Question From God: Why The Hell Aren't You At Church? Hmmm?

[DistressedAmerican]

He told me that if you are not connected from a terminal at your chosen place of worship (or revere some other day of praise) he is very angry with you!

[teach1st]

1. It's OK

I have a note from my mother.

[caty]

2. Be a light unto yourself.

[Mizmoon]

3. Cause the 9:00AM is in Italian

and the next English one isn't until 10:00.

[supernova]

4. I'm going at 10:00

We're discussing "The Battle for God" by Karen Armstrong.

[purr]

5. Its too long and I cant stand for that long of a time...

My hips are killing me since yesterday and I dont think I could do it.. Starts at 10, dont get home until 1230-1. Its a bunch of standing and sitting the entire time - most of it standing.

[ikojo]

6. I'm Jewish so I don't go to church....

I didn't go to shul yesterday either but I DID see Star Wars again, so that's got to count for something, right?

After all Star Wars is all about the battle between good and evil...dark side vs light side of the Force?

[DemBones DemBones]

7. God knows that some went to church last night.

We often go to the 5:30 Vigil Mass on Saturday. We didn't last night and we've missed 8:00 today but we still have a shot at the 9:30 and 11:00, or the Spanish Mass at 1:00.

[baldguy]

8. Because your followers are fucking nuts?

God, if you want to be taken seriously you've got to get rid of those murderous "fundamentalists" that commit atrocities in your name.

[gmoney]

12. Gospel of Homer

Homer: "I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?"

God: "Hmm, you've got a point there. You know, sometimes even I'd rather be watching football."

[xmas74]

9. my sinuses hurt and I don't know if I can take sitting through

services (since I suspect it will be Communion Sunday-Methodist)with my sinuses hurting today.

[stlsaxman]

10. Oh, God and I worked that out a couple lifetimes back...

"Hey dude- how about if I try to keep in contact regularly so I can get on with my life and not have to interrupt it every week with those stupid fucking meetings..."

S/He said s/he was okay with that.

[Atlas Mugged]

11. 'Cause I'm too busy having hot monkey sex with Lucifer

[tenshi816]

13. I went to watch horseracing at Royal Ascot in York

yesterday and my legs hurt from walking around in heels all day.

It's OK, though, because God was there too and He said I could sleep in this morning. He gave me some good tips, too, especially for the last race of the day, which paid for the entire excursion over to York in the first place. (Thanks, God!)

[ldf]

14. i am.

i am, as we speak, attending my congregational meeting of the Sacred Church of the Democratic Underground. i usually attend several times daily. it is so much more convenient to attend on my own schedule.

Praise Skinner! fund raising donations soon to be tax deductable as religous contributions. (/sarcasm)

it is such an inclusive, inviting and accepting church. however, freepers, trolls, and republicans of any stripe, etc, etc, need not attend. Ye will be cast out. we must keep ourselves pure from those evil influences that would drag us down into the gutter of hate, and strive at all times to maintain the tenets of bushlessness.

Praise Elad! contributions may be made by clicking on the appropriate icon, which only true minds worthy of the Sacred Church of the Democratic Underground may see.

continuing our search for the truth and striving for appropriate ways to tastefully, yet effectivly, kick republican butt, is one of our primary goals. with the guidance and blessings of our fearless SDU founders and administrators, we will metaphorically take the asshole who squats in al gore's whitehouse, and his pathetic followers, out behind the woodshed and indulgently NOT spare the rod, lest we spoil the ungrateful shit of a child.

Praise EarlG.

in all inclusiveness (within limits, of course)...

Amen, and Awomen, and Algbts, and Ahavenoideas.

:-)

[rasputin1952]

15. Perhaps if so many "churches" didn't preach hatred as a tenet...

more people would go?

There are an abundant amount of 'theologians' that offer nothing but hatred and fear as the basis of their teaching. "Believe this...., or go to hell" type of thing. Religion should be a comfort, not an experience in terror.

One's beliefs are their own, and if more 'churches' taught the real tenets of their religions, the world would be a better place. Forgiveness, love, understanding and empathy are left behind for the more 'interesting' aspects of those who do not 'believe' in a specific teaching from the basics of the religion in question. It is a shame that things have devolved to such an extent...:(

[LastKnight]

16. because i cant get up that early.

now if god could wait until after lunch, id be up, there, and aware.

[fortyfeetunder]

17. I'm worshipping the humanity of the members at the church of DU

to praise the kindness of this great and noble body. As for God, I think she would be proud!

[RPM]

18. Fuck you God

I don't care much for you or your followers :evilgrin:

[Ikonoklast]

19. But your son said....

....to lock yourself in your closet to pray. He told us not to pray in public or on the streetcorner but to do it in private. Now which is it? Should we support the temples of grandeur built by greed and avarice by going there once a week? Or worship alone, asking forgiveness for our sins?

[scarlet_owl]

20. I already went.

At 7 *yawn* a.m.

[vogonjiltz]

21. but god is everywhere and nowhere at once...

or some such crappy logic like that.