested Free Republic. In the spirit of these suggestions, and in keeping with the old adage that if you can't beat them, join them, I thought I'd solicit ideas on how to be the perfect Freeper.

To give you a template of the sort of suggestions I'm looking for, here's an excerpt from the other thread.

I acquiesced:
I'll just engage in heavy glue and gasoline sniffing for 2 or 3 years, try to memorize the "USA! USA!" chant, and join up with my new Klintoon-hating patriot brothers. For now, I'll try to get accustomed to the new lifestyle by throwing garbage out my car window at every opportunity and shooting at speed limit signs.

And another poster replied:
13. Do the glue, but skip the gasoline - and not for any longer than 16 months. Instead of the "USA" chant, try "Peace is for pussies!" Instead of shooting at speed limit signs, take down Stop signs. And don't forget to empty your car ashtray out the window as well.

I thought since you're thinking of joining them, you might benefit from these guidelines.
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Just for kicks, would you help me build The Perfect Freeper, or Mr. Freeper Head?

Thanks.

[theivoryqueen]

1. okay - one part bubba

5 parts pentacostle, 3 parts 8th grade drop out, 2 parts socially handicapped and 9 parts chronic malcontent.

[DisgustipatedinCA]

3. And 1 part propensity for losing parked vehicles n/t

[AntiCoup2K4]

2. If you ain't White, Christian, and American than get the f#$@ out!!

And librul hippie commies don't count as white neither!!



MUSIC COLLECTION : Toby Keith, Lee Greenwood, Charlie Daniels, Ted Nugent.

SKEET SHOOTING COLLECTION : Dixie Chicks, Barbara Striesand, U2

/end Freep mode :dunce:

[theivoryqueen]

4. he he

[DisgustipatedinCA]

5. But what about Jesus?

Wait, I think I know the answer.

Jesus was a proto-American (and therefore white), they didn't have scissors back then so as to make a good buzz cut, and he was only turning the other cheek while he was reloadin'. Is that about right? :)

[jesus]

13. Jesus don't gotta reload...

It's kinda like the loaves and fishes thingy.

[Swede]

6. The three R's

Readin
'Ritin
Raw corn liquor

[Bertha Venation]

7. offer the bird

to anyone who smiles at you

[felonious thunk]

8. Lack of foresight

You'd need to have the inability to see that getting excited and hoping for Ashcroft to come after all them libruls who speak against Bush could potentially set a precedent to mean that one day Jesse Jackson would be arresting all the racists and taking their guns from them.

[Zuni]

9. Freeper charecteristics

1. You have a book by Charlie Daniels on your nightstand. (Ain't No Rag) You have also described said book as 'thought provoking'.
2. You are very heavily armed. You think not being allowed to purchase a .50 Caliber Heavy machine Gun (a Ma Deuce) without a waiting period is an infringement on your Second Amendment Rights
3. The part of the Constitution you value most is the 2nd Amendment.
4. You have an unholy obsession with William Jefferson Clinton.
5. On 9/11 you were hoping another plane would hit the UN building.
6. You honestly think most of the world's evils are related to Hillary Clinton.
7. You will not allow your children to attend 'librul' public schools that teach evolution.
8. You believe Jesus wants us to bomb a lot of foreign countries. Especially France.

[DS1]

10. Walter Sobchak

His only seeming job is to tell everyone that he's a veteran, even though he never fought in any war, he screws everything up with his seemingly well thought out plans, can't control his anger but calls everyone else children when they get mad, etc, etc. Here's a picture.



(in the middle)

[DisgustipatedinCA]

11. I just love it when he pulls the gun in the bowling alley n/t

[JVS]

17. Hey, Walter was in Nam. His obsession kind of reminds me of Kerry

You know how several months ago all Kerry statements seemed to have the obligatory Viet Nam reference.

[Bertha Venation]

12. Eschew Halloween at all costs

On second thought (look up word "thought"), maybe not. The French are up in arms about "U.S. introduction" of the harmless holiday. Mustn't have anything in common with the French.

http://edition.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/europe/10/31/france.halloween.reut/

[Zuni]

14. I consider myself a liberal

but still I find the French to be extremely irritating at times.

[Bertha Venation]

15. irritating? yes.

worthy of eradication because they're irritating? no. Freepers' dream is to throw all "Frogs" and all "libbs" into the Grand Canyon and toss in a nuke.

[JVS]

16. Why would you want to do something horrible like that?

There are already plenty of freepers