How very Punny!!!!

[ScreamingMeemie]

A friend just sent these, and I love them!!!! I usually don't like forwards, but this is a keeper!

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved
off. "Because", he said, " I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an
open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, --- thereby
proving that only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little,which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.

[AwakeAtLast]

1. Ha, Ha, thanks!

I will be sending these on. :hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

5. You're welcome. My favorite is the friars.

:hi:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

20. Those are brilliant.

Much better than the usual email fare.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

2. And of course, what did the guru say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything :D

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. Heehee!

:hi: :rofl: How are you?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

10. I'm good....did Leonard have a wonderful birthday?

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. He had a terrific birthday!!! Thanks for asking. I grilled some steaks,

and the kids gave him his presents. My father's birthday is the same day, so we celebrated both. :hi:

[givemebackmycountry]

3. MrsGrumpy....

That was classic stuff.
I bookmarked this post before I got to number six.

It amazes me how clever people can be with our language.

Unlike a lot of other posts that are similar, your post proves that if you have seen Juan you may not have seen Ahmal!

[ScreamingMeemie]

7. I have always enjoyed really good puns.

We have some great punsters here at DU (see nsma above, she is great at it). :hi:

[Left_Winger]

4. I really enjoyed these, thanks

:rofl:

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. You are welcome!

:hi:

[CanuckAmok]

9. I notice there are none involving sea mammals...

...is that on porpoise?

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. How silly of me...I didn't even sea that.

;)

[CanuckAmok]

15. Enough spouting the aquatic creature puns. Fin!

n/t

[MikeH]

17. One More

One more, just for the halibut.

[Zuni]

11. rofl

I dig corny jokes

:D

:hi: Mrs grumpy!

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. Hi Zuni!

Me too! :hi:

[MikeH]

16. Which way does one look to find the Milky Way?

To find the North Star one looks to the north; which way does one look to find the Milky Way?


The udder way.

[MikeH]

18. What Does One Get?

What does one get when one crosses an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there is a Dog.

[ghostsofgiants]

19. My high school chemistry teacher told us number 4 in class one day...

I spent a good five minutes laughing at it.

Best pun ever though has to be from my dad...
He was giving me a ride to my friend's house a few months back and my brother wis in the car with us as well. We drove past a cemetary and and my brother commented on the gate being open, to which my dad responded, "yeah, people are just dying to get into there."

I love a bad pun.