okay, my sixteen year old just came home tipsy

[Mizmoon]

on beer. Shit. Any suggestions on how I handle this tomorrow?

Oh Christ ... I have a very bad feeling about this.

[physioex]

1. This is terrible...

Mom it's one thing to have a drunk son. But even worse if he hurts someone. Do not let the child have access to a car if he is going to hurt himself or someone else.

You must also take disciplinary action to stop the drinking.... Good Luck

[Mizmoon]

3. no, no car involved

that is not an issue.

[ewagner]

2. One possibility

don't let him go to bed...get him up, and tell him..."gee, I'd like to have a beer with you too>" Then sit and down a couple of beers with him......maybe more...enough at least where he gets drunk enough to puke....and while he's puking...remind him how much "fun" it is to drink...

when the inevitable morning hangover comes on...cut him no slack, make him do chores, mow the lawn ...whatever miserable task you can think of...suffering is the key...and the best lesson.

actually works pretty good.

[RevCheesehead]

4. Gee, I'm glad you're not my dad.

:scared: You frighten me.

[ewagner]

5. It worked on my brother

I had legal custody of him and this worked out just fine......

[Pirate Smile]

14. It sounds good brother to brother but I'd think Parent to son may

be different. Just my opinion.

I'm glad it worked for you. This is difficult stuff.

[DS1]

6. no shit

:scared:

In England, where beer is looked upon as much more socially acceptable, to the point where 16 year olds can go to some pubs for a pint or two and go home, the problem of binge drinking is much less common than it is - especially in colleges/universities.

[Donkeyboy75]

32. Hmm,

You must have been in a different England than I was. Lots of binge drinking...and even more late-night fighting after the pubs close with the young'uns. I'd buy your argument if you were referring to the rest of Europe (excluding the UK and Ireland).

[Gold Metal Flake]

18. Did NOT work with me.

Keep that in mind.

[ooglymoogly]

7. be stern but not draconian

have a long talk and explain what drinking can do to an underdeveloped soul...kids experiment...i did when i was sixteen and nobody gave a rats ass. i did not become an alcoholic...kids experiment... you can count on it...and with a little help they figure things out for themselves...not to worry unless it starts to become a habit...then you have to figure out what he or she is trying to escape from.

[Wabbajack]

8. Relax

about a zillion mothers have faced the same sitch. If the kid doesn't have a car what's the big deal?

[Mizmoon]

12. we have about a million alcoholics in our family

being a recovered one myself (I quit before he was even alive) I'm about ready to wet my pants ...

[Wabbajack]

15. Oh I see

that's a bit different.

I suggest having a serious talk in the morning and focus on concern and not anger or punishment, that will make him want to drink more just to defy you.

[LoZoccolo]

9. Let it go; it's no big deal.

The drinking age in Canada and a lot of Europe is lower than ours. I started drinking when I was fourteen and I've really never had much of a problem. It's like, normal to drink when you're sixteen. Just tell him not to drive and that you'll give him a ride or pay for the cab if he ever can't drive home.

[Kathleen04]

10. Be calm and stern

Let him (her) know that this isn't acceptable under your roof. Let them know that "going out" with their friends is a privilege and not a right--then (depending on your kid) you could either restrict their going out privileges or threaten to in the future should this happen again.

On edit: Also explain why you are concerned, that's probably the most important part.

[BattyDem]

11. With any luck ...

he'll be throwing up tomorrow or at least hungover with a headache. Wake him up early, make him do chores. Don't let him rest. Blast some music. :evilgrin:

I came home drunk once as a teen. My mother made me do things around the house and then go out to dinner with the family (the dinner plans had been made a few days before.) I NEVER got drunk again! :-)

[johnnie]

13. It's hard for me to believe

..that no one here was "tipsy" when they were 16. It's life and even though you want him to be little forever it's not going to happen. Tell him you don't appreciate him coming into your house drunk, and you don't want to see it. But to think he will never drink again is silly. We all did it, and you know it. The best you can do is to talk to him and hope it goes away, but don't push him away. Did you drink at 16?

[LizW]

17. I never did

I was in high school in the early 70's. I drank one sip of beer ONCE.

My parents weren't draconian about alcohol. They had cocktails every night quite openly. I don't really ever remember them talking to me about not drinking. It was just understood that I would be in trouble if I did, so I didn't. It wasn't something that was worth the hassle to me.

Now, sneaking out to run around with boys my parents didn't like -- THAT was worth the hassle! :evilgrin:

[derby378]

24. I never got drunk until I was 38

Las Vegas with a yardlong frozen mudslide daiquiri fortified with Everclear. Yep, that did it. But as soon as I got drunk, I laid off the alcohol. My head felt ten pounds heavier, my body temperature was rising, and it was getting harder to walk a straight line. On the other hand, my speech and mannerisms mellowed out somewhat.

I cannot recommend getting drunk. If your teen comes home tipsy, part of your lecture should include asking him why he'd even pursue inebriation. If he cites peer pressure as in "well, all my bros were doing it," nail his ass to the wall with his own lack of logic.

[johnnie]

29. I guess you might be right

I spent a lot of my time spent and I look at it as "normal". It probably isn't.

[ghostsofgiants]

33. No, I think it is

But there are always a few exceptions. I've never been drunk personally, but my teenage years only just ended and trust me, drinking is very commonplace for most teens.

[Ariana Celeste]

16. I can tell you what my mum did for me & my bro

At first she overreacted. She didn't like that we were teenagers experimenting like she did! :scared:

But after awhile she thought about it, and talked with us about moderation, safe drinking, how to understand our limit, and told us that if we were ever, *ever* in a situation where we needed her, "Do NOT hesitate to call me- You won't be in trouble, I won't yell, I want you to be honest with me so that I can make sure you are safe."

We too come from a family of alcoholics. My brother and I turned out fine, just drank at parties and a few times at an abandoned house with several friends, but we never drove and always called mom if we needed her, because that line of communication was open. And because of that, she trusted us, and we trusted her, and despite some mishaps in our relationship with her in the past (alcoholic step dads), we get along *great* now and have for the last couple of years. (I'm 20, my bro is 18)

Anywho... good luck with the situation. I can't imagine how you are feeling but I can guess it must be frustrating and scary. :hug:

[2Design]

19. Remember you are the parent

It is your responsibilty to handle this
That is your job
A tough job
But all yours
But there are experts out there to help
You set the stage with your action at this time

[Mizmoon]

22. Just looking for opinions

wanted to hear other people's experiences and advice.

Still not sure how to proceed but I have lots to consider.

[sasquatch]

20. Send him out drinkin' with me, matcom and my friend Randy

That'll teach'em.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

21. If all he was was tipsy rather than shit faced drunk

then compliment him for knowing when to stop. That is the difference between a person with a problem and a person who does not have a problem...they know when to stop.

let go of the history with the family. Not every person who IS an alcoholic breeds an alcoholic. If he was tipsy but not totally crocked and was not driving then he just demonstrated that he can drink responsibly.

[Kenneth ken]

23. honestly.

you're a recovered alcoholic. Point out that alcoholism is partly genetic, and that your sixteen year old needs to be very aware that they are therefore more susecptible to alcoholism than some of their friends may be.

Reference other alcoholics in your family (if there are any); discuss how much alcoholism can adversely affect or ruin someone's life.

All you can really do is educate your child. You can't live their life for them, but you can help them make good choices by being honest with them.

Hopefully, she or he will take your words to heart and either become very aware of how much they drink, or not drink at all. They need a way to cope with peer pressure as well, so maybe you could advise that if they want to become abstinate, that they could tell their peers (when invited to drink) that they are more liable to become alcoholics, and would rather not, so would rather not drink thanks.

best wishes :hug:

[Robb]

25. Some good advice upthread

...about calm, explaining, and most of all register your disapproval.

Actually, no, that's not most of all.

Most of all, be inwardly thankful the sixteen year-old came home.

[Deja Q]

26. I first got drunk at age 16. Entirely legal too.

Of course, I was in Spain at the time, but nobody's perfect. America is a draconian "society" anyway.

I dunno what to say. My own situation tells me to enjoy life while it's possible. I am not a parent and would make a terrible parent. I could try and let you know in 16 years, but you don't have the time either. :D

[happyslug]

27. Sounds like your son but the child's sex is NOT mention in the question.

First let him or her know you KNOW he had been drinking, that you do NOT want him to drink, that you do not approve of the Drinking AND that if it happens again you will have to rethink the relationship between your child and you (No threats just a simple statement that both of you will have to talk about this again if he or she drinks again).

Also tell him or her that if he or she does drink again it is better for him or her to call you than to be caught driving well intoxicated OR going home with another drunk teenager. Than drop the whole subject unless the child brings it up.

You want him or her to know where you stand on his or her drinking. At the same time you want them to feel free to call you if he or she is drunk and need to get home. This is a difficult balance to achieve, best done in a low calm voice emphasizing the problem it might cause YOU if he or she is caught drinking.

For example "I saw you come home last night, you had been drinking, I do NOT want you to drink, this is my home and my rules and that is the Rules we will be using. Now if in the future you do drink I want you to call me if you had been drinking. The DUI laws are severe today and neither you nor I can NOT afford you being arrested for underage drinking OR Driving under the Influence. So if you do Drink, call me to pick you up, but please don't drink".

At that point drop the subject and get onto another subject like what is he or she is going to do the rest of the day.

Now the above I would do with a person of either sex. Now in addition for males I would tell him you do not want him to drink. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the strongest among people. While your son prefers to go out with his peers, your son will listen to you much more than your daughter will.

The Mother-Teenage Daughter relationship is much more tense than Mother Teenage son relationship. Jane Goodall in her research on Chimpanzee found that it is the females who leave the family they grew up in and move to another band. The males tend to stay with the band they were born in. People are not much different, teenage males go home to their mothers and bring with them their girlfriends and later their wives with them. Males tend to leave their birth families for work opportunities or to please their mates than any real desire to leave home.

Teenage females unlike their brothers tend to leave their parents because they want to, or because of tension with their parents or some other reason. I believe all of the reasons given are just rationales for I believe the same instinct that causes female Chimpanzee to move away from their families to a new families kicks in with teenage females. This instinct kicks in starting around age 14, is in full blown by age 16 and they can't wait to go away to collage when they turn 18.

Now humans are rationale creatures and growing up in today's society even teenage females know that it is better for them to wait till after their teen years to mate. Thus the tension between mothers and daughters. Both know it is better for the Teenage Daughter to wait till she is in her 20s to find a mate, but the teenage Daughter instinct is telling her to go out and find one TODAY (and sex is only PART of this instinct, the instinct is deeper and stronger than the mere need for sex). This tension within the teenage female tends to manifest itself in tension between Daughter and Mother. I have had many a teenage female client who could NOT wait to move out of their Mother's house do to the "tensions" and then became best friends with their mother once they moved out. Illogical except if you accept that fact that instinct is kicking in causing tension with what even the teenage female knows is in her best interest.

I go into the above just in case the child in question is female not male that almost everyone here has assumed. As I said above it should be handled the same, but you have to watch if the tension within your daughter is causing her to "rebel". In such a case you may want to consider having her move out into her own apartment, or give her, her own part of the house. You want to be able to see her and advice her, but you also do not want her to be in full rebellion against you. A careful balance has to be maintained, much more than with a son.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

28. that's about when i had my first drink

i'm 28 now. having a drink at that age seemed natural to me, it was exciting - and it didn't turn into something I would repeat very often until I turned 21.

i would just sit him down tomorrow and let him know that you know he was drinking (it wasn't clear from your post whether he knew you knew), and that you don't want his experimentation to create some secret world where he operates behind your back. the key is not to create some taboo, some mystification - because a teen is drawn to the taboo and the forbidden (hence the Europeans and Brits don't have the same kind of fetishized alcohol problems that we do, as has been mentioned).

above all else keep the lines of communication open. let him know that you don't want him to drink, but if he does to CALL YOU INSTEAD OF DRIVING HOME. You see the balancing act here, if you come down even the slightest bit too hard you can actually put him in danger - because he will operate in secrecy.

oh and given the fact that he's experimenting with alcohol, you may want to have a refresher drug conversation.

[ps1074]

30. Just ignore him

That is what my mom and dad did when I first got hom drunk at the age of your son.

When I woke up the next morning they pretended I was not in the house. I felt like I don't exist for them... It lasted a couple of days I think. I have never been more ashamed of myself :(

Eventually he will come to you and apologize and he will understand that what he did was wrong and it hurt you deeply.

It worked in my case. I see no reason why it won't work with you.

Good luck :hug:

[Jamastiene]

31. And???

Is that it? Didn't get arrested? Didn't get in an accident and get hurt? Didn't start a brawl in a parking lot somewhere? Didn't burn any buildings down? Is there some reason you should have a bad feeling about this?

If our laws didn't make drinking taboo to young people, they wouldn't do the binge drinking in high school and college and they wouldn't sneak out and do it. It sounds like typical coming of age teenage experimentation and/or rebellion to me. I don't see a major crisis here. Sorry.

[d_b]

34. "Son, at least you aren't on smack, and

never vote Republican."