10 LINES TO GET REPUBLICAN GALS -- LIKE ANN COULTER -- INTO BED

[HawkerHurricane]

10 LINES TO GET REPUBLICAN GALS -- LIKE ANN COULTER -- INTO BED

By MARK MILLER

THE RESULTS of an exciting new survey reveal the 10 best opening lines most effective in convincing a Republican woman to offer a man a night of bed-pounding, backscratching, hot monkey love!

The survey appears in Political Psychology Today magazine, and was led by Dr. Jedediah Leland. "In addition to the opening lines, we discovered a number of surprising insights," reveals Dr. Leland. "For instance, three times as many Democrat men as Republicans want to sleep with Republican women.

"When we asked them why, the Democrats responded that they had a strong urge to do to these women what the Republican party is doing to the country."

Here are the survey's 10 best opening lines to get Republican women in bed:

1 You know, in this light you look like you could be Laura Bush's younger, more desirable sister.

2 Sorry if I seem aggravated -- I'm still upset about that world-class jerk, Michael Moore.

3 Allow me to buy you a drink. After all, thanks to our beloved President, the economy has never been better!

4 I'd love to hang out with you, but I can't make it a late night -- I'm shipping out to Falluja in the morning.

5 The tattoo on my manhood spells "RAN." But when I get excited, it spells "REPUBLICAN."

6 To see you naked, I would turn in my own mother to the Department of Homeland Security.

7 If I had to choose between having a Republican President in the White House for the rest of this century, or never being able to see your cleavage again, I'd be stumped.

8 I'm all for No Child Left Behind. I'm even more for your child-like behind.

9 Just as the Republican Party boldly confronts big challenges, nothing would please me more than you confronting the big challenge rapidly growing right now in my pants.

10 Because of President Bush's leadership, we are strong; because of his vision, we will be even stronger; and because I can't stop thinking about your ass, I haven't been able to stand up for the last half hour.

[ghostsofgiants]

1. Why the hell would you want to get Ann Coulter into bed?

[trumad]

2. Hey Baby

How about if I expand your Adams Apple?

[ghostsofgiants]

4. *shudders*

Yarr, that'll replace the whale in me nightmares.

[Xipe Totec]

8. As long as he GETS her

I don't care about the venue.

[48pan]

11. I've got lots of ear plugs and I love skinny blonde chicks. n/t

[ghostsofgiants]

12. Skinny blonde chicks are fine and all...

But Ann Coulter just makes me sad in the pants.

[Jade Fox]

3. LOL at number nine!

[iconoclastic cat]

5. "I'm even more for your child-like behind. "

Uh, yuck?

[pstans]

6. #8 is hiliarious

8 I'm all for No Child Left Behind. I'm even more for your child-like behind.

[donco6]

7. Oh right.

"THE RESULTS of an exciting new survey reveal the 10 best opening lines most effective in convincing a Republican woman to offer a man a night of bed-pounding, backscratching, hot monkey love!"

I seriously doubt ANY republican woman has had a night of bed-pounding, backscratching, hot monkey love.

Maybe 48 seconds of "zitinyet"

[Name removed]

9. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

10. uggggghh

:puke:

[PsN2Wind]

13. I'da thought two lines

and a hit on the bong would do it.

[LynneSin]

14. You can test those lines out with a new girlfriend from Hannidate

http://www.hannity.com/hannidate/

Not kidding you - Sean Hannity online dating service

[delete_bush]

17. must not be a lot of interest in meeting

Hanni-nazi's, I punched in male looking for female from 35-45 within 100 miles of downtown LA, not a single hit. I mean, there must be 20 million people within that radius!

Not to be denied, I did a nation-wide search, extended the age range to 18-50, and got about 20 hits, which must be the extent of his database.

Gotta go, I'm interested in pursuing this one -

"I hate to see perfectly good-looking men like George Clooney
go to waste because of their ultra-lib ideology. If he ever
asked me out, I'd have to tell him to go fly a kite, unless
he would consider being Hannitized."

[Orrin_73]

15. Even if you paid me

I would not sleep with her. Even the thought of it makes me shudder.

[johnnie]

16. To get a republican woman into bed?

Heres one:
"Wanna make 50 cents?".

[Jack Rabbit]

18. Why would I defile my thing like that???

Really, I do have my leperine pride.