Married or living together couples...

[Not_Giving_Up]

Would you ever tell your SO that you found a body part unattractive, and then tell that SO that they know how to fix it? I'm asking this to settle a dispute. I'm 5'6, have had two children and a hysterectomy, and still weigh right around 120. My husband has expressed that my "belly pooch" that developed after the hysterectomy is something that I should fix.

Trying to get public opinion here. I say he's an asshole, he thinks, of course, that he is justified in his behavior.

[bicentennial_baby]

1. I'm with you

I'm sure he has his own body issues to take care of, and you should tell him to shove it! Embrace the belly pooch!

[Not_Giving_Up]

7. Actually, I don't think he's gained an ounce in twelve years

He has the metabolism from hell. He seems to live on chocolate, hardly ever gets off of the couch, but weighs in at 120. Yes, he's had tests run, they show nothing.

[bicentennial_baby]

11. Regardless

Having read about him before, I think I can say that he should spend his time focusing on his own business, and stop telling you to change...seems like a theme with him, eh?

[Not_Giving_Up]

34. Most definitely

He does no wrong, he is always right. He has actually told me that whatever changes get made will have to be done on my part, because this is how he is, and he's not changing. Fuck that!

[HuckleB]

233. How tall is he? -eom-

[progmom]

2. i think it is safe to say

many of us think you husband is an asshole for sooo many reasons. this is just one of them.

:hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

5. ROTFLMAO

:rofl:

True.

[MountainLaurel]

3. Definitely asshole

Perhaps you can tell him that you'll be glad to go to the gym if he takes care of the kids in the evenings?

:evilgrin:

[Not_Giving_Up]

9. I can't afford the gym

Maybe he should get a job so I can go there.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

154. He's an asshole and unemployed?

Sounds like you've got a real winner on your hands.
:eyes:
Duckie

[Not_Giving_Up]

158. Yeah...He says he's a stay at home dad

Except that when I get home from work, I still have to cook dinner, clean the house, supervise homework, and get the kids to bed.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

163. He's a lazy bastard.

Go on strike. He's home all day, he needs to do something or get a fucking job.
Duckie

[Not_Giving_Up]

166. I've gone on strike

I prefer not to get e.coli, so I clean.

[Radio_Lady]

204. After reading all of the above posts, maybe you need a trial separation

Staying with this so-called mate sounds like a prescription for disaster.

[supernova]

4. He should develop a healthy appreciation for

your "belly pooch", esp since a healthy weight is not your problem.

[Not_Giving_Up]

12. He misses the days when my stomach was flat

I miss the days when he worked,. Hell, I miss the days when he fucking showered!

[Momgonepostal]

231. I miss the days when gas was $.69/gallon

Time marches on, buddy!

What were his suggestions? It doesn't sound at all like you're overweight...is he interested in shelling out for lipo?

I won't go as far as saying he's an asshole, but he seems at the very least to do a pretty good asshole imitation.

[Radio_Lady]

16. Agree with the above. People who point out other people's

physical faults are jerks. If he wants perfect bodies with no wrinkles, scars or other human frailties, tell him to watch porn movies or read "Playboy" magazine.

I have the body of a 66 year old woman -- you might phrase it this way -- "seeds, rind and all" -- my husband is 71 and he still appeals to me. We really don't discuss this stuff and we do wear bathing suits when we go swimming -- but don't expect to look like the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit edition.

Is he really looking for you to have a scar revision or a "tummy tuck"? If so, that's YOUR decision, not his. People can get addicted to "looking perfect" -- but as your body ages, no one looks the same as they did in their teens and twenties, despite the intervention of doctors.

Show him this web site for really fascinating stuff:

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com

You'll see more than you ever wanted about surgical errors on people who wanted perfection.

[Not_Giving_Up]

37. He's not looking for me to have surgery

He thinks that I should excercise more and eat less. I basically only eat one meal a day as it is, simply not hungry. Oh shit, I tend to have a bowl of ice cream in the evenings!

[NoSheep]

147. Like I said. No matter how little I ate, I still have the pooch :(

[Radio_Lady]

201. Hello! Skin stretches with children, aging and gravity! Hysterectomy

through the abdomen creates a scarline. Skin doesn't look the same with a scarline. You're at 120 lbs. -- how tall are you? How old are you?

Too bad he can't go to the swimming pool where I go almost every day. There are women (some with their loving spouses or children) who have had strokes, cancer, breasts removed, cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, all kind of wrinkled skin and scars from top to bottom. Believe me, I've seen everything from brain surgery scars to heel spur scars and everything in between. There are even a couple of amputees. I'll bet it's the same in the men's room. This pool serves an aging population in a city near Portland, Oregon. They keep the pool ultra-warm and have the chair devices so that people can get into the pool if they are handicapped in any way.

What the hell is wrong with him? Is he living in a fantasy world? Shit, I wouldn't take his comments for a minute. Maybe he should pray he never ages or looks different from when he was 18 years old.
How old is HE? What does he weigh? Why didn't you get married in the first place? Maybe there are good reasons for you to think about spending the rest of your life with this lunk-head.

People like your "INsignificant other" make me want to puke. By the way, there is some book or movie that explains, "The person who you want to live with through the difficult times in a relationship -- is someone who doesn't mind helping you when you VOMIT." Just ask anyone who's doing chemotherapy or dialysis...

Sorry for the rant.

[Not_Giving_Up]

202. I agree

And to answer a few questions - I'm 32, and 5'6. He's 35, 5'9, and weighs in at 120.

[Radio_Lady]

203. You two might consider some couples counseling --

You may be fighting over little things, when there are bigger issues underneath.

PS. (Answer these on your own.) What OTHER THINGS besides your "stomach pouch" do you argue about or discuss? Do you have any time alone? Do you have a "date night" every week? What about money issues? How is your sex life? Is he jealous of the time that you spend with the children? Is he out of work? What about you? How are all of you getting by together? Are these his children? How old are the children and what about their adjustment to the two of you?

Spend some time off of DU looking into your relationship and trying to clear the air.

[Not_Giving_Up]

205. We see a therapist

We seldom get time alone

Date night? :rofl:

Money? It's simple. I should make it, he should spend it. If I disagree, I'm not being loyal.

Sex? :rofl:

No, he'd rather that I deal with the children most of the time.

Work? :rofl:

I'm out of work right now, but getting unemployment and looking for a job.

We co exist.

Yes, the short people are his.

The kids are 9 and 11. They are also in therapy.

I get off of DU when he wakes up, but log back on when attaches to the PS2. It's nearly 6 PM, and he's still asleep.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. He's a jerk. You aren't in high school anymore and he should just get over

it.

[Not_Giving_Up]

15. We met after high school...but

he seems to think that all women should look like those in VS catalogs.

[GreenPartyVoter]

33. Airbrushed and digitized? Yeah, that's a good role model. He needs to

understand what _real_ beauty is... and it ain't fake "perfection".

[Not_Giving_Up]

38. For the longest time, he inisisted that VS girls were not airbrushed

Whatever.

[GreenPartyVoter]

42. Oh man. where is that site that was posted here .. the one with the

pro airbrushing guy showing his beofer and after pics...

Hang on.. I'll go search for it.

[Not_Giving_Up]

58. I'm fairly certain that he knows now that they are altered

His logic is nonexistant!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

156. Are you married to a republican?

:shrug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

162. He's extremely non-political

I actually had to explain that the WH does NOT have a dome on it.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

164. So he's lazy AND STUPID...

Yeah, I'd take my kids and walk out the door. But that's just me. They don't need to be around that bullshit.
Duckie

[Not_Giving_Up]

167. Pretty much

He accuses me of using big words to make him feel stupid. I'll never forget the first time...The word was "reciprocate".

[YellowRubberDuckie]

169. RUN, sweetie.

Don't walk. He's not a man...he's an animal.
Duckie

[Not_Giving_Up]

172. I have to get to where I can

I have to find a job and get working again.

[Goldmund]

8. I think it all depends on the dynamics between the two of you

Ideally, healthy relationships are completely open. In a healthy relationship, one should be able to say to their partner what they find attractive and what they don't -- and vice versa, expect the same from their partner. But if you're processing this as some kind of an ultimatum, as a "you better do this cuz you ain't such a good trophy right now", then fuck him.

[Not_Giving_Up]

The dynamics bite...and he didn't say these things constructively

We were having quite the discussion after therapy the other night. He complains that I have self esteem issues. Imagine that! Years of him pointing out what he feels is wrong with me, while never pointing out anything positive.

[Goldmund]

19. In that case, as I said, fuck him

His behavior shouldn't impact your self esteem, but diminish your esteem of him.

[Not_Giving_Up]

39. I try not to let it impact me but...

If you spend years hearing something, it worms into your brain.

[NuckinFutz]

10. Is his name, by chance, Richard Edward????

because he sounds like a real Dick 'Ed to me.

[Not_Giving_Up]

18. LOL

I have referred to him as Richard Cranium (dick head) before.

[NuckinFutz]

23. For good reason, no doubt.......n/t

[LiberalinNC]

13. He's definitely an asshole!!!

He has no idea what a hysterectomy does to the woman's body. Having had one myself, I can sympathize w/ you. I'm sure there are some parts of his body that could use some improvement!

[Not_Giving_Up]

20. I only put on about 5 pounds after the surgery

I weighed 115 when he met me, now he freaks because I weigh 120.

[LiberalinNC]

29. Big deal you put on 5 pounds!

My goodness, I'd hate to have him see my body after a bi-lateral mastectomy, and a hysterectomy. (Had breast cancer and reconstructive surgeries) My husband has been great through it all, all he wanted was me alive. You're hubby is being extremely selfish! He doesn't know how well he has it! How long ago did you have the surgery? Because sometimes you're body just needs to adjust to having your "female parts" removed, once you body has recovered, etc., you can start getting back into shape. But 5 pounds is NOTHING! Good luck!

[Not_Giving_Up]

Wow! Glad you made it through all of that!

It's been three years since the surgery. since then, I've also been diagnosed with asthma, and recently, I get out of breath fairly easily.

[LiberalinNC]

155. Try Yoga and/or Pilates!

That will whip your body into shape fast! :)

[Not_Giving_Up]

161. Sorry, but I'm not rushing out to flatten my stomach

Maybe if he gets a job!

[LiberalinNC]

181. Just trying to help ;)

[Magrittes Pipe]

14. She tells me I'm hideous all the time.

:cry:

[Not_Giving_Up]

22. I've seen your pic

You are not!

[Magrittes Pipe]

24. But... but...

She wouldn't lie to me!

[youthere]

17. Yes..asshole for sure.

The next time he mentions it, "remind him" you got that "pooch" from surgery, not laziness or overeating-upside the head with something solid. (actually I'm just kidding-about the hitting not about him
being an asshole)

[Not_Giving_Up]

26. I have reminded him that having two children changed the body chemistry

just a tad. So, I was having to work extra hard to maintain 115 anyway. Then, after the surgery, I went and put on FIVE fucking pounds. shame on me! He just says "But, you can fix it. I don't know why you don't."

[youthere]

40. Stick to your guns

and don't let him mind fuck you like that. Actually I think it's an insult to assholes to call him an asshole. He's beyond asshole.

[Not_Giving_Up]

43. What shold we call him?

I agree that asshole doesn't do him justice.

[youthere]

52. well just off the top of my head...

how about imbecilic flaccid fucktard? Hmm...close, but still doesn't quite hit it.

[Not_Giving_Up]

55. A former co-worker of mine referred to him as a

Waste of Skin.

[youthere]

91. LOL that's pretty good. n/t

[LynneSin]

90. how about ex-husband?

How you still put up with him is beyond me. You sound like an amazing person that could divorce an asshole like that and probably end up finding an amazing guy who wants to treat you like the princess you should be treated like

[Not_Giving_Up]

92. I'm trying

Really, I am.

[LynneSin]

97. I'm going to give you the Yoda advice for divorcing

No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.

[Not_Giving_Up]

100. LOL

Important it is for me to have a job so that daycare of some sort I can afford.

[youthere]

95. Even better!

So right LynneSin. I bet there are lots of amazing men out there that would treat you like a queen, and even if there aren't YOU can certainly treat yourself better than this cockroach, not to mention you'd be sending a powerful message to your kids not to let anyone treat them with anything less than the utmost respect. You deserve better than this.
on edit: I just realized your sign in name really suits you. You've got to be one tough cookie to put up with so much crap.

[Misunderestimator]

21. I side with the assholes...

Well... I mean... um.... he's an asshole.

[Not_Giving_Up]

28. I think I should have done this as a poll

Oh well.

[Debi]

25. As soon as he has his head removed from his ass

he can start saving for your tummy-tuck.

Oh, to be 120 again....(and I'm 5'2")

[Not_Giving_Up]

30. Ha!

Nope, no scars! When I was pregnant the first time, he was relieved that I didn't have to have a c-section, because he didn't want to look at scars. Of course, my hysterectomy was abdominal, so I have a scar from that, but it's not highly visible anymore.

[Debi]

41. I have a 3x tummy incision

C-section (88), hernia (94), hysterectomy (97).

I doubt I'll ever have a six pack!

Lucky for me I got a husband who doesn't care (he likes when I look nice, but isn't upset about the pudge).

Being attractive is more that being thin (like you said, daily showers are a plus!)

[mongo]

27. He needs to reread the husband manual.

'cause that's a big no-no.

[Not_Giving_Up]

31. Where can I obtain a copy of the manual?

I don't think he's ever seen one!

[ismnotwasm]

32. My husband has Multiple sclerosis

And because of fatigue, and medications, has developed quite a belly. Can't work. Can't exercise much. HE hates it, it affects his self esteem etc. I love him regardless. I bitch at him sometimes when he binge eats, because it's not good for him and he wants to lose his belly. I want him to be an ideal weight for his health's sake. But his belly itself? His warm, cuddly body? Love the man and everything about him. And on the other hand, he certaintly doesn't critisize me about my flaws. (no we're not perfect, of course, far from it) Your husband does sound like an ass.

[Shell Beau]

35. He is supposed to love

all your little quirks and pooches and so forth!! Tell him to have hysterectomy and then get back with you!

[Not_Giving_Up]

46. That's what I said

"Why can't you love me the way that I am?" The response was "Because you can fix it." :banghead:

When should we schedule his surgery? :bounce:

[SarahB]

36. What a jerk?

Refresh my memory as to why you are still with this turkey again? Let's say you wanted it "fixed" for yourself mind you, is he going to pay for it? With no job and playing video games all the time. What a doofus! :eyes:

Women have curves, especially us mommy types. It has gotten me feeling a little insecure in the past myself, but it hasn't been a problem. Then again, I tend to go for men of more substance who find me beautiful as I am, "flaws" and all.

I'm sorry, but I hope you find a way to kick this dude to the curb soon. :grr:

[Not_Giving_Up]

49. Yeah, I know

I need a job, so I can be on my feet, and able to pay for child care!

[SarahB]

59. I have been in your shoes.

Thankfully my ex was and is a responsible dad/employed professional (even if he was a creepy control freak toward me as well). It helped (still does) in the situation. I hope life works out the way you want it to soon. :hug:

[Ariana Celeste]

44. If I were in your position,

I would point out what's "wrong" with him. And see how he takes that. Of course, that's just how my SO and I are with each other.

There's no reason either of you should change your appearance unless you *both* want it, or there is a health risk. It's a fact of life that mothers are not going to have adolescent or pre-baby bodies.

I dunno. In the end it is your choice what you should do. Nobody should control your body but you. I agree that it is asshole behaviour.

I hope it doesn't damage your self-esteem at all. 120 lbs for 5'6" is great!

[grace0418]

45. Does he think neither of you are going to change as you get

older? First of all, maybe he hasn't gained an ounce in twelve years but he hasn't carried and birthed two children (and, btw, has he formed a wrinkle, lost any hair, or sprouted a few grays?). Second of all, if he married you then he promised to love you for the rest of his life. That means he promised to love you when you're both old and wrinkly. If he can't accept that your body changes over time, he's got a long road ahead of him. Does he expect you to get plastic surgery every year? And what if, heaven forbid, you had cancer or were in a car accident? Would he make you feel bad about not looking the same as the day he married you?

In case you haven't guessed by now, I think that he's being a complete asshole. That really makes me mad. It would be one thing if you stopped bathing and you gained a dangerous amount of weight, but it's another thing entirely to point out every little thing that's changed about your body.

He owes you a huuuuuuuuuuuge apology. And I think maybe he needs some counseling to deal with his unrealistic and hurtful expectations.

[Not_Giving_Up]

53. He tends to act like a teenager

I think he's stuck in a time warp of some sort. Nothing changes, we still look and act the same!

[grace0418]

67. Sweetie, I read more of your posts and I gotta say that

many teenagers I know are more mature than your husband. The fact that you even had to ask whether or not he was wrong for pointing out an extremely minor body change suggests that he's tattered your self esteem with his hurtful comments. You don't deserve that. Especially when it sounds like he's got a lot to work on himself.

Have you asked yourself if your marriage is worth saving? Because it seems to me if he's willing to cut you down with his comments, what will he say to your children as they get older and enter a time when their egos are extremely fragile? And what will they learn about self-worth if they see you allowing him to treat you this way?

Forgive me, I know I'm just a stranger and I don't claim to know anything at all really about your life. But since you revealed as much as you did about the way he behaves, I just had to ask the question. Take care of yourself.

[Not_Giving_Up]

74. Yes, I've asked that question

I'm working on getting out.

I asked the question, because when I tell him that he's being mean and hurtful, he thinks I'm over reacting. Yes, I have self esteem issues. They started long before him, and I'm working on that. He doesn't have to make it worse!

[grace0418]

89. No he doesn't have to make it worse, but since he has, I'm glad

to see that you're asking yourself the question. I know it's hard, especially with kids. But ultimately they need to be in a healthy environment as much as you do. Even if that means one parent is not around as much. I think the thing you have to work on now is recognizing his toxic behavior and not taking it on. Just because he tells you that you're overreacting doesn't make it true. And just because he tells you that you need to "fix" something doesn't make him right.

Good luck. I hope you can find a better, more loving environment for yourself very soon.

[seemunkee]

47. My wife has a belly pooch. She's the one who hates it

It doesn't bother me, she came by it honestly. Two 8lb 6oz kids and she is not even 5' tall.

[Not_Giving_Up]

60. The difference is, she knows that it doesn't bother you

I sympathize on the kids...My first was nearly nine pounds, my second only 6 1/2.

[Pacifist Patriot]

48. Tell him to get his opinions off your wobbly bits.

Sorry, but I have to vote asshole on this one. I'm 5'9", wear a size six and STILL have a belly pooch courtesy of three kids. It's a badge of honor, tell him you'll fix it if he can promise he'll never develop a paunch, lose one strand of hair, have any strands go gray, sprout a nose hair or get wrinkles on his face, elbows and ankles. Sheesh!

You're beautiful just the way you are...we all are.

[bettyellen]

50. he's just trying to blame his behaviour on you...

and take the focus off what a lazy irresponsible ass he has been.
give me a fucking break. the average american woman your height is a size 14, you are about 30 pounds shy of that. . he is delusional. pay no attention to the man on the couch.

[Not_Giving_Up]

61. LOL "Pay No Attention to the Man on the Couch"

Yes, I know what he's doing. We've discussed him at length, so you know. Nothing is his fault. Everything is my fault.

[bettyellen]

76. when you hear shit like that, it doesn't deserve your attention.

promise him you'll do five sit ups for every hour of paid employment he works.
you're pulling the wight for both of you and he expects you to do pilates or something too?
:rofl:

[Not_Giving_Up]

78. LOL

I'd never do sit ups again!

[jmm]

51. Next time you see him

[Not_Giving_Up]

64. I have been told that I need a good

Cast Iron Skillet!

[4_Legs_Good]

54. Ummmm, guilty here

I certainly would and do. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. My wife tells me stuff too and I work on it. Personally, I don't find it insulting, and have found that it really gives me something to strive for. I mean if I could in any way be more attractive to my mate, I'm all ears. I've whitened my teeth, worked out for 3 years, had cysts removed and God knows what else, all of which I think are positive improvements and have given me more self confidence as a positive side effect. Hard work, but well worth it.

Now if she would only do her part! :)

Just me, though, I'm sure lots of people here are in "true love" and "love you just the way you are" types.

david

[Not_Giving_Up]

65. If you can discuss it without hurting the other person, great

He gets nasty about it.

[4_Legs_Good]

79. Yeah, it sounds like there are a lot of problems there...

and getting nasty about it is definitely bad. But I don't think that honest discussion and striving, as you say, is wrong.

What you describe, however, I hope I never do.

Good luck!!!

david

[fleabert]

56. Ida know...

I can understand the 'asshole' title, but I have been known to mention -gently- to the dh that we should work out together... I know I have stuff that could be better, and so does he. I don't POINT to it or anything, but...

i guess it depends on the context, and if it's a deal breaker for him. If that's the case, kick his ass. I don't care if dh gets into better shape, but it would be nice. and I am sure he feels the same way.

I got mad at him a few years ago...for not saying something.

I had gained a lot of weight, and had blinders on about it. I didn't have a scale so didn't notice just how much weight I had put on. I got some pics developed from a friends visit and was SHOCKED at how I looked. I bought a scale that evening and had gained 35 lbs in a year and a half. I asked him 'why didn't you say something?!? this is unhealthy, and you know everyone in my family has battled obesity and being heavy!' He just shrugged and said it didn't bother him, so he didn't say anything. I changed my whole lifestyle and eating habits and lost the weight over a year or so. Thank goodness. My mom and grandma both have/had really serious weight issues and weight related health problems, and I have to stay on top of it or I could too.

[purr]

57. My hub is about 15-20 lb overweight....

I told him it might be a good idea if both of us join a gym after the babys here. I've put on 45 lbs so far during this pregnancy and I still have 5-9 weeks left. He eats fast food for lunch and other junk for dinner (usually works 9-8) and I told him he needs to cut that cholesterol laden shit out and start going to the gym (WITH ME). I tell him that out of respect for his health.. that that I'm being an asshole or mean. Hes going to be 33 this year and I dont think he's ever had a physical or blood workup done in his life.

I dont think being 5'6" and 120lb is bad at all!! I was 5'5 110 lb and I thought I was underweight. I also had the pooch at 110lb from having 2 kids. Nothing I did got rid of it.

[redqueen]

62. Ohhhhh no, he's definitely an asshole.

:hi:

[Not_Giving_Up]

66. Hey!

I didn't get to download last night...wasn't online at all.

[redqueen]

69. Well when you are...

we'll talk.

My husband never said word one about any weight I gained in either pregnancy (and I gained a lot!), so he's got that goin for him at least.

[Ready4Change]

63. Comment out of the blue? Or prompted by discussion?

If it was out of the blue, then yah, jerky comment.

However, if it was connected in context, for example, if you were commenting on a need for exercise, he may have been conversing, and phrased things poorly.

[Not_Giving_Up]

68. It was in a discussion after therapy

His chief complaint is that he gets no sex.

[youthere]

111. What a mystery...

the guy is a smelly, insulting,infantile couch potato and you don't want to hit it with him every minute you're not carrying his worthless ass? Hmmm. How odd.:sarcasm:

[Ready4Change]

127. From reading the other posts...

I gather there's a long history of problems here, and the guy's got problems. The least of which is his wife not currently having abs of steel. There's lots of people without perfect stomachs having entertaining romps. Guy needs to realize he married an entire woman, not just the few inches around her belly button.

Hope you can find a road to happiness.

[Not_Giving_Up]

132. You are correct

He's bi-polar, but won't do a thing about it except blame all of his problems on me.

[Not_Giving_Up]

70. Just in case you were wondering...this is me

I realize that a belly pooch doesn't show in this pic, but it's all I've got.

[jandrok]

159. You're a doll!

Speaking as a man, if I pulled that shit on MY wife, I'd get the boot for sure, and I'd damn well deserve it, too.

But then, that kind of talk comes from insecurity, and the inability to accept people for who they are. Love is unconditional, not based on appearances and such.

[Not_Giving_Up]

165. Thanks!

I need to change back to my Astros avatar...but I'm going to stick to Conyers for a while.

[jandrok]

175. You're very welcome.

Hey, that's right, you're a 'Stros fan, too! You got looks AND brains! What the hell more could a guy want?

Looks like the 'Strosies are coming around a little. Conyers is cool, though. No shame in ditching the Boys of Summer for a little while.

[Not_Giving_Up]

176. Yes I am

Although, I'll admit, haven't watched much this season. Oh, he's not a baseball fan...he finds it boring.

[jandrok]

179. Not a baseball fan? Reason enough to kick him to the curb.

Those kind of folks can't be trusted.

[Not_Giving_Up]

182. Ha!

He didn't watch sports at all before me. I got him into football and NASCAR, but he doesn't watch football anymore. When I turn on a baseball game, he acts like a two year old.

[jandrok]

183. Jiminy Christmas! Ok, let me get this straight......

You're a pretty gal. You've got a good head on your shoulders. You like sports. You're a loving mom. Sounds like a hell of a package deal to me.

Seriously, hon. You do need to get out of there.

[Not_Giving_Up]

185. He actually complains about the sports stuff

When I was pregnant with our daughter, he said he wanted a girl who acts like a girl, not one who acts like me. Well, he got his wish. Little Miss Thang has to either be wearing pink, or the clothes must have glitter, flowers, or hearts on them. She won't wear plain jeans at all. I gave birth to a walking talking Barbie, and have no clue what to do with her. I was always a tomboy!

[jandrok]

190. Heh heh...my daughter is a little of both.

She's big into sports, though, even if she does like some girly stuff, too. She's in a soccer league, and just loves the rough and tumble stuff. She's tougher than most of the boys.

PM me anytime if you need to chat. I can offer an ear, even if I have little in the way of real advice, other than that you need to get yourself solvent enough to get out of there.

[Not_Giving_Up]

191. Mine cracks me up

She's all girly and dainty, but will kick her brother's ass in a heartbeat. Do you run AIM?

[jandrok]

192. No, but I can always download the software.

Come to think of it, it might already be loaded on the box at home. I'll have to check tonight when I get home. I'll let you know if I do.

[Not_Giving_Up]

194. Cool! n/t

[HuckleB]

234. Exactly! He's gone, baby, gone, with that knowledge.

Damn.

[BooScout]

71. He's an asshole. n/t

[plcdude]

72. my comment is

thank him for his concern but grow up and spend more time on making sure that he is taking care of himself better. Like having a purposes and initiative in life. Like being fit not just thin. Like being positive and caring about the one you love. It is not your role or his to change each each other. It is to love and accept the other just as they are and as they are becoming.

[Nikia]

73. That's really bad

First, both he and you need to realize that after a hysterectomy, you will have a tendency to change shape. Women, after having this surgery, or naturual menopause tend to get a larger stomach area because of hormonal changes. I have a coworker going through menopause who is also changing shape and has a boyfriend who is 10 years younger who has a problem with that. It is naturual that you will not be shaped like you were when you were younger or before surgery.
Secondly, you are not heavy. You are certainly not overweight. Depnding upon your build, you might even be underweight. Being underweight also can cause health problems, especially if it is achieved through an inadequate diet. Please do not take his words to heart and starve yourself.
I would even say that he was a jerk if you had gained 20 pounds. The fact that it is only 5 pounds makes him even worse. It means tht he is very petty too.

[Not_Giving_Up]

77. He sees the Cortisol commericals

(for women over 30 fighting stubborn belly fat), and asks me if I've called them yet.

[dhinojosa]

75. SOs are there to tell you the truth and is doing you a favor..

Whether you have a belly pooch, booger in your hair, or a mole that looks cancerous. You are with this person because of trust, so why shy from that trust? You should be thankful to have such a relationship, many couples don't know what the truth is.

[Not_Giving_Up]

81. I have no problem with the truth

It's the delivery method that bites.

[dhinojosa]

102. Hahaha.

Yeah I complain to my girlfriend about delivery all the time...

But regardless there's a message, and most of the time it's something that concerns them. Maybe a good "I understand your concern, but you don't have to be a prick about it" would do. :)

[bettyellen]

84. oh yeah, and SOs never make each other feel bad

beause they feel bad about themselves. SO's are magical people who are never emotionally abusive.
:rofl:

[Not_Giving_Up]

88. LOL

I need some of what you're smoking!

[bettyellen]

94. i've been known to give out brownies

on an as needed basis.
really, what a bunch of crap. SO's always know best! What is this the fifties?

[Not_Giving_Up]

96. Who needs brownies

When you can just have a bowl?

I was raised by fundies, and had that whole "women are secondary" jig pounded into my head. It's taking forever to make it go away.

[bettyellen]

99. wow, i'm so lucky my dad wasn't like that...

my mom was, but me and dad just ignored her.

[Not_Giving_Up]

104. My mother is a real gem

She used to lie about me to my stepdad, knowing that he'd beat the shit out of me based on what she said. If I said that it didn't happen the way she claimed, he'd say "Are you calling your mother a liar?", then i'd get it worse. She tried that as an adult (my stepdad and I get along fine now - he's gone through anger management and therapy, and has apologized for his actions) - I called her on the lie, and her response was "I just said the wrong thing." My response was to walk past her and utter "bitch" on the way out of the room, and when flames shot out her ears, I said "Ooops, I think I said the wrong thing."

Yeah, we're dysfunctional.

[bettyellen]

109. dayum, a lot of Moms do not want better for their daughters...

and she sounds like one of them.
my mom's had alzheimers for years and the only thing she has said to me in many years that made sense in the moment was "i never meant for you to do all this for me". i was there at the hospital late on a friday, feeding her.
i don't have a whole lot to do with my family anymore, they try and make martyrs out of all the women and the men get off very easy. i only do what i need to for mom, and the rest of them can bite my ass.

[Not_Giving_Up]

114. My mom was raised to be barefoot and pregnant

The main problem with that - she doesn't do so well with children.

[bettyellen]

124. mine too, exhausted by spitting out six kids...

depressed and aimless after we were grown. she used to tell me all the time she wanted to stop at three. i don't blame her, she was raised to feel she had to do what others wanted her to do. never did anything nice for herself. it took some prozac to get her out of the house to lunch or the botanical gardens. i'm glad i got to treat her to some fun while she could still walk.

[Not_Giving_Up]

135. I am thankful that my mom only had two

I functioned as my brother's mother for a long time. I was eight, and up in the middle of the night changing diapers and warming bottles. After all, it was summer, I didn't have school, I should pull my weight!

[bettyellen]

141. oh sweetie, i'm sorry....

you gotta start being as selfish as you can honey. don't listen to anything she or your husband has to say about your living situation, they are both invested in having you pull all the weight, and that ain't right. repeat after me: my needs are just as important as anyone elses, fuck anyone who tries to tell me different.

[Not_Giving_Up]

143. I'm working on that

I used to complain that I never had any time to myself because I was always either working or doing something at home. Fuck it, DU is my time to myself now.

[4_Legs_Good]

86. I've found that this stuff can really fester too...

In very bad ways. I've felt it towards my wife at times and I've been SHOCKED that she's felt it towards me for things I wasn't even aware of, and I've immediately wanted to change the minor "flaw" if possible. So as long as you're communicating and being gracious and understanding, I think it's a net positive.

If it makes either party feel horrible and unloved - that's another matter.

david

[grace0418]

107. There's a difference between telling the truth and just being spiteful.

Telling your SO about a mole that looks cancerous or that you're concerned about the extreme amount of weight they've put on is one thing. You're expressing your concern out of love for them and a desire to have them around with you for a long time. Or, in the case of a booger in their hair, you're saving them from a great deal of embarassment.

But pointing out your disgust at very minor body changes (on an otherwise healthy person) that happen to everyone over time is not only unrealistic and downright mean, it suggests that you don't think they're lovable unless they meet certain criteria. Way to make your SO feel like they're going to be traded in for a newer model once they hit a certain age. Yes, time/gravity does have an effect on your body, as does childbirth, surgery, disease, etc. Acceptance of those changes are part of maturity. I mean, really, is there anything sadder than seeing those 70-yr-old woman who dye their hair bright orange and have had so much surgery they look like they're pulling 20 Gs?

I cannot understand how insults in the guise of "truth" are considered something to be thankful for in a relationship. And I'm glad I'm married to someone who doesn't see it that way.

[China_cat]

80. He's a scrotum

halfway between a prick and an asshole.

I'm sure he's got a couple body parts that need 'fixed' that you could point out to him?

[Not_Giving_Up]

83. I love it!

I've thought of saying "Yes, pencil dick" in response to his bullshit.

[youthere]

116. really..after alll...

"He could fix it."

[China_cat]

173. Make a deal with him

You'll go in for a tummy tuck if he'll get penis implants. (Or a brain, whichever is easier to install)

[Not_Giving_Up]

177. rofl

I think I'd pick brain.

[LynneSin]

82. Tell him you'll fix his belly when he has the fat lipo'd from his brain

:D

[Not_Giving_Up]

85. That would infer that there is a brain

:rofl:

[4_Legs_Good]

87. Youch!!!

:)

[LynneSin]

93. Why in god's name are you still married to him

It sounds like you make all the money, you're raising the kids and dealing with some health issues (which resulted in a hyserectomy) and this asshole is worried about the 5lbs you've gained.

I don't know what you look like but you sound like an amazing and wonderful person who just happens to be married to a jerk. I bet $10 if you divorced that asshole you'd probably find yourself plenty of amazing men who would love to date a special person like you and treat you the way you should be treated.

He's an ass - personally I would tell him he either needs to get a clue or get a life that DOESN'T include you in it anymore!

[Not_Giving_Up]

98. See post #70 for my pic

I'm working on getting out.

[LynneSin]

101. See post #97 for my marital advice

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3537314&mesg_id=3537779

We :loveya: and only want good things for you

[Not_Giving_Up]

105. I did

I know I need to get out. I have a lot of considerations that have to be handled before that can happen.

[bertha katzenengel]

103. N.G.U.

You sometimes seem terrifically unhappy. :hug:

And no, I would not tell her any such thing -- unless it was a mole or other spot on her skin that had begun to change, of course.

[Not_Giving_Up]

106. Thanks for the hug

Sometimes I am terrifically unhappy.

Yes, changing moles should be pointed out!

[Divameow77]

108. I don't want to offend anybody but

did you say he weighs 120 lbs? That sounds awfully skinny for a man, that's thin and beautiful for a woman.

[Not_Giving_Up]

112. He's not a big guy at all

Yes, 120, at 5'9.

[ScreamingMeemie]

118. ...and let me guess, and engineer?

Not to be stereotypical...okay to be stereotypical, he sounds like a perfection wanting engineer who has to pigeonhole everyone and everything....not that ALL engineers are like that but I've met more than a few. :hi:

[Not_Giving_Up]

119. Nope, not an engineer

When he chooses to work, Pizza Delivery seems to be his chosen profession these days (although he's excellent at carpentry work).

[ScreamingMeemie]

121. That's really a shame NGU. You deserve so much better than that.

While MrG made that comment, I know he loves me just as I am. You'll be in my thoughts. Don't ever trade your self esteem in for him, okay? :hug: and another really big :hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

125. Thanks for the hugs

I needed that!

[barb162]

110. He is out of line for telling this to you. (And he is an asshole too)

[ScreamingMeemie]

113. MrG has said (even though he claims I'm gorgeous) that he would

not be adverse (snort) to me getting the big scar (grossly herniated) removed from my tummy. Of course, I think neither he, nor my husband are justified. :hi:

[jmowreader]

230. Herniated scar? Yeah, go get that fixed

That sounds like something that, if it ruptured, would result in all of the blood in you winding up either in your abdomen or outside of you.

That would be bad.

[In_The_Wind]

115. that wasn't very kind ... in-fact it's kinda clueless

I'm sure he loves you for more than just your body ... he needs to think before he speaks ... you're right he is talking like an asshole

[Not_Giving_Up]

117. Well, when the therapist asked what was keeping us together

he had no response. Guess he didn't want to admit verbally that he sticks around for the free ride.

[In_The_Wind]

123. that truly sucks

when my general practitioner ask me back in 2000 if I was divorced yet ... that gave me quite a bit to think about

[Not_Giving_Up]

126. Well, she was looking for something that could be built on

Not much there.

[In_The_Wind]

134. sorry to hear that

onward ... let the jerk sleep on the couch or the guest room ... unless ya got an unoccupied dog house

[Not_Giving_Up]

136. He sleeps on the couch by choice

I don't have to make him. No dog house, but two litter boxes!

[RPM]

120. He's Right - Just not tactful; Your right - He's an ass for his behavior

Pouches (aka Fupas) are not cool. Of course, if this was something he just said unsolicited, he's a dick and not tactful. If you asked, then be happy you have an honest spouse.

Part of being married is being presentable for the other party. It's why I dont eat many wings or fast food anymore, exercise regularly and am strictly forbidden from wearing a full beard.

It's also why she exercises regularly, wears skirts frequently and works on her legs/butt more lately (she's trying to get more muscular down there)

the things we do for love.

in the end - you are both right.

[Not_Giving_Up]

128. OK, I didn't ask.

Check out post #70 and tell me that I'm unpresentable.

[RPM]

139. you are presentable...

and he is an ass raising the topic in such a harsh and tactless way.

[Not_Giving_Up]

140. Thank you

I don't mind constructive criticism, but he doesn't know what that is.

[grace0418]

133. So are you going to get divorced when you start getting old

and saggy? What if one of you ages better than the other? What if your wife gets a "fupa" and diet/exercise doesn't work? Because at some point no amount of exercise is going to stop certain things from happening to your body. I would be so sad if I was your wife and I read this. I would feel like you would find me repulsive as I got older.

I don't see how he can be right if he was just being spiteful and unrealistic.

[RPM]

142. my wife and I have talk ed about this many times...

of course we are not going to get divorced when we get onld and saggy - thats a matter of inevitability.

we are, however, committed to delaying that inevitability bey every possible natural method: Diet, exercise, and proper maintenance.

We know our own problem spots and the other's preferences - and we do our best to maintain those items.

we are grading each other on effort as much as results.

Being right and being distasteful are not mutually exclusive (i know a bunch of lawyers that bear that out each day) and the truth is that he doesn't like the pouch. That is his perrogative (just as it is hers not to like someone offering harsh unsolicited criticism) As in the law, saying what you believe is irrelevant if you say it at the wrong time: he was way out of order being spiteful. As to unrealistic: I don't think that his expectation, even as poorly as he expressed it, is unrealistic.

[grace0418]

152. Well, good, that makes me feel better for your wife that she

knows you're going to accept natural changes. I'm sorry for assuming otherwise. I guess every marriage is different.

But as far as NGU's husband's expectation, I don't agree with you. I think that, in addition to being poorly expressed and spiteful, it is extremely unrealistic for a man to expect a woman who has had two children and a hysterectomy to have a perfectly flat stomach. Yes, some women do, they are lucky. But the vast majority of woman under the same circumstances would probably have some changes in their abdomens no matter how much diet and exercise they put their bodies through. In fact, I've read that women's bodies are naturally supposed to have some fatty deposits in that area just as there are fatty deposits in the breasts. So unless she became a 0% body fat marathon runner, it's quite possible that pouch will never go away, therefore it is unrealistic for him to decide she's just not doing anything about it.

[RPM]

160. i guess we are working on different definitions...

I dont expect washboard or even flat tummy - she has a cute little tummy that i adore.

[m_welby]

122. just selfish and insecure

wants you to tighten up so you look good on his arm, as an appendage. not for any reason other than that. it isn't about you its about him.

he isn't justified, nor is it very considerate. he needs to get used to it.

if it bothered you then thats entirely different.

[Not_Giving_Up]

130. We don't go places together...he rarely leaves the house

When he does, it's late at night, and I'm home with the kids. I'm not on his arm. If we do end up at a store or something together, he tends to walk well ahead of me.

[Tweed]

129. 5'6 and 120?!

Umm.... what the hell is wrong with that? That's a very nice size.

[Not_Giving_Up]

137. Thanks

(see #70)

[NoSheep]

131. If my memory serves me, this is only one of the reasons to call

your husband an asshole. Why do you stay together? I have a belly pooch. Most women over 35 do. I'm sure me AND my SO would both like to see it gone, but neither of us would ever consider surgery, liposuction, etc. Our attraction to each other is so much about trust. Trust and companionship and love. That's what's really sexy. We try to eat well. I could exercise more, but even when I weighed 96 pounds, I still had the pooch. I try to find clothes that conceal it and when we're having sex, I'd be willing to bet it's the last thing on our minds! How much longer are you going to stay with someone who acts this way towards you?:hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

138. Just until I am in a position (financially) to survive

When I'm working, it's paycheck to paycheck, without childcare. Right now, I'm on unemployment.

[NoSheep]

146. I do realize you are having a tough time financially. I'm unemployed

as well. My prospects are pretty good, however. I knew that was probably the reason you're basically stuck there for now. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. May I ask, even though it is off subject, what do you, or have you done for a living? When you get a chance to answer, I'll share my reason for asking.

[Not_Giving_Up]

148. I'm an Administrative Assistant

I've done a little bit of everything in an office, thanks to lots of temp jobs. I'm MS Certified in Word and Excel.

[NoSheep]

149. That's good. Do you also have bookkeeping skills?

I was an admin assist but my pay increased as did my demand when I learned bookkeeping. That's why I asked I was going to tell you that I did better when I added the bookkeeping. Where do you live?

[Not_Giving_Up]

151. I have done AR and AP

Backed an accounting department during month end...15 hours of overtime in one week!

I'm in the Houston area.

[NoSheep]

153. I'm glad you mentioned that. What exactly do YOU mean when you say

"month end"? I've been a bookkeeper for 6 years and I've never used that term. I read it in job ads all the time but I'm embarrassed to ask what it is. It sounds self explainatory. Perhaps I do it all the time but don't call it that because I don't have an accounting degree.

[Not_Giving_Up]

157. All of the crap they had to go through for the end of the month

It was a worldwide company, and this office did the month end for the whole enchilada. I did tons of journal entries into their system, spreadsheets, you name it.

[NoSheep]

170. Ah. Yes. It probably depends upon the type of business and the

size. There were monthly and quarterly obligations in my job. But everything else was taken care of day to day. The month's end was really not a big deal due to the size of the company. Very small businesses both positions. I can get about 8K more salary here due to the Full Charge Bookkeeper title. I make @ 35,000-37,000 with @6 yrs experience (here in Raleigh NC). Barely enough to live alone in a decent apartment but better than I've ever been able to make before I got the bookkeeping skills. Teachers don't make that much here. My sister has been an admin assist (without the finance skills) for about 20 yrs. She works for the state school system in a small town and makes about 24,000 with good benefits. Good luck to you.

[Not_Giving_Up]

174. I generally make between

$10 and $15 an hour. I lived in NC for a while, and was happy to see $8.

[Catchawave]

144. I'm so sorry....

...you both sound totally miserable. Wish I can say something to make it all better, but I'm not sure who to direct it at:

You, the enabler
Him, the insenstive clod

Ask yourself "Am I better off with him or without him", then go from there.

The pot belly comment is bothering you because deeper problems there are! I'm a Yoda fan too :)

Good luck sweetie, today is my 36th anniversary and I know from experience, it's "hard work" :hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

145. Hard work it is

We were given a book to read about a method to attempt to fix the relationship. He told the therapist he was willing to try anything. he didn't read the book, but asked for a summary 30 minutes before the appointment. Then, he said that he disagreed with the book, and wanted to find another method. You see, he doesn't like to hear things like "you should be making a contribution to your family".

[Catchawave]

168. So, you're better off without him?

He's not even trying. Is he a good Dad? Oh, I know there are always two sides to a story, but when it came to my (our) kids, my dickhead was the best dad ever...loving and generous, our kids turned out almost perfect (all adults now). If you don't have at least that...flick that buggar off and move on!

[Not_Giving_Up]

178. Well.....

He sleeps 12+ hours a day (he's not up YET)...So what do you think?

[Catchawave]

186. Is he clinically depressed?

too much/not enough sleep can be a clue...so, how are the kids doing? Guess I'm going for that "quality" time issue, when he's *awake*. I need the big picture, so to speak!

[Not_Giving_Up]

188. He's clinically bi-polar

Refuses to do anything about it. All of his problems are my fault, just ask him.

[Kathryn STone]

238. my boyfriend does that rop

2 yrs ago he sold his house in KY came here to TX with $55k and now he has no job since he spent the money.
I am in paralegal school will graduate in 7 Sept this year.
It's gross I hate to see a man lay around he gets up 4 hrs at 8 to 12noon then goes back to bed sleeps til 4:15pm and now he's back in bed again. RRRRRRReeeaal sexy.

[Blue_In_AK]

150. I don't like to call anybody's husband an asshole...

but...

[Pale Blue Dot]

171. He's an asshole.

He's compensating for his own insecurities. You should tell him that you just got an e-mail offering certain "enlargement" opportunities, so now maybe he can fix his problem.

Don't really say that, but he is an asshole.

[Not_Giving_Up]

180. I wouldn't say that

I was raised better! (That's what my grandma says, anyway!)

[MadHound]

184. Oh man, did your husband fuck up!

I'm a guy, and realize that was uncalled for and unjustified. Geez, what an ass.

This is for NGU's husband, who may or may not read this.

GET A FUCKING GRIP DUDE! It's called life, and everyone ages. I'm sure that NGU is all that pleased with that beer belly you've been nursing, or that bald spot your working on, or those man boobies that you need to holster, or whichever natural aging sign that has afflicted you, but hey, you're getting older and this shit happens.

You got married for better and for worse, and as you two progress through life together, things change. Yes, the physical aspects of your relationship fades a little, as neither one of you are as attractive physically as you once were. But this is when the true depth and beauty of your relationship really comes to the fore. Your love should grow and mature, becoming more spiritual, and grows deeper. It is the time to put aside boyhood fixations, and stop focusing solely on the physical. Does this mean that you completely give up the physical? Hell no, but it is time for you to grow up and focus on other things.

And apparently you haven't been around a woman who has had a hysterectomy before, have you? Let me tell you from experience that most women who have had hyserectomies are having some insecurity issues anyway. They have just had their sexual organs removed, and their self esteem needs to recover, and this could take years. Pointing out the most sensetive of your wife's insecurities, and saying that it needs to be fixed is THE ticket to the dog house.

Besides, today it's a tummy tuck, tommorrow it's a face lift, then what? Are you really that shallow guy? I certainly hope not.

I'll stop here, 'cause I could go on for a long while. But suffice it to say, this was not your smoothest move guy, not by a long shot.

[Not_Giving_Up]

187. Well said!

He won't read it, he doesn't mess with DU. He tells his friends that I've "gone all political", the way you say that Aunt Millie has "gone around the bend".

[Lilyhoney]

189. Recently I told my husband I found his gut unattractive.

I felt bad because I could have been nicer. But now he knows and is concious about it. I was an asshole.

You cannot help the story your body tells. My husband on the otherhand had a sugar-belly happening because he was drinking too much. And that was the real problem. I was unattracted to him as a drunk and the belly was a side affect. But he has sobered up and is much more active and productive and honestly he looks great to me. But I can not say if he has really lost weight or not.

Maybe he sees a loss of something in your tummy. Are you ok with your loss??? Maybe he sees a change in you and he just relates it to this part of you. Do you know what I mean.

Chances are a little communication will provide a new point of view.
Remember you are more beautiful than you think.

[4_Legs_Good]

210. Being unattracted to your mate makes things very difficult...

It happens sometimes with me, and I feel bad about it, but am I supposed to lie to myself about it? Do I really have to change what I feel is attractive? And, of course, it doesn't have to do, necessarily with trying to deny aging or trying to change something that your spouse has no possible control over.

I've found that honest and sensitive communication can help a lot.

david

[Not_Giving_Up]

214. Honest and sensitive

That's what was missing from the advice I got!

[4_Legs_Good]

218. Yup, and that totally sucks!

Plus you should make him go to the gym for even saying it. He may be thin enough, but tell him you want him to gain 20 lbs of muscle weight - and be sure he works those abs. Since you can't afford the gym, tell him he could easily pay for a membership (what $50/month max at the YMCA?) by working a few hours a week at McDonald's (they're probably hiring).

Tell him once he's gained 10lbs of muscle weight THEN you'll really look into how to deal with your (incredibly) little "problem".

If he's a hard gainer like me (I also have a really speedy metabolism), it'll take him a good year of really hard work to gain that 10 lbs and that'll make him realize how difficult these things can be.

What a mess the whole situation is. I think it's AWESOME, however that you're so honest about it here. Imagine if you didn't have an outlet at all. Plus, we all benefit from an honest discussion like this.

:yourock:

david

[Not_Giving_Up]

221. He told me that when he was still in high school

He did weights and took gainers, it did nothing.

Yes, I am glad to have this place to scream every now and then.

[4_Legs_Good]

225. That's because it's HARD

For hard gainers it is VERY hard to gain muscle. I tried it in High School too to no avail. It wasn't until after making a comment about my wife's weight and retorted with "you could stand to buff up a little". Initially I just blew off the idea, but then I decided that I was getting older (32) and if I ever wanted to gain weight, I was rapidly running out of time, plus, she was right.

So I got on the ball, and I spend 60-90 minutes/day at the gym, take a bunch of protein supplements, etc. It's not impossible, it's just really really hard work, and you're not going to see quick gains. If he can gain a pound a month it's good work. I've been working on it for almost 3 years and I've gone from (I'm 6'2") 155lbs (which I've been since I was like 17) to 175 and none (or very little) of it is fat.

So don't let him get away with saying he had no luck in High School. And even if he doesn't gain the weight, he'll be getting healthier, so stick it to him!

david

[zinndependence]

193. what a dick

I think that should speak for itself.

[Left Is Write]

195. No, I wouldn't, and I'm with you.

Let HIM give birth and then have a hysterectomy and see what happens to HIS tummy.

[Not_Giving_Up]

196. I would like to see that!

He would die from the pain.

[Book Lover]

197. I know how you can fix the problem

It's called a divorce lawyer.

[Not_Giving_Up]

198. These things cost money

Which I don't have.

[Book Lover]

199. And I was giving you a flip answer

I replied without reading the whole thread... Sorry.

[Not_Giving_Up]

200. That's OK

No need to be sorry. It's all good.

[distantearlywarning]

206. I think this is not so much about weight

and more about him finding a way to make you feel like shit. If you somehow managed to lose the little belly, it would probably be something else.

No offense, and sorry if I'm being too blunt here, but men that do these kinds of things to women rarely change and sometimes progress to physical violence if their emotional crap stops working. I would never put up with these kinds of comments from my husband for even one second. Because life is too damn short to be emotionally abused by someone who is supposed to love you and care for you.

Expressing concern about a person's health in a kind and gentle way is one thing. Demanding meanly that they work on a problem spot for aesthetic reasons is altogether another and indicative of a character flaw on the part of the demander.

Given what else you've said about him in this thread, my recommendation is separation or divorce. Just being honest.

[Not_Giving_Up]

208. Bingo!

What you said!

[texas1928]

207. Tell him if he says something like that again...

You will fix the lump on the couch.

[Not_Giving_Up]

209. I have castrated a pig before

In Ag class, in High School.

[texas1928]

211. Got a rolling pin?

BATTER UP!!!

[Not_Giving_Up]

212. No

See how undomestic I am? In Texas, and no rolling pin!

[texas1928]

213. Cast Iron Skillet?

you can see if you can be the first person to dent one.

[Not_Giving_Up]

215. Nope

Don't own one of those either.

[texas1928]

216. Well then beat him with the PS2

that would work.

[Not_Giving_Up]

217. The PS2 would shatter

He would remain unharmed (if I got him in the head)!

[texas1928]

223. Well

Nah murder is out of the question.

[Not_Giving_Up]

226. Yeah

This IS Texas, after all!

[texas1928]

228. Don't you know the defence for murder in the State of Texas?

Just stand there and say "he needed it"

[LastKnight]

219. after two kids and a hysterectomy you weigh HOW MUCH?

dear god, eat something, you must be starving.

as for your SO... fuck him... he doesnt know what the hell hes talkin about. hes watchin too many skinny anorexic fake women on tv.

[Not_Giving_Up]

220. Really, I'm not hungry!

See #70...I don't resemble whichever Olson Twin has the eating problem.

[LastKnight]

222. bleh, youre just fine.

forget bout what hes sayin. next time he gives you that bull just give it right back if you feel so inclined.

[funkybutt]

224. That's totally out of line and he should apologize

although I cant' imagine that you have much of a "pooch" at that weight. WOW! My hubby would pay dearly for a comment like that BUT he NEVER would say soemthing like that.

[Not_Giving_Up]

227. It's not much of one

At one point, after my son, I was down to an even 100 pounds. I think he misses that. Too fucking bad!

[RetroLounge]

229. I suggest sweatly hot mad monkey Sex

It'll get you in shape, maybe, or maybe not, but either way it'll be fun.

Just don't invite HIM along with you :D

RL

[HuckleB]

232. No, I wouldn't tell my SO that.

I'm not perfect either. And, after nearly 16 years together, I think the attraction actually depends on the imperfections of one another. I don't know how to explain what I am trying to get at right now. But, let's just say that I think he owes you a big time apology.

[Saphire]

235. what if something happened and you had to have a breast or

your leg taken off....thats not fixed so easily....would he love you then??? If not...tell the asshole to hit the road and find someone who would.

and no, I wouldn't tell my SO anything like that....we are both getting older,and things change...boy, do they change...

[El Fuego]

236. He is shallow and self-centered

He doesn't really love you. He is only worried about how you make him look.

[mwdem]

237. My SO would so not go there!

After almost 33 years, he still appreciates me for what I am, as I do he. :evilgrin:

[friesianrider]

239. Asshole.

Give him a list of things you dont like about his body.

[PassingFair]

240. Disregarding anything else....this guy is just plain stupid.

Cut him loose. I would.