In, 2002 I coauthored a novel that gave all proceeds to cancer research...

[Wetzelbill]

My grandmother died of cancer, when I was thirteen. In 2000, both my Aunt and a friend died. Right now, I have another Aunt that is about to lose her fight to disease. I am a DES son, and will almost certainly get prostate cancer in my life. It all has overwhelmed me. Hearing about Andy and everything. I've been thinking about mortality a lot lately. Last month, I had a friend of mine who was only 26 commit suicide. Then all of the events of today. I just haven't sat down and let my friend's death, my aunt's sickness, and even the terror attacks sink in. I didn't know Andy. I saw a few posts and replies of his from time to time. But this disease has been personal to me. So much so that I did donate my work to benefit cancer research. It felt like I was doing something good at the time. Now I just feel like I didn't do enough. It bothers me. Just a few days ago I wrote an op-ed about cancer to my hometown paper in Montana, that is scheduled to be published next week. The weight of it all has just been nearly too much for me lately. I felt I had to write something else. Everybody's words about Andy just hit me. It made everything sink in. All the pain. The regret of not being able to see the signs about my friend's depression and drug use. I knew something was wrong. But I froze up. And, I haven't even been able to talk to my Aunt or find out how long she has left. I lament the attacks this morning, I'm incensed at how foolish our policy on terror is, fearful about how unsafe the world has become.

This is all tragic. I feel I just have to fight on. We have to fight on. To make things right for people like Andy, my friend, my aunt, the courageous people of London. To make it all right for ouselves and the people we all care for. (I'm sorry for going off like this. I just had to let some things out.) I hope I didn't offend anybody and thanks for listening.

[bridgit]

1. watching the people of london, what they themselves call...

"soldiering on", is a sight to behold; nobility in the commonest among us pays imo truer dividends as yours have done so i your good works & deeds ~ a tide has turned, the effects are still shaking out, my sense is that it is time for the tide to turn however, thanks for your post

[LastKnight]

2. Wetzel...

through my late nights here recently ive gotten to know you to some extent... youve always been the voice of optimisim for me. and if theres one thing ive learned from you its to keep on fighting. as youve said here.

dont worry about going off. we all do it now and then, some more than others.

:hug: stuff is gonna get better.

youre damn right we will keep fighting.

[BikeWriter]

3. Don't let it stay inside of you. If it stays pent up it will hurt worse...

Pard, I went for years ignoring PTSD and depression and it nearly killed me. Talk it out here and with friends if you can or get professional help.

[KT2000]

4. When someone dies

it is natural to be overwhelmed by remembering others we have lost. It's just the way we are.

I am sure you are doing enough - we just need more people to do it too. And thank you for all that you have already done!

[fleabert]

5. let it all out here...

we've got lots of space for crying and thrashing about when it seems to be too much to bear. :hug:

I identify with a lot of what you said, thanks for saying it better than I could.

[Wetzelbill]

6. yeah, thanks for the replies, for a few minutes there

everything just all hit me at once.