http://www.jambands.com/oct00/monthly/inaudible.htmlPolice ruse used to nab contraband from Dave Matthews Band concertgoers
Letter to the Cuyahoga Police
By Brian Ferdman groovy1967@yahoo.com
It was recently reported that the Cuyahoga County (OH) Police Department utilized the resources of the Internet to research the culture of a Phish tour. The police used this valuable research to execute several undercover drug-busts of Phish phans at the Blossom Music Center on September 18, 2000 . I, for one, am thrilled to see that the police are finally taking advantage of modern technology to infiltrate and prosecute these evil Communists, who promote their depraved agenda of peace, love, and happiness. These criminals must be stopped before their cheerful and serene philosophy infects mainstream society like a malignant tumor. However, the Cuyahoga County Police Department sting operation suffered from serious misinformation. As an upstanding citizen and self-described uberpatriot, I would like to do my part to assist all police departments in arresting these happy-go-lucky menaces to society, so I have compiled the following guide to busting Phishheads.
For starters, Sgt. Larry Wagner reported, “I think
can tell the difference between K-Mart tie-dyes and the ones they get at the concert.” This is undeniably true; however, K-Mart tie-dyes have become major status symbols within the scene. Some Phish scholars hypothesize that phamous Phish Phan Martha Stewart’s renewed interest in the K-Mart brand has elevated the seemingly generic tie-dyes to an elite level. In fact, K-Mart tie-dyes are so revered that you will rarely see them on tour. Truly elite Phishheads will accompany their K-Mart tie-dye with a large earpiece that enables them to listen to Phish constantly. The larger and more obvious the earpiece, the cooler it is. Those lucky few who wear a K-Mart tie-dye and earpiece will be considered to be not only cool, but also keen and swell.
The band Phish, while seemingly harmless to the naked eye, has many skeletons in the closet, most notably the presence of gangs on tour. Gangs are omnipresent at Phish concerts and you can recognize rival gang members by their dreadlocks and corduroy pants or their baseball caps and Abercrombie & Fitch clothing. Gang members travel in either Volkswagen Microbuses or Jeep Cherokees. When an undercover officer overhears a Phishhead say “I’m on Trey’s side,” or “I’m on Page’s side,” the Phishhead is declaring allegiance to a specific gang. Additionally, the words “phatty” and “dank” are codewords for violence, and if the words are used together, e.g. “phattydank,” the undercover officer should run for cover and call for immediate backup because a massive powderkeg is about to explode.
Most people are aware of the nauseatingly harmless drug use that occurs on Phish tour. The police made several attempts at undercover drug busts at the Blossom show with mixed results. Unfortunately, their information was quite outdated, and the entire operation suffered. With that in mind, here is a brief glossary of drug terms:..
http://www.wkyc.com/news/news_fullstory.asp?id=36520
CUYAHOGA FALLS, Ohio (AP) -- Thousands of Dave Matthews Band fans jammed the roads leading into the Blossom Music Center in northeast Ohio last night, partly because of a the Summit County DUI Task Force’s intense roving patrols.
A sign told drivers about a sobriety checkpoint up ahead that would stop all vehicles. But the sign was a ruse to get fans to slow down and pitch their contraband.
A reserve Cuyahoga Falls police officer was on hand near the sign to monitor what was thrown from vehicles and to notify task force officers.
The effort led to 25 traffic stops, 28 arrests and 17 citations handed out prior to the concert for offenses ranging from failing to wear a seat belt to drunken driving to more serious drug possession.
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