A little LTTE help, please? I don't like the wording of this paragraph

[blondeatlast]

(there is more to my letter, although, keeping with LTTE protocol very little more).

Any administration permits the disclosure of a CIA agent’s name to go undisciplined is an administration that does not have the safety and well-being of its citizens at heart. This disclosure sets a very dangerous precedent; how can we expect to have the most capable, intelligent, and experienced covert agents if they can believe they are mere pawns in a political game?

Mostly, I'm unhappy with my choice of "undisciplined."

Keep in mind the paper this goes to is the Arizona REDublic, which is narrowly to the left of the Washington Times.

I need suggestions as to how to get the point acrossusing a different word, but I'm stumped (very bad day at work, I'm afraid, so brain is slightly fried).

Help!

Edit: spelling. I PROMISE to proofread before sending!

[Gato Moteado]

1. any administration THAT permits.......

nt

[blondeatlast]

2. Ah, thanks. Good spot. nt

[Fiona]

3. how about 'unpunished"?

[mistertrickster]

4. I like unpunished too . . .

[blondeatlast]

7. That's what I'm working at, but even that has a limit.

I'm trying to be sort of uncontroversial, if that makes sense. As I say, my local paper is red, red, and then red some more; so is my metropolitan area.

Flies to honey, not vinegar, so to speak.

I will try that though.

Actually, I just tried it, and it does sound pretty good. I'll reflect a while longer, but if nothing else, that'll work nicely.

Thanks!

[rocktivity]

5. unpunished?

Any administration which permits the unlawful disclosure of a CIA agent to go unpunished is one which does not have the safety and well-being of its citizens at heart. Moreover, it sets a very dangerous precedent: how can America expect to retain the most capable, intelligent, and experienced covert agents if they must work in the shadow of being discarded as a political pawn at a moment's notice?

:headbang:
rocknation

[NewJeffCT]

6. undisciplined or unpunished

'undisciplined' sounds like what you'd do to a child.

how about instead of undisciplined, say "go without punishment"?

Good letter, but why safety & well-being is at risk isn't really clear from your letter. Maybe does not have its best interests at heart.

[blondeatlast]

8. Going with "unpunished,' I believe. And thanks for catching the

grammatical error, too!

[Dogmudgeon]

9. Just drop the infinitive part of it

Instead of

Any administration that permits the disclosure of a CIA agent’s name to go undisciplined ...

... try ...

Any administration that permits the disclosure of a CIA agent’s name ... .

Neither "discipline" nor "punish" is necessary.

Well, not in your letter, anyway.

You could also change "permits" to "condones" for the second example.

Good luck!

--p!

[blondeatlast]

13. YES--that is much better. Thanks. nt

[A HERETIC I AM]

10. I suggest the following;

You wrote:
Any administration permits the disclosure of a CIA agent’s name to go undisciplined is an administration that does not have the safety and well-being of its citizens at heart. This disclosure sets a very dangerous precedent; how can we expect to have the most capable, intelligent, and experienced covert agents if they can believe they are mere pawns in a political game?

I'd say it this way:

Any administration that permits disclosure of a covert operative's name is an administration that does not have the safety and well-being of its citizens at heart. This sets a very dangerous precedent; how can we expect to have the most capable, intelligent, and experienced agents if it becomes clear they could become pawns in a political game?

Hope that helps

[skygazer]

11. Too wordy

If this is for a red paper, you have to keep it simple -

Any administration that permits the disclosure of a CIA agent’s name is one that does not have the safety and well-being of its citizens at heart. This disclosure sets a dangerous precedent; how can we expect our covert agents to perform effectively if they feel they are mere pawns in a political game?

[blondeatlast]

12. To skygazer and heretic--both are excellent suggestions.

I do have a tendency to be wordy when I'm serious.

Will do some revising with that in mind.

Thanks.