Top Ten Movie *Plot* Dislikes

[Richardo]

1) Tires squealing on dirt
2) Anyone who jumps through plate glass without major lacerations
3) Bullets that cause the shootee to be knocked back 30 feet. In slo-mo.
4) Morons with automatic weapons that can't hit ANYTHING with thousands of large-caliber rounds - except the wall-sized aquarium
5) Corrollary to #4: Hero with single-action small firearm who hits with lethal accuracy with 100% of his shots
6) Phones that ring 100 times til someone picks them up.
7) Newscasts that communicate the exact information needed with no commercial breaks, teasers or ambiguity. And always exactly when turned on.
8) OUTRUNNING EXPLOSIONS! :grr:
9) Retiring cop = dead by last reel
10) .....you go.....

[WorseBeforeBetter]

1. The gratuitous sex scene...

[WeRQ4U]

5. The hell you say....

Nothing captures my attention like the unnecessary use of frontal nudity.

[WorseBeforeBetter]

17. LOL...well, depends on...

whose "nudidity" it is. Hollywood doesn't do very good sex, but indie does.

[terrya]

2. Somebody driving in a big city, pulling up to a building...

and finding a parking stall RIGHT IN FRONT of the building.

That sure as hell doesn't happen in Chicago in real life. :-(

[Zuni]

6. I know what you mean

they just pull up anywhere---always a huge ass parking spot ripe for the taking wherever they are

[WorseBeforeBetter]

22. And they always live in these...

killer, well-appointed apartments. I had lawn chairs in my first apartment - eons ago!

[Catfight]

50. That's hysterical...I never thought about that! How true. nt

[justinsb]

68. In Toronto, even if it was there, you'd get towed.

[name not needed]

3. Everywhere on the face of the earth, everyone speaks perfect english

[ret5hd]

10. face of the earth, hell...the ENTIRE universe!

[Radio_Lady]

11. The inability to understand English on the soundtracks of

U.K. (English, Irish, and Welsh) and Australian movies.

We have to use the closed captioning because of accent.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

21. Corollary: People whose native language is not English

(foreigners in their own countries, Native Americans in the old West, ancient anything) speaking broken English to one another.

The ONE THING I liked about Dances with Wolves was that the Lakota spoke their own language, as they would have in real life.

[Radio_Lady]

38. Did you agree with Mel Gibson's decision to use Aramaic --

in the movie he did of Jesus' life?

I guess it's just practical for the natives to use broken English with English-speaking audiences, for some kind of understanding.

But you've made a good point.

P.S. Watch for movie called "The New World" coming out in November. The trailer is fantastic. Colin Farrell, Christopher Plummer, etc.

Plot Outline: A Terrence Malick-scripted drama about explorer John Smith and the clash between Native Americans and English settlers in the 17th century.

More at:

http://www.us.imdb.com/title/tt0402399/combined

[Lydia Leftcoast]

40. I avoided that movie

:shrug:

[Radio_Lady]

58. Yes, I did, too. Had a chance to review it, but passed it.

I do like Jim Caviezel's work, however -- I think he's an underrated actor.

[Lilith Velkor]

57. I did.

That movie was the most artsy slasher flick I've ever seen. I say that with full respect. Mel Gibson may be crazy but he is talented.

[justinsb]

69. NO Worse!!

When they're say Russia for example and everyone speaks English BUT they do it with Russian accents, even when talking to other Russians.

[Radio_Lady]

4. Old and senile grandmother who is rabidly homophobic --

Discussion of this *PLOT* device -- because inappropriate scenes pocking fun at homosexuals in general is used in the new movie "Wedding Crashers" with Vance Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Saw the preview last night.

Funny -- but disturbing -- movie.

[ret5hd]

7. what about when the pizza delivery guy...

is met at the door by 3 naked sexy nymphettes that want nothing more than gratuitous sex while listening to cheesy music...

that's SO unrealistic...i have NEVER seen more than 2 answer the door.

[Richardo]

9. "Um, how can we *ever* pay you for this pizza?"

Yeah I hate that.

[Zuni]

8. If you learned everything from movies

you would think that there is some law that says cops must be gunned down on their last day on the force

[Richardo]

12. Oh yeah, and sound in outer space.

2001 is the only movie that got this right.

[gmoney]

19. Right...they have classical music piped in

It makes for a classier outer space...

[Richardo]

26. Especially if it's a waltz or cello suite in the public domain!

:thumbsup:

[DIKB]

32. Only because

Serenity hasn't come out yet. If you've watched Joss Whedon's Firefly television series, it's silent whenever they're in space.

[Richardo]

33. Cool!

Is it on SCiFi?

[DIKB]

49. Not sure

It's on DVD though, It didn't last long. Fox killed it before it really had a chance. Only like 14 episodes total, so it really couldn't go into syndication.

[teach1st]

13. People with low-paying jobs...

...can live alone in a major city in an expansive, richly furnished apartment with a view.

Teachers sit at a desk in front of a class.

Although the ocean is perfectly flat during a beach scene, when the gang paddles out, waves will miraculously appear. They disappear right at the end of the surfing session.

And my personal peeve: Nobody says "Goodbye" at the end of movie telephone exchanges. They just hang up.

[Richardo]

16. Also: People listen to addresses, phone numbers, directions

and just memorize them after hearing them once.

"I'll meet you at 5:00 across from 2378 East Murray Avenue - know it?"
"Yeah."

:wtf:

[Bunny]

14. Roger Ebert defined the Semi-obligatory Musical Interlude.

Those are real annoying!

:hi: Richardo! What have I missed the past few days?

[Richardo]

20. Hey Bunny! I'll pimp my self-pity thread one more time...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3627603

'Cause I think it's funny. :)

Plus, the exchanges on the Scott McMillan news conferences have been a real treat.

[Kraklen]

15. Fruit stands.

Everywhere there's a chase scene there's a fruit stand to knock over- Chinatown, downtown, uptown, Antartica, surface of Mars...

[Orsino]

18. When "the girl" shows up.

The manly hero is going about his heroic business, when suddenly the camera lingers on a woman for the first time. At that moment, you know she's there only as a prop to the hero's ego.

[Orsino]

23. Villains w/ English accents. n/y

[WorseBeforeBetter]

25. Or "the girl" who always falls...

and twists her poor widdle ankle.

[jobycom]

70. More than his ego, baby! nt/

[prole_for_peace]

24. another corollary to #4 - hero with single action small

firearm takes out 10-15 bad guys with automatic weapons and he MIGHT get on small wound on his bicep

[trackfan]

27. Young, sexy nuns.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

28. The stupid blonde who wanders into that dark basement

knowing that a psycho-killer is on the loose, just so the plot can manufacture a cheap scare.

[Richardo]

30. Corollary: The tight shot of her face will end with a cat snarling...

...or other false alarm.

[skygazer]

29. Good list - here's a couple more

1. If there are horses in a scene, they always have to dub in some whinnying sounds, even though horses almost never whinny under saddle.

2. Nobody has to wait for anything - a taxi, a bus, a seat at a restaurant, a waiter...

3. ESP phone conversations. You know, the ones where someone hands the phone to the next person and the person on the other end somehow knows it's time to start talking, even though the person they're talking to has not indicated in any way that they're even ON the phone.

4. Women shriek and squeal at frightening things - men NEVER do. Don't know about you but I'm a 44 year old female and I've never screamed in my life. Don't know if I'd know how to. But my hubby shrieks when he sees a spider.

[jobycom]

71. #4--The "Oh, James!" syndrome

Tania Roberts in one of her bond films. her only line seemed to be "Oh, James!" whenever she was in trouble. My spouse and I call all such characters the "Oh, James!" girl.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. When bad guys are being chased, they always run UP something

UP a water tower, UP stairs, UP the Statue of Liberty (in Saboteur) to a place where they are trapped.

The bad guy who runs out of bullets just before he's able to get a really good shot at the good guys

The good guy who runs out of bullets just before he's able to get a really good shot at the bad guys but happens to find another fully loaded gun just lying around nearby

The trusted friend who hears all the good guys' secrets and counsels them wisely, only to be revealed at the end to be working for the other side

The unpopular, bookish kid who redeems himself by becoming a sports hero

The teenager who makes two dates for the same dance and has to run back and forth between them

Minor characters who are introduced only to be killed in spectacular ways (case in point: Vertical Limit)

And this one from Siskel and Ebert: The talking killer, the bad guy who has the good guys in a position to kill them immediately but pauses to tell them his pathetic life story, which delays the killing long enough for the cops to arrive.

[Lisa]

54. oh, and there will always be a zany assortment of obstacles in any chase

This must always include a couple of people carrying a ladder or better yet, a plate glass window between them -- a bunch of plastic drums which are tipped over -- and a receptacle full of round rolling objects such as oranges, marbles, or tennis balls.

[JohnKleeb]

34. Well now that Ive riden a few taxis on my own the past week

Randomly hailing down a taxi just doesnt happen.

[LeftyMom]

35. L shaped sheets

So when a hetero couple is having thier postcoital moment he's bare to the waist, but her boobs are covered, barely.

[Richardo]

36. I hear you can now get those at Bed Bath and Beyond...

Not really. :hi:

[LeftyMom]

37. The baguette rule

All grocery bags are paper, and every load of groceries must contain one baguette sticking up out of the top of a bag.

[Radio_Lady]

41. I always it was a long loaf of French bread --

or is that "passe" (accent not available for the "e") now?

[Telly Savalas]

61. Hold the ALT key down and type "130"

é é é

You can have fun with other 3-digit numbers:

? ç ? ? å è

On edit: it's when you release the ALT key that the character appears. ¿ ¿ º

[Radio_Lady]

64. Telly, is there a list of these SHORTCUT keystrokes somewhere?

I'm using MS Word and spent about an hour looking for those shortcut key listings about a year ago.

On edit: Couldn't make this work in MS Word or the composition page here at the DU. Just got a bunch of dings.

[Telly Savalas]

66. I think this is it.

http://www.lookuptables.com/

At the bottom is the extended ASCII codes which seem to correspond with the ALT key trick. On the rare occasions that I need a letter with an accent, I just hammer away at Alt-130 through 150 or so until I find what I need.

[Radio_Lady]

78. That's a great page, Telly. (Especially the reaction timing stuff!)

My husband just advised me that in Microsoft Word, you can pull down the following from INSERT -- SYMBOL -- and that gives you a multiplicity of CHARACTER SETS from which to get many of these letters, accents, symbols.

In any event, NEITHER of these methods work when composing in the DU composition box -- is that true? Are you working with a Standard English keyboard on a regular PC (or a Mac?) -- it would be interesting to compare notes on this.

For example, I can't write in French or Spanish with their proper accent marks while I'm composing this response. Hope that's clear.

By the way, Telly Savalas -- I thought you were dead! Did you take a dead actor's name??? (Just kiddin', I guess... don't take this the wrong way...)

[Catfight]

51. ROFLMAO...this is hysterical. The baguette rule is great! nt

[EstimatedProphet]

39. Cars ALWAYS explode after an accident

The worst case of this I ever saw was on the old show Police Story, where in one episode a car goes off the road, goes down a 30° embankment, COMES TO A STOP ON IT'S OWN WITHOUT HITTING ANYTHING, and explodes because it was off the road! At times I think the writers of those shows think grass is explosive.

[Kraklen]

43. Police Story?

Wasn't that the Leslie Nielsen show that got made into the Naked Gun movies?

Reminds me of the Family Guy episode where the horse gets ran off the road and explodes.

An exception to your rule: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Car's running off the road all the time in that movie, no explosions. Nobody gets hurt, but not one (car) explosion.

[EstimatedProphet]

47. That was Police Squad

Police Squad was really a parody of Police Story. Eachn week a hokey story about about police work would be on, usually with very little memorable plot.

[jobycom]

73. Did you see "Triplets of Bellville?"

The movie mocks Americans all through the film, but there is a chase scene at the end where the bad guys' cars explode every time the hit something. In one case one runs into a baby carriage, with, of course, a very fat American baby, and the car explodes, leaving the carriage and baby unharmed. Hilarious satire.

[XemaSab]

42. Some:

The bird sounds being all wrong. Spider Man.

The gratuitous relationship. Jurassic Park.

The fact that even "frumpy" girls are usually pretty hot. Breakfast Club.

Shaking the camera during the fight or battle scenes. Nothing's coming to mind on this right now.

Gravity in space. Star Wars.

Fist fights either being quickly lethal or totally harmless. Virtually every movie ever made.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

45. An extension of your last point - Heroes knocking out bad guys on the head

The good guy will sneak into the bad guy's hideout and, like clockwork, knock out the guard with a swift hit on the head that immediately renders him unconscious as though he'd taken a powerful anesthetic . In real life, this either wouldn't work or it would fracture the guy's skull and kill him.

[XemaSab]

48. Totally

Either it would make him really mad and do no damage, make him really mad and cause him to bleed ALL OVER but still be relatively unhurt, or cause him to go into frothy convulsions.

[stanwyck]

44. These always illustrate writer meltdown

Having to resort to the "run through the airport" to show the hero/heroine has FINALLY discovered what we knew all along...he LOVES her. And she's leaving and he'll never get the chance again. Usually involves a taxi, too.
But when someone is running through an airport, your movie jumped the shark.
And. The wise beyond his/her years child. Who makes the adults realize what we've known all along. They LOVE each other.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

46. English spoken in a really exagurated foreign accent

when its between a group of foreigners having a private discussion

[MrScorpio]

52. Women who can't run for their lives without falling down

People who drink at the bar without paying or tipping

People who fall 30 feet without a scratch on them

People who speed through city streets that are notoriously congested

Military planes that are launched without being properly preflighted

[Richardo]

82. Corollary: Sits down at a bar or restaurant, orders drink, leaves...

...without drinking, paying OR tipping. Sometimes without even getting the drink.

[Lisa]

53. if there's a gang of bad guys, they always attack one at a time ...

Even if they are highly trained in the martial arts. I mean, sure -- a ninja who's been doing this since s/he was old enough to walk would simply not know how to co-ordinate with one or more colleagues.

Oh, and in historical epics, the weapons and armor will cover a span of several centuries. King Arthur (from late Roman Britain) will be wearing a full suit of Gothic armor, circa 1450.

[PassingFair]

55. Got to the end of the thread without seeing my personal groaner...

the gratuitous "strip club interlude". Even if it's just a quick chase scene through the strip club. HATE IT.
Appears even in PG rated movies, sometimes when you least expect it.

[lildreamer316]

65. AND they never use real strippers...

AND they all have on granny panties!! What'sup with that??

[Tom Kitten]

56. The Fatal Attraction fake death endings...

Just when the protagonists think the villian is dead and relax a bit he/she/it suddenly jumps back to life, shocking to some maybe the first time it was done but it's been done to death over and over since then...

[Richardo]

83. I think the first time was 'Carrie' in 1978.

A shocker then, :boring: now.

[giant_robot]

59. Evil twins

They're suprisingly common in movies.

[kodi]

67. yeap, i am waiting for evil, good and not so good/evil triplets

.

[YankeyMCC]

60. "We can't find anything wrong with her

but she's dying."

"She just doesn't have the will to live."

:puke:

[BulletproofLandshark]

62. Gratuitous nude scenes where...

every girl in the movie disrobes at on point or another EXCEPT for the female lead.

[jobycom]

75. Yeah, I hate that

They should have the female lead disrobe, too. :-)

[Dukkha]

63. cars crashing into produce stands

One movie deliberately had it stop as a tribute to Roger Ebert's criticism

[justinsb]

72. How about when the action hero (pick your favorite)

has been beat up a couple of times, mildly shot, dragged behind a car, thrown through a window, fallen down a couple flights of stairs, still hasn't bothered to so much as find a band aid and an aspirin and is still trying to get laid

[Lannes]

74. The villain kidnapping the hero's girlfriend

[jobycom]

76. Okay, this has always bothered me, and maybe someone knows

How come they never close doors in movies?

[jobycom]

77. Security doors that slow down to wait for the hero to roll under them

Every other door in the exploding or flooding building slams down with a fatal clang, but the last one that the hero and his half-naked babe have to get through slows down. The hero can be six hundred yards away, and the door just three inches above the ground, and the hero still has time to cover the distance, push the babe through in a way that shows off her legs and undergarments, roll through, then reach back to grab the hat or cell phone he dropped on the other side.

A corollary to this is the drowning scene. Someone falls into the water, sinks or gets stuck on something, struggles to get free. From just under the surface you can see someone on a boat six miles away. They aren't looking up, they aren't trying to get to the drowning victim. Everything is lost, the victim's vision starts to fade, then miraculously the hero covers the six miles in a split second to reach in and save the victim. (Peter Jackson did this with Frodo and Sam. In fact, you could just watch LOTR and transcribe every device he used, and it would be on my list of overused movie devices.)

[Dervill Crow]

79. I think I saw all of these tonight in a movie with Cindy Crawford

and one of the Baldwin brothers. I watched for about 40 minutes before coming back to DU.

[NMMNG]

80. People who meet for the first time at the beginning of the movie

And fall in "everlasting love" before its end, despite the fact that the events of the movie might take place over as little as a few days or even a few hours! Some of these farces even end up with the happy couple getting married.:eyes: Yes it makes for sappy feel-good romance but it is not the least bit realistic.




Then there are the action movies where you begin with an average of six cast members, usually five whities and one black. Typically four of them are going to be killed off one by one before the movie is done, and you can bet good money the black guy isn't going to be one of the last two standing. Furthermore, it is likely that the last two standing are going to be a male/female pair (and possibly have fallen in love with one another to boot).

[electricmonk]

81. The cop's wife

that's leaving him because he has to go out and solve a quadruple murder/serial killer case/assasination plot/etc. and thus cut into their family time. Other people with public service jobs also run the risk of their spouse leaving them because they have to go do their job.

Also kids that get themselves into a jam just before the tornado/hurricane/bomb/earthquake/etc. hits and the parent(s) have to rush to save them in the nick of time. "But my son's out there!" "Sorry lady. I can't let you through."

[CanuckAmok]

84. Gas tanks exploding when shot.

Especially when a plot turns on this action...it's a physical impossibility.

[kick-ass-bob]

85. Trash truck backing up in the alley blocking the escape path

Also, driving on the sidewalks and hitting an apple cartand missing a baby stroller - with all the people jumping off to the side (and no one ever gets hit)

[underpants]

86. The required loaf of French bread in the bag of groceries

oh and the slutty chick dying first in every horror movie