Sad news. Please give us some advice

[Modem Butterfly]

The father of one of my partner's closest friends has died. My partner and his friend grew up together, and my partner knew his father well. Per the deceased, the funeral service is being limited to immediate family only. My partner wants to send flowers to the funeral and a flowering plant to his mother. I think that sending a living plant might be burdensome, since she will have to take care of it and will be reminded of this dark time for the rest of the life of the plant. What do you guys think?

BTW, here's the plant he has in mind:

http://www.calyxandcorolla.com/calyx.storefront/42d3f652005be6d4271b0a00141505f5/Product/View/ZGP000490

And here's the arrangement:

http://www.calyxandcorolla.com/calyx.storefront/42d3f652005be6d4271b0a00141505f5/Product/View/ZBU001103

[no name no slogan]

1. Send a cash memorial to a non-profit of her choice instead

that way, the $$ is going to a good cause, and she's not burdened with caring for another living thing in this trying time.

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

2. When my father died, a friend sent us a peace lily plant

I still have it. I think it is a good idea.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. Well, I kind of think the living plant is a good idea. I tend to send them

I have always taken the opinion that they remain as a reminder of a beautiful life led. :hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.

[flamingyouth]

4. I personally like the plant idea.

I found it kind of sad to watch all of the floral arrangements die and then have to throw them out. A plant is a living thing that can bring beauty for a long time. :hug:

Edited due to smilie error.

[skygazer]

5. I like the idea of a living plant

People often plant trees in remembrance of a person - it gives them a living thing to carry on the memories of that person. Rather than being a reminder of his death, I think it would be more of a reminder of the person he was, that someone cared about him enough to send such a thing.

In practical terms as well, caring for it would give her something besides his loss to focus on.

[johnnie]

6. Plants are a good idea

I have one from my grandmother's and one from my grandfather's funerals. Most of the times the plants go out to family members.

[Midlodemocrat]

7. I love the idea of a plant, personally.

When a dear friend of mine died last year, another friend purchased a beautiful plant that we planted in the yard. It gives his family great comfort to see it every day.

[crispini]

8. Is the mother a gardener or a plant lover?

If so, then definitely YES, although IMO an orchid can be kind of hard to care for even for the best gardeners (I've killed several bromeliads myself). I got a live small rosebush from proflowers.com for a present once, and planted it in the yard and it is doing very well. Much better than cut flowers -- IF the recipient doesn't mind caring for plants.

If she's not much of a plant person, I wouldn't do it. It can be kind of depressing to lose a person, and then a month or two later, inadvertenly kill off that person's "memorial" plant. It's really easy to kill a plant with over or underwatering.

And as I said, orchids, although beautiful, are kind of finicky.

[Modem Butterfly]

12. As far as I know, she's not particularly plant-y

But Southern women are very much into gardening, so getting advice would not be difficult.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. I do have another idea,

but I don't know if you will like it because I know you are an atheist.

If the family is Catholic, one of the things I have been doing is giving rosary beads made from the rose petals of an arrangement.

They are beautiful and last forever.


:hide:

[Modem Butterfly]

11. That's a beautiful thought, but not applicable in this situation

His father was an atheist as well. BTW, I am very curious how you make the rosary beads from the petals (mostly from a crafty perspective in my case). Would you please PM me with a few details? Thanks!

[Lone_Star_Dem]

26. rose petal beads how-to

http://www.thebeadsite.com/BMM-ROSE.htm

This site is kind of cool because of the pics mine tend to come out looking like these. :)


And, I think the idea of the plant is nice, too.

[Lars39]

10. I've given plants before, too.

Been on the receiving end of plants, too. It's a nice gesture.
We had 2 pickup trucks worth of plants to divide up amongst us when my mom died.
If the friend's mother has no other kids, a huge amount of plants to deal with *could* be a problem.

[evlbstrd]

13. When my mother died, my company sent a living plant.

It's still growing, and I enjoy nurturing it. I think of her whenever I tend it.

[NoSheep]

15. My mother has Jerusalem cherries growing in her yard that are

babies of the ones someone sent her when her father died 39 years ago. The plant has lived on 39 years. Perhaps considering a plant that is very easy to grow out side in her climate is important. Mama lives in Oxford NC. North Central NC near VA. The Jerusalem cherry seems to love it there.

[seemunkee]

14. I have a plant on my desk given to me when my mother died

Living plants are appreciated.

[Book Lover]

16. Living plant = great idea

Ask the florist for a low-maintenance plant. Some plants, like nasturtiums, do better if neglected in poor soil, for instance.

[northzax]

17. oh, send the plant

it's not like you're sending her a puppy, the plant isn't that labour intensive, you know? a little water, a little sun and voila! a plant.

[Modem Butterfly]

18. Her husband of 50 years just died

I honestly don't know how I would keep drawing in breath if I were in that position.

[northzax]

20. the plant gives her something to do then

a new raison d'etre.

plus, if she can't take care of it, it is easy to give away or simply let die.

I find the single best memorial gift is lasagna, personally. works for new babies, moving houses, memorial gifts, you name it.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

21. Something that frees her from cooking

When my father died and we all stayed at my brother's house (some of us were living out of state), a friend of my brother's sent over a deli try of assorted meat, cheese, and veggies with a couple of loaves of good bread.

We were in no mood to cook or go out, so for a couple of days we survived by nibbling at the deli tray.

A grieving person may not want to eat, but they need to. If you send a deli tray or something else edible and nutritious, a person who remembers the Depression will not want to let it go to waste.

[youspeakmylanguage]

19. I would only send a plant if you know the mother has a green thumb...

I'm horrible with plants, myself. So if someone sent me a live plant it would most likely be dead within months.

[lukasahero]

22. Orchids are difficult

I'm sorry for your loss and think the idea of a living plant is actually a beautiful reminder of the deceased but would not recommend an orchid for someone who you note may or may not be a gardener. My husband is great with plants and still manages to kill orchids...

As for the plant, I recently lost a close aunt and while working in the garden last weekend thought to myself "If heaven exists, I hope yours looks like this". The garden for me will be a place to remember and honor her and since it brings such beauty and comfort and is such a reminder of the mystery of the life force, it is not "dark and depressing" to me to think of her there.

(Sorry if the "life force", spiritual reference isn't your thing, it's just my best effort to describe what I hope for my aunt and my loved ones and how I look at nature and the earth.)

[Obamarama]

23. Have a tree planted in a National Forest in his memory:

Our Trees in Memory and Trees in Celebration programs plant lodgepole pine and Douglasfir trees in national forests which have been destroyed by fire, disease or insect. When you plant a tree in memory of a loved one, or to mark a special occasion, you contribute to a healthier environment and provide for future generations.
http://www.arborday.org/join/tictim/index.cfm

[caty]

24. I think they are both

beautiful, in good taste, and would be greatly appreciated.

[cally]

25. Send a plant but not an orchid

I would send a plant that is easy to care for. I've sent plants before.

[myrna minx]

27. My sister still has a plant that was given to

us 16 years after the death of our brother. It is a wonderful feeling to look tend to the plant and think of my brother. I think a plant is a wonderful idea, if the mother enjoys caring for them. Some folks just don't have a green thumb, however.