So a duck walks into a bar...

[Guy Fawkes]

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Got any quackers?"
The bartender says "No," so the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar, and asks the Bartender, "got any quackers?" The bartender, annoyed, says "No, go away!"

The next day, the duck walks into the bar -again-, and asks the Bartender, "got any quackers?" The bartender says "No, and if you come back again, I'll nail your feet to the counter!"

The Duck comes back the next day and asks the Bartender, "Got any nails?" ..."no" ...."Got any quackers?"

[Elidor]

1. Two pieces of string walk into a bar

(as long as we're telling groaners)

Bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind in here!"

One of them gives up, but the other goes to the bathroom, ties himself into a knot and pulls out a few strands of thread to disguise himself. He goes back into the bar and the bartender says, "Aren't you one of those pieces of string I just threw out of here?"

And the string say, "No, I'm a frayed knot."