The Customers of the Day (this time there's two)

[jmowreader]

I got to work at noon yesterday. At 12:10 a customer called to tell me he was going to come by to buy his playset and set up his appointment.

"Appointment for what?"
'For the free delivery and installation your associate promised me yesterday.'

Huh?

"Yes, I was in the store yesterday pricing playsets and your associate promised me that if I purchased a playset, you guys would deliver and install it for free."

(We don't do free delivery, we don't do free installation, and we don't install playsets at all.)

Ah hah. Suddenly it clicked.

"Sir, was this associate a little less than six feet tall?"
'Yes, he was.'
"What was he wearing?"
'He had on a black polo shirt, he had a mustache and a beard, and he wears a lot of earrings.'
"Sir, I can guarantee you that the associate you just described did not offer you free delivery and installation of your new playset."
'And how can you be so certain?'
"Because I'm the only associate in the whole store who looks like that, and I told you we would NOT deliver the playset for free or install it."

* * * * *

The other customer of the day special-ordered a bow window. He paid $1200 for it. When it came in the window wouldn't fit, so he wanted us to order him a new one.

"How did you measure the window?"
'I estimated it.'
"You did WHAT?"
'Estimated. The window looked four feet by three feet. Turns out I needed three more inches on the sides and two more on top.' I suggested just sistering 2x4s to the header and the jackstuds..."that's too much work. I want to just take a window home and install it."

I told the guy we wouldn't take it back unless it was broken in transit or something. He got pissed off and stormed out.

Five minutes later, the Same Fucking Idiot and his equally-stupid buddy walk through the door with the same window, except now the frame is bowless, the top and bottom plywood panels are crumpled, all of the glass is in shards and there's a tire track right across the middle of it.

"We bought this window and it was broken in transit so we need to order a new one. Here are the measurements we need."

Okay. You are aware that The Home Depot takes loss prevention very seriously, right? "Uh-huh."
And you are aware that because of this commitment, we've installed electronic surveillance systems around the perimeter of this facility, right? And these systems record surveillance video to a big computer so it's easy to access? "So what's your fuckin' point?"
Well, the point is that it wouldn't take me more than about a minute to find the video of you taking this window behind the building, throwing it on the ground and running over it.

I mean, come ON, guys. Think! I realize that all retail employees look alike, but be real: do you REALLY think we'd give you a window that was THAT severely trashed?

Yes, we had them thrown in jail for attempted fraud and conspiracy to commit fraud. We did not, however, make them clean up the hundred pounds of broken glass.

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. I love these stories

People are so dumb sometimes. Hubby and I were at a Home Depot out in what we call La La Land (a wealthy suburb south of here) and we watched a guy put a huge sheet of plywood in the backseat of a little car. It wouldn't fit so he left it hanging out of both sides of the car and drove away, both back doors open. It looked like a funky spaceship or something. The Home Depot employees just looked at us and we all broke out laughing.

[lies and propaganda]

2. working in retail

can truly make you hate people. You get to the nastiest side to a person everyday, for 7 and hour.

[Lauri16]

3. That is too funny!

Working with the public can be a blast sometimes!

[jaxx]

4. LOL and then some!

I spent alot of years working in retail and the stories are endless. One male POS threw a pen at me because we were out of refills. And how about the ones who come in and tell you their life stories, skeletons and all? I always wondered why they would do that.....no sense, I guess. Anyway, thanks for a laugh....and hang in there.....it'll never get better dealing with the public.

[Blue Diadem]

5. You always make me laugh,

I worked retail for many years and it never ceased to amaze me what people could come up with.

[maveric]

6. My son worked at A&W, mall food court. This woman was ordering...

she wanted the Bacon Cheeseburger combo without the bacon. My son recommended to her to order the Cheeseburger combo, it has no bacon on the burger and its $1.00 cheaper. Well she got all defensive and said "I'm not stupid and I know what I want! I want the Bacon Cheeseburger combo without the bacon!" He just rolled his eyes and said OOOOOOkayyy!
He tried once more to explain to her that the regular Cheeseburger is the same burger as the Bacon Cheeseburger, and ordering that combo would save you a dollar.
She would hear nothing of it, wrote down my son's name to "report you to the manager tomorrow".
This half-wit paid $1.00 more for the same combo on principle.

[jmowreader]

7. Also check out this guy

This one didn't happen to me but to one of my people.

We sell a thing called the E-Z Gate Kit. It's four brackets, two of them with hinges on them, that you use to make wooden gates from. One of our customers broke one of the hinges, so he wanted to buy one of the hinged brackets.

The E-Z Gate Kit is a very good product. It is made from thick, strong steel and it's very durable. It also has a lifetime warranty, and because warranty claims on this item are almost nonexistent they overnight parts to the customer. You don't need a receipt or anything--just call 'em up, tell 'em what bracket broke and they send you one. Also, they don't care how you broke it, because it's almost impossible to break the thing. (We had a guy come in to tell us that someone ran into his gate with an SUV; the only thing that survived was the E-Z Gate Kit.)

This guy didn't want to play warranty. He wanted us to sell him one bracket. I'm sorry, that's not how it's done: either pay $30 for a new kit, or make a toll-free phone call and wait till tomorrow morning for your free bracket to arrive. Most people like the sound of the word free; this wasn't one of those people.

So the asshole goes home, gets on his computer, finds a SKU, and writes a complaint: "The bracket I wanted was SKU 234-567 (or whatever in hell it was), but since your employee was too good to sell me that, I suggest you fire him and get someone who knows something about customer service." (Incidentally, this guy is GREAT at customer service. He's good at asshole management too.)

We punched up SKU 234-567. It's the SKU for the whole kit.

[Mizmoon]

8. Some stores won't do the order unless they measure themselves

at least that has been my experience. It saves everyone a lot of grief.