DU Females...I May Need Some Advice

[Hosnon]

I've been dating a girl for about a month now and it is quite incredible.

I'm not the type to date a girl seriously but our relationship has made me question my ways...yes...I guess I like her a helluva lot:)

Question: Per my dad, one person always has the power in a relationship, and I tend to believe that...barring the fact that men and women are equal in many ways...do (should) power imbalances exist between the two sexes?

[Crazy Guggenheim]

1. Tell her to come over and clean your place and see what

happens ......

:hide:

[Hosnon]

3. Haha, what if she says yes?

[Crazy Guggenheim]

4. That's a tough one.

[Hosnon]

7. Yea...part of me hopes she won't but then again...

[northzax]

32. marry her immediately

[Tyrone Slothrop]

35. Marry her, without hesitation n/t

[applegrove]

2. Power imbalances exist between people. If you want a healthy relationship

that keeps you both growing.. then you work in partnership. No relationship works over the long term if both people do not work very hard at it.

I would go see a psychologist to work on your issues. Before it is too late.

[Hosnon]

5. Ah...a quite reasonable response...thank you...

So do you believe in an IMbalance in power?

[applegrove]

8. Reread my post. I mentioned growing. Do you assume growing is

not a good thing?

You gotta grow your whole life. Get some help.

[Hosnon]

10. I don't assume growing is either good or bad.

Life is a bit more complicated...

[Crazy Guggenheim]

13. Don't go to a shrink they'll just take your money.

[Hosnon]

14. I agree...If I can't figure myself out then I'll just live as a crazy man:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

15. IT's probably better.

[Hosnon]

19. Yep...give me a cane and I'll be that crazy man on the block:) haha

[applegrove]

16. No - you grow your whole life. You keep learning.

[applegrove]

17. Plants do it to thrive.

[Hosnon]

12. However, I could always be wrong...healthy right? Help me out:)

[mike_c]

6. relationships with power imbalances foster power struggles....

I've experienced that, and never want any part of it again. That's no way to have a healthy relationship.

[LastKnight]

9. works best if its even as possible

nothing like power will ever be even. but tends to work best (in my expierence anyway) if things are equal as possible.

favorite saying i picked up from a professor and kinda a mentor of mine...

"in a relationship, one may think that they are wearing the pants, but what they fail to realize is that the other does the laundry."
both sides will have power in thier own ways. to avoid fights keep it even

im not a female but i have enough of an ego to think my response is important enough to be posted :crazy:

[MissMillie]

31. well put

:hi:

[Fiona]

11. Your dad's an ass...

don't follow in his footsteps.

[Hosnon]

18. Hey...perhaps what you see of him - yes he may be an ass with

limited explanation...

But he's a good guy:)

[Fiona]

20. The notion

that relationships should be approached as power-struggles is abhorrent.

I've been in PLENTY of relationships. None of them were defined by who was "in charge".

I suspect your father was fearful of women, and thus felt the need to wield power over them. Sad, really.

[Hosnon]

22. Ok...no need to belittle my father...as much as he deserves it, haha...

but...

I don't think Dad is in any way fearful of women...he's a good guy. He just seems to know the way to keep them interested...and that biological attraction is hard to deny. There are ways that women act and ways that men act that play to our biology...

And it suits a reasonable man trying to figure this world out to try to understand the way things are and not the way things ought to be:)

[Fiona]

25. good luck

you'll need it.

[Hosnon]

29. Thanks for the luck:)

Noting the sarcasm though. I do just fine...perhaps you disagree with the assessment but it is part and parcel of reality...meh.:shrug:

[Bunny]

27. "He seems to know the way to keep them interested"?

WTF does that mean?

[Hosnon]

28. There are things that keep people interested in something,

whatever it is...and in general (and of course there are exceptions, which many DU females probably are a part of) there is a way to keep men/women interested.

And it seems he may have a pretty good idea.

Sorry for the late reply...at work now.:)

[fleabert]

21. I think the 'power' shifts along with the ebb and flow of the relationship

and 'power' is a bad choice of words. Influence is better, imo.

sometimes I have more influence over our relationship, where it's going, how well we're getting along, what we do with our time together, where we live, etc...sometimes he's the one with more influence. As long as there is no struggle for this 'power' or undue influence is pushed on the other person, I think this is healthy and normal. sometimes I don't want the reins, sometimes I do and he doesn't.

[Hosnon]

23. Yes, perhaps 'power' is not the correct word...

[marzipanni]

24. When you were a kid did you ever go on a see-saw?

It wouldn't be fun if one person was always at the high end and the other at the low end. As long as the man's power and the woman's power are for and not opposed to eachother there can be ups and downs/give and take that amount to a kind of balance. Trying to control someone will result in that person wanting to break free.

[fleabert]

26. like when you rode it with that one kid who liked to leave you up in

the air and bounce your ass? that always pissed me off. Once I figured out which kid did that, I would never do the seesaw with them again, and I would tackle and tickle them mercilessley.

[MissMillie]

30. I believe that power imbalances are unhealthy for relationships

I believe that in relationships we maintain power over some issues, and we relinquish it over other issues... and thus create a partnership.

[nini]

33. who cares what your dad says? What do YOU want?

Your dad sounds like a throwback to the 50s.

If you want a great relationship then share everything with her and respect her as a person.

If you want to have power in a relationship then be up front with that and see how it goes. My guess is you wont' find a woman worth having if you do.

[I Have A Dream]

34. I think that the person who loves the other person more...

has less power and is more willing to let the other person call the shots because he/she doesn't want to lose his/her beloved. Hopefully the beloved will deserve the person's love and won't take advantage of it. There's nothing as wonderful as a generous spirit that refuses to take advantage of others -- especially someone who loves them.

Bottom line: Unless one of the people is a masochist, you must work towards balance for both people to be happy long-term.

[Dora]

36. Keep questioning your ways and change your mind.

"One person always has the power in a relationship."

If you really want your relationship to work, you're going to have to find a new paradigm. Otherwise, all differences between you will ultimately seem like right/wrong and win/lose because it's about who has the power and who doesn't.

Yes, power imbalances exist between the sexes on a cultural level. There is no need in heaven or on earth for you to perpetuate that in a relationship.

Congratulations on finding somebody you like a helluva a lot. Love is good.