New Evidence Suggests Noah's Sons Rode Flying Dinosaurs

[LibertyorDeath]

CREATION SCIENCE BREAKING NEWS

For years, Creation Scientists have disputed how Noah was able to quickly collect millions of indigenous animals from remote, inaccessible regions of the world for a 40-day ride in his ark. New evidence from an archeological find in China supports the long held Christian belief that Noah's sons rode giant flying dinosaurs to transport duck billed platypuses from Australia, and penguins and polar bears from the Antarctic, to name a few. "Those must have been some mighty big flying dinosaurs," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Imagine the look on Noah's face when his sons flew in for a landing with a pair of Hippos strapped to the back of one of them things! Glory to God!"

"The Lord is just amazing," says Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards. "Whenever Atheist scientists make a new find, they think it will hack away at our Christian beliefs. They must get pretty peeved at how sneaky our Lord is, because whenever they unearth something, it only provides more support for the historical accuracy of the Holy Bible And these flying dinosaurs they keep finding are no exception!"

Dr. Edwards explains that it would have been impossible for Noah's sons to travel to the four corners of the earth to areas that were previously inaccessible on foot. "Noah and his sons had to collect two of every single creature on the face of the planet," he says. "We're talking about a big haul here. At first we just attributed it to what Creation Scientists call, the Holy Finger Snapping Theory. That's where God snaps his fingers and just makes it so." Edwards points out that Creation Scientists are still unanimous in attributing the fact that Noah was able to load 100 million plus animals onto a 450 foot ark "in the selfsame day" (Genesis 7:13-14) to the Finger Snapping Theory. In the case of how the animals were collected from remote regions of the world in the first place however, recent archeological finds indicate that Noah's sons were able to tame giant flying dinosaurs and in turn, load them up with food supplies and hitch rides for long trips around the world to China, South America, Australia, Greenland, and the North Pole.

Creation Scientists estimate that since the Earth is only ten-thousand years old, human beings were living among dinosaurs and had plenty of time to tame them. "I would have loved to have been around to see Cain and Abel rolling around in the grass outside the Garden of Eden playing with the pet raptors their father, Adam, gave them for their birthdays," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "What a glorious time that must have been!"


more :)
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0605/flyingdinos.html

[Misunderestimator]

1. LMAO!

:spray: :rofl: :crazy:

[GreenPartyVoter]

2. Yeah, I have had arguments with hubby over being a literalist because

I don't thinkthe Noah's Ark story is literal.

he gets all freaked out and says that if I don't believe that God can do that, then I don't really believe in an all-powerful God and therefore am not Xian. *sigh*

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. It is likely not even original to the Bible

the ancient story of Gilgamesh predates the Noah's Ark story.

[ghostsofgiants]

9. Simple response...

"I'm not saying God CAN'T, I'm saying God DIDN'T."

Don't know if that's how you actually feel, but it'd be a way to shut him up at least, haha.

[LibertyorDeath]

11. literalist is he well then this should interest him

Sadistic Bible Verse Gear: Click a Verse!

Sharing the horrors of God's Word has never been more fun! :)



more
http://www.cafepress.com/landoverbaptist/75553

[Gormy Cuss]

15. Sigh.

Literal interpretations of a translated document are so fraught with land mines of misunderstanding. On Noah's ark I like to remind people of the snarky interpretation that Noah let his own grandfather Methusaleh drown (people have calculated all the date references and concluded that Methuselah died the same year the ark floated and there's no reference to him in the ark story, so was he left behind?)

One can believe that God has the power to flood the entire world and save a few on a big boat without believing that it actually happened that way. I've always thought it had some basis in fact,like a regional flood of great devastation.

[LibertyorDeath]

20. It may have some basis in fact but it sounds a lot more like this

Parable
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

A parable is a story in prose or verse that is told to illustrate a religious, moral or philosophical idea. In rhetoric, a parable ('comparison' or 'similitude') was originally the name given by Greek rhetoricians to any fictive illustration introduced in the form of a brief narrative. Later it came to mean a fictitious narrative or allegory (generally something that might naturally occur) by which moral or spiritual relations are typically set forth, as in the New Testament. The parable differs from the apologue in the inherent probability of a realistic story, one taking place in some familiar setting of life. In its brevity and succinctness a parable is like a fable; it differs from the fable by excluding animals that assume speech and other powers of humankind, as in Aesop's Fables.

A parable is like a metaphor that has been extended to form a brief, coherent fiction. Unlike a simile, its parallel meaning is unspoken, implicit, but not ordinarily secret, though "to speak in parables" has come to suggest obscurity.

Parables are the simplest of narratives: they sketch a setting, describe an action and its result; they often involve a character facing a particular moral dilemma, or making a questionable decision and then suffering the consequences of that choice. Though not every moral narrative is a parable, many fairy tales would be viewed as extended parables, except for their magical settings. Though parables often have a strong prescriptive subtext, suggesting how a person should behave or believe, many parables simply explore a concept from a neutral point of view. Aside from providing guidance and suggestions for proper action in life, parables offer a metaphorical language which allows people to discuss difficult or complex ideas more easily. Recently there has been some interest in the field of contemporary parable, exploring how modern stories can be used as parables in our current culture. For a mid-19th century contemporary parable, see the Parable of the broken window that exposes a fallacy in economic thinking.

Parables are strongly favored in the expression of spiritual concepts. The best known specific source of parables is the Bible, which contains numerous parables. Besides the familiar parables of Jesus in the New Testament, such as the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son, there are many beautiful examples of parable in the Old Testament, for instance the parable of the ewe-lamb told by Nathan in 2 Samuel 12:1-9, or that of the woman of Tekoah in 2 Samuel 9:1-13

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable

[Gormy Cuss]

23. As parable was the way it was taught in my faith, but then again

we weren't fundamentalists.
O8)

To a people who have experienced the devastion of a great flood, a narrative using a flood would be a good context for framing the awesome power of the Almighty.

My idea of good modern parables are O. Henry stories.

Thanks for the article.

[Trajan]

19. Im glad I worked all that out decades ago ....

Noah is a derivative of Gilgamesh, written centuries earlier ....

Personally, for me, it is a relief to NOT be a xtian .... nor a -tian of any kind ....

The only thing 'wrong' with NOT being a xtian, in my eyes, is being the target of conformance regimes or pogroms and massacres, like of old ....

[smiley_glad_hands]

3. This is a joke right? eom

[LibertyorDeath]

7. Depends are you a Creationist

:) Follow the link the site is a laugh.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/beliefs.html

[pnorman]

12. Here's a description of that site:

Landover Baptist Church

The Landover Baptist Church is a web site which serves as the home of a fictional church of the same name. Landover Baptist is a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the religious right in the United States of America.

The site proclaims, for example, that the King James Bible as written is the literal word of God; that holding different religious beliefs than those shared by Landover Baptist are grounds for being damned to Hell; and that George W. Bush was appointed directly by God to the office of President of the United States of America to do battle with heathens and other un-American individuals. The site prominently features articles by Betty Bowers, "America's Best Christian".

On the satirical Whitehouse.org site, the Landover Baptist Church is listed as heading the "United States Department of Faith". The satirical OBJECTIVE: Christian Ministries site runs a mock campaign to shut down the Landover Baptist site.

The Landover site was created by Chris Harper (head writer and Chief Editor, aka "Pastor Deacon Fred") and Mike Allen, based on characters that they and Frank Tozour developed for a radio show while students at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University. The show resulted in Mike and Chris's expulsion from Liberty.
>
>

http://www.answers.com/topic/landover-baptist-church?method=5&linktext=Landover%20Baptist%20Church

pnorman

[Angry Girl]

21. It's HILARIOUS! I was starting to wonder when...

I went to the Women link and saw the picture....

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/LOL/lol.html

Yeah, LOL indeed! GREAT SITE!

[usedtobesick]

4. I grew up a fundie and went to the finest fundie schools

but I actually never heard this belief ever, must be some new nut case group. I'm not defending them (creationists) but I bet 99% of them would also laugh their asses off, if they knew how to laugh.
Luckily I got over my brainwashing...

[LibertyorDeath]

13. It's total sarcasm from a very funny site

"Luckily I got over my brainwashing..."

Glad you made it out.

:toast:

[usedtobesick]

18. Thanks me too...

it is so hard to tell these days... there are some weird people walking the streets and alleys of this country, believing some really weird stuff.

:toast: to you as well

[Angry Girl]

5. LMAO! And check out those ADS!

Religion: Kills Folks Dead!

You got THAT right! (see the Crusades, Iraq, The Spanish Inquisition, etc.)

"What Would Jesus Do" thongs? I love it!

But I think the "God Told Me to Hate You" is priceless! But where's my frickin' Playstation, dude?

[ghostsofgiants]

8. Well duh!

Haven't you read the Bible? Flying dinosaurs is like 90% of the damn book!

[sam sarrha]

10. these guys have been smoking gods Opium.. again, .sounds like GOOD shit.!!

:hippie:

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

14. Where did all the feces go on that ark from 100,000,000 creatures?

Did Noah's sons dump it overboard in buckets for 40 days and 40 nights? Or is that part of the finger-snapping thing?

[Gormy Cuss]

16. I know! I know!

Where do you think the 'land' came from, anyway? 40 days of dumping overboard and that would be a mighty big dung heap.
:silly:

[LibertyorDeath]

17. They saved it up for this

:)

[Karenina]

22. My son and his cousin

got into it over this. She was telling him about Noah's Ark and he told her it was a myth. She got aggressive and my little Dr. Spock peppered her with questions; how did they separate predators from prey, accommodate diets, dispose of waste etc.

Fundie Princess, feeling her head exploding, ran up to the kitchen where the adults were congregated and THREW herself on the floor sobbing bitterly, "HE doesn't believe in J-E-S-U-S!!!" My son who had followed her up the stairs to watch the show asked, "This is OT stuff, what's Jesus got to do with it?" I was advised by her mother to curb my son's heathen outbursts.

[China_cat]

24. Actually it isn't 2 of each animal

It's 7 of each 'clean' animal and 2 each of all the rest.

[sakabatou]

25. *SNRK*

BWAHAHAHAH!

So where's the evidence? Where are the humans riding on dinosaurs? I want to see it the natural rock! C'mon show me the dino! Show me the dino!