Do you believe in soulmates,

[Lindsey]

and if so, have you had one. Also, what is it that actually means soulmate to you?

[barb162]

1. When I was younger I believed in it.

[shanti]

16. me too

when i was but a young pup....but life and reality slapped that shyt out of me:-(

[barb162]

17. gotcha

[Deja Q]

2. Not really.

Maybe I have no soul, but the bulk of the people I meet have no soul I can relate to.

[clydefrand]

3. I was hoping you would answer that last question? I don't know

what it means other than having a relationship with someone with whom you can discuss anything and have deep feelings of trust, loyalty, etc. Heck, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'll leave it to others who know.

[Pale Blue Dot]

4. This may sound odd coming from me.

I used to, but I don't anymore. I think it's a very romantic, lovely notion that there is just one "soulmate" for everyone, but I don't think it's true. I think that everyone has a certain subset of people with whom a relationship will work. For some people that subset is large, and for some people (like me) that subset is pretty small.

The thing is, if you believe that you have a soulmate, you'll never fully stop looking for that person, even if you think you've already found them. There's always the chance that you've "guessed wrong".

I now believe that not believing in a soulmate is more romantic. Think about it: If you're with someone, they choose to be with you despite the fact that they could have their choice of potentially hundreds of other equally compatible people. I actually think that's pretty cool.

[Salviati]

7. That is kind of akin to what I think as well

and our choice of who we will be with, will likewise determine who we will become. So, in a way, looking back after being shaped by that relationship, it may be more accurate to say that the person you're with is your soulmate, as if you had not chosen to be with them, you wouldn't have become the person you are then...

[Lindsey]

9. That is cool...and I actually believe that the possibility exists that we

do have several soulmates (based, of course, on where you are on your path). I guess when I think about definitions of a soulmate, it means so many qualities we want in someone are there. Even things we didn't know we wanted or even paid attention to, but the person does something that makes you just go WOW! I think I've had two.

[Pale Blue Dot]

38. Right now I have found someone who everything just seems to click with.

We see things in each other most people miss. She's beautiful, smart, warm, sexy and klutsy. Is she my soulmate? I don't know. But I do know that I would have to be insane to ever search for anyone else.

[SarahB]

55. ...

:yourock:

:loveya:

Feel the sap!!!

[Misunderestimator]

43. I agree with you.

It's much more romantic to choose to be with the person you love and for them to choose you. The "soulmate" ideal is no different than the other "love" fairy tales we grow up with, an unattainable ideal that you will always question if you've found.

[redqueen]

45. Completely agree!

Well said.

[SarahB]

54. I believe in the same thing.

I actually think the concept of "soulmate" perhaps isn't a healthy one. You might be with someone who gives you this visceral, intense reaction, though is completely bad for you, but you have this blind, tunnel vision where you think that that's the person you're "supposed to be with". (I speak from experience there and frankly, it caused me a lot of pain at various times in my life.) The older I get, the more I know what I want and the more I can approach this stuff in healthier ways. Love should come from a place of self-love as the foundation, not as this irrational, "needy" thing which it seems as though the whole concept of "soulmates" has.

:loveya:

[WindRavenX]

5. I thought I met my soulmate

But he was too wounded for me to truly connect.

[RevCheesehead]

6. Nope.

But I do have a friend who is the exact male counterpart to my personality. As a mutual friend once said, "you're the male and female versions of each other."

(and anyone who knows either of us admits that that is very scary.)

[jmm]

8. The last time a man told me I was his soulmate

he soon bragged to me about how his dad got him a job working for an unelected Republican. If he really was I will happily die alone.

Maybe soulmates do exist? I don't know but I do know most people throw around that term because of infatuation.

[Lindsey]

12. Maybe most people do but I don't at all...I mean a really deep level...

Not in the same feelings like OMG - I'm so in lust with this person. That's not what I'm talking about at all but I know what you mean. The terms gets thrown around a lot.

[barb162]

21. I think you're right. So many times when I was young I thought

I had met a soulmate. Then I'd hear them say something like hunting is really cool and I would sit there stunned. Like this moron sitting in front of me likes to kill animals for fun???? Too many incidents like that.

[samplegirl]

48. Well if the infatuation

lives on.........i guess thats your soulmate.

[enigmatic]

10. Yes.

My wife is mine, and I've met other couples (both gay and straight) that are soulmates as well..

[CelticWinter]

11. I believe that soul mates are

people who you share many of the same ideals with, but I also believe that we have a life's partner--the person who shares this life with you.

[SOteric]

13. I do, but not necessarily as a sexual or romantic union.

I think a soulmate can come in the form of a life-long friend, a valued mentor or even a dearly loved pet with whom we might bond closely.

I think of a soulmate as an individual whose presence in your life helps you progress and evolve... as a soul.

[LynzM]

20. SOteric, I like your take on this

I liken it to the phrase a 'kindred spirit'- someone you can bond closely with, share much, and have a deep friendship or connection. Sometimes this comes as part of a romantic relationship, sometimes not. I know that I have a soulmate in my husband, but I have several less-close soulmates in good friends of mine. We identify and empathize about different things, but still share a deep bond.

[TexasLady]

62. my kids...they are all my soul mates

i couldnt imagine life without them. in the other sense, nah. I can always find someone to love and be loved by, but kids are not replaceable.

[catzies]

35. My sentiments exactly. Who says your mom can't be your soulmate,

for instance? ;)

I reject the Hallmark concept of soulmate = hetero life partner.

[samplegirl]

49. you are so right

what a great way of expressing it.

[MsUSA]

51. I agree, my soul mate was a radio sports guy. LOL

He would say things in conversations on the radio either sports related, religious, political and I'd find myself nodding in agreement. He was 20 years younger then me, but I really felt like he was my soul mate and not romantically either. It was weird, but true. He has moved to a bigger market and I really miss his show. :cry:

[tjdee]

14. Yup. It's way swell.

I'm not with mine...now, anyway. :nopity:

But the saying "you just know" is accurate, IMO. It was the resolution of all the fruitless searches, and I could see with amazing clarity that this was *the* person. It was a very satisfying last-piece-of-the-puzzle clicking feeling--when you can see the whole solved puzzle laid out for you.

It'd be nice if I had more than one...it was quite incredible.

I'd also say that so many people don't believe in soulmates for whatever reason, and can have wonderful satisfying relationships in spite of that. I don't know that everyone even has one (that seems kind of Pollyanna)--but I do know that some people do.

[redqueen]

46. The resolution of all the fruitless searches...

love that line. :D

[progmom]

15. i dunno. progdad is my best friend and i love him with all my heart.

but soulmate sounds like such a romantic ideal. that seems like an impossible yardstick to measure your relationship against after awhile.

[johnnie]

18. I have people in my life that I consider "soulmates"

But they are friends I met years ago and just got on great. I still hang out with them and probably always will. We have been playing music together for over 25 years. As for "soulmate" lovers, I guess it could happen, but I haven't experienced it yet. I thought I have in the past, but it never worked out.

[Beware the Beast Man]

63. I believe soulmates can extend beyond romantic love.

[proud2BlibKansan]

19. yes

I've been married to mine for 30 years.

[WhollyHeretic]

22. I thought I had a soul mate but

I told her not to contact me anymore not to long ago so I guess I don't believe in soul mates anymore. :shrug: Though I still do love her so :shrug:

Can you tell I'm good at giving definitive answers? :D

[tjdee]

24. How do you love someone but tell her to leave you alone?

Just curious....did she do something really shady (I understand if you don't want to get too specific)?

[WhollyHeretic]

26. Well it all started seven years ago on a hot June night on train...

ok maybe that's a little too specific :) I don't know if I can really explain it in under a couple of days, it was a very long and strange relationship. Here's the nickel version: When we met she had only dated women for 8 years, we both have kids, we live in different states, she has a big emotional wall that eventually always come back up, I couldn't take the emotional pain of our constantly fluctuating relationship. Seven years is a long time and I just couldn't do it anymore, we tried being just friends a couple of times but we always ended up back together.

[donheld]

23. Soulmates sound real nice

but most fantasies sound nice. I gave up on the idea of "soulmates" long ago.

[Lindsey]

25. I also believe in the kindred spirit relationship...I have that with my

best friend- in fact, its unbelievable. But when I phrased the question, I have to admit, I was talking about a love relationship. I also realize there is a "wanting to believe" part of me...and you know what...I NEVER want that to go away. I want to believe.....

[foreigncorrespondent]

27. Oh this is an interesting question!

I believe a person can have only one true soul mate in life. You have friends which go above being just a regular friend. I:e someone you are extremely close to, but still is a person who doesn't truly understand the kind of person you are.

In my way of thinking a true soul mate though is someone who truly understand everything there is to understand about you. And I believe your soul mate is the one true love of your life. After all, that person is the one person who truly understands you.

You may have lovers come and go, but knowing what someone is like in bed isn't exactly knowing what that person is all about.

I an lucky to have found the love the of my life (even with 8,000 miles and an ocean between us I still believe this.) And I believe her to be my soul mate. She understands me better than I understand me.

[BeTheChange]

28. Yes,,,

Growing up, looking at the relationships around me, I believed that if I could just find someone that didnt hit me, scream at me, or treat me poorly.. that was the best I could hope for. Then Id settle down, have a house and find love through being a mother-- we live what we see.

I believed in love, but more love of someone's actions (or outward energy) then the actual person inside their deepest darkest places.. if that makes sense. If their actions were good, it didnt really matter who they were inside (well, I mean, they had to be decent people.. but I wasnt looking for any type of serious connection)I had kind of given up on finding a person that I could love inside and out and thought that although it was a good fairytale, the reality was a bit more practical.

So, I found a man that didnt beat me. He was relatively nice. I liked him well enough and he needed me, so I took on a caregiver role in the relationship. When he joined the Navy and moved 2000 miles away from everything he had ever known and needed someone to be there, I was. Being gone 6 months at a time sure doesnt help matters very much, but I had alot of time to soul search during those times apart and I came to know myself. All of those little quirks and idiosynchracies. I unpacked and repacked all of the baggage and I became convinced that there had to be something more. I didnt know what it was, but I figured it would find me.. so I said my farewells and decided to live my life.

And then woosh, one day everything changed. I still stand here in awe of it and without a single doubt that across the span of 4000 miles there was a very real reason I was blessed to find my soulmate. Had you asked me 7 years ago if I believed in soulmates, my answer would have been no.

I met him on a trip to CA, little did I know that we had known each other for years online. Some nebulous person I had talked to... great talks to be sure. But to meet him and connect like that, I havent any explanation for it. From the moment I saw him, he felt familiar.

He makes me feel at home like no location has ever been able to. His heart filled all the places in mine that were patched, ripped and broken and as cliched as it may sound, he truly does complete me. We've now been together for 5 years and were married on April 30th. Every day I love him more and more. Sure, we have our problems, like anyone.. but there is a stillness that exists in our love that I could have never conceptualized, still cant explain. I know without a shadow of a doubt that we were made for each other.

That being said, I dont think you just have one soulmate and that is that. I also believe we have kindred spirits, there are so many facets to a person I dont think it was ever intended that one person fill all of them.

Anyway, that is my take on it :) Good luck to all in finding their happiness.

[illini]

29. I am married to her.

nt

[Java]

30. Unfortunately...yes...

I've been Romantically in Love with a Woman for over 25 years..and I am still Suicidal about her.

Thank God for Prozac.

Whoever was that writer who said that it was "better to have experienced true love and lost than not have loved at all.." was a black hearted fiend of the worst sort.

[Lex]

31. A guy here in town murdered his wife and he claimed it couldn't

have possibly been him that did the deed because she was his "soulmate." This was his defense in a nutshell.

Fortunately, the jury convicted him on the evidence.

That's what I think of when I hear "soulmate."

[KeepItReal]

32. Met her...could not have her.

Nothing I could do about it.

Damn.

[PassingFair]

33. Soulmates=twaddle

I BELIEVE(!) in the WILL TO LOVE.
We love with the power of our will, which we choose to invest in that love.
I will love my husband forever.

[TimeChaser]

34. To me a soulmate is someone

you don't mean to fall for, but somehow love just happens. You accept their flaws but don't try to rationalize them.

On a geekier note... the current relationship I'm in mirrors the characters in the game Final Fantasy VIII so much it's creepy... :scared:

[Chichiri]

36. Are you in cahoots with my girlfriend?

She asked me the same thing earlier today. I told her I don't know if I believe in soulmates or not. But if there is such a thing, I've found mine. :)

[KeepItReal]

37. Good Answer!! Good Answer!!

In my best Family Feud voice...

[Trigger Hippie]

39. Don't believe in soulmates.

Never have. I believe there are a lot of people on this earth that you could be happy with, but not one person that is a soulmate. There are so many people who claim to have found theirs, even in their own hometown. I just don't think it's statistically likely that your soulmate could be nearby. Wouldn't most people's soulmates live in other countries around the world??? And because of that you would never find them??? Just makes more sense to believe that there aren't any soulmates at all. :)

[Bunny]

40. I do believe in soulmates, and yes I've had one.

Don't have him anymore, and don't expect to find one again.

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

41. No.

Had a friend in college who emphatically stated that his current girlfriend was his "soulmate".
Then he dumped her because she wouldn't have sex with him.
Then he hooked up with another woman, who suddenly became his "soulmate".
Then she dumped his ass because she saw right through him.
Four more girlfriends...er..."soulmates" later (yes, he kept calling them that), he finally married his "soulmate".
I know the reason he did, but I'm not going to say it here.
Perhaps I'm too cynical, but I've seen others throw the word "soulmate" around far too freely for me to believe that there is ONE person that will pair up with another person.

Sometimes I think it's just an excuse people make when things are either going too well or too poorly in a relationship. They say that the other person is their "soulmate" either to convince themselves that this is The One™ for them and they'll never, ever, ever get a chance like this again, or to try to bring some rationale to a relationship that's going too far too quickly. He/She/It's their "soulmate", so it's okay they've already moved in and started eating out of the fridge while standing in their underwear, leaving their clothes strewn about the bedroom, and started nosing through your closet.

An ex-girlfriend of mine got engaged to her "soulmate" less than three weeks after starting to date him, so obviously I'm kind of jaded by the whole ting.

[Shell Beau]

42. I do. Just because I think that my hubby is my soulmate.

We started dating when I was 15 (highschool sweethearts)and we dated around a little, but we always came back to each other. We have now been married for 3 1/2 years and have been together for almost 13 years.

[samplegirl]

44. Absolutely!

Somebody that knows the way you think, and why you think like that.
Someone who can know what your thinking and act on it. Someone
who knows what makes you happy without guessing. Someone who
knows your joys & hurts.
Someone you can give something to & it means alot to them.
Someone who can buy you something or give you something without
guessing whether you'll like it or not.
Someone that can finish your sentences. Someone who makes you
feel secure, just by there presence.
Someone who kisses you and you still feel the tingle.
Someone who takes the bad with the good. Sometimes more bad.
Someone you laugh, & cry with.
Someone you worry about & worries about you.
Someone who is your best friend and knows your inner heart.
Someone who listens sometimes for hours.
Someone you have total trust in.
Its someone that knows you better than yourself at times.
Yes i do have someone who is my "soulmate" if thats your chosing
to call it that. I really hate that word.
I'd rather call them "heartstrings" and the last person
i hear say.....i love you before sleepng

[tigereye]

47. yes I do

met him 20 plus years ago, lived with him for many years and have now been married for 14 years this October. He is my best friend, father of our son, and a big sweetheart. We don't agree about everything, but we do on most things, and we both are very open-minded about music, art and politics!

I think there are so many kinds and phases of "love" and that as you spend time with someone you care for and live with them and come to know them better over time, they become a different sort of "soulmate," not quite the gaga, totally infatuated stereotype that seems to happen at first, but something more solid, more grounded.

However, I do think that you also meet people in life you relate to, or who bond with you, in astonishing ways that are not sexual or romantic: kindred spirits, I guess. I suppose those folks are soulmates, of sorts, too.

I do think, though, that when you look into someone's eyes when you first "fall in love," you do know if that person is your "soulmate." Yes, I do. :)

[Beware the Beast Man]

61. Well-stated.

I feel the same way about Mrs. B. She sees things in me I have never seen on my own. It's like we're near perfect.

[VOX]

50. Funny, there is always one who cuts right through...

Although I've had numerous relationships from which I've learned much, it seems that such earth-moving "lightning strikes" are uncommon. I've been lucky to have this soulful connection twice. The first time, I was too young to appreciate it.

The second time? I married her! :loveya:

[Seabiscuit]

52. Yes. And I married her.

It means (1) the word "divorce" is not in our mutual vocabulary; (2) we were "meant" to be together in the grand scheme of things; and (3) we believe we'll be together in spirit forever.

[Wapsie B]

53. I think Finnfan answered it well.

There are people out there who by their makeup can have a larger number of potential mates than others. But to think there's only one "soulmate" for every person thrills me yet at the same time is very depressing. It's thrilling in that this person is out there somewhere. However with life's twists and turns the two potential soulmates may never meet. I prefer to think of it as having a number of people with whom I could have a great relationship.

[NuttyFluffers]

56. yes. yes. and they mean...

my favorite definition of soulmates, the one that resonated with the most truth to me was the 3 tiered separation of the concept.

1. acquaintence soul mates -- never met each other before, but for some reason you dig each other and will do a menial favor for each other. often separate soon after. generally this is the very friendly and lovable acquaintence who you just "click" with and reciprocate some nice behavior -- especially noticeable when you wouldn't have done so normally. basically repaying back kindness in a past life, karma. may choose to build into a genial friendship, but not always. basically those "angels" that offer you a respite in the day and often disappear.

2. twin soul mates -- those friends or people that you just "click" with at first sight and become instantly close. you feel so comfortable around them, often finishing each other's thoughts. sometimes a bit of mind reading seems to occur. there's a deep understanding between the two and these relationships tend to be the remarkable friendships people often talk about as good examples. sometimes they might end up in a lover relationship too; these are the relationships that seem to be like bedrock even during the roughest of times and other people can feel the stability radiate off of them.

3. twin flame soul mates -- this is the actual electricity in the air, flaming passionate love at first sight, animals (including people) striking strange poses in proximity, love. i don't believe there's just one, for all of the universe is in flux trying to reach a better state of love and awareness. sometimes twin flame soul mates need to test themselves in some ways and separate into wholly impossible combinations, or go into twin soul mate status so as to explore love throughout the universe of souls. often these relationships are not meant to get together and sit for decades on end in marriage -- the souls involved agreed beforehand to test themselves rigorously and often this means brief contact with each other (otherwise it'd be too distracting blissin' out all the time). often meetings are to steel each other's resolve by offering respite from the storm of life's troubles, move them into areas they'd normally not go, or be an agonizing test of impossible love. whatever they are everyone (well, mostly everyone) in the room can feel it and know they are in the presence of something special. life takes on an almost electrified hyperreality in the presence of so much attraction.

i felt i've experienced all 3. the 3rd one is easily the most exquisitely painful of them all, but it's a bittersweet pain, an almost ecstatic agony -- a spiritually transcendent experience. you know it usually cannot last because either there'll be a 'nuclear meltdown' or you'll just sit there static blissin' out and never want to lift your finger to be a part of this world a moment more. for the benefit of reality good things must end, otherwise so much of this world wouldn't be, well, this world. you don't know what you have 'til it's gone -- and that's why you occasionally need to be reminded.

[Lindsey]

57. Man...you guys have really had some great insights......

It's cool to hear the yes's and the no's. IMHO I believe that if we believe in the concept it will occur. I just experienced a very painful breakup and I have to admit......I'm wondering if she was one (because I definitely believe we have more than one soulmate). I feel for sure that it'll happen again for me but it's still painful and sometimes love just SUCKS! But, all in all, it's wonderful (at least for me) most of the time. I just wish that I'd have some kind of "strike of lighting" where I just knew this is it...no question...I don't know...maybe that's too much to ask.

[NuttyFluffers]

58. most relationships are building towards improvement...

and often it's just a solid memory wipe when your soul came back down to earth. so you are building new relationships, exploring, meeting and hanging with people that you'd normally not be around. very soul mate lvl 1 to lvl 2 or develop from stranger to lvl 1. making your circle of love bigger is fun.

meeting higher lvl soul mates are either a vacation while you learn something new or a struggle resolving previous karma or a new lesson. it's always fun when you meet them, even if trouble will start soon after. and like when people describe "when will i know i'm in love?" the answer is the same to whether you met a soul mate of yours, "you'll just know." intuitive leaps is another way to find knowledge, it's just different (not better or worse) from grinding logic and reasoning. both are valuable and should be listened to.

[NawlinsNed]

59. Soulmate = not quite annoying

If you can tolerate someone and share stuff with them without going bonkers, that's a soulmate. Anything more than that is sugar. Just my own personal experience, so don't think I'm trying to spout some profound truth.

It's hard to date someone who doesn't annoy me after a month or so, and I'm generally easy to please. All I ever wanted was an attractive, whip smart babe who would like to raise a nice family in a nice neighborhood and not be entirely consumed by what she listens to on the radio or watches on television. This has been difficult, but when yer at a bar, it's hard to focus on anything but bra size after you've had a few shots and moer than a few beers. :)

*ducks*

[Beware the Beast Man]

60. Yes. And I think I have found mine.